How I entertain myself and Ali on my bus journeys (that’s my tongue not my bottom lip)
Today the inevitable happened, tired, full of cold and stressed out I finally hit a low. I know it’s been coming it’s like a storm you can feel coming and I was silly enough to have thought it had gone away. I had a dip the other night with Ali but I put that down to drinking too much (never.again.) today was different. I was up and ready (after my hot water wasn’t working, that was strike one), today was freshers fair! I’d heard so much about it and honestly, it didn’t live up to the hype. Many of my other freshers have said the same thing too many people in one small place. I couldn’t breath and I could hardly move at all which made me feel awful as well as some slightly pushy 2nd and 3rd years being around. I signed up for a few of the societies that I really wanted to Music, Rock and Journalism, I’m planning to pop back early tomorrow to try and see if there is anything else I want to join in with. The thing is I don’t want to sign up for to much and regret it later so I’m just sticking with my 3 and may spend some time with the student’s union. With all the chaos I just felt lost and alone and needed to cry. I panicked and I felt like I wanted to go home (perfectly normal freshers feelings) then started to go on a low. As with many other times I tried to relax and ended up falling asleep during a visit to Ali’s this afternoon and I woke up feeling much better.
After a low I try and think about it and work out why but do you know what? Sometimes there isn’t a reason, it’s just part of a really crappy illness that I have. No one knows if I’ll get rid of it for good, it could go away for years and come back but I try not to think about that. The anxiety is the same thing but in my heart I think I’ll always be a little bit anxious. I am accepting it and I want to leave university after changing people’s perceptions on mental health issues that we’re not all ‘nutters’. Unfortunately due to my low mood I couldn’t face the disability meeting which really upset me because normally I try and work around it and I do but I suppose I have to accept that a lot is changing and moving. Things will be worse at the moment and I hoping I can move on but I do hate it and I can’t always be positive, it’s just the way things are. I did get around it though with a trip to Kingston Hill, a nice shower, some home cooked food (thanks for the frozen meals mum!) and a lovely night in with Becky. Overall tonight has been a good end to a particularly rough day. Here’s hoping tomorrow is ok!