Livin' The Vida Lockdown: Day Twenty-Seven - Has Anyone Seen My Brain?

Livin’ The Vida Lockdown: Day Twenty-Seven – Has Anyone Seen My Brain?

I have been playing with what to write for days, literal days. I even started writing a post yesterday only for it to stop flowing through my fingertips. I just couldn’t write. For the past few days, my brain has been as useful as fluff.

On some days, I can get things done but others it just seems like my creativity has just taken a running jump and left me. It’s strange, I don’t know who I am really without being able to write. Normally it’s second nature to me, it’s how I make sense of things.

My guess is that while we’re seeing amazing things coming from creatives there are also times when they struggle – like I am now. I thought I’d write blogs upon blogs, my novel might get a good chunk written – maybe I’d create videos too! While I’ve blogged more than normal, that’s about it.

I know that a big chunk of it is that my mental health has struggled. Anxiety has been buzzing in the background and distracting me so much from my own creativity. It’s different when I’m working, for some reason I can still do that but my own stuff has struggled for a few days. I’m hoping it finds its way back

Is there a point to this post? I don’t know, I guess I just wanted to write something to try and get back into the mojo I haven’t had for a few days. Also, to see if any of you have felt the same.

Anyone else?

Writers Block

There are times when I cannot write,

from my brain to my fingertips

it just doesn’t come out right.

 

When my head is too sleepy

or my heart is too full

or I’m just not feeling writing glee

 

Does that rhyme not show

that today is indeed one of those

Yes, I’ve sunk to that low

 

 

You see I want to write,

each and every day

So this internal battle I’ll still fight

 

I’ll drag those words from every corner of my brain

Get out here you guys, I need you

God, writers block is a pain.

 

 

Blogger Block

This week has not been my best blogging week, I’ll admit. I’ve been struggling to write and be confident in what I’m writing. I’ve written stuff out and just not felt great about the content and the delivery, so I decided not to put out something I wasn’t happy with. I 100% want this blog to be something I’m proud of and that includes every post. But! I’m going to do something about it!

I want to write a plan for the next month with exactly what I want to do, a schedule, new ideas and images. Most importantly I want to spend time on my blog and have it as something you guys can look forward to!

So, to start with I’ll be back tomorrow with my April favourites!

Where’s The Damn Book?!

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I’ve been wanting to write a book since before I started university. I’ve always written stories and the summer before I moved (3 damn years ago) I was working on my first novel. I was going to uni to do Creative Writing and I was going to be a writer. And then I started the course. I quickly realised I hated the course with a passion and spent a year of my life being told my work wasn’t good enough by older people. It always confused me because people my own age and one or two lecturers really liked it but there were some that were just hell bent on saying I wasn’t good enough. Now I’ve never had the strongest self esteem, I understand creative criticism but when you work so, so hard to get onto a course to be told by someone who has never read a word you’ve written that you’re writing is bad, you kind of take it to heart. Well, at least an 18 year old who’s just moved away from home and who’s walking around in an incredibly anxious state takes it to heart. I feel better now that it was just her opinion and truth be told after I refused to be caught by her after some catastrophic writing she’d put online (claiming that anorexia wasn’t real), I distanced myself from her and felt a little better about my writing. People liked reading what I wrote online, so why wouldn’t someone publish it eventually?

I’ve kept up my blog for almost three years now and had another before that, one of the main things people comment on when they search for me is the quality of my writing. So why isn’t that enough? This time last year I’d just returned from Athens on a week long creative writing course. Everyone was there because they knew to some extent what they wanted to write and I did too, something that my undergrad course lacked. Again I got positivity and some really great feedback but then the inevitable happened and I fell out of love with what I was writing and then I was there with ideas. Great right? I wish. I have all these ideas but self doubt is crippling. I write something, look at it a few hours later and can’t stand it. I get anxious that I’ll make spelling or grammar error and then be seen as an idiot. It’s deep in my heart that I want to be a writer, I want to see my name in a bookshop and see my thoughts on paper.

I know for a fact I can do it and I will, right now though my head feels so muddled and confused. What should I write about? Do I work on the non fiction piece? Do I try again on that old novel idea or start something completely different? Am I writing for Adults or Young Adults. All these thoughts go around and around in my brain and if I try and plan I get even more anxious because WHY IS THERE NO MANUAL THAT TEACHES YOU HOW TO BE AN AUTHOR. Which is silly, there’s no golden rule, not curse to break or magic formulae to make sure people will love what you’ve written. I know all this and yet I still want to delete pages of writing or worry about ever finishing something. I’m hoping these are rational fears.

It may sound like I’m complaining but I’m not, I feel like I have so much to give but it’s almost as if it’s trapped in my head and just won’t negotiate with my hands. I have ideas every night before I go to sleep and think they’re magical I wake up after scribbling them down and wonder how the hell I’m going to make something out of them. I don’t know, I thought I’d have a draft of a novel by now and I know, I know books can take years and years to just draft and then even more to get published. I’m just trying to get out of this rut where I just look at the page in anger because it’s just not doing what I want it to. My biggest critic is now myself, but I think with the voices of others inside, from the past who really shouldn’t be there. So I guess I’m going to have to work on kicking them out and working out what the hell I want to put on to paper, that might be a good idea. Oh and I might find the bloody book in my head stored away somewhere just waiting to come out.

 

Image from Pinterest

Writers Block

I have a confession to make. I have writers block. That damn sneaky little thing that drains all of your ideas and then laughs at you. You know the one, you’re all hyped up, let’s do this and then you get to a blank page and…

Yup, that’s as far as I get.

I can’t get ideas for songs out of my brain, I fell like just curling up in bed when I think about trying to physically write my blog ideas and as for my novel? Don’t even go there. I wanted to keep you all updated because this is a part of being a writer. Well, I think so and most other people I know think so too. In fact I got taught that even in essay writing procrastination is a part of the writing process. You read it right, scrolling through Youtube or Reddit for hours can now be called part of your ‘creative process’.

So if I’m so blocked how am I writing this? Well that you see if part of my plan. Write my thoughts, write some plans and I’m hoping by Monday the best shall be gone and I can come out of all this with an album’s worth of songs, 20 blog posts and two novels (I might be slightly optimistic there, slightly).

Anyway I hope you’ve enjoyed my little post tonight as always leave a comment! I love talking to you guys! 😀