Tag: work

Beautiful Brighton Conference and Chloe Break 

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Yesterday I was invited down to the beautiful Brighton by The Student Room to be the only student representative in the country to speak at an international conference for Social Media in Higher Education at CASE. 

Although I could have stayed the night before too, I decided to brave rush hour because I’d only just come back from being in Basingstoke and, you know, I do kind of like Ali ;). So I arrived for 9am slightly asleep but soon chatting to other people including the other people who were on my panel. For those of you who signed the ‘Save BBC 3 campaign’ Jono started and led that campaign, I was a little awestruck when I met him. 

The conference itself was good but also at times hard to understand because it was specific to some things I haven’t come across in my role yet. I tried to learn as much as I could, make contacts and generally enjoy the day. I didn’t realise what a big deal our panel was until we started it. We had a lot of people approach us through the day about our work on the student room. 

It was weird, I didn’t feel very nervous about what I was actually speaking about, instead, I felt like this was something I was confident to speak about and that took away some of the nerves. Well that and I already knew it was a nice crowd who wanted to help, that’s always a bonus. It was really well received thankfully and some lovely tweets went out after we spoke, including from one of my bosses who was also attending. 

   
   
Before I came back to the hosting hotel for dinner, I was able to check into my own hotel – MyHotel Brighton for the night. I was shocked to find myself in a huge double room, very chic and with one of the comfiest beds I’ve ever slept in. I was a little excited… 

  
Dinner was a chance to talk to people again, although everyone else was staying for the full two days, whereas mine was just for the day of my slot. There was some really quite hilarious chat on my table, including educating an American on British comedy he should watch. 

Jono and I both had early starts the next day and so were one of the first to leave. We were both surprised to receive chocolates and a card to say thank you from CASE for our work and taking the time to speak. The whole day gave me a lot of confidence in my own abilities to become a Marketing and Social Media Coordinator as a job when I leave uni. 

This morning, before I had to get a train back to London, I enjoyed my breakfast before taking a stroll around Brighton, the North Laines, The Brighton Pavillion and along the beach, taking in some Spring sun. 

  
On a personal note I’m proud of beating my anxiety over the head. I was so worried and nervous about going to the conference that I only had 4 hours sleep the night before. It was also the first time I’d gone away and stayed alone, but it was nice to have some time for myself in the hotel. 

Now I’m sat at the O2 with my Mum, sister and cousin waiting to see The Vamps with them (don’t judge me, free concert ticket and time with the girls). I’m absolutely shattered but at the same time really proud of kicking my anxieties butt and achieving something. Although, I am looking forward to getting into bed tonight without setting an alarm. 

Young and Desperate?

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I found this quote while searching through Pinterest (obviously one of my favourite websites) and it went well with a decision I made today. I wrote last week about grad job rejection  and how to handle it and for the past few days I’ve been frantically searching for jobs to apply for. I wasn’t getting stressed until I saw people over Facebook posting about grad jobs they’d been accepted for already or the amount of jobs they’d been applying for. Then I started to panic, all the jobs I wanted to apply for needed you to start in a month or less, there were no grad schemes. So I got online and poured over jobsites looking for jobs I was slightly interested in.

I realised this morning while looking through all the tabs again, that this wasn’t how I was going to find a job I wanted to do. All the ones I was going to apply for were either only slightly related to what I want to do or had a much lower salary that I was hoping and expecting to aim for. And for what? I’d been drawn in by anxiety and panic, thankfully I realised what the uneasy feeling was before applying. I know there are jobs in my field and I know that I’m qualified but I just can’t take a job just yet.

Although I’m only 21 I’ve already had quite a few different roles I’ve worked in retail, cinema, office work, tutoring and freelance and I already have a solid idea of what I hate. When I was 16 I took a job from anyone who would offer it to me because I needed the money and wanted the independence. My first two jobs I hated with a passion because I took them out of desperation. My third job I took on but should have been wiser about contracts and things like that. By the time I took on my 4th job that wasn’t babysitting or tutoring I was working somewhere I wanted to and it made all the difference. It’s been the same with my university jobs that I love doing, I wasn’t desperate, I took my time and I excel at my job. With that in mind I’m going to try and take that into account when applying for post uni jobs.

I know that not everyone can do that and I’m thankful that Ali and I have somewhere to go once we graduate. There was no question I could move back into my parents house but come July, if we haven’t found work, we’ll be moving in with Ali’s Mum temporarily as she has more room. Thankfully I’m only about 10 minutes away in the car from my Mum and Dads too. Ali’s said to me before there’s not a desperate rush and for the first time ever I’m starting to believe him. I’ll work hard and apply for jobs of course but I won’t rush into things and be tricked into an underpaid job, particularly with the experience I have. I want to go into interviews and be passionate and excited about the job and the company. I want to have goals and ideas about what I can bring and I know how cliché I sound right now, but I’ve had enough crappy jobs to last me a lifetime.

 

Passion and finding a job

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As a third year student who graduates soon the question of ‘What are you going to DO?’ is cropping up more and more. I know I’m not the only one who wants to stuff their fingers in their ears and just shout la la la I can’t hear you while running away.

I love Ted Talks because I learn a lot and I realise a lot while watching them. I had a conversation with a friend recently about not knowing what to do after uni and not having one true calling. I’ve said before that I would like to do a Masters degree and a PhD but I know that this might change. I also know that there is a chance I might change my mind, a chance that I won’t get funding (which means it would take 4-6 years part time). There are a lot of things that could happen.

So while I have been applying for a graduate job (!!), looking at the kind of jobs available and thinking about what I want to do. So, I watched this Ted Talk because it looked interesting and I liked what she said. About just taking jobs that seem interesting and see where they go, that’s what I’ve done with my past 2 jobs and I’ve loved them. I’ve seen people doing the job and just like her thought ‘I could do that’ and my passion just grew and grew from there. All because I didn’t wait for this big show and dance of outright passion.

Don’t get me wrong I’m still going to freak out at times, I’m 21 and graduating. There’s a lot of pressure but I’m hoping I can keep this in mind and maybe you can too.

1 down, 1 to go – Fitness and Weight Loss!

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I’ve been really honest about how my injury has impacted my life in loads of different ways. I’ve really been trying to work on building up everything in the gym and not overdoing it. That said I was a little worried over christmas because there’s so much food and everyone is offering you ‘just one more’. I both did and didn’t want to see how my progress was going and I was pleasantly surprised.

On the right is before and the left is now, 1 stone lighter! I’m very strict with myself about checking my weight I mentioned it before  that I wanted to be careful and that I didn’t want to get obsessive and controlling again, like I was in my teens.

I’m really proud of what I’ve been able to achieve here and it’s all been in a healthy way. There have been no crash diets, no cutting out food groups, unhealthy amounts of exercise or not eating. Everything you see has 100% come from portion control, healthier eating and 1 hour a week exercise (the only exercise I can do at the moment).

I wanted to share this with you all because before I didn’t believe in this. I thought I was stuck the way I was and the whole exercise and  small portions wasn’t something I could do but I did and I actually really enjoy the gym. Thank you for all the support I’ve received on my blog, Twitter,  Facebook and Instagram. I can’t wait to carry on my fitness and share it with you!

My other blog!

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I’ve mentioned quite a few times about writing for my Social Media Coordinator role so I thought I’d let you all have a look at what I do! Visit https://blogs.kingston.ac.uk/careers/ for my latest post on Bonnie Greer and Stephen K Amos who visited the university last month and my other pieces!

I don’t know what I’m doing

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I took myself off the blog for the last few days for a combination of things, I’ve been busy, my backs been keeping up at night and I’ve been freaking out more than a little bit. So I spent my time with family, at work, sleeping and occasionally having an almost panic attack.

I had a conversation with my Mum last night and just ended up saying ‘you know what I have no idea what I’m doing with my life, I have no idea what to do when I graduate, I just really don’t know’. Honestly that is how I feel right now but my Mum, being the babe she is just said to me ‘You know what Chlo, no one knows what they’re doing, just do what you want to do’ and there it was. It’s something so simple but something that we all forget.

I don’t think that anyone’s job choices will make everyone happy. Some people will make choices based on what other people want and then make themselves happy and to be honest no one really gives a shit. You get a job, you make people proud, blah blah blah, but no one else has to go to the job every day, has to work with the people in it and to you know earn a living and possibly do it until they die.

Does any of this mean that I understand what to do with my life? Of course not I still get stressed out all the bloody time. Will I get a good class degree? Do I go and do a grad scheme I like the look of? Do I go all in and just do my PhD and worry about money later? Do I just go and get a job straight away? Part of me just wants to go please someone give me a crystal bloody ball so I know what should happen!

I don’t think I’m alone in this. I’m guessing that there are a lot of people who just freak out sometimes and don’t know what’s going on or what they should do or if they’re even doing the right thing right now. I don’t think it’s specific this fear and uncertainty can impact anyone regardless of race, gender, sexuality, class etc. Who knows maybe everyone else is just pretending very well.

Finishing my first week of classes…yes really!

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As of 11am I had finished my first week of classes for this year. I know, crazy right? Being a humanities student is about doing a lot of independent research so while I’m only in class 6 hours a week I’m definitely going to need to use the rest of the week to get my research done and try and get some new ideas together, but this suits me just fine. I get to read and create ideas and if I’m having a low I can just work at whatever time suits me best, if I have a rough night I can sleep later and work into the evening or vice versa. I feel like I’m going to get a lot more done this year when I can set my own times and agenda.

I am really pleased with the way my classes went this week, it’s a lot more interesting and I feel like we’re at a stage where our opinions can really be valued. I’ve worked hard to get to the stage that I’m at with my course and I finally feel like I can let out my excitement and not look like the biggest geek ever because, with dissertation especially, other people are also enthusiastic about their projects.

This is the start of, hopefully, a long road of independent research, there are even less classes when you take part in a Masters degree and then PhD classes are usually research based rather than taught. It’s a big thing to undertake but right now it’s one of the only things on my mind. Of course I’d love to be a musician and tour the world but equally I know that might not happen because a big part of it is being in the right place at the right time.

I’ll admit that I am a little nervous about having lows, partly because for 4 days of the week there is nothing to force me to go outside, but partly because I’ve lost my ways of exercising. It is hard having mental health issues and studying sometimes, you can feel really isolated, especially around deadlines as well as extra pressures but I’m hoping that not being in class all the time means I can just sit and focus as well as trying to meet up with friends from other courses/play shows/ write/draw if I am getting a little too stressed.

All in all I’m pretty pleased with how this week has gone, I have a tonne of reading to do in the next few days but I can’t wait to go back to class on Monday morning!

I will write a book! – Inspiration and confidence boost!

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I have spent today getting on and I spent this evening being inspired, so all in all a productive day. I spent a few hours this evening working at our Postgraduate Open Evening and for me it was that bit more exciting as these people may be my classmates next year when I undertake MA.

I’ve always found my lecturers to be very inspirational, I know I sound like a geek but if I’m honest I don’t care. The lecturers are all incredibly smart and brilliant with their specialties. Studying English Lit has just made this passion burst out of me and the only other thing that has ever done that is music (more on that at a later date), I love them both but I know that after this year I’m not ready to stop studying. I feel like there is so much more to do, to read and to explore and tonight talking to lecturers in Literature, Language, Creative Writing and Publishing and there was just a buzz I felt, I know that if I can’t be a musician for a living this was the next best thing.

If all that wasn’t enough to get me hyped up about finally sitting down and getting my book finished then what I came home to was. If you follow my blog you may remember that I met a great friend at YA book club last month, Becky. I came home to the news that she has published her novel on Amazon! I’m so proud and excited for her and if you’d like to take a look and buy her novel (which you definitely should) then you can click here and if you’d like to follow her on Twitter head to @Becky__Willson. Becky may only be 17 but I see big things coming for her and I’m so proud to be able to call her my friend :3.

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The cover for Becky’s novel, isn’t it pretty! 

I’m lucky to have such amazing people around me and I now that a lot of people don’t have that. From now on I’m going to be working on my novel and hopefully one day I’ll be able to release it. I’m currently writing a Young Adult novel about a character called Ava and her complicated family life, friends and general life as a teenager. I know that’s not much to sink your teeth into yet but it will be! I promise! I just don’t want to give anything away yet until I’m sure myself.

Finally I’ve got some confidence back in me, some positivity and some great things planned and I honestly can’t wait!

As always tomorrow will be another book review, 15 Reasons Why by Jay Asher.

Other people can make all the difference

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Today started off as a day of stress and anxiety and ended with that warm feeling with my belly (and no, that’s not the alcohol talking). People can change everything, they can make your day lousy but they can also make your day great, today has been the second option.

I woke up this morning pretty stressed, tired and in a fair bit of pain from my spine. I was dreading going to work, felt anxious about meeting and was dreading physio. It turns out only one of those was right. Work made my day, knowing I was part of a team that I really felt could make a difference. I realised that my role is important and I’m actually a respected member of staff, something I’ve never felt before. I spent today in meetings and talking to the rest of the team, I can finally be something of an expert in my field and I can finally start trying to make a difference with disabled students. If that doesn’t brighten someone’s day I don’t know what will.

Physio wasn’t that magical, it was painful, very painful. The problem with my kind of injury is that it take a long time to heal, a long time to come off medication and a lot of pain with no gain. After being told I’ve stopped ‘looking like a granny when I walk’ I suppose I should be grateful but I’ll be honest I was just pretty sore during and after and glad to treat myself to some books in the charity shop after.

This evening others did it again after being a grumpy little so and so after physio, Ali, Phil, Lizzie, Dan and Alex managed to put a smile on my face at the pub. I got slightly drunk and now I’m writing to you all (I’m sorry if there are missing words or just intoxicated sentences) in my little mermaid PJs after my back made me give in. Sometimes it’s days like today that make me realise I need others just as much to beat the feelings of anxiety.

❤

I miss fitness! My thoughts on ‘being brave’ and keeping going.

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Now I’ve said before that I’m not a health and fitness fanatic. If there was an option between a healthy snack and something covered in chocolate I’d bite your hand off for the chocolate. I made some healthier choices this year, I walked to uni most days (unless it was a Thursday morning, early starts after a late night are not a good idea), I swam occasionally and for the first time in my life I embraced a sport and did it every week. I’m also stubborn and have a rebellious streak. Normally if someone told me that I wasn’t allowed to ride I’d prove them wrong and get on, going twice as fast. I can’t do that right now.

To say that all this stress hasn’t been easy is an understatement. It’s not in the way that people see it. I keep getting told that I’m brave, that I’m so inspiring. To be honest I find it incredible that people are so sympathetic to me fracturing my spine but 6 years of mental health problems didn’t get any cards or bravery speeches, but that’s another blog post. I mean yeah I suppose to other people they really can’t imagine just getting on with life after breaking a vital part of your body, but do I feel brave? No. I just feel like I’m getting on with it. It’s something I spoke to my parents about the other day after people were told about me and just were amazed. It was nice and they were lovely people but I just said to my parents, wouldn’t everyone just get on with their lives? Apparently not, but I was raised to just battle on through.

So after yesterday’s post it’s clear that I’m still up and down, still getting there. Today a low decided to hit. I think it’s post festival blues, combined with stressing about the future and being tired from my back pain. It was relatively normal stuff and I wasn’t miserable or ‘meh’ all day, it was more when I was alone. I realised that the things I’d normally do when I feel bad, I couldn’t do and it just made me want to curl up under my duvet and cry. I didn’t. I finished the book I started reading last night and spoke to a few friends.

I never realised that exercise was something I’d miss, but then again I suppose you don’t until it’s something that you can’t do. I want to do some sit ups to get rid of a little excess weight, I want to sign up to gym, run around with the kids at work, swim without worrying I won’t be able to get out of the pool. Hell I’d like to be able to have a bath without worrying that I will get stuck!

The one thing I have though is writing, writing this or songs or fiction. I have to get out of the clouded stage before I can write anything but I can feel it lifting more and more as I type this. I am struggling a little bit with my exercise and little walks to clear my head. I suppose it’s one of the biggest challenges to my mental health it’s all the things I’d usually avoid. If I try and search for a positive in all this I suppose I can see that I’ve been there once and even though I’ve spent a good amount of time on my own, I’m currently missing my friends like a limb and I deal with physical pain every day I’m getting through it one day at a time.

I know this is a long blog but I can almost bet anything that someone out there will read this and understand. That someone will understand the both freeing and unnerving feeling that I have to go through this low without my normal strategies. I’m ok though, really. I have a good few days lined up and for once I can remember that these lows don’t last forever.

Thanks for reading guys, as usual I’d love to hear from you. Oh! And thank you to every single one of you following me on twitter, another 100 followers in the past few weeks! It really put a smile on my face!