I wish I could write and say that today was interesting but today really has been a snoozeday. I’ve been up since 6.30 today and yesterday although this time it was for teaching. I’m doing full days now and to be honest I’m struggling. This morning was for observing and I couldn’t handle it, even though I’m classed as a member of staff sitting in a class room with the boys watching, listening and not being active made me start to slip back into the numbness that I used to get into at school.
I felt as if I was back at school, I was fighting with logic and with myself . I knew I was staff, I wasn’t at school and it was a totally different place and I was using everything I learnt this year to kind of keep my head above water. At one point I needed to slip out, breath in some fresh air before going back in.
This afternoon was different though I was thrown into teaching a lesson I only prepared two days go and it went well. I was scared shitless but the boys seemed to enjoy it and they’re getting on well. Apparently I’m doing it all again tomorrow, which will be…interesting.