Success?

success

A while ago, I was speaking to a friend when he surprised me, he told me I was successful. It stopped me in my tracks, because I haven’t classed myself as that in quite some time, in fact, since graduating I’ve felt more ordinary than I ever have in my life! At times, I’ve even felt like a failure.

Part of this is the struggles I’ve had with my confidence (it took a large dip after breaking my spine) and the other part, who knows? On paper, and to many people I know, they do believe I’m a successful 22 year old. I have a job, a degree, a home and a stable relationship.It ticks all the boxes, doesn’t it? Which I why I feel so bad whenever I say the words out loud, I’m not doign well enough.

I’ve always had a problem where I both want and need to be one of the best. I was talented both musically and academically growing up, apart from driving I found a way to make things appear as if they came easily (they didn’t). Despite my struggles I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me, for the things I’d gone through, so I worked as hard as I possibly could. I won awards, competitions etc. I felt like I was going places.

After graduating, for the first time in your life, your achievements aren’t given prizes or certificates, you’re not given feedback and a grade on things you spend hours on. So I guess in that respect, it isn’t unusual for someone to feel that they’re not doing as well, because you have to jugde it for yourself (particularly hard when you are an anxious person).

So I sit here and I try and see that I am successful, I might not be where I want to be at the end but it doesn’t mean I’m not. I think for many of us, that may be it. We confuse success with where we want to end up. I can only speak for myself, but that’s where I think I’ve been going wrong. I don’t have a house, a book and my life sorted out. Who the hell does in their 20s?

Maybe this is where I say something cliche like ‘success is a state of mind’, maybe it is. All I know is that it means so many things, to so many people. I’m flattered to think that my friend think I’m successful, I hope that someday soon I feel that way too!

What does success mean to you? Do you feel successful?   Let me know in the comments below or tweet me @chloemetzger

Getting the job.

8cb56efd22c4b593d411fbb9ff1160ac

As of yesterday morning I am officially employed! For the past few weeks I’ve been having interviews for a Marketing position that I really, really wanted and the waiting has been driving me crazy. I applied for a job with a tech based company on Linkedin last month, I thought it looked interesting and had the attitude of ‘why not’. I knew it was a long shot, this wasn’t a small position, there was a lot of responsibility and over 80 people had already applied, but what did I have to lose? The worst they could say was no. So I sent off my Linkedin profile and didn’t think much of it until my email pinged about an hour later, it was someone from the company wanting to talk further. Later that evening he called and I had a phone interview there and then on the spot, an hour later I had my instructions come up with a social media plan example and come into the office in a week and a bit and let’s have a look. I was floored. Absolutely floored. Fast Forward to the first face to face interview, I fell in love with the location and got on with my interviewer before being invited back for another face to face interview with the head of the company. Score. So a few days later I met him and had another interview, alongside chatting about other things, no huge scary interview and lots of pressure, not only did it set the tone for the company but it excited me.

I’ll be honest I’ve been scared about finding a job, not so much because I thought I wouldn’t get one, but I was worried I’d just have to go somewhere I didn’t like to make a living. I spent a lot of my teenage years in a job where I was unhappy, then I came to uni and felt the happiness of having a job that I enjoyed and felt like I was doing something productive, not selling cheap clothes that fall apart. Finding Exonar was like a dream come true, they’re a smallish company, full of nice people (as I found out yesterday) and I can really sink my teeth into something without knowing I was on a years contract. I haven’t officially started yet but I’m excited and nervous and I haven’t felt like this since before I went to uni. I get to be in Marketing after a stack of rejections that I didn’t have enough experience.

It’s like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I know I’m going to be ok and hopefully be in a positive environment too! I’m trying to put into words just how excited I am but I don’t know how! All I know is I can’t wait for a new chapter to begin.