Tag: Stressed

Buried under assignments

3 Comments

8c6bb30a8120969fd64db050fcd82050

I’m writing this to you from my ‘desk’ that is covered in note pads, glasses, sticky notes, the occasional book (although most of them are in a pile on the floor next to me) and the hard work vibes I seem to be radiating. I’m writing a short post tonight because as you can guess from the title I’ve been working my butt off for the past few days to finish my assignment.

Because of my recent illness, I’ve been told stress is the worst thing for me right now. I actually laughed at the doctor when they said I need to be less stressed, because let’s face it the final part of third year is not a walk in the park BUT on with positivity. I managed to get to the gym this morning and work off some of the stress before having to go to an ultrasound appointment, which came back CLEAR! Yippie! Between and after I’ve been glued to my desk working on a 6000 word assignment, although the good news is that after writing it on and off since Saturday I am now sitting at 3740 words, so close!

Tomorrow will be for working on my dissertation which isn’t in as good a shape as I thought it was and needs a LOT of work doing to it before submission next week. I’m trying not to get stressed about it and instead working on just getting as much done as I can and taking regular breaks. That said, I currently cannot stand my dissertation, but I’m told this is a normal part of third year. Hopefully I can get at least 2 essays close to being done when I come back from Easter break and then only have 2 others to focus on. Definitely looking forward to 11.01 on the 2nd of May when all my assignments are submitted.

So that’s a little insight into my frazzled mind at the moment and my slightly frazzled life, now excuse me while I finally get to cuddle my hamsters before passing out in bed.

Stressed, Depressed, but well dressed?

3 Comments

4f1ff4bcbd958f0bfcf48ea3a92ea559

When I was in Brighton a few weeks ago I saw a jumper with the slogan ‘Stressed, Depressed but well dressed’ across the front. I’ve seen these shirts before and they’ve become popular, before this it was the slogan ‘more issues than Vogue’. I’ve always felt conflicted with these shirts. For me, someone who does have issues and does get severely stressed and depressed because of my illness, it can be funny to wear these shirts, it’s me laughing at myself. With that in mind though, there is a bigger issue.

There’s been a lot of talk about making mental illness fashionable and there’s definitely been a surge of people claiming they’re ‘super anxious’ or ‘feel really depressed’ or that someone is ‘so OCD’ because they like things clean. These are things I can’t stand because these illnesses are so complex and damn hard to live with. A few years back there was controversy when two t-shirt were released by Urban Outfitters.

Now, I’m all for raising awareness and the ‘stressed but well dressed’ shirt isn’t outright offensive like the Urban Outfitters ones, but it is problematic. For people who have little information and are the type to throw around these words around and claim illnesses that can, if we’re being frank, kill people. People do die of these illnesses.

So do I think I’m going to buy one of these shirts? Probably not. While I can laugh at myself and say yes this is so me on some of my bad days, it’s not usually the reality. I can tell you that when you’re super stressed you don’t want to get dressed, particularly well dressed. Right now I am really sick with stress, so much so it landed me in hospital. Everything is an effort, getting out of bed, putting on clothes and as for makeup? You can forget it, unless I really have to I can’t be bothered. I think designers have to be mindful of what it’s really like for real people. You wouldn’t make a shirt about cancer because people know just how horrible it can be and how ill people get, and mental illness should be treated the same.

On a Mad One

Leave a comment

Amy has a phrase for whenever one of us gets angry/upset/annoyed and needs to vent until we calm down we go on a ‘mad one’. Now in the last few months there have been various forms of this and today it hit me, big time. I haven’t had a break or a rest since the beginning of January it’s been at least 4 weeks of non stop work, so today my brain just said no. Throw in room issues, bus issues, a disgusting smelling kitchen, arrogant show offs from earlier in the week and generally irritating people and you’ve got how I feel right now. I know people will read this, some may think I’m talking about them and be offended…if that is you think about why you’re offended, then you’ll get to how I feel when I write this. I ended up in the university Starbucks with Amy having a little heart to heart and she just made me feel ok , she reminded me that I am a part of something and going up to Kingston Hill just lifts my mood 90% of the time. 

I hate feeling low, it’s one of the worst things in the world and sometimes a ‘mad one’ is just a part of a low. I’ve tried to be positive today and when I was with Amy it was ok, I didn’t think about everything that was bothering me too much and I just talked it out. The problem is when I’m upset and alone or when I’m surrounded by people who just don’t help. So I’m spending this evening locked in my room listening to You Me At Six and trying to get this assignment finished. What people don’t tell you is no matter how much you love uni (and I honestly do) being in halls is hard work. Not every flat has a magical connection and sometimes you lock horns, not in a big way but when you want to slob out and just eat crappy food all day you feel this pressure, well I personally do. I generally find it quite hard when I’m having a bad day, feeling like someone is constantly looking at what you’re doing. The bottom line, it’s not like you’re at home, you have to think about a lot more, you can’t want around in some of your PJs because they might be ‘too revealing’, you don’t wear make up and people think your ill! 

Sometimes all that compared with a bad day is just a little too much. I’m trying to look forward though, to next year. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it but Ali and I will be living together so it makes life a little easier. I just feel so comfortable around him, I can do whatever the hell I want and not feel like I have to think about it or discuss it later. I guess what I’m tring to say in this blog post is that honestly I struggle sometimes living with a whole block full of people and not feeling close to any of them and it’s just a part of life. Plus, going from somewhere where you feel like you belong, the band, Hannafords etc to being completely alone isn’t the nicest feeling. Now I’m shaking off this ‘Mad One’ I’m hoping that I can get rid of it and go to uni feeling a bit better about everything and just get on with my work before going out with Amy tomorrow night! 

A productive day…or so I thought!

Leave a comment

Today  I have been very pleased with myself. I got up with time to spare and ended up making it to uni half an hour early to attend my mental health meeting. To put it bluntly I don’t like the meetings at all, the bore and irritate me and I don’t feel like anything gets achieved. I tried to stay positive and got it over and done with despite some really disappointing news.

Onwards and upwards they usually say so I continued, got myself a Starbucks and a cake and carried on in the library getting quite a lot of work done (the silent area is incredible when you have a lot to do) before meeting my friend Joe. I set off into town to try  and get Ali’s birthday present sorted, however I now have to go back to Basingstoke for this!!! I was still quite happy about this when I got the bus home and was given a lovely dinner by my flatmate (he felt sorry for my god damn awful cooking last night… don’t even ask!). It wasn’t until it hit me what this mental health meeting had done did I start to get angry. I don’t want to go into too much detail in regards to other but I’ve been having some difficulties at uni lately and after talking to the right people I now have to relay everything again to more important people and I really don’t feel comfortable with it. So now instead of the happy Chloe I’ve been for the last few days I’m stressed,tired and anxious. 

I’m desperately hoping tomorrow will be better and I’ll have a good day but right now I think it’s time for bed.