Why I Moved Back To My Home Town

When I moved to Kingston back in 2013, a lot of people thought I wasn’t going to come back. I absolutely loved Kingston, I loved being 20 minutes from Waterloo but still only an hour from home. I didn’t have to bump into people that I went to school with, or be defined by mistakes I made. It sounds a bit silly but it was important to me at the time.

Kingston Life

So if all was so rosy, why did I come back? Surely there would be more job opportunities in the city, I loved the place so it would make sense to stay and that was the plan. Then Ali and I started looking at rent and realised pretty quickly with graduate salaries we weren’t going to be able to live somewhere nice. Whereas, at home, we could get so much more space for our money.

We came back and I got a job locally and the thought of commuting to London filled me with dread, and that’s before I understood Fibro! With every year that passed, we got further and further from moving back to Kingston. Staying here I have family around for when Ali goes on tour and we have more of a chance of getting a house at some point.

For such a long time I felt like moving back to my home town made me a failure. I came back, did it really prove anything? I’ll probably end up having my children in the same hospital I was born in, I see people I’ve known since I was a child on a regular basis. Did this mean I haven’t lived?

And really, I don’t think so. I think I needed to move away to know who I was, to grow up and let go of what I was holding on to from when I was younger. Now I’m back, I couldn’t imagine moving again. I love having my family in the same town, that I have my friends and my life here. These things have become more important than ever for me since Ali started touring.

I’m interested, have you stayed in your home town? Did you move away? Let me know!

Sunday Seven: 22 and a half

This week I hit 22 and a half, I know most adults don’t count their half birthdays, but firstly I don’t see myself as an adult and secondly I like using this as a benchmark to take stock of what I’ve done in half a year. I mentioned way back in January that I don’t like making New Years Resolutions, instead, I like to use my year birthday to birthday to see how things I have been going. So let’s take a look back and see what I’ve learnt in the past 6 months.

15591449_10155625467138206_6784418136400763690_o

You don’t need loads of friends to be happy 

Now I’m back in Basingstoke we don’t have as many friends around, but that really doesn’t matter. I still talk to Joe all the time, although it sucks I can’t just pop and see him. I also have Abbie and Ben on the other side of town. I have a lot smaller group of people that I’m in contact with but it’s really about the quality rather than the quantity.

14700805_10155404598753206_7393239558398584347_o

The pain of losing someone you love never goes away, you learn how to deal with it

A few weeks after my birthday I lost one of my hamsters. Although, to me they are my babies. Noodle passed away and it broke my heart, I still miss her each and every day and that never stops.

img_3095

I want to write, so I’ll goddam write 

Enough messing around, it was time to get serious, get planning and get on with it. We’ll see what happens…

img_3261

Having your own space is key to happiness 

We finally moved home! Having our own space has made it much easier for me to relax and have time to myself and Ali.

add-heading

It’s ok not to be ok. 

I have a problem with wanting to be perfect. I always have. In the last few months when things have gotten tricky I’ve had to remind myself that I’m allowed to feel tired or overwhelmed, that I’m human. So, I did what I always do and I wrote about it and it made me feel a lot better.

flowers-desk-office-vintage-large

Leaving a job that isn’t right for you doesn’t make you a failure

Back in November I left my first full-time job for a variety of reasons. I wasn’t happy there and didn’t feel like it was right. When I left, even though I had another job lined up, I felt like a failure because I hadn’t been there long. That said it lead on to bigger and better things and just because it didn’t work out didn’t mean I was a failure.

IMG_8421

Grades aren’t everything. 

For a good few months, I hid my degree certificate. I didn’t want people to know that I wasn’t perfect and didn’t get the first I’d been dreaming about. I hated mentioning it and whenever I did I’d follow up with ‘but I was only 3% off of a first!’ as if getting a 2:1 in literature was something to be ashamed of. I won’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt but at the same time my life was a mess in third year, to come out at all with a degree is fine with me. It now happily sits on my desk while I write.

Life Update: We’re Moving!

new-keys

I spent the last few days moving boxes, going to IKEA and trying to sort out the piles and piles of books that I own. Yes! We finally have the keys to our new home. It’s taken a long time of trying to find a place that we liked, sorting ourselves out with jobs and security. We found this flat a few days after Christmas and have spent just under a month filling out paperwork, going through referencing checks, finding furniture and all that jazz. I’m so happy with our new home and can’t wait to make it 100% ours.

Getting ready to head back.

While many of us are getting excited about seeing friends again, the miracle of Student Loan and being able to order pizza at 3am there is one thing that stands in our way. Packing. As many of my regular readers will know my anxiety has been peeking for the last week or so, the thought of going back to halls of residence hasn’t filled me with much joy. If anything it’s made the whole issue of going back to uni worse. 

The problem is that when I’m stressed my mind goes into overdrive. I can’t sit still and I begin to get anxious and panic and then I start to have an anxiety/panic attack. I turn into someone I don’t recognise and say things I don’t mean. I do my best to avoid stress and put things in place so that if I’d under a lot of pressure I can deal with it but sometimes, like today, there isn’t a lot I can do. The reason for all this stress? Packing and going back to being alone in my flat. While I’ve made plans for in the week tomorrow night is going to be pretty tough and I know that. I’m hoping that the box of chocolates I have left over from Christmas might make it a little bit better. 

I’m hoping that once the worst is over I can try and see things in a more positive light. I have a wonderful boyfriend, some brilliant friends and a band that I’m going to be proud of. There is also talk of finding me some alternative housing in the next month and I’m realising that’s ok. I gave Seething Wells a really good try but when my health is involved I need to seriously consider what to do about it. So I might be writing to you guys again about packing for a move once again! We’ll see. 

Right now I’m going to catch up on publishing a few other posts I’ve missed and have my last night in a quiet room for a change!