Tag: love

Thank you

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After my blog post on Monday I have had an outpouring of love and support from so many people. I wanted to use this post to say thank you, for your likes, your messages and more blog follows (nearly 150 now, eek!). I think that it’s an important part of getting better if you, like me, have been living with depression for a long time or if you’ve just entered this part of the roller coster. Support really is everything in getting better and I couldn’t do it without the people around me understanding that sometimes I’ll be stressed about little or nothing, sometimes I’ll cry for days and not know why and sometimes I need to be a little selfish and there for myself more than anyone else.

The whole thing of 1 in 4 people, it’s so much more apparent to me at the moment but it’s not something you can see. You best friend could be depressed, it doesn’t mean you’ll know because you get good at hiding your feelings or avoiding situations where other people can see that something is wrong. I’ve done both and sometimes I still do because that’s just a part of this illness. I’m not going to rant and say it’s horrible, it’s unfair, it sucks. This is just something I have to live with and learn to deal with in my daily life.

I wanted to let you know I am going to be ok! I might be up and down and all over the place and I might not be super happy but being ‘Ok’ will do for now. I think I actually appreciate feeling happy more than other people, being happy makes me feel even better I can take over the world in a good mood. I’ll learn to deal with this but the support I’ve had over the last few days has made me feel better, I’m still very up and down but it helps.

Thank you to all of you

The power of animals

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It’s amazing how animals can change your life as well as your mood. Today is my dog Lottie’s 7th birthday (which is 49 in dog years…I think), she’s one of my best and most loyal friends. Lottie is the first dog my family has had, she’s been there for me no matter what and knows when I just need a cuddle. I think saying goodbye to the dog was the hardest when I moved.

I love telling the story of how we got her, let me start by saying I didn’t even want a dog (my cat had gone missing a while earlier and I was still adamant he’d come back). So we go to the dog rescue and because of my sisters age they decide were allowed to see the puppies. I think there was 6 of them in total, 4 boys and 2 girls, one of them being my girl. I went towards them and this little hyper one pushes it’s way to the front and starting licking my hand…that was Lottie.

While I’m in London I don’t have any pets, unless you count Ali, so when I’m sad I’m left to my own devices unless I’m outside and next doors cats say hello. That is until I started riding. Before my lesson today I felt really low, stressed after last nights recording session and on the verge of a panic attack. Amy cheered me up but once I got on the horse I was left to stay still and wait for my instructor, I started stroking Jemima, the horse I’d had on my first ever ride. I calmed down, went for my lesson and came out feeling like everything had just gone away, it’s the magic of animals.

There’s a reason a lot of people recommend pets or work with animals for depressed people, animals never judge. They just look to you for love, care and somehow they know when you’re not feeling right.

So Happy Birthday to my beautiful Lottie Lou and thank you to Jim-Jim for being the wonderful horse she is.

National Coming Out Day : To You

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I decided to write an open letter tonight, to a friend who means a lot to me. I won’t name them but I know how anxious they are at the thought of coming out and I wanted to write to them and anyone else having these feelings.

Dear you, 

I know. You know I know. We’ve been over this a thousands times and you know I love you all the same. I want to say being gay is nothing to worry about, to me and to a lot of open minded people it’s totally normal and nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m proud for you and Jesus when you are comfortable enough (because that day WILL come) I’ll dance around at pride for you, because I know that’s not your thing. 

Oh and here’s another thing, I know you better than you think I do. I’ve known you were gay for a long time, I don’t know why but I always have to a degree. I never thought that you talking all the time to me was hitting on me, you never once looked at my chest, nor recognised what I was wearing. I loved it, even my closest straight guy friends slips up sometimes, although you agree I have great boobs.

The thing is, you being gay doesn’t mean you have to fit some stereotype ( I know you never will) some people try and intimidate you with a certain type of behaviour, balls to that! Be yourself which is who I LOVE you for. I don’t want to change you, but it makes me so sad when you get swallowed by sadness and confusion over something as simple as who you find attractive, who you love. I know though for you, it doesn’t feel simple but I promise some day it will. 

Being gay is just a part of who you are, it’s one of the things that makes you who you are, your funny, sarcastic and quirky and as other people have pointed out fanciable (although not to me, we’re way too close and that would be odd like loving a brother *shudder*). You’re sweet, kind and give a mean hug any guy would be lucky to have you, and they will. 

Any one who doesn’t ‘accept’ you (what a bollocks term) is at a loss. IF they let some stupid social prejudice come in the way of who you are and who you’re going to become then basically there is something wrong with them. We’re going to have a great time and I already accept being the best woman at your wedding and a god mother for your children (as previously discussed, I will be both a good and bad influence…your welcome). 

Basically I love you, you know I do and I’m here to see this through. When you feel comfortable enough to come out, which I am honoured that you did to me by the way, I’ll be there. If anyone doesn’t like it, fuck ’em who needs ’em. 

Happy coming out day! 

Books can open doors

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My signed copy of In Love and War, out now! 

It’s obvious that I love books. They’re piling up my wall as I write this, I’m on a literature degree and I write a review blog so it’s pretty safe to say that I know the magic of what books can do. Another thing they can do is open doors. By talking to people about books, about literature in general, about publishing I’ve had so many doors open for me, tonight being no exception.

I’m getting into the Kingston Writing School, I’ll hopefully be going to Athens as a part of it next year (funds permitting) and so I decided to attend the weekly readings. Tonight I met Alex Preston, as well as a incredible reading and useful tips I also left with a signed copy of the book and a head start on my research for uni. IMG_0588

The night wasn’t all readings I got to mingle with Wine and Olives…a lot of Olives, more than anyone could ever need! I got to meet so many interesting people and all because of literature. Talking about things like this should help me advance through my degree, work experience and even more.

If you use them the right way, books can open doors.

The end of birthday week

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I am writing this feeling more than slightly worse for wear. Last night was…well actually very cheap because everyone bought me drinks. That said though I also consumed them and, well it’s only your birthday once a year. This years birthday has been incredible, a whole week of friends, family, celebrations, beautiful gifts and amazing messages from people that I love so, so much. If this week has taught me anything it is just how lucky I am right now and how happy I can be. I’ve had a week without slip ups or major lows. Obviously it can’t be my birthday every week but hopefully these memories will help me when I’m feeling a little down.

Saturday was off to see Wicked for Amy’s birthday surprise it has been so, so hard not to tell you all because I’ve been SO  excited! The show was great (as always) and is one of my favourites. I used to perform songs from it back when I did musical theatre and last saw it 5 or 6 years ago with my school. Now I’m older I appreciate just how, well, dark the plot really is. I won’t spoil it but the ending is my favourite part. We then went over to Wagamamas (my first) before racing to Waterloo to get back to Kingston for my birthday drinks.

IMG_0381 Outside the theatre 

I got to the drinks later than I thought but more people turned up than I realised. We all crammed around a table in Wetherspoons and let the drinks, selfies and chat begin. The best part?! JEN IS BACK!!!! WAHOOOO Jen being away was really hard for me and I missed her really badly. Ben is also back too and surprised me with chocolate. I drank a lot, laughed a lot and ended up going home earlier than I intended *cough, cough* accompanied by my friend Lex who came from Central to see me.

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More than anything I’m just so grateful and that’s how I want to end this post, to anyone and everyone who wished me a happy birthday, made time to see me, came out with me, sent me something, everyone. I love you all and thank you so much *raises glass* here’s to being 20.

 

 

 

 

 

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Birthday presents from Jen, my girl knows me well!

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How today ended up, nothing like a McDonalds to get you over a hangover. 

The uni couples

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In my first year of uni I saw a lot of love and not just the kind that only happens in a one night stand. Of course those happen, it wouldn’t be uni without the various hook ups when people roll out of Pryzm or at 2am. I want to use this post to just show people how diverse uni is when it comes to love. 

 

The Fresher’s hook up 

I’ve seen this one so many times! People go a bit crazy during freshers, get a bit flirty and anything from a kiss to well… So they hook up and then awkwardly avoid each other for the rest of the year praying they won’t have to start a conversation. 

The Flat Mate Romance

This one explains itself. Sounds like a bad idea. Probably is a bad idea. Wanna go for it? I’d leave it until the last month if I were you just so you have an escape route should you need one!

The Long Distance Couple 

I love these couples! I have a lot of friends in LD relationships. Don’t get me wrong it’s a hard time to deal with a LD relationship we’re all young, new people, new places etc but you CAN get through it, so many people do. Sometimes you sacrifice a night out or two to see them but it’s all worth it if you really love them. 

Coming out 

So many people come out at uni. Like I said you find out who you are, what you like and can really be whoever you want to be. Uni also has societies for LGBT people making it easier to have someone to talk to. 

The casual hook up (that lasts a year)

The are they? aren’t they? sort of couple. They’ll never admit how much they like each other but they’ve been having casual hooks ups all year and don’t seem to go for anyone else…

The couple that came to uni together 

This is me! My boyfriend and I decided when applying to go to uni’s close to each other or the same. Kingston was perfect because we had our own space, made our own friends and now we’re moving in together 😀 A lot of couples do this, maybe not at the same uni but in the same area.

The mistake…

Most people will have a relationship that was a mistake for so many reasons! It’s normal and human! Don’t beat yourself up when he/she doesn’t turn out to be ‘the one’ as much as they are the one you want to hit with a bus. 

Looking for love 

A lot of people come to uni looking for love…keep going there will be someone! 

The LOUD ones 

You know what I mean. They *cough* like they’ll die tomorrow and make sure everyone knows…

The ones who find their soul mate

Something like 25% of people find the person they go on to marry at uni, that could be you! 

 

 

My teenage sister, Happy Birthday!

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There are certain people in your life that it’s hard to put into words how much you love and care for them. My sister is one of these people. I remember the day I was told she was coming, I remember the day that she was born and every birthday and Christmas that I’ve loved spoiling her. This year was no different after 10 presents from me and god knows how many from everyone else, I can say she was thoroughly spoilt this year. 

Summer-Rose turned 13 today and that feels really weird, she’s still a baby in my eyes and I think she always will be. I absolutely love our age gap because even though she doesn’t think I’m cool, I can look after her and we just have this really special relationship, again it’s hard to explain. She’s beautiful, she’s hilarious and I wish I had been more like her when I was her age. My sister kicks arse and I couldn’t be more proud. Before I embarrass her any more than she thinks I am I wanted to wish my gorgeous sister and best friend a happy 13th birthday, I’m so excited about all there is to come for you and I love you so,so much even if you have awful music tastes! 

 

Here are some pictures to celebrate a special teenagers birthday ❤ 

Here’s where the fun begins. 

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My Gramps

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Today is my Gramp’s birthday. I could write pages about it him because he is one of my favourite people in the entire world and he has been since I was a tiny baby. I would stand in my cot and wait for him to get me up, I wouldn’t go to sleep until he’d come home (much to my Mum’s annoyance, especially when she had things to do) and he’s one of the few people in my life to sit and talk about history, religion, politics. 

In light of his birthday I wanted to share one of my favourite memories. I’d been taken into hospital for stomach problems. My Mum had to go and get my overnight bag and my Dad was at home looking after my sister. So I didn’t have to wait on my own Gramps came up to sit with me, because we’re a normal set of people we decided to discuss religion and family history. These are the kind of things we do and as I’ve gotten older they haven’t changed. After he retired we’d sit on Sundays and have these kinds of talks, mostly history. 

So happy birthday to one of the most wonderful men in the world! 

The Fault in Our Stars

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My fan screening pass 

I’ve waited for well over a year for one of my favourite novels to be made into a film. Now I’m normally very untrustworthy of books being made into films, it’s rare I’ll like a book as much as a film. I haven’t just been pleasantly surprised tonight, I’m excited and I’m heartbroken and that’s just how I wanted to feel after seeing this film.

I am incredibly privileged to have been able to see this movie and a staff Q & A as a part of the fan screening along with a poster and the fan screening pass in the picture above. I went with my friend Rhys another huge John Green fan. Oh and a load of pre teen girls…. I think we were the oldest there who weren’t parents.

Every part of this film was done perfectly, the music, the actors, the writing absolutely everything.  I couldn’t have asked as a fan for a better film adaptation. I can’t rant and rave about it enough and I can’t wait to go and see it again. One tip though? Don’t wear any eye make up there is one point the film where everyone and I mean everyone had tears in their eyes or was openly crying.

Read the book, watch the film and just enjoy John Green’s incredible talent.

Happy Birthday Mum!

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One of Mumma bears visits to Kingston with the pint I got her!

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The birthday cake Summer and I made Mum, she’ll forever be 21!

 Today is my amazing Mums birthday! She’ll kill me for saying this but today is her 41st birthday (although we’re still saying that she’s 21!). I love my Mum so much and she’s incredible. I wouldn’t be the person am today without my Mum. She’s one of the funniest, funnest people around and everyone who meets her loves her. Even today she was up at the crack of dawn and off to work.

Happy birthday Mum, you’re on in a million.