Tag: horse riding

Society Awards 2015!!!

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Last night I mentioned that I was getting ready for the university Society Awards. It was all a bit of a rush at first with missing trains, busses not turning up and my sat in my wheelchair waiting for someone (Amy) to come and push me. We’ve gotten A LOT better at navigating around Kingston since the last time and Amy has strength that she never knew she did. So Amy, Laura and I headed out to represent Kingston Horse Riding Society at the awards.

It was a big dinner and award ceremony and I was wheeled around (and to my embarrassment carried because there weren’t ramps to the waiting area). We ate, laughed and took photos. First up was volunteering awards, which I’m embarrassed to say that I really didn’t know anything about. I’d love to volunteer but next year I’m going to be doing so much it will be unreal!

We nervously waited for our categories. This year we were nominated for Most Improved Society, Best President and Laura for Outstanding Contribution. We were shortlisted for the first….and then we won!!!!! We screamed so loud, our little society had won most improved! I was gutted that I couldn’t go up and accept with the others but a special mention was made and my picture taken! It was an incredible feeling and something I’m so proud to take through when I am president next year.

The society’s award!!! 

Next up was president of the year, which unfortunately Laura didn’t win but was shortlisted! We sat through the rest of the evening grinning like idiots because we did it! We had an award!! We only had one more to go and I, being the clumsy idiot I was, was trying not to knock everything over on the table.

Can you tell how excited we are? 😀 

For the final award of the night, Outstanding Contribution and we have a winner!!! Laura was one of 8 chosen! I cried when she won this award. I’m proud of all for my friends for different reasons, for Laura this is just a smidgen of how proud I am of her. Like me, she had a fall last year but is STILL recovering and had 9 months off of riding while she helped all of us and taught me everything I know about horses. She’d dealt with a load of other stuff as well and always has a smile on her face. Well deserved is an understatement and I am so happy to have her in my life and I can’t wait to watch our friendship grow over all our riding adventures!

Lovely Laura with her incredible award! 

I was so glad I went, after all the nerves and panic I felt about going in the chair. There were also times while I was there and feeling a little bit overwhelmed. So many people wanted to know about the wheelchair and what happened and what was going on in terms of recovery. I appreciated their kindness but it sent my anxiety into overdrive and nervousness.

Later on I’d calmed down and enjoyed myself. I was even wheeled on the dance floor and spun around, trying to wave my arms like a mad thing. Later, Laura did the same until my meds started to ware off and I got tired. I ended up getting wheeled home after midnight with lollipops and sweets. I was tucked up in bed (after being lifted in when my back decided it didn’t want to work) with a smile on my face and a tummy full of nerves for a fantastic society next year.

Things get better!

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Hello you lovely lot!

Yesterday I was pretty down, I’m sure a lot of you saw it, I needed to get all the stress and anxiety and worries I had written down because I promised all of you I would be honest. Today was met with another trip to Kingston Hospital and desperately hoping something would be sorted. My lovely Mum came up today to come with me so that Ali could go and record Bass with the boys.

Now I’m very slow at walking at the moment, I’m hardly walking at all. So I met my Mum for a hot chocolate on this miserable rainy day and managed to find a Sylvia Plath book to pick me up a little bit before the big appointment, but that wasn’t what was amazing about today. This morning I started reading Katie Piper’s ‘Things Get Better’ after the horrible lows and anxiety yesterday. I tweeted about it and then the BEST thing happened KATIE REPLIED! THE KATIE PIPER!!!  Now I’m a huge fan of her’s she stands for everything I want to be and believe in. It gave me the push I needed to get me through the day! I want to get real copies of all her books, especially ‘Start your day with Katie’ to help with my positivity.

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My tweet from Katie Piper!!! 🙂 

Mum and I braved the rain and wind to get the bus to the hospital (thankfully the passengers and bus drivers were really helpful today, thank you!). I was terrified. Nobody had really told me what to expect or what could happen, the last I knew they were still on the edge of debating surgery. So I sat and waited to be called through for what seemed like ages until a friendly nurse called me through. The walk down the corridor was possibly the longest and most embarrasing. It’s painful to walk so I walk with tiny steps, holding on to the wall for support and I could see the sympathy in everyone’s faces while mine was going red with both determination and embarrassment. When I finally got into the room again the nurses were great getting me settled to wait for the doctor.

I try not to cry in these situations, I want to seem like a good patient, that I appreciate what doctors do. I held my Mum’s hand while waiting and just hoped they wouldn’t go ahead with surgery. The doctor was sweet, quick and good at what he had to do. He checked me over, answered my questions and apologised for the rudeness of A&E a few days before. Apparently my legs are strong, which is a happy surprise for me, he could see how much pain I was in and tried to make it as quick as possible. I was told a back brace would be needed, stronger painkillers and a follow up appointment with x rays in 6 weeks. That was it but I felt so much more confident that he knew what he was doing. Then on to physio while the nurse thankfully ran up to put my brace request in for me (it’s special equipment that needs to be ordered in).

I only had to wait 10 minutes to see my lovely physio lady, Linda. She was funny, kind and made me feel good and didn’t push me to see what movement I had for now! I really liked her and she me so now I have physio lined up asap but the good news is I should fully recover. I’ve also been suggested a wheelchair (now purchased) for days out and NOT to push myself too hard at all, like I kind of have been.

With the good news I called around, I’m also still allowed to go to Athens! Then it was off to buy a few new pair of PJs, The Simpsons ones, The Little Mermaid, Monsters Inc, Cola ones – thank you Primark! Finally Mum, Ali and I went for some dinner before I got taken home to rest again, it had been quite a painful day.

I’m still struggling with all of this, I know how lucky I am but I’m nervous about the Brace and Wheelchair. No ones ever been able to see something wrong with me, I get worried about how people will react, even if it is temporary. It might seem silly but I’m trying to work through and not get too angry/frustrated as I have been.

So there you go! Fully up to date and hopefully my wheelchair will be here after the weekend and I’ll have news on the rest of my appointments soon. I’m still super bored and in bed most of the time so I’m coming up with new things for the blog but I’d love for you guys to chat to me too, leave me a comment, tweet me, email me! I love to hear from you all!

Being very lucky

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I’d dropped off the radar for a few days from Twitter, Facebook kind of because I got some shocking news yesterday about my fall. I’d been called back into St Heliers Hospital after my GP got a letter saying that they had gotten something wrong. I spent 7 hours in hospital yesterday with people looking at my spine, checking me, taking my blood pressure, having an MRI scan (which was absolutely horrible) and waiting some more. The result? I’ve gone from being told I have nothing wrong to having three fractured vertebrae, possibly a fourth that they’re not sure about. I’m also told that they’re not sure how I’m walking around as I am, basically I’m lucky to be walking and not to have to have surgery. For now I’m in the clear for surgery as I have stable fractures, hopefully they’ll stay that way.

For the next 10 days at least there is no driving, no shows, no carrying my handbag. I’m stuck either in the flat or for little trips out. In short, I’m very lucky to be walking and to be the way I am I just have to be extremely careful. If I’m honest, I’m heartbroken more than anything. I was living and breathing for riding this year, it was always the best day of the week, Wednesday. So I feel really gutted and a bit back to square one, I’ve had to cancel Prague and shows and my parents as well as Ali had to spend hours and hours in a hospital.

So hopefully these blogs will be updated because I really don’t have much else left to do. Everyone is being so good to be at the moment and to be honest my anxiety is sky high worrying about the fractures moving and you know what? I’m really, really angry that this was missed one, I could have forgiven but three or four is just not on. Now I just have to wait to go to fracture clinic for more x rays and hopefully all will be well until then.

A bit of a tumble

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The plan for yesterday was meeting Daniela for a Starbucks in the morning, go for a ride with Laura, come home and relax while playing with the hamsters…things ended up a little differently than I’d planned.

I loved getting back to riding and finally getting on Rose. She’s only 5 and still quite a baby but she seemed to listen and be an absolute angel. Walking and trotting I was more than happy and so was she, that was until I started to lose my balance. I managed to pull myself up the first time and try and get her to calm down but she could sense I was panicked so continued to run and I had no option than to let myself fall.

The only way I can explain the fall to someone who’s never fallen off a horse before is that it’s slow motion until you’re heading for the floor and it’s like you’re watching a go pro camera. It did hurt, I won’t lie. It’s more likely than not that because I went into shock my body seized up once I’d hit the ground  and I’m pretty sure I winded myself too. After a bit of wriggling around on the floor and being in a lot of pain, I got myself up. I was in a lot of pain but didn’t want to seem like a drama queen so I managed to get up and walk to a chair while everyone at the yard was being so lovely.

Plus points were I’d stayed conscious, I could walk and move my neck. It was only because I was in a lot of pain we called 111 who sent a paramedic..then an ambulance where I got immobilized and loaded up into an ambulance….I was so embarrassed it was unreal. Laura was an absolute angel, holding my hand and not judging when I cried because they were talking about needles and thought I was going to be sick after laying down in the ambulance and feeling panicked by the bead blocks (super uncomfortable, especially when your hairband is digging in).

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Laughing with embarrassment while I was being loaded in, I tried to bargain with them but they said they needed to strap me up! 

I’ve gone 6 months without a fall, so of course my first one had to be done with style. After X Rays and some strong pain medication they decided I was fine just bruised and sore. They’d taken us all the way to Epsom and St Helens University hospital, luckily Laura’s house mate agreed to pick us up to get us back to pick up our stuff. Then something amazing happened, while Laura was gathering the stuff from the stable I went to the field to try and find Rose (who came to check I was ok after I fell off, being the beauty that she is), typically she was nowhere to be found. Instead two other horses came to the gate and it was like they knew, they knew I was shaken but their love and affection cheered me up so much that if I hadn’t been all achy and bruised I would have gotten on there and then.

I’m in a fair bit of pain today but I’m being well looked after and I’m on the mend, plus I have really adorable company 🙂

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Lookin’ good

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I’ve been horse riding for 5 months now, every week that I possibly could. I think it’s gotten to a point that riding has become a part of me, which amuses my friends to no end. Something interesting happened tonight, one of my bosses and one of my lecturers commented on how well I look in myself this year and I’d like to think that horse riding has been a big part of that.

Now I’m not going to use this post to become a fitness bunny. You’re still more likely to find me curled up with a cup of tea rather than going for a jog. I still hate running with a passion, and my knees aren’t keen on it either. This year though, as well as being happier in general, I’ve started to actually try some fitness. I ride every Wednesday and I’m currently swimming as many Sundays as possible, in the summer the Wednesdays I can’t ride I’m hoping to swim instead.

I’m not doing this for the way I look, it’s crossed my mind occasionally but that’s usually after I look in the mirror and notice I’m a little bit more toned than I used to be. It’s strange for me to find excercise I love, at school it was my worst nightmare unless we were doing flips and things in the gym. Now I can’t wait to get that release from riding or swimming, although I remember wanting to bite anyone who said exercise will help depression, it will but you have to be well enough to get to that stage first.

Riding and swimming have become a huge part of my life now and they make me feel good about myself. I’m not a size 6, I don’t want to be. I’m not doing this to get rid of my curves or look like an Olympian that doesn’t even come to it, I just want to feel good.

Right now, however, I am aching from the most intense ride ever. I’m finally off the lunge and riding on my own! I think I’m going to go off and crawl into my bed!

10 things that helped get me out of a low mood (and hopefully can help you!)

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Ok so I disappeared yesterday because of a pretty crappy low (yay, depression). Now I’m back and I’ve been looking after myself for the past 2 days now I want to share 10 ways to help when you’re on a low. These help for me, hopefully they will for you as well!

1. Take a shower or bath

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When I used to have a REALLY bad low, before I was diagnosed my Mum would always send me to the shower to calm down. Now when I have a low it’s always the things she recommends first. I don’t know why but water has always made me feel calmer.

2. Be comfortable

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When you’re feeling particularly rough you do not need to wear super tight skinny jeans. Today and yesterday were comfy jumper and jean days. Also at night make sure your comfortable with some good PJ’s and an early night, even if you can’t sleep being able to relax will help.

3. Take some time to think about what YOU need right now

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Do you need sleep? Do you need to go for a walk? Be around friends? Work out what it is you want and need to make yourself feel even a little bit better. I’ve had plenty of days where for the morning I had to be alone but later my friends made me feel a lot better. It’s a personal thing and taking baby steps if you need to.

4. Talk it out or write things down

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Some of my best songs have come from horrible moments. Writing or talking, generally just getting it out of your system is healthy. Of course there are other ways too, some people do art or sport, whatever works for you.

5. Eat some good food

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Screw the diet. Comfort food is the best. For me a bit of chocolate and a good cup of tea can really make all the difference.

6. Get some natural light

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10 minutes of sunshine is proven to boost Serotonin levels, even if it’s overcast try and go outside. I know what it’s like when all you want to do is lie in the dark and forget everything. When I feel like that and just want to be alone I walk to my local shop, it only takes 5 minutes and I don’t talk to everyone

7.Exercise

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When I used to hear this I used to get irritated, why if I didn’t want to get up would I want to exercise? I know by now that just being around the horses lifts my mood and going riding is great to make me have a more stable mood, it gives me something else to think about. I can’t ride every day though, so Sunday I decided to head to the pool (the only other exercise I can stand) I only done half an hour but felt much better.

8. Put yourself around people who make you feel happy

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It usually takes me a little while to get to this part. For the first part of my lows I normally want to be alone but gradually I’m ok being around people. Moving in with Ali was a hugely positive part of getting better since moving to uni, sometimes I’ll see friends or text my mentor to see her but I almost always phone my Mum to talk things over. Support is always key.

9. Have a little treat

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If I’m sad and go wandering I usually buy myself a little something partly to cheer myself up and partly because I left the house, because sometimes that’s the absolute worst part. It’s usually just something small, a bar of chocolate, cupcake or a book, whatever money I have spare really.

10. Don’t be so hard on yourself

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Everyone has good and bad days, depression or not. Don’t blame yourself if you’re out for a day or even longer, just work through as best you can and don’t beat yourself up!

Horses with Mum and Sums

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Me and my sister visiting Rubey 

Visitors today! Yippie! My Mum and Sister came to visit me on her day off school. So naturally I had booked a horse riding lesson for my sister, basically because she’s the only person apart from my friends brave enough to come with me!

It was so much fun and cheered me up to have them around and introduce both Mum and Sums to the horses, especially Rubey (that is how her name is spelt). I also had them watching me ride…although the horse I was on today was not in a good mood and was not happy to be around other horses. The best bit though? I finally came off the lunge and was controlling the horse on my own!!!! Yippie!

My sister, however, turned out the be a natural at horse riding. She did so well on Princess who I booked knowing that she’d be a good horse for her. I got more than a little excited when she started on a rising trot and started to get it, definite proud big sister moment.

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As usual I had to go and see Rubey after as well as before and she was so cuddly it was amazing. She has an absolutely lovely owner as well, Sapphire is brilliant with her and one of the sweetest kids ever, she certainly teaches me a lot when I help out at the weekends.

So that’s today, oh not to forget meeting up with Joe too!, my Mum enjoyed it  but she’s decided horse riding isn’t for her. All in all a pretty good day apart from Eleanor still being poorly but she’s never down for long!

I’m thinking of doing some more fun posts over the weekend and uploading anything I’ve missed!

Relaxing with Rubey.

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I know for a fact that I’ve worked really hard this week, possibly a little at the extent of my health but I don’t regret it. After practicing 3 evenings, working one, going to uni, playing an AMAZING gig in central London and finally getting back all the sleep I missed yesterday, I wanted to do something today. Funnily enough my idea of relaxation had four legs and is almost double my height.

It’s no secret that since starting riding in October I’ve fallen in love with it, as well as the horses at the stable. For me it’s just a way of letting off steam, focusing on something else and learning. As soon as I walk in the stables I feel myself relax, no matter if I’m on a low mood or just having a stressful day. I’ve become one of those people I never used to understand!

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Getting kisses from Rubey 

I’ve been talking with Rubey’s owner since just before christmas, when I left her a note to say that her horse was lovely and I’d gladly help out. I finally got around to it today, realising that I needed to do something that relaxed me, even if it was hard work. Sapphire (Rubey’s owner) is a total sweetheart and really helpful, we spent today giving the horses hay, sweeping the yard and giving Rubey a groom which was the fun I needed to just relax.

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Although I didn’t ride today, helping out and hanging around the stables gave me an even bigger mood boost than waking up happy this morning did. I also realised I’m more confident, I’m starting to work out which horses do what, who I like to ride etc. I’m also lucky enough to be able to help out with a horse I adore and it seems she likes me back after some of the cuddles I got today. So once I’m a confident enough rider I can help out more and actually exercise her.

Hopefully this is a sign of a good week to come 🙂

Finally: Getting back to myself

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After a long few weeks of feeling, low, helpless and not myself I can say that I’m finally pulling through again! It’s been 5 days of solid steadiness and I couldn’t be more pleased, just in time for Christmas! My first realisation, Friday morning, as I was driving back to the flat I’d been awake for an hour where I had just gotten up, dressed and headed out, no anxious thoughts or dread I just, well functioned normally. While Saturday I was slightly off (from a lack of going outside waiting for damn parcels), I carried on and was ok and got on Sunday as well. The last two days I’ve been smiling to myself and humming christmas song and I’m so pleased I could dance around.

I’m not in the mind that I’m completely better, I’m still seeing doctors and mentors more regularly and I’ll carry on without complaining and not rush because when you go through a bad low, like I have been for the past 4/5 weeks it does scare you. I was terrified I’d never get back to this point where I could feel in control and I’d be stuck in sadness for ever, it’s horrible but once you’re starting to get better and have even a little bit of confidence you’re keen to make sure you don’t slip again. It’s a part of my life and I know I will probably slip again but I know I have great people supporting me.

I wanted to write to you all with this sense of amazement and happiness because I want to detail what’s real to live with mental health problems. For me these little victories mean the world, like no anxiety attacks. I’m back to chatting with people at horse riding, texting and seeing my amazing friends (who have also been angels) and being just easier to live with (although I say now I couldn’t have gotten through these last few weeks without Ali) and to top it all off I had band practice today! I just feel so much better after a good ride this morning (on a very tall horse) where I could feel myself becoming a better rider, then a long walk down Kingston Hill which I never done before but just made me feel refreshed.

If any of you are stressed or having a rough time at the moment, just take every day at a time and baby steps when you can. Lows totally suck, but they will go eventually with the right help.

My first Gymkhana!

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I’d never done anything on a horse that could have been remotely competitive, that changed today. Gymkhana is a lot of games in which we all compete for Rosettes, I now have two thanks to horse Shadow (who I’ve never ridden before!). I’m so excited, to show you all the pictures. Not only did I get to compete, get some new skills and hang out at the stables for 2 and a half hour. I also got to spend some more time with a lovely horse, Rubey, who has now figured out how to undo my coat and likes to play! I just had to book another ride for next week, I’m not ready to let go just yet!

Playing ‘around the world’