Tag: happy

The Little Mermaid Returns

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I’m sorry for the lack of blogging yesterday, I was reading the amazing Suicide Notes from Beautiful Girls which I can’t wait to review because it was absolutely incredible. I’ll leave you with that because that’s for another blog completely. I wish I was writing to tell you about a new Ariel film, because that would be one of the best pieces of news this year. The mermaid I’m talking about is me. I don’t have flippers but as a kid I might as well have done. My poor Dad spent hours and hours trying to teach me how to swim on top of the water but I just never liked it. Instead I would race around the bottom of the pool getting as deep as I possibly could. So when I started only swimming under water as well as the singing thing and being obsessed with Ariel my nickname came about. But what does that have to do with today?

Today, something awesome happened. After three months I finally got to go back to the pool. I wasn’t going to initially because it was rainy and a perfect book day but then I remembered how upset I got yesterday about my weight gain and decided I’d try and go for a swim. I was beyond nervous and had these terrified thoughts that I’d end up trapped in the pool because I wouldn’t be able to pull myself out at the end (as you can tell I’m writing this and don’t seem traumatised, I was able to get out). As you can imagine my swimming costume was a little bit more snug than I’d hope but it’s to be expected.

I got in the water and …

‘ the little mermaid animated GIF ‘

Ok, so maybe it was that glamourous but the point is I finally got to swim again! I could only manage 25 minutes instead of my normal hour but I did it and even though I left fairly sore and absolutely exhausted (oh and accidently grabbed someone in the pool…) I just had this huge smile on my face as I left. I felt like my body was working with me for once instead of against me. I may have come home and had to lie down and fall asleep for a few hours but it’s a start. My back isn’t feeling it’s greatest right now but I’m pleased that I got those 25 minutes and even a go in the wave pool (very therapeutic).

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Absolutely exhausted after, but smiling! 

I’m really hoping this is the start of a good week and trying to combat my lows. With a day to myself tomorrow, work Tuesday, another unplanned day Wednesday, band practice Thursday and my sister coming to stay from Friday I’m going to be pretty busy. BUT! Don’t fear about the blog I have a lot of ideas and plans to keep you all entertained. I also want to thank all the great bloggers I’ve been talking to lately, you’re all amazing!

Until tomorrow guys!

My baby sister

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14 years ago I woke up to the news I had a baby sister. I danced around my Nanna’s kitchen, so excited. She’s puked on my face, I’ve change her nappies and helped her walk. I learnt how to do her harness and then cheered her on when she started to walk. I walked her first day of primary school and home from her last. She was too cool for me to take her on her first day of secondary school. Now she’s getting all grown up with better fashion sense and make up tips than me. I’m so lucky to have such a beautiful sister and best friend in my life, happy birthday Summer-Rose. ❤

Why do I blog? Two years on and what started it all.

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For the last few days I’ve been spending my time with some great students. These guys are around 16/17, just finished their first year of college or sixth form and are thinking about going to university and we got to show them around, take them to taster lectures and answer any questions that they had. So I loved working with these guys and they asked some great questions, one of which really got me thinking. Why do I blog?

Ah! Why do I blog? I really had to think so I just kind of went through the last few years and realised that it might be an idea to share it with you guys. SO first blog, my first blog was about books surprise, surprise.Basically my Mum was always nagging me to get rid of some books every time I bought new ones, so as a reason to keep them I set out to review as many as possible and fell in love with it. I done that weekly for about two years until I realised that I wanted to write about my experiences of uni.

I wanted to create a second blog for a while and played around with ideas and themes while I was 18 until I realised what I wanted to read. I wanted to read about people like me. People who had no idea about uni, started completely clueless and to tell the truth about what it was really like. Around the same time I finally got a mental health diagnoses and I was passionate about including that too. So this blog was born on the 1st September 2013 (although it’s changed names several times before I realised my own name was pretty awesome).

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The beautiful picture of a very fresh faced looking me the week I got into university, aww. 

I knew what I wasn’t your typical student, at the time I didn’t really go out drinking, I was in a long term relationship and I had terrible Anxiety and Depression related issues. BUT! I knew I wanted to write almost every day about my experiences and my life so that others could find it and have a reference point and someone to ask questions too.

My reasons have evolved over the years such as: 

– I love to write every day, it keeps me constantly thinking and in practice

– Mental health is important and needs as much help as possible to beat the stigma 

– You don’t get a manual on how to be a student…so you might as well have some true experiences 

– I love talking to people! I have some great friends online now, like Caitlin, Alwyn Ash and so many more! 

– I had no idea what uni was about and was fed up of generic guides which were all positive! 

– I absolutely love it 

So why do I blog? For so many different reasons but mostly because I genuinely enjoy it. I’ve had people be SO impressed with the fact that I write nearly every day, but I just see that as normal. It’s not a diary (there would be a lot of swearing if it was) but it’s just me being able to reflect and share that with you all.

So I’m nearly two year in now and I love it. I plan to carry on this blog for as long as I possibly can really. I also want it to get better! I have already started my weekly book reviews, a few opinion pieces and I will be starting more top 10 and uni advice blogs! I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this and if you’re even slightly considering creating your own blog, go and do it! Why not! Drop me a comment with your blogs below and I will try to follow as many as possible.

Thanks for reading guys and check back in tomorrow for a new book review! Also can I please say thank you SO much to everyone who has followed me, I now have 600 followers! I want to get to 1000 by Christmas and who knows I might do some kind of prize…ohhhhhhh!

21 Things to know about my Mum

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Today is my amazing Mum’s birthday!! I don’t need to tell you again how much I love her and how much she does for me on a daily basis (including having to push me around town on her birthday, sorry Mum!). So my Mum is eternally 21 or younger in her head so I thought I’d share 21 things instead of the age she actually is today *cough 42, cough*.

1. My Mum couldn’t drink on her 21st birthday because she was growing me and stuff.

2. Her first school shoes were purple heels, the rebellion begins.

3. She likes Marmite…that’s gross.

4. She has smaller feet than me…

5. …oh and she’s tiny, even shorter than me!

6. Pink is Mums colour, always, always pink.

7. She could drink almost all of my friends under the table.

8. For a long time she called Instagram, Instragram…oh Mum

9. She wanted to be a mechanic while she was growing up

10. Disney is her favourite place, in the world, ever.

11. She has the strange ability to get any animal to misbehave

12. My Mum is the reason I love live music! She’s been taking me to concerts since I was 4! Actually the first was while I was still in her belly.

13. She was a slight demon child to her siblings, my aunt has the proof

14. My Mum’s a FIGHTER! She’ll kick your butt

15. Madonna, everything Madonna.

16. She’s more than a little bit in love with David Beckham

17. Oh and Johnny Depp

18. But she’s been with my Dad for 22 years ( I think)

19. My love of red lipstick comes from my Mum

20. You always hear my Mum coming down the road in the car because of the music blasting from it.

21. She’s the most incredible woman you’ll ever meet and I’m so lucky she’s mine ❤

Athens Day 6: Adventure, Adventure, Adventure! Picture Special!

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We had nothing planned for today, absolutely nothing. We thought we’d grab some food and wander around for a bit before seeing what we felt like doing before an early night tonight. It turned out to be a fantastic day of smiling and happiness. After eating we walked past the Happy Train, another tour of the city that looked fun. I asked Ali if he wanted to try it, paid the 12 Euros and took a seat. It turned out to be one of the best parts of the trip.

The Happy Train is different to the buses, because of it’s size you can take a better route. You go down little streets and see more of the beautiful city. I wanted to use this post to share some of the amazing pictures I got today. I honestly can’t wait to go home tomorrow, see my family, my hamsters and finally a bed that is good for my back!!

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Waiting pays off! My good news!

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Hello to all my lovely followers, to start off with today has been a little bit crazy and fast paced and I’m absolutely shattered as I write this. I’m laying in bed at my Basingstoke home with the stupidest grin on my face. All that I’ve been posting about trying to stay positive and not get too low? Well it’s worked because I’ve had great news today!

I have been missing uni lately, missing the structure, learning, having societies to go to. It’s because even though I wouldn’t have been able to go to class, I would have had something to think about, work on rather than my brain going around and around. Really I needed a new challenge, which I have been setting myself. I’ve settled into writing habits, been packing for the trip to Athens and trying to establish some sort of routine around my back, which is harder than it sounds.

Today marks 5 weeks since my accident and by complete surprise I finally got my back brace! My Physio is an angel, and absolute angel and so are the rest of the team. Thanks to them I’ve had a lot less pain after they thought waiting another 2 weeks for my brace to be fitted would be ridiculous. They’d had training themselves so simply went up, got the brace and got me fitted (took 3 members of the very smiley team). I’d been so nervous about physio but I laughed so much and although it was painful I’m so looking forward to getting better now.

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People do stare when I wear it, at first I didn’t care I was just so happy and felt so much more protected. My nerves got a bit worse walking though town when people stared but for the most part I was just so, so happy that I finally had my brace and I have things to look forward to. Already today was going better than yesterday and most of the day before. Even though it was pouring down outside it was like I just had this little sunshine following me around that let me forget about everything else for a little bit.

I logged onto my laptop with a few things to do between packing and had a lot of free time to kill (or so I thought) until an email flashed up. I saw that it was about the internship position I’d gone for an interview for, I thought I hadn’t got it. Well how wrong was I! I’ve been offered one of my dream internships!! I’m now a Social Media Coordinator! I get to handle our social media, go to events and live tweet, it’s all so exciting! I’m flying with happiness about it all after thinking I wouldn’t get it at all!

So I got down to the office in the pouring rain as quickly as my spine would let me. Everyone was lovely and welcoming. I felt instantly comfortable in the new office and will be issues with my staff email and such when I start after I come back from my trip to Athens! I’m recognised as staff now!

I’ve got so much to look forward to now that I can relax a little about not getting the grade I wanted and buying a bigger pair of shorts, because you know what? Right now I feel pretty damn awesome.

Wheelchairs, Goodbyes and Dinner along the river

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girls!

Left to Right Alissa,Eleanor, Amy, Maisha, Dani, Me 

Yesterday marked the arrival of my wheelchair, which I’d been recommended to rent out, but it was more cost effective to buy it *sigh*. I hadn’t been looking forward to it but I wasn’t that anxious until they rang the doorbell to deliver it. It came in it’s big box while Ali unwrapped it for me. We both just kind of stared at it for a while. I could tell that something in him matched my uneasiness about it. I sat in it and got back out again trying not to cry before asking him to put it away, I can’t even push myself in it!  I didn’t want it, I hated it and I didn’t want to go anywhere.

Luckily I got to escape to my doctors appointment, determined to walk to the bus stop. I got given more pain medication, had been dealing with the lousy insurance company and had to call Orthopaedics about a mistake they had made in my appointments. To put it simply I was pretty low. It didn’t help that on the bus ride home there were no seats. Standing on a bus brings unbelievable pain and luckily a woman spotted my face and let me sit down and a man offered to help me get up again after, which being me I said no to. I met Laura quickly to pick up my new prescription and she cheered me up, but I was still uneasy about going out in the evening.

A thousand thoughts went through my head, what if people stare? What if I just become the wheelchair girl when I go out? What if people laugh? I didn’t have too long to think about it before Amy picked me up. From then on it was more trying to navigate the roads…they really aren’t that wheelchair friendly. Pavements to get across the road weren’t straight and we couldn’t pull my chair, horrendous pathways I feel for people who are wheelchair bound, it’s really not fair!

From then on we met the girls and I started to relax, nobody here treated me different that’s for sure! They all relaxed too after being a bit nervous themselves and we were ready to have a great last meal with Alissa before she headed back to the US *sniff* and before Dani and El caught their flight to Prague.We had a great time, good food and I laughed so much my face hurt. We were all laughing and screaming while Amy and Eleanor divided steering me and trying to avoid the river ;). 10521733_10153886855593206_6154522888338423380_n

Dinner along the Thames

Despite smiling so much I went home and cried, I cried because I was going to miss Alissa who has become such a big part of our lives, I cried because I wished more than anything that I was going to Prague with the girls and I partly cried with relief because none of them saw me any differently. I woke up with a funny picture of ‘stick chloe’ on the plane with El and Dani to make me smile. I carried on with the day going for my brace measurement appointment, having a coffee with Laura before picking up some drawing stuff on the way home as something to do.

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Last night when the girls had made me laugh so much the chair didn’t matter 🙂 

The closer I got to home the more pain I was in. I got so mad, I was trying to be positive and everything but WHY was I so frustrated and sad all the time? On top of that I was completely exhausted, fed up I took a lie down to rest again. It is hard, I didn’t think I’d mind as much as I do but I’m usually up and about all the time. I caught myself dreaming about going swimming again, or for an absent minded walk around Kingston and for the next 6 or so weeks I’m stuck not being able to do either. 11295569_10153888888068206_1153168637262698221_n

Being Supergirl for my brace measurements appointment

I’m both positive and sad at the same time. I know it won’t be forever but I think missing out on Prague has hit the hardest. I know I can go again, but I look at the girls pictures and love and miss them both so much. So all in all a confusing day and I’m just about ready to sleep after being cooked a lovely Steak by Ali tonight (to make up for the palm size excuse for one that had the girls wetting themselves last night!).

Tomorrow will be better, I’ll make sure of it. Night guys!

I feel loved!

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It’s strange how something like this accident has made me realise how loved I really am. It’s not that I didn’t know before, but I’ve just had an outpouring of love and good wishes since I found out about the fractures and it’s been really making me smile. I’ve had a lot of support from you guys, my lovely followers! People wishing me the best, thinking of be, keeping me in their prayers, which is lovely and I thank you all so much. The kindness towards me has been cheering me up when I’m stuck in bed, on the sofa or only able to take little walks into town before I fall asleep again. IMG_2651

My card from Nanna and Gramps 🙂

Obviously you all know about how amazing Ali has been. He’s cooking for me, cleaning for me, helping me get up in the morning (not mentally, physically I have to do a really weird wiggle/roll thing to get out of bed) and he’s had to deal with me being frustrated and angry. He’d really do anything for me. On top of that my family have been incredible, my parents have been coming up for appointments, calling me every day and giving me advice or cheering me up when I need it. My sister’s been letting me rant when people get too worried and my grandparents have been great with texts, cards and phone calls 🙂 Ali’s Mum’s paid for him to come to Athens with me so that I can still go! Oh and not to forget my Lucy and little Lexi who have been texting most days and Lexi, being the sweetheart she is wanted to see me today so she could kiss my ouchie better, but she’s sending me magic anyway (seriously 3 year olds are THE cutest). IMG_2646

Keeping updated with Spider Gwen thanks to Joe! 

My friends have also been incredible, these are just some of the gifts and friends! My band have been super supportive over everything when I’ve been feeling so guilty,so have the music community making me determined to be back to performing as soon as I possibly can! As well as Laura coming with me to the hospital in the first place, she’s a regular visitor at the flat now, bringing me flowers, chocolate and a funny card to cheer me up. Joe got me another issue of Spider Gwen and made sure that I could see everyone at my work do even if it was just for a little bit and offered to pick me up anything I needed around town, as well as being hooked into helping me take my library books back and carrying my shopping around for me. Dani is collecting bits and bobs from the horse show to cheer me up and Amy got me a cute little notebook to cheer me up. I’m also chatting with all the girls on our whatsapp group too! As well as all that I get to see Alissa before she goes back to the US on Monday as well as El and Dani before they go to Prague.

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My new notebook from Amy 🙂

I’m in so much pain but I keep smiling because I feel so loved and cared for at the moment. I needed to write this down so that I can read it again later and be cheered up. I don’t know how to express how thankful I am for all the people who light up my life and are making this easier for me 🙂 I love you all so much and I’m so lucky to have such amazing people in my life.

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Flowers from Laura 🙂 

I’m not giving up.

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I’ve spent a lot of time thinking for the past few days and it’s not always been positive. Being stuck indoors and not allowed to even clean when I feel like it has been getting me down, as has being in pain whenever I get up or go for a walk. I mean I’m human, those kinds of things would make most people fed up.

I haven’t slept much since yesterday and my painkillers are definitely kicking in because I’m sleepy as I write this (hooray!). I’ve been trying to get on with things as much as possible and without realising it I’ve gotten quite a lot done today, going for a walk to get parts of Eleanor’s leaving present, submitting my final assignments (yay!) and reading over a quarter of another book.

It’s weird knowing that I have 6 weeks of recovery and not doing too much, 6 weeks of living with this and not being able to go at a million miles per hour like I normally do, it’s going to take a bit of getting used to. I promised I’d be honest, I’ve been really low at times since this happened and cried a lot, mostly out of frustration. I feel slowed down and tired and I just want to do everything like normal. Ali says just think of it as a little holiday, do things I want to do and relax, I suppose he’s right to some extent.

I started reading Katie Piper’s Beautiful Ever After, she’s cheered me up once again. I was meant to meet Katie at the KU Talent Awards this year, she was supposed to be hosting but got rushed to hospital instead. I was gutted not to meet her but obviously glad that she was going to be ok, I’m hoping she’ll still come and visit Kingston because she’s an inspiration to me. So I’ve just sat reading the book and it’s made me smile and not feel so low. It’s also inspired me to use these 6 weeks to do something. I just want to write at the moment, I might take a crack at the novel again, write the blog and add more of my experiences and do some mental health work. I can use my recovery time to do some good through my laptop 🙂

In short, I’m not giving up. I’m not silly enough to believe that writing this post is going to magically change my mindset and there will be no more tears or frustrations, there will because I’m human. I just hope that I can start something good while I’m stuck with not a lot to do.

Please, please, please use the comments section below! I’d love to use this time to chat to you guys! Or drop me a tweet @chloemetzger 🙂

Image from Pinterest

Back in the saddle

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Three days after my fall and I decided I needed to be back around the horses. Crazy? Nah, it’s just what horse riders do. For most after any injury, big or small, one of the first questions is ‘when can I ride again?’. Although I spend a lot of yesterday waddling around and I’m pretty sure I’m paying for going out today I’m pleased I did. There is nothing like getting on a horse.

I’m not going to lie and say I was completely fine and dandy climbing on while I was still in a fair bit of pain but I needed to get back on to prove to myself. Rose was an angel again today, lots of cuddles and happy ears. For a while I was just sitting and watching while Laura (who is doing THE most amazing job with Rose) started jumping Rose, who’s coming on so much at the moment. After almost every jump Rose would be satisfied by her pat by Laura and then walk over to me for more fuss.

Then I got on. She’d been so good, I had a back protector to borrow, I can’t put it into words this driving force to get on and prove to myself. So I was back on, on a lead rope at first while I relaxed and felt comfortable again, then a walk and small trot. Then I came off the lead rope thinking oh god, this is where I might fall again if she gets excited…except she wouldn’t move. Maybe she could tell I was ok just as we were. I’m feeling better now, and proud of myself for getting back on. Hopefully back to regular lessons soon will get rid of any doubt and remind me of the last 6 months of, you know, not falling off.

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Back on!!! 

I have to say being around animals again has really been crushing my lows and it’s making me so excited. I don’t know its something about animals that keep me calm or are able to cheer me up when I’m feeling down 🙂