Tag: friends

A little message to my friends

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There is something about song lyrics, especially those other people have written that makes it so much easier to express myself. I’ve been reflecting a lot lately and so instead of writing a funny post or a list I wanted to write, well, straight from the heart. There are many amazing people in my life, people who are not my family but I know they’re there for me, I like to take the time sometimes to tell them this. So here we go, if February is the month of love there are a lot of people who I’d like to declare it for, so in no particular order.

Jordan

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       Next year it will be 10 years,I think, since you moved all the way to Australia packed with a teddy and drawings. I remember the tears, the worries, the long emails as we started to grow up without being next to each other. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t hard. From ‘stealing’ you when we were 7/8 to now when we’re both in our 20s (gulp), you’re now as much of an old woman as me! You’re always there, even when we haven’t spoken in weeks, we don’t need to. You were always proud of everything I achieve and for that I’m eternally grateful. I love you and I’ll come see  you as soon as I can, Happy Birthday. 

Lucy P 

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Hey Frizz, god what an awful nickname. You gave me one of the greatest things in my life a beautiful goddaughter who I can’t help but love and reminds me of you so much. We’ve fought…a lot, time and time again but somehow we always end up stuck with each other, even more now that the princess is involved. We get to freak out about getting all old and laugh at everyone who used to pick on us at school (oh what fun!). Thanks for not only sticking it out but helping to give me a reason not to give up when things get tough, someones got to be a bad influence on your daughter 😉

Lucy B 

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Fellow emo, fellow panicker, fellow MCR addict. Out of our entire group at school you’re the only girl still around and we tend to turn into 15 year olds again whenever we’re around each other although by now we’ve replaced the eyeliner and lace skirts for jeans and vodka. You’re crazy, as much as me and I love you for it, next time we’re both around it’s a noodle date.

Eleanor

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Eleanor, Eleanor, Eleanor. I don’t even know how I can begin to explain how much I love you, you’re my partner in crime. You just seem to understand and most of the time you’re just on the same page…the other times I can count on you for a good debate. You give me a kick up the ass when I need it and then other times you’re the hug that I need. Oh and we laugh, we laugh so bloody hard when we’re together, even when we’re supposed to be being deadly serious, but I guess that’s what makes the library sessions so great. You’re my cheerleader and I hope that I’m the same for you. I love you so, so much.

Daniela

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‘I can’t even’, just can’t even imagine my life without you in it. It’s thanks to you that I now have some of the best friends I’ve ever had in my entire life. You’re so sweet and thoughtful as well as being my favourite dizzy blond and always there for a cuddle. I can’t thank you enough and I don’t think I ever will for inviting me out last year even when I was so quiet and probably a little bit weird. Now you’ve got me going out, doing shots and actually being a little social butterfly like you! If you hadn’t guessed by now I love you so much.

Amy

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Amy! You’re crazy enough to get onto a horse with me. You may be quiet but that doesn’t mean I forget you, you always make me laugh with some of the things you say and I can always rely on you for long term relationship advice. You share my old soul too, loving books and tea, although I have to say you’re damn brilliant when we go out together, those moves are damn fab! I loves yoooou

Maisha

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I swear I lose you every week titch. The only human being I know who is so small, which I think is why you disappear but it doesn’t matter because when we are together we are always laughing at the most stupid things. I love you!

Laura 

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I don’t have a picture of us but this is my first lesson! 

Who else would let me near their horse and trust me not to race off and get lost! We’ve only been friends this year but I’ve learnt so much from you. You’re definitely my coach when it comes to riding and just the sweetest person I’ve ever met. You always encourage me, even when I just can’t get a lesson to go how I wanted it to. I can’t wait to go on a hack together, let’s hope I don’t fall off! I love you!

Summer- Rose

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Ok so I cheated with this one, she is my sister, but she’s also my best friend and the one person I can rely on without question for the rest of my life. I’ll keep this short due to the cheating but you’re cute and a madame and when I grow up I want to be just like you.

Rhys, Dan, Ben, Ali

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You’re all special to me, individually but it’s as a group that I feel most at home. We drive each other crazy and spend so much time together now, and well it looks like we’ll be spending even more together. Before I was in this band the thought of heading out on tour and playing every single month was really nothing more than a dream and then I met the four of you. So let’s,you know, take over the world and stuff

Joe 

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You drive me insane. Literally insane. Sometimes I don’t get you and other times I understand perfectly what you want to/ are trying to say. You’re miserable and grumpy but really you’re not, you’re damn soft…sorry I guess I just let that out! You were the first friend I had in this place and hopefully we’ll still be stuck together at the end of it. You’re my favourite art geek and definitely a Harry.

Ali

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Do I have to even write this? I’ll say it simply you’re probably my favourite human so I think I’ll stick around if that’s ok?

Learning the ways of a horse rider!

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Me and Josh 

Once Laura told me that once I’d caught the ‘riding bug’ I wouldn’t be able to stop, it turns out she was right. So I didn’t miss a ride this week and because I haven’t seen her in two weeks, I travelled to Dorchester to see her and meet the famous Josh, the horse she loves and adores. After 2 hours on the train and quickly getting changed I was off to the stables to learn as much as I could in a day.

Firstly an uphill walk to get Josh and meet the other horses and walk him down, which was my job. He turned out to be a lovely and calm horse, although totally obsessed with Laura. We had a job ahead of us, Josh was covered in mud, and so three shampoo washes and a good grooming later Josh looked beautiful and finally had a white tail! We had to wait a while for the school but finally I was allowed to ride him. Josh was amazing! Walk, off the lunge, trot and finally I got to canter! My first canter! It is honestly the most fun thing in the world. It also needs to be said that Laura is an incredible teacher! Hopefully I can take some of these back and help out with the lovely Rubey!

Did I just go back in time?

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The last time I saw everyone! 

I feel like my posts are so short at the moment but I’m in and out all the time! Tonight I feel like I’ve gone back in time, I’m back in town, playing Sanctuary and surrounded by people I went to school and college with, dancing to old bands and laughing. It’s been fun and supported a great charity, Mind. After driving back from Kingston it was quick hello at home then out into town, I love seeing everyone but I realised when looking in the mirror I’m not the same girl I was when I was 17. I’m more relaxed, mentally better and although I felt panicked before I was ok. I sung, had fun and now I’m at home relaxed. This year has honestly been brilliant and it was SO much fun to see everyone again!

I’m so lucky!

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I may be writing this a little intoxicated, well at least I was earlier but right now I feel so lucky, so very lucky. I’ve just gotten back from my last day of first semester and an amazing night out with my girls. Good food, great drinks and a lot of laughs. This time last year I was lonely, spending most weekends alone in my room and wondering what this was all about. Now I have a great time in class, brilliant friends, career ideas as well as carrying on the success of No People Club and being able to live with Ali. I feel so, so lucky right now.

Finally: Getting back to myself

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After a long few weeks of feeling, low, helpless and not myself I can say that I’m finally pulling through again! It’s been 5 days of solid steadiness and I couldn’t be more pleased, just in time for Christmas! My first realisation, Friday morning, as I was driving back to the flat I’d been awake for an hour where I had just gotten up, dressed and headed out, no anxious thoughts or dread I just, well functioned normally. While Saturday I was slightly off (from a lack of going outside waiting for damn parcels), I carried on and was ok and got on Sunday as well. The last two days I’ve been smiling to myself and humming christmas song and I’m so pleased I could dance around.

I’m not in the mind that I’m completely better, I’m still seeing doctors and mentors more regularly and I’ll carry on without complaining and not rush because when you go through a bad low, like I have been for the past 4/5 weeks it does scare you. I was terrified I’d never get back to this point where I could feel in control and I’d be stuck in sadness for ever, it’s horrible but once you’re starting to get better and have even a little bit of confidence you’re keen to make sure you don’t slip again. It’s a part of my life and I know I will probably slip again but I know I have great people supporting me.

I wanted to write to you all with this sense of amazement and happiness because I want to detail what’s real to live with mental health problems. For me these little victories mean the world, like no anxiety attacks. I’m back to chatting with people at horse riding, texting and seeing my amazing friends (who have also been angels) and being just easier to live with (although I say now I couldn’t have gotten through these last few weeks without Ali) and to top it all off I had band practice today! I just feel so much better after a good ride this morning (on a very tall horse) where I could feel myself becoming a better rider, then a long walk down Kingston Hill which I never done before but just made me feel refreshed.

If any of you are stressed or having a rough time at the moment, just take every day at a time and baby steps when you can. Lows totally suck, but they will go eventually with the right help.

Hello Waffles, Goodbye skinny jeans!

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After riding today Amy and I decided it was about time we spent some time together and well it would be rude not to! It’s incredible, a small place on the high street with ice cream, waffles, cream, milkshakes. It’s at this point that I decided to say goodbye to my skinny jeans and embrace the beautiful desset goodness.

I needed this today because basically it was really not my day and I wanted to do was to curl up and mope even riding didn’t cheer me up as much as usual, but a good friend and chocolate covered food can go a lot way. Thanks Amy! 🙂

COME ON COUGARS!

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Today I witnessed my first live rugby match the Kingston University Ladies team, featuring my beautiful best friend Eleanor doing her thing!!! It was something fab to watch and even though towards the end it was pouring down I didn’t mind standing in the rain, she was in her element! Although it seems like they may have recruited Dani, I won’t be trying out any time soon! The girls won too which was brilliant!

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The day was followed by a nice meal with Eleanor, Daniela and Eleanors brother. This weekend has been relaxing and I had some much needed quiet time. So there will be a lot more Rugby pics of Eleanor’s great legs and maybe Daniela too!

Last Night.

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Last year I didn’t really go out, I think I went out three times on a Wednesday, now I have strong group of friends on my course and they also double up as a bad influence. I casually mentioned I wouldn’t mind going out after I got home last night and Eleanor got straight on it. Within an hour I was changed, make up on and sat on a bus to one of the Student’s Union bars. I’d already had a Jack Daniels , 3 doubles, 2 Jagerbombs and some brilliant dancing to the Spice Girls and Eleanor and I were ready to hit Pryzm.

I danced so much, met loads of new people and a few I already knew as well as having an amazing time with Eleanor. I also made it to my 9am lecture this morning with a raging hangover, ended up having Mcdonalds for breakfast but made it though the day despite also aching from Horse Riding. I count that as a win.

My Sunday in Pictures: Young Adult Literature Festival and pub time with the girls

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Although I’m still sniffly I made it out today to the YA Literature Festival with Joe! I bought lots of books, got involved in a lively debate, met a lovely author and some fantastic publishers (which now means the help of publishing work experience hopefully). After that dumping my bags and off to the pub to meet the girls whilst Aline is in the UK!

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The panel of authors debating gender in popular culture, which I got involved in.

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My stash of books that I bought today for £35…Oops! 

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Eleanor and I at the pub.

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Aline, Dani and Eleanor in where else…Spoons! 

Hello second year!

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IMG_0478Back to the hard work first thing 

Well hello Second Year! There’s nothing like a busy and hectic day to get you back in the mood for uni and I’m still smiling. Despite starting at 11am second year seems busy already, not lazy first week lectures but back into the full swing of things. I feel so happy and confident about uni this year, a total change to how I felt last year, stressed, worried and tired.

I started with my Victorian to Modernist module, the reading list would make any one cower away in horror but it’s actually ok. After writing up my list of when things need to be read by I should manage it, if not I’ll have a little help from Sparknotes to help me catch up. Then it was on to my mental health meeting, again positive, in to another lecture and then to my Victorians seminar which was actually my favourite part of the day.

The best part though? I have friends on my course that love and care about me. I’ve got new relationships with girls on my course and everyone seems to be getting along. I’m actually excited about uni, not just for the academics (which I’m always excited about) but because I want to see the people on my course, catch up and see how they are. In short I feel accepted, which hasn’t happened that often when it comes to education. For once I’m not the freaky one, the loser or the one who’s not quite in the group. We get excited about going out, we’re all going on the class field trip in a few weeks,  I couldn’t ask for more.

In short I’m finally happy. That’s not to say I wasn’t with the friends I made last year but something feels a little bit more complete. I’m on a course I love, I have friends both on and off that course, I live somewhere I actually feel comfortable in, everything’s just that little bit better.

I’m looking forward to every part of second year, the highs, tackling my lows and just everything it will bring!