Tag: blog

My Big Mouth: How about No means no Carter.

1 Comment

no-means-no

Scrolling through my Twitter feed tonight I come across the trending list to see what’s going on in the world. Something that caught my eye is the #westillloveyouCarter trend, there seemed to be a lot of anger so naturally I followed the story up. Carter, 19, is big on social media for his vines, as is his 16 year old ex girlfriend. This week a video was leaked of Carter trying to force the girl to not only give him oral sex but to also let it be filmed. Feeling sorry for himself after the backlash against him he created his own hashtag #weloveyouCarter about the situation which he insists has been ‘blown out of proportion’ on his twitter page. Ha, ha, no.

As a human being I’m disgusted and think that as there is VIDEO EVIDENCE he should have been arrested by now. Sexual abuse is not funny or something to defend as many of his followers have. As a woman I’m shocked and concerned at the sheer amount of young girls that are using the hashtag to support him. The kind of worship he has from these young girls is terrifying and it may lead to some of them accepting that this kind of activity is ‘normal’ from their boyfriends, partners, future husbands and not something that they can say no to.

Basically no means no. End of. No deal. The majority of young men understand this and respect it but there are some who feel that they can do whatever they like to a woman, that women are there for them. They feel that they can slap their bums in a club, make a sesxist comment at work or during sport, look at our boobs and not our faces and the absolute worst touch a woman in a place she does not want to be or force and act upon her.

I feel truly sorry for his ex girlfriend, he filmed her whilst she was saying no in a vulnerable position. That video is all over the internet and I’ll bet there are still some lowlifes saying it in some way is her fault. This will follow her for the rest of her life, how do you think she feels when her friends, her family know about this? It’s wrong. So my question is WHY are so many people supporting him and not her? Why is there not a hashtag #westandwithMaggie because that, after all, is who we should be supporting. That is who I as not just a woman but also as a human I am supporting her because no means no.

image from here.

Beating the lows! Tattoo time and making happiness happen.

4 Comments

IMG_3636

I’ve been writing to you all a lot about how I’ve been feeling and I’ve had overwhelming support from you all, thank you! So I decided to do something about it today after getting yet more bad news this afternoon about the Foo Fighters concert (it’s now been cancelled but this afternoon when I called they told me I couldn’t change me ticket and questioned whether I really need my wheelchair for an event like that. Yes, unfortunately I do. Either way I was feeling a little down and overwhelmed about the whole thing, as well as getting my head around a new job. I mentioned yesterday that I’d be getting my new tattoo at some point and that was today! I hobbled off the bus to go into the two good tattoo places I know about in Kingston. The first, although known for it’s service I just didn’t get the right feelings from, it was too dark and I just felt uncomfortable. So I headed home disappointed, sulked a little and ate a lot of chocolate while trying to make some work plans. After that I thought screw it, I’ll go to the the place across the road. I fell in love with it, the atmosphere, the staff and the tattoo artist. They quoted more but it just felt right this time, more so than I did about my first tattoo.

I wanted something simple, yet meaningful. My first tattoo I got when I failed my driving test the first time (well I didn’t know there would be another 4 times to go until I passed). I wanted to remember that it’s ok to fail, because I’m a perfectionist and I don’t take failure well (ask the poor wall at my parents house that I threw my shoe at). This one was different though, I’ve toyed with a lot of ideas, lyrics, symbols thinking of what I wanted to represent getting through, getting better and to motivate me when times are really hard. I found the idea on Pinterest and fell in love with it instantly and I knew that’s what I wanted. I waited though, to make sure.

I had the words ‘One day at a time’ tattooed on my left wrist. If I ever need help, reminding that I’ve come through before or just some comfort it’s there now forever. I’ve sat here staring at it all afternoon, it just fills me with happiness. Before I get it in the comments, yes it did hurt, no I wont regret it. It’s something so simple but means so much to me.

IMG_0172 IMG_3640

Now I wouldn’t recommend that every time someone feels really low they get a tattoo, it would be super expensive but this is something I wanted for a long time and it felt right to do it now.

Yes it has been a rough past few days but now I’m more determined than ever to make the next few great. Tomorrow will be one of my last times seeing Eleanor before she goes off to New Zealand (sob) so I’m making sure there is lots of laughter, going back to band practice, before our acoustic show in Guilford and celebrating Laura’s 21st at the weekend :). And if I need any extra help? I just need to look down.

Paid Internships Exist! Starting my job as a Social Media Coordinator

Leave a comment

We all know the problem with finding a job right? To get the job you need experience, to get experience you need a job. Now I know like the rest of the student population it can be ridiculously hard finding any kind of work experience/ internships. Today I was lucky enough to start mine!

Before getting super into social media I thought about going into teaching or magazine journalism. Now most of the time you need to ‘volunteer’ in schools so I did that under a scheme which luckily made sure I got a bursary payment as I was promoting the university. As for magazines, I am get to find a paid internship that are above minimum wage (seriously try travelling into central London and living on minimum wage while looking good enough to work at a magazine, nope, not happening). So I’ve always been a little cynical about becoming an intern, it’s something that more well off people seemed to be able to do, not people like me. Not any more!
IMG_3590

Ready to start this morning, trying out my new lipstick too! 

I applied for the position because firstly, it was paid, secondly, it’s something I’m interested in and thirdly I thought I might as well. I felt like I had a good build up and some experience that would get me an interview, but did I think I’d get it? No. I really didn’t. Although the interview went well I hadn’t had a proper sit down interview for a few years (they’ve all been group interviews for my last few jobs) and there were some questions to make me think. I left and tried to put it out of my mind, knowing that I would know by the end of the day. Then I got an email saying it would be at least another day, maybe more. At this point my spine was still making me sleep almost all the time so I didn’t think too much but the longer it got, the more I thought I hadn’t gotten it. So imagine my surprise when I got the email offering me the job and it would pay a little under what I’m earning as a Student Ambassador.

It was decided I’d start after going to Athens, fine by me seemed like aaaaaagggggeeeeesss away. Nope. Today rolled around and I had everything ready, woke up early, played with the hamsters but I was SO nervous. I couldn’t remember what medication I’d taken and didn’t want to take it again so I was flapping about that. I ended up going with just paracetamol for my back (in hindsight a BAD, BAD idea.) I was worrying, what would people think of my brace? Could I really do this job when I only have 400 followers? I was so nervous/ daydreaming once I got on the bus I nearly missed my stop altogether.

I shouldn’t have worried, I was very well looked after. I was introduced to everyone in the office, a lot of people happened to recognise me from the KU Talent Awards. I’m slowly learning peoples names but I think it will take me a while. I’ve been set up with a staff account, I’ll be getting a staff ID card and can use the canteen…god I’m such a dork. Everything was gone through slowly and my new boss is fab, she’s open to ideas as long as I have reasoning! I’ll also be able to meet some of the fab guest speakers we have coming up (beyond excited).

So I’ve really landed myself a great opportunity, doing something I love. I will still be a Student Ambassador and International Ambassador too! This is just something that is more specific to a career path if I decide that I want a break from academics. I can’t wait to tell you all about it!

I wrote a post a while ago about being brave. This is it. If there aren’t any opportunities for what you want to do then go make some. Start a blog about your interests, do research just because and don’t give up. I never, ever thought I could be an intern and be paid a decent amount, whilst being treated like one of the team. People think that I just get given these opportunities sometimes but, I really don’t I work very hard and stay connected with people, it works!

I hope you all enjoyed reading today ( I know it’s been a long one!) and if you have any questions let me know below!

Banishing Body Blues

1 Comment

Honesty time, I have spend this evening wallowing in my own self pity feeling awful and wanting to cry. Why? You ask? Not the injury, I haven’t failed anything (that I know of), nope I couldn’t fit into last years summer clothes. That’s it. Seems silly right? I’ve spent all evening trying to pal na blog but blocked by this big dark cloud of feeling worthless. So I write a blog (it sucked) and put on my iTunes to Emma Blackery, my favourite Youtuber, her song Perfect sits there. I’ve put it above because it’s such an uplifting song. I started listening to it and I was like yeah you know, I’m okay.

I might not be a size 8 any more and it sucks that some of my clothes don’t fit but right now I’m recovering. I can hardly walk but I’ve been crying over putting on weight? No logic there, right? My family, Ali and Friends tell me that it’s the least of my worries with a fractured spine, if there’s any time not to feel guilty about weight gain, it’s now.

I don’t want to be this critical of myself, if anything I think it’s just wanting control back of my body. It’s just letting me down and I hate it and there is nothing I can do, which hurts the most. Since I’ve been getting better from the depression I’ve wanted to be so positive and do things but I fall down sometimes and want to go back to bad habits. I’m still fighting and I wanted to share this song with you because I know that everyone has their own struggles, something I wrote about a couple of months back.

Am I completely happy and fine and cheery? No, that’s why I wrote this because if any of you are going through the same thing I want you to know it’s ok. I don’t want it to become this big disgusting secret and I might get crap for this but guess what I PUT ON WEIGHT. Just like all of us will at some point in our lives, I might put it on, lose it, I might never reach a size 8 again and I’ll never be the same size as my tiny sister. I’m trying to focus on the positives though, I’m smart, I’m going on a course in ATHENS for my work and can travel with my lovely boyfriend. It’s all about trying to put it in perspective and hopefully I can keep listening to the music until this cloud decides to go.

As always I’d love to talk to you guys so leave a comment! If you want to hear more about Emma Blackery you can also check out her YouTube channel, it’s brilliant. What are you waiting for, click the link here for her regular channel and here for lifestyle and advice!

Get on with it girl!

Leave a comment

I love blogging, I really, really do and if I could stop bumbling along and work out how to upload a video to Youtube without it taking 6 hours I’d do that too. Recently I’ve been really shitty with uploading. So I’ve decided this is it, I’m almost on summer break and I need to get my butt in gear with this blogging thing. I’m nearly at 200 followers, one day I might even reach 2000, now THAT would be cool.

So I’ve making myself sit down and go through any I need to upload over the next few weeks, plan any I need to plan and possibly think about that Youtube thing…possibly. Although that said I don’t really know what I’d want to do with a Youtube channel so maybe I’ll leave that for a while because you guys seem pretty happy with just reading through (thanks)!

What have I got coming up? Ok this is where you decide you still want to follow me and recommend me to friends/ share my link (pretty pleeeeeeeeeeease!). The next few months are either going to be really busy or dead slow, always one extreme. I have Prague coming up, Athens, some band related stuff that I can’t announce yet (that’s driving me mad), hopefully I’ll be working, writing some stuff, back in the studio, booking more shows and hamster related antics.

So this my pledge to you my amazing readers I’m going to try and get on with this and focus! After all, it’s all going to be crazy with 3rd year next year!

IMG_0840

This is determination Chloe! She will be coming back! 

Back in the saddle

6 Comments

IMG_2465

Three days after my fall and I decided I needed to be back around the horses. Crazy? Nah, it’s just what horse riders do. For most after any injury, big or small, one of the first questions is ‘when can I ride again?’. Although I spend a lot of yesterday waddling around and I’m pretty sure I’m paying for going out today I’m pleased I did. There is nothing like getting on a horse.

I’m not going to lie and say I was completely fine and dandy climbing on while I was still in a fair bit of pain but I needed to get back on to prove to myself. Rose was an angel again today, lots of cuddles and happy ears. For a while I was just sitting and watching while Laura (who is doing THE most amazing job with Rose) started jumping Rose, who’s coming on so much at the moment. After almost every jump Rose would be satisfied by her pat by Laura and then walk over to me for more fuss.

Then I got on. She’d been so good, I had a back protector to borrow, I can’t put it into words this driving force to get on and prove to myself. So I was back on, on a lead rope at first while I relaxed and felt comfortable again, then a walk and small trot. Then I came off the lead rope thinking oh god, this is where I might fall again if she gets excited…except she wouldn’t move. Maybe she could tell I was ok just as we were. I’m feeling better now, and proud of myself for getting back on. Hopefully back to regular lessons soon will get rid of any doubt and remind me of the last 6 months of, you know, not falling off.

IMG_2484

Back on!!! 

I have to say being around animals again has really been crushing my lows and it’s making me so excited. I don’t know its something about animals that keep me calm or are able to cheer me up when I’m feeling down 🙂

Motivation…where are you?

2 Comments

We all get to that point where everything kind of slows down, I guess I’ve reached that point on the blog. I promised you I’d be completely honest and I need to say that I was starting to get to a point where I was running out of ideas. What did I want to write about? What did you guys want to read? Is there a magical formulae so that I can interact with a load of people.

The problem with that is you then start comparing yourself to people. I LOVE Hannah Gale, I see her blog in all its beauty and wish I was doing that well, I look at Youtubers and see how well they’re doing, then I move on to musicians (don’t even GO there). You get into this totally self absorbed spiral of what you’re not and then, for me at least, an huge tidal wave of anxiety. The conversation kind of goes like this –

My brain: What are you doing? Why has it taken you three hours to even start a blog post? 

Me: I don’t know I’m just struggling with what to write about 

My brain: Look at all the other bloggers, vloggers, musicians they’re all doing something why aren’t you? Also while you’re at it finish that assignment, you know you’re not going to get 70%  but you still need to do it.

Me: Gee thanks brain, I knew that already

My brain: Well if you knew that why did you get up, go back to bed, go on be off with you. 

Me: You’re right, off to bed I go. 

It’s this horrible conversation I have with myself, even when deep down I know I’ve been doing really well. It’s this approval that seems to be needed with online work, we’re anxious by the amount of followers, likes, subscribers and job opportunities we get. We want book deals and big houses and, well, to be like the successful people we see.

It takes a minute though to realise that although we see these people as ‘real’ most of the time people only show the best of themselves. Do I share every dark thought I ever have when I’m on a low? No. Does Emma Blackberry film when she has a huge block of what to talk about? I doubt it. Do I think that Hannah Gale is perfect all of the time? No, she’s bloody honest that she struggles sometimes and that is why I love her blog. And for the likes of my sister and her friends who are obsessed with Zoella, I have no doubt that there is now a persona that she has created for her channel.

I suppose I’m just working out what I’m doing with the blog, I never started it with the hope to make money. I wrote because I enjoyed it and I thought I could share my experiences with other people, which I’m still doing. Other than that I’m hoping to start some book reviews on here, once a week just as something different and I kind of miss my old blog.

So with that I think I’m a little bit more motivated…I wonder if it’s enough for that essay…

If you would like to read Hannah Gale’s blog (which I would recommend) the link is here.

Being Brave

1 Comment

Brave

Hey you, yes you reading this, I have something to tell you. You’re going to be okay.

We all have crap going on in our lives that we wish we could change or simply disappear from. Sometimes it’s understandable, it’s something really negative that others can understand. I know more than anyone though that sometimes it’s not that simple, everything can be going so well and you still feel like somethings not right, or you feel like you’re terrified that the happiness wont last.

As the picture says I want to see you be brave, big or small I want all of my readers to take a step towards the positive, because I’ve been at an awful low point so many times and even the littlest things can help. It might be going for a walk, getting some exercise, treating yourself, visiting friends or family, standing up to someone who makes you feel like shit. Just be brave about whatever it is.

Good Luck 🙂

Disney love

Leave a comment

Like most little girls I wanted to be a princess at some point. I also wanted to be a cowgirl (well that one nearly came true) but more than anything I wanted to sing. It’s safe to say that growing up I loved Disney. As a toddler I had to have 101 Dalmations or The Jungle Book on at every meal. I went to Disneyland Paris 4 or 5 times because when I was little it was really cheap to do a coach trip to Paris, I went with my Mum, Mum and Aunt, Mum and Cousin, Mum and Dad….possibly twice just be and Mum. So you could say that by the time I started school I was a Disney pro.

I’d have the CDs on every day at home and would dance and sing to myself in the dining room or on my Mums bed, which I’d pretend was a stage. By the age of about 7 I’d earned the nickname of the Little Mermaid because I would sing non stop and could only  swim underwater…for some reason I couldn’t grasp swimming on top of the water, even now I’ll only swim on top of the water if I really have to.

Even now, I know the words to the Tangled song, have seen Brave, Wreck it Ralph (which was one of the best Disney films ever I have to say) and have the Frozen soundtrack on my laptop.

Everyone needs a little Disney now and again 🙂

Music is my cure

Leave a comment

This week has been a funny old week. It’s been full of ups and downs and being pulled all over the place and I’m just tired. Ok not just tired, I feel a bit drained. It’s been really busy, not necessarily in a bad way just loads of different things. I have been feeling really up and down over the last few days.

Tonight I just sort of caved. I’ve had a good day, working hard, seeing Eleanor and Wales even won the Rugby today (although England better tomorrow. I just felt sad when I got home, my thoughts caught up with me. Even snuggled up in my new onesie, thanks to Ali, I just couldn’t shake it. Yesterday I got like this too, right before a show and ended up having an anxiety attack before hand, which doesn’t happen anymore. So, yes, a little shook up over these sudden waves of horrible anxiety.

Music does something though, it is the release I need. It’s better than any negative coping strategy I’ve ever had, better than therapy, plans or medication. I don’t know but something about it just lifts me. When I lived alone I needed music filling my room because the silence was too much. So I resorted to YouTube tonight and found George Ezra. Of course I’d heard some of his other songs but I couldn’t stop and I’m more than a little bit in love with his music. It’s incredible.

So while last night was full of No People Club and other great musicians performing live, tonight was all about my headphones. Some Ed Sheeran and George Ezra to be precise because I just needed that kind of music tonight. Also the video to the above song? Could it GET any better?!?!

Why have I picked this song to share? Apart from the awesome video, the lyrics are pretty amazing too. It’s just what Ali’s been saying to me this week when I’ve been having an ‘oh my god, I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life, what is life, ARGH’ moment. They’re becoming a little bit more frequent but as the song says I need to listen to the man who’s loving me, because this time he’s got it right on. He’s just there, always.

The point of this blog wasn’t to do an ‘I love Ali’ fest. It was to talk about the power of music and how it’s always been there for me, I expect it always will and it’s the best depression beater ever. This song put such a smile on my face and I’m just in love with George’s voice, to the point I need tickets for when he’s next playing in the UK.