Book Review: The Light Between Oceans – M.L. Stedman

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A Woman stole your heart when you didn’t know it could mend, 

Her heart is now broken and you can fix it if you never tell a soul as well as saving a child. 

As this novel is about to fill our cinema screens, I wanted to share with you my review of the breath taking, heart breaking novel by M.L. Stedman.

Set just after  WW1, war hero Tom Sherborne wants a quiet life after what he has seen. With a heavy heart it is just short of a miracle when he finds not only his perfect job on the isolated island of Janus, but also a young and fiery Isabel. After exchanging letters Tom and Isabel marry as he takes her back to Janus to join him in the lighthouse and start their own paradise on the island. When a boat arrives on the island holding a dead man and a tiny infant the couple don’t know what to do. While Tom is adamant he must stick to the keepers code Isabel , heartbroken by the death of her stillborn son and two miscarriages, and sure the child is an orphan. The couple begin to realise that while their paradise is a world away, they cannot hide forever.

This novel absolutely warmed and shattered my heart all at once. I honestly can not remember a book that has touched me in this way before, even my favourite The Storyteller didn’t make my heart ache this much. I knew nothing of this book before I found it in my local Tesco’s and I was hesitant to pick it up, but I am so glad I did. The blurb warns you that it will break your heart but I was sceptical. That said, I am yet to read a review in which the novel hasn’t brought the reader to tears by the end. I’ve read reviews beforehand saying that they couldn’t stand Isabel and I could see why some would hate her, but I just couldn’t. I don’t know if it is because I’m a woman, because of my own maternal instincts, but I understood Isabel. I understood why she did what she did. The pain of losing her children broke her and changed her in a way no one could explain, because think about it, wouldn’t it change you? I can also understand Tom’s dilemma and the decision he makes, and maybe it’s not the right one but in his shoes I doubt anyone knows what they would really do.

The novel has a very real sense of the implications of war and the fragile nature of human life. Although we never hear about Tom’s time as a serving soldier to graphically you don’t need to because it is not the dead who will shatter you heart it is the living who are left behind. On land there is an eerie sense of the hardships of war, of the men who came home but never really came back at all, the mothers and widowers who refuse to believe their boys are really dead. Stedman also bravely touches on the subject of racism after  war, when an innocent life is lost because of the decisions of the few. In my opinion, this was incredibly important because we rarely see this side written about and also because it shows the hurt of a whole community and also the sacrifice of Australia in WW1, something that is often overlooked.

One of the main reasons I loved it though was because I wasn’t in a rush. This wasn’t a thriller but it made you want to read on at your own pace. After saying this, however, this does not mean that I couldn’t put it down and even though I peeked later on at one point I soon forgot what I had read because you get so absorbed in the novel. The imagery of the surroundings is beautiful and I could hear the characters inside my head. The way I can decide if it is a novel worth passing on is if the characters live on in my head, if they become alive and Stedman has certainly done this. I think about living in a lighthouse, about Tom and Izzy and I dream about Australia, so on that basis I can give you a five-star rating!

The Light Between Oceans – M. L Stedman (debut novel)

***** – It may have broken my heart but I love this novel to pieces already!

Published by Black Swan

Mental Health and Christmas

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It’s now less than two weeks until Christmas (how it’s gone that fast I have no idea) and lights are twinkling, presents are being wrapped and there’s excitement everywhere, right? When you’re living with a mental illness you don’t get a Christmas break, I wish you did. While there is no doubt there is a little more joy around Christmas time, it can also bring new pressures and strains for those who have a mental illness, things that are easy to overlook.

On Saturday I attended my first work Christmas Party. While in the car on the way to the venue I realised something, I hadn’t had a panic attack over the event, which was incredible. I’ve been plagued by panic and anxiety attacks for years, having them before any kind of night out became the norm, not having one yesterday was a huge step for me. That said it wasn’t without a feeling of anxiety throughout the evening. Big events with a lot of people are incredibly overwhelming and slightly exhausting, my anxiety peaks and I feel a little lost. Luckily Ali was with me, he knows when I need a little space from an event and we still managed to have a lovely time with my work colleagues.

Christmas can be a really hard time of year. There’s an immense pressure to be happy, upbeat and joyful but it’s a hard time of year to do that. I leave for work before the sun rises, I leave after it sets which means it can be really hard without the natural depression booster (the sun is really important in regards to managing depression). On top of that it’s a really busy time of year full of seeing people so I can quite easily become tired and overwhelmed, two things which can easily make me fall into a low.  There’s also a dollop of guilt in the mix because you’re meant to be happy at Christmas time? It’s meant to be happy and relaxing and lovely right?

It’s hard when you don’t feel that way, when your illness takes over and you just don’t feel happy. When you cry for no reason and just can’t see the excitement. I’ve lived that. I was 16 and in the worse stage of my depression I just kept crying, my Mum got upset, I got upset. I couldn’t get any sense of happiness, it was just a desperate numbness and helplessness. I didn’t know how not to sit and cry. That was honestly one of the worst points in my life. There’s a pain in wanting so desperately  to be happy but your mind refuses to let you.

It’s for this reason I look upon Christmas so fondly and any year that I feel well enough I get so excited. I genuinely feel lucky to have some happiness, because it isn’t guaranteed with this illness. As I’m writing this I am tired and a little overwhelmed but managing enough that I’m looking forward to Christmas. I know some of you might not feel that way though and I wanted to let you know that it’s ok. It’s ok to struggle or feel like you can’t get into the spirit because mental illness is hard and it doesn’t give you time off. Do what you need to do, feel how you need to feel because it won’t always be like this.

Sunday Seven: My First Month in a New Job

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I can’t believe that as I write this I’ve been at my new job over a month. I didn’t think when I graduated that I would get to Christmas and would have  had two jobs, two new starts but that’s just the way life has gone. For this week I wanted to share 7 tips from my first month in a new job!

Rush hour can be avoided 

I hate traffic, really, really hate it. So I asked to adjust my hours and now work 8-4, it is harder sometimes to get up when it’s cold and dark but I save money in petrol and don’t feel stressed when I get to work.

Tea is for bonding 

There’s nothing better for bonding at work than a cup of tea or coffee. I’ve had many an interesting chat in the kitchen.

Believing in yourself is key

I was so nervous when I started and full of self-doubt but I realised I had good ideas and I would learn things I didn’t know. Believe in yourself because the people who hired you must!

Don’t be afraid to ask for help! 

I’ve never worked in lighting, there was a lot I had no idea about so I find myself asking a lot of questions. It hasn’t done any harm, it’s better that you ask and get it right rather than struggling in silence.

Get as involved as possible 

This month we’ve had a surprise lunch, Christmas party and there’s going to be a Secret Santa this week. I’ve been out to shows, up to Birmingham to go and meet customers and am making plans for next year!

The past is the past 

I worried a lot about things I’d gotten wrong before I started this job, but worrying about them didn’t help me. The past is the past for a reason.

Don’t be scared to share your ideas! 

You’re there for a reason, as a new person you’ll see things differently because you have a new perspective, use it. It doesn’t matter if your ideas aren’t what they’re looking for the fact that you’ve got a voice and you’ll use it!

 

Feminist Friday: Bitch. 

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I try not to get bothered by words anymore, sexist words I try and ignore but recently the word ‘bitch’ has made me furious. It’s the way it’s thrown around by some people, any woman is a ‘silly bitch’ a ‘stupid bitch’ or ‘dumb bitch’. Why is this word used so much to joke about or degrade women?

I feel confused often about how I feel about words. Do I need to get this angry or upset? Does it matter? I just get pissed off that there are men in particular who I know that use the word bitch so flippantly. I am upset, I am annoyed and right at this moment I don’t care if people think I’m making a fuss. I’m sick of terms like this being throw around and assumptions being made because I am in the possession of a vagina.

This is a shorter post and more of a mind explosion but it needed to be said.

Book Review: Revolutionary Road – Yates

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Declared a classic I read Revolutionary Road in my second year of university, expecting great things. I didn’t find them. Over a week later I was still struggling through the lives of Frank and April Wheeler, after an opening where Frank in described as ‘the most interesting man she had ever met’ I was expecting him to be, well, interesting. I was disappointed.

Although this novel was not my personal choice to begin with, I wouldn’t especially recommend this book. The novel is not badly written but lacks intrigue within the plot and presents two extremely dull characters. It’s strange but I’ve never hated a protagonist so much while I read. I loathed Frank Wheeler after a while and found April to be pathetic and the image of a hysterical and dependent woman. The novel for me is a classic story of a couple who married too young and still wanted to play games with each other, even in adulthood. Although the period in which this is set needs to be considered, I found the couple to be irritating, meaning the novel was harder to read.

That said I enjoyed the concept of the novel, challenging what society believes to be what a man and woman should do and slipping into the suburban lifestyle. I just found that Frank and April were terrible characters to portray this. I found Revolutionary Road to be quite a drag, there was so much more Yates could have achieved rebelling against ‘the American Dream’ but instead we are faced with characters we cannot connect with, therefore breaking any connection that we can have with the novel itself.

It’s one of the rare occasions that I found the film better than the novel, because it’s a format in which this plot works. Reading about April’s tedious day to day life and Frank’s outlook on life was enough to make anyone lose interest. There is some merit in this novel and it’s clear that Yates can write fiction, but the lack of character development is what really killed it for me.

I want to give the novel two stars **. I thought Revolutionary Road was something that would make me think, instead I found 300 odd pages of frustration and loathing towards both of the main characters. Yes the ending (no spoilers) varies this but it wasn’t enough to change my opinion on the novel as a whole.

Final Illumicrate of 2016! Review and Unboxing.

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November’s Owlcrate was the last of the year, and what a year it’s been! This is definitely my favourite bookish box so far. As always this post is going to go into detail about the contents of this books so if you don’t want to see any spoilers look away NOW, otherwise let’s take a peak at November’s goodies.

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The Diabolic by S.J. Kincaid 

I’ve heard a lot about this novel floating around and so I was interested to see that it had been included in this month’s Illumicrate. I’m really hoping this is going to be a good read and something a little darker.

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Happy Socks

What’s better than being nice and cosy when reading? These socks are going to come in handy for sure and I’ve always wanted a pair of Happy Socks. These were unexpected but definitely welcomed.

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Aiden Exclusive Candle 

I’m not really sure who Aiden is (I’ve misplaced the card with all the details on) but this candle does smell delicious!

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The One Memory of Flora Banks Sneak Peak 

I love that this was included, the blurb makes it sound like a fascinating book. I’m definitely going to have a read of this and then hopefully buy the novel.

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Temporary Tattoos, Bus Pass Case and Notebook

I have to be honest this kind of felt like filler to me. I really liked the notebook but not so much the temporary tattoos or bus pass holder.
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Coffee Cup Cosy 

I think this is adorable and as soon as I have a coffee cup to use I’ll be popping this on too. You can never have enough things to proudly proclaim to the world you’re a book nerd.

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Quotes and Postcards 

There were a variety of postcards given out this month, again this did feel like filler but it did work and make me want to read these novels.

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Overall this wasn’t my favourite Illumicrate of the year but I do know the owner welcomed a little one a few months ago! I definitely feel that there’s a good amount of content but hopefully there’ll be less postcards and other items of a similar nature in January’s box.

What did you think of this box?

Leave your comments below!

Sunday Seven: My Christmas Wishlist

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Can you believe it, we’re already in our first Sunday of December! The big day is only 21 days away and I could not be more excited! Now, my Mum is super organised, she asked me for a Christmas wishlist weeks ago (which meant I had to think fast), the conditions she had were that I wasn’t allowed to ask for any Pop Vinyls or Lush products (I go to the Lush sale on Boxing Day, last year I spent a little more than I planned). So this year I thought I would share with you seven things I popped on this list!

 

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Reach For The Sky Toy Story jumper, Vans. 

I am a HUGE lover of Toy Story, it’s one of my all time favourite films. I saw this jumper in the collab between Disney and Vans and wanted it from that second.

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Calvin Klein Underwear

Normally I’m not one for designer products BUT I received a black pair of these for my birthday this year and they are the most comfortable set of underwear I’ve ever owned. Comfort is key when it comes to underwear.

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Great British Bake Off 2016 book

This was the first year I really got into Bake Off and I absolutely LOVED it. So, of course, I’ve added this to my list, especially as it’ll be the last one featuring Mary, Mel and Sue, *sob*.

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Fantastic Beasts Screen Play 

This was a last minute addition after seeing Fantastic Beasts last week. I am obsessed with Harry Potter anyway, I loved the characters and this is an absolutely beautiful  cover.

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Game of Thrones Monopoly 

I love monopoly, I’m loving making my way through the GoT novels so this is just something fun to have! Perfect for Winter 😉

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Ron Weasley’s Wand

Of the golden trio I only have Ron’s wand to get. Currently, I have Harry, Hermione and Ginny’s wands so it seemed only right that I finally get Rons. I’m also hoping to add to my collection later with other Wands such as Newt Scamander and co.

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In the Dark, in the Woods – Eliza Wass (Also known as The Crasswell Plot) 

This is one of a few books I’ve put on my wishlist, I’ve heard so many good things about this book and it’s known to be quite creepy!

What is on your Christmas wishlist? Leave in the comments below!

Feminist Fridays: Wherever You Will Grow

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When I decided to write this post I didn’t really think about the image I’d display with it. I thought that there would be at least one creative comms picture of a woman with body hair. While trying to find that picture I realised how much posts on this topic were needed. I want you to think about the last time you saw a picture of a woman who grew her body hair.

I want you to think about the last time you saw a picture of a woman who grew her body hair. Now think about where you saw that image. I can almost guarantee it wasn’t in a magazine promoting a product, on a billboard or in the latest film you saw. There might be the odd ad campaign such as H&M’s ‘she’s a lady;, but that’s not the norm. Girls are told as soon as possible to ditch the body hair. Do you remember when you first asked your Mum to wax or shave? Or perhaps you remember the first time it was done to you. I was 12 when I first had my eyebrows waxed and in my first year of secondary school when I started shaving my legs.

I don’t understand the fascination with what other people do with their bodies. Do I personally want to grow out my body hair and dye it crazy colours, no, not at all. I do wonder though whether my aversion to my own body hair is because of this social expectation placed on women, I’ve grown up with it and it’s all I’ve experienced. There is this oddity of a woman who doesn’t shave, who just lets it grow like a man and it’s so strange. Similarly to an extent men who want to get rid of all of their body hair are also judged.

All of this stress, money and shame that comes along with body hair, a natural growing thing, just seems bizarre to me. We’re not all the same, were not matching dolls smooth and hairless. There are so many other things in the world so why are we worried about whether people shave or grow some hair on their bodies?

It makes no sense to me so screw everyone else, do what you want to do with the way your body looks! There’s more to all of us than just some hair follicles and what we choose to do with them.

Book Review: The Sun is Also a Star – Nicola Yoon

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Natasha: I’m a girl who believes in science and facts. Not fate. Not destiny. Or dreams that will never come true. I’m definitely not the kind of girl who meets a cute boy on a crowded New York City street and falls in love with him. Not when my family is twelve hours away from being deported to Jamaica. Falling in love with him won’t be my story.

Daniel: I’ve always been the good son, the good student, living up to my parents’ high expectations. Never the poet. Or the dreamer. But when I see her, I forget about all that. Something about Natasha makes me think that fate has something much more extraordinary in store—for both of us.

The Universe: Every moment in our lives has brought us to this single moment. A million futures lie before us. Which one will come true? 

All I can say first of all is wow, wow, wow. I wasn’t sure whether or not I was going to pick this up. I’d read Yoon’s other novel Everything, Everything earlier in the year and while I liked it I struggled with certain elements and their likelihood. That said I kept seeing this novel everywhere and heard nothing but good things about it, reflecting on the fact I’d actually really liked Yoon’s style previously I thought I would give this a go, and I’m so glad I was offered a copy for review.

The Sun Is Also A Star is more than simply a YA novel. This is a story of identity, personality, nationality, love, loss, strained relationships and taking chances. Natasha and Daniel could not be more different on the surface, while she is a deeply serious and studious young woman, he is a dreamer struggling with the pressures put upon him. For both of them this day will change their lives, after a chance encounter they realise that life won’t always go as they planned.

Not only did I fall in love with these characters I loved that this book didn’t have the typical American boy/ American girl set up. Daniel is from an American-Korean family, while Natasha and her family are from Jamaica, while she considers herself American. This adds a whole other level to the plot and the narrative. This isn’t a simple boy meets girl story, it’s so much more complex. It looks at their relationship with their ethnicity, stereotypes and others around them. I welcomed this, I welcomed characters that were part of an ethnic minority and the impact it has on their lives in 21st century America.

It took a little while to get used to but I loved that there were these strange sections within the novel that explained concepts, people and their stories. It seems strange and at first I didn’t think it would work but as the novel went on it showed off not only Yoon’s brilliant research capabilities but also the lengths she has gone to when creating her characters, their worlds, stories and families.

It is because of these traits in the novel that I found myself getting deeply and emotionally attached to the characters and their issues. It’s rare that I’ll become attached to a novel that features romance but I could not stop reading it, I wanted and rooted for both Daniel and Natasha. I will say make sure you read to the end because there are twists that you don’t expect to happen, there are emotions that you don’t know you will feel.

I gave this a high 4 stars. I really enjoyed this novel, I thought it was well written and well executed. I suppose it also had a sense of realism too. I don’t think there is anything I actively disliked about the novel, I just felt that occasionally Daniel came across a little too much as a perfect romantic type, but that’s just my personal taste.

Spine Update! November 2016

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Depending on how long you’ve been reading my blog/following me on Twitter you may or may not know that back in 2015 I fell off a horse and broke part of my spine (vertebrae T12 to be exact) and damaged other parts of it. It’s been a long 18 months with a lot of pain, scans, x-rays, physiotherapy, wheelchairs, crutches and walking very, very slowly. There wasn’t any part of my life that wasn’t impacted by the accident, I spent a lot of time (longer than I should have been) on maximum strength painkillers and spent almost 2 months in this wonderful contraption…

 

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I documented on here and on Twitter whenever I could what it was like living with my spinal injury. I learnt a lot from it and it gave me a bigger appreciation for not only being able to walk but life in general. That said, it is frustrating and the pain was indescribable and is still a huge part of my life today. BUT! I finally have some good news to share.

Last week I attended a clinic called Hampshire Backs to see a back specialist. I’d waited since September for this appointment and had an MRI (I was stuck in the machine for an hour!) determined that something would happen this time after seeing endless doctors, consultants and surgeons only for them to shrug their shoulders. My new consultant is brilliant, I’ve seen the scans and my break is fully healed, as is the damage to other parts of my spine, my nerves are clear of disruption and my spinal chord is good. All the majors were ok! We then went to on a physical examination, one that’s almost routine to me now, it took him a small amount of time to work out what was going on.

Due to the fact I’ve tried almost all the options that I have been able to at this point, including a year of physiotherapy, we were going to the next step. At some point next year I’m going into hospital to have a procedure, during which I’ll be asleep while a mix of steroids and anaesthetic will be placed in to the joints in the base of my spine. The hope is that this will give me relief, meaning I can build up muscle before it wears off and hopefully that will help the pain. IF this works then there will be talk of further procedures, if not…well we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

I won’t lie to you, I’m terrified of going to sleep and having people stick things into my spine but I also have a new found hope. This could be the start of me not living in constant pain and worry. I’m going forward and trying to be positive about this.