Anxiety, I haven’t missed you.

Sep 13, 2015Leave a comment

One swipe to my stomach, a blow to my head, anxiety is a bigger heavyweight than any boxer. In comparison the last few weeks have been blissful when I only have lows to think about, anxiety tries to eat me alive and makes my depression worse. It may shock you to find out that I’ve actually had a pretty good weekend with good company and a lot of productivity. I’ve finally got most of the vocals for the album recorded in the past two days and I’ve been able to spend time with Ali and before that a great time with Joe.

I have so many good things to look forward to this week for my birthday and the next few weeks are all exciting but my anxious brain is starting to freak out. I’m starting to stress about if I’ve done enough reading over the summer, if I’ve done enough research, will I be ok with my classes? Will I get the first class degree I’ve dreamed about? Will my spine recover as it should? Will I be good enough to run the horse riding society? Will the band take off this year before Rhys has to go back to America at the end of the academic year? All these thoughts and panics are swirling around in my brain, triggered by one thing that I’m anxious about this week.

I’m hoping that it’ll start to go away after a good night’s sleep, sometimes that works. I think that my biggest fear is that I’ll be sick on my birthday the way I was on my sixteenth birthday. I had a panic attack at my party and couldn’t handle all the people being around me, a few days later I posed for pictures desperately wanting to feel ‘normal’ and relaxed rather than fighting a battle with myself. I’m not at that level but it’s something I’ll never forget. Logically, I know that my body is tired and I’ve been busy which is probably why I’m getting so anxious as well as being a little nervous about my third year.

I needed to get all of this out of my head and onto a page and, usually, I’m lucky enough to speak to people who have felt like this before. With Anxiety and Depression it’s nice to know that you’re not alone in how you feel and knowing that other people have good days and bad days too. Hopefully this will pass sooner rather than later and it’ll be a distant memory by my birthday at the end of the week.

I have a love hate relationship with recording

Sep 12, 20151 Comment

I have wanted to get an EP/ album out for what feels like forever and after the past few years being very up and down I’ve finally got a great band and decent songs, the only thing that stands in the way of a release is recording vocals. Hm. There is some definite love and definite hate when it comes to me recording vocals. For a long time I was so anxious and wound up that trying to record was a nightmare, I was a nightmare. I’d get so worked up that I’d cry or be sick because I was so nervous and nothing came out sounding how I wanted it to. I’ve definitely grown a lot in terms of my music in the past year and Ali’s finally found ways to help me relax enough to get things done…even if that includes recording in my simpsons pj’s in the middle of the day. Hey what works, works!

I still have another long day of recording ahead tomorrow, with two songs down we have another four to go but so far it is sounding the best it ever has and I’m in a good mindset about it. So hopefully by christmas I can give you all a link and you can go and download the EP! Eeeeeek! For now though if you haven’t go and like our facebook page! You don’t even have to go far because I’ve added a box on my blog if you look to the right and scroll down! See, No People Club will take over the world!

As always thank you for taking the time to catch up with my blog and if you haven’t already I’ve just posted a post about my recent trip to Amsterdam. As always I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Amsterdam 2015 – Laughs, Beauty and Best Friends

Sep 11, 2015Sep 12, 20156 Comments

Hello to all my lovely followers! I’m back from Amsterdam and I’ve finally gotten enough sleep to write coherent sentences! After spending the past few days in Amsterdam I can say that not only have I had a nice break but I’ve made some incredible memories with two of my best friends Daniela and Amy. This post will have a lot of pictures and a LOT of laughs because everything just seemed to happen to us!

After setting off on Sunday night we were all excited and got our back seat on the coach, driving through the night everything seemed to be going smoothly that was until we got onto the ferry. For well after midnight it was packed with people and the only space we could find was next to a man with quite an odd smell, combine that with a very rocky ship I wasn’t feeling all too well but before too long we could get back on to the coach where I thought I’d get a few hours sleep….not so much. I finally got to a point where I was starting to doze off when I could hear shouting through my headphones and someone threatening to ‘punch someone in the nose’. While most people were a bit nervous about this I was more irritated than anything, I mean come on it was nearly 5am in France, calm yourselves! A lovely man with some seriously impressive ink managed to try and calm things down and alert the driver, who had to pull up in the middle of nowhere to call the doctor and the police. We were stuck like that for an hour and a half while two people were taken off of the coach and sorted out, delaying our arrival.

Eventually we arrived to a drizzly Amsterdam and got the tram into the city centre where we saw our first sights of the city, although I have to admit after not having slept I didn’t take much in apart from the fact someone on the coach had smeared my new bag with chewing gum. Nice. We asked for directions to our hotel and were told it was simple to find but apparently not. We must have looked a sight the three off us half awake wandering around the streets of Amsterdam with our luggage looking incresingly confused. We found it eventually but had another 2 hours until we could get into our room so we did what any other group of girls in their twenties would do…we went into the Sex Museum. Well it was certainly interesting and some of the pictures on the walls were more than a little terrifying…my innocence has forever been destroyed. 11930889_10154225071528206_8684867348378646063_o

One of our first sights of Amsterdam, although taken when it wasn’t raining!

We wandered around taking in the city and trying to get an idea of where everything is before finally being able to take a nap (after the girls had decorated the room in balloons and banners for my birthday because they’re adorable) in the room before hitting the town in the evening. The thing you have to know about Amsterdam is there are very different parts and two main tourist areas…we unknowingly booked our hotel on the partying and red light district side rather than the cute Vondelpark side, oops. I’ve never seen anything like the red light district and if I’m honest I felt more than a little bit uncomfortable. The men didn’t only look at the women in the windows but girls like us too who were simply in jeans and jumpers. That said there was a little shock to my system as apparently geek glasses are now sexy with most of the women in shop windows wearing glasses that looked a lot like my glasses I wear to help me see, I hoped no one would get any ideas! 11930969_10154221642183206_4169589696280979323_o

It may have been a cloudy day but you couldn’t help but see Amsterdam’s beauty

We had a pretty early night with plans for a fully packed day the next morning. We had to be up and out of the room by 8am if we wanted a chance at getting in the Anne Frank house without queueing for two hours. I’ve wanted to visit the house since I was really young and so I was more than a little bit excited to visit and standing in the slightly chilly morning air and desperately trying to connect to wifi in the queue was a small price to pay.

We got in after waiting for around an hour and a half and I’ve seen nothing like it. I’d imagined Anne and the world she paints with her diary countless times but nothing could have prepared me for it, the rooms were so small. Everyone was silent as they walked through and just tried to take it in. There were so many moments when I just felt my heart fall, seeing Anne’s pictures on the wall, the bookcase that concealed them and most of all her diary. Seeing the diary made me want to just sit and look at it for hours. I think the most heartbreaking part was watching the videos of Otto that played every now and again. His pain at what he had lost just went straight to my heart. I couldn’t walk past the central station after that without remembering how he waited there for his daughters who never came home.

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After we purchased our tickets for the Van Gogh museum the next day before I headed back to the hotel to rest for a little bit because my back wasn’t feeling especially great. The girls knew that I was struggling a little bit and while I took a nap they walked around and bought me back a bar of chocolate. Later in the evening, Amy had a headache so Dani and I went out so she could have a sleep and we’d text her a bit later on to meet up. Well we did text her but all didn’t go as much to plan as we’d thought. Our safe in the room had gone weird and so Dani and I rushed back to the room where the staff were absolutely useless, luckily our passports weren’t left in there! Eventually we all did go out for a wander around and to buy some souvenirs.

The final day was definitely the best. The sun finally came out and the girls had booked me a surprise for my birthday we were going on a cruise of the city! Although what we didn’t know until just before is that the cruise we had been sold was a lovers cruise! So we had a bit of a lie in before walking down to get our boat. The only seats were near an old german couple, the man was hilarious talking to us about anything to do with London, telling us they lived in a town of lesbians which was good but crazy and then drawing little cartoons of us to keep…oh and telling me I had beautiful teeth, like a rabbit. We couldn’t stop laughing and it wasn’t until we got off the boat that we realised that he thought we were lesbians on the lovers cruise!

The rest of the day was spent going to the Van Gogh museum which was a dream as he is one of my all time favourite artists. I felt so emotional seeing his paintings, reading his letters and reading about his battles with mental health. He was a truly incredible man. I went a little nuts in the gift shop and was mesmerised by all the artwork on display. After we wandered to Vondel Park and was almost killed by cyclists and relaxed in the sunshine before heading to the incredible Hard Rock cafe for happy hour and dinner and we were even given a free drink for my birthday!

Even the trip back was great despite being on a coach for 12 hours, we made some wonderful friends on the way back who I hope to stay in touch with. Amsterdam was incredible and I have two amazing friends who I got to share it with who spoilt me rotten. It’s something I’m going to remember forever and I think Amsterdam is always going to have a special place in my heart.

For all of my travel pics make sure to follow me on Instagram!

Book Review: We Are Completely Beside Ourselves – Karen Joy Fowler

Sep 10, 2015Aug 20, 20162 Comments

‘In most families, there is a favourite child…I was our mother’s favourite child’

The story follows Rosemary throughout her life, although on her father’s advice it’s best to start with the middle of the story, and so she does. In the middle of the story it’s 1996 and Rosemary is in college, it’s been years since her sister Fern disappeared completely and she’s done her best to make sure no one even finds out she existed. Fern is not spoken about at home, no pictures hang on the wall, but Rosemary is haunted by the sister she just can’t forget and after being given her mother’s journals she is reminded that she can never really escape her past.

I was looking forward to reading this one because it had a lot of hype surrounding it. The quotes on the front were saying how ‘irresistible’ it was and that the twist was the ‘best in years’. Now I’m a sucker for a good twist and I won’t say that it’s a bad one,it’s just not great. The twist takes over the whole novel, meaning that not only is it hard to review but it’s also kind of boring. There is also the issue of how the novel weaves in and out of different times, at points it’s hard to remember what point of the story it is and where the characters are at this point.

There does seem to be an underlying ethical issue which kind of takes over the entire book, it’s an interesting argument and I definitely think twice about my shopping habits as a result of reading it, but it gets a little boring after a while. While I agree with the idea that is being put across, I also got bored of this ethical issue being shoved in my face constantly while I was trying to read and get involved with the characters.

I don’t know if it’s intentional but Fowler has made a lot of the characters distant and unloveable. From the beginning there was something I didn’t like about the family dynamic and something I really didn’t trust about Rosemary. The descriptions of her father went from one extreme to the other at one point he is a kind and caring man, the other he’s very strange and easy to hate. I felt like I couldn’t relate to any of the characters that much, which is upsetting because they were well written.

I’ve given this three stars ***, although it wasn’t badly written the ‘twists and turns’ were all just very underwhelming. At times it felt like the novel was building to something fantastic only to be let down, it seemed to me that by the end of the novel Fowler has just run out of steam and come up with a safe ending, which was quite boring to me. I don’t think this was a book for me but I know other people who I think would enjoy it, it’s possibly because when I read the word ‘twist’ I think it’s going to be earth shattering, which unfortunately this twist was not.

Harry Potter Tag

Sep 8, 2015Sep 6, 20151 Comment

I love doing fun tags and so when I found one for my favourite fictional series ever I had to get involved. Thank you to my amazing friend Becky for introducing me to this tag her Youtube channel is here.

1) Favourite book?

It’s between Goblet of Fire and Order of the Phoenix, I can’t choose!

2) Least favourite book?

Probably the first one, I feel like they get better the further they go in the series.

3) Favourite movie?

Hmmm Order of the Phoenix is the one I can watch over and over.

4) Least favourite movie?

So hard because I love them all, I think Half Blood Prince because it’s the least memorable for me.

5) Favourite quote?

‘It’s levi- oh – sa not Levi- oh- sar!

6) Favourite Weasley?

Ron, because he’s so funny.

7) Favourite female character?

Hermione.

8) Favourite villain.

Bellatrix. Terrifying and not someone to be messed.

9) Favourite male character?

Harry.

10) Favourite professor?

Mcgonagall. Totally badass.

11) Would you rather A) wash Snape’s hair or B) spend a day listening to Lockhart rant about himself?

Spend a day listening to Lockheart cause you know writing material.

12) Would you rather duel A) an elated Bellatrix or B) and angry Molly?

Bellatrix, Molly is not to messed with.

13) Would you rather travel to Hogwarts via A) Hogwarts Express or B) Flying Car?

Hogwarts Express, love long and beautiful train journeys. Also the trolley? I’d buy one of everything.

14) Would you rather A) Kiss Voldemort or B) give Umbridge a bubble bath?

Give Umbridge a bath because I could make drowning her look like an accident.

15) Would you rather A) ride a Hippogriff or B) ride a Firebolt?

Hippogriff, I feel like if we got on we’d be a great team.

16) Is there a character you felt differently about in the movies?

Ginny, I loved book Ginny so much but film Ginny was so different.

17) Is there a movie you preferred to the book?

Nope.

18) Richard Harris or Michael Gambon as Dumbledore?

My heart will always be with Richard Harris. Gambon was just too angry for me

19) Your top thing (person or event) that wasn’t in the movie that you wanted there the most?

The REAL Harry and Ginny kiss!!!

20) If you could remake any of the Harry Potter movies which would it be?

Hmm, tough one. Half Blood Prince I think, so much more could have gone into that.

21 Which house was your first gut feeling you’d be a part of?

Gryffindor, I always saw myself as a gryffindor.

22) Which house were you actually sorted into on Pottermore?

Hufflepuff…twice.

23) Which class would be your favourite?

Charms.

24) Which spell do you think would be most useful to learn?

Accio….that might be because I’m lazy.

25) Which character do you think you’d instantly become friends with?

Hermione, I feel like we’re very similar and we’d both be eager to learn everything.

26) If you could own one of the three Hallows, which would it be?

Hmm. I think the invisibility cloak I don’t think that would ever get old.

27) Is there any aspect of the books you’d want to change?

I’d want to know more about what happened for a year after the battle, how they all had to try and live with what happened.

28) Favourite Marauder?

Mooney- sweet and caring but also fun.

29) If you could bring one character back to life, which would it be?

Fred Weasley, no one is more worthy of coming back, making the Weasley’s whole.

30) Hallows or Horcruxes?
Hallows, I don’t feel like splitting your soul would be good.
If anyone else would like to do this tag make sure to let me know, I’d love to read your replies!!!

September Book Haul!

Sep 7, 2015Sep 6, 2015Leave a comment

Hello,hello, hello!

It’s that time of month again, bookhaul! Now I’m not going to lie it hasn’t been long since my last bookhaul and I haven’t managed to read everything but I’m getting through. This month is a real mix of different types of novels and it’s got a lot of good and cheap finds! Let me know what you think and if you’ve read any of these yourself!

Watchmen – Dave Gibbons

This has been hailed as one of the best Graphic Novels ever written and so on my comic book journey I thought it would be a good read and I’m really excited to get started. I’m not sure what to think about it at the moment but it’s had high recommendations.

One Breath Away – Heather Gudenkauf

I’ve read one of of Gudenkauf’s novels before and it was absolutely incredible, when I found this on a 3 for £5 deal I had to get it. The novel is about a school shooting and the back says that ‘fans of Jodi Picoult will devour this’, it does have similarities to Picoult’s novel Nineteen Minutes one of my all time favourite novels. I have complete faith in Gudenkauf to have written this novel in an amazing way.

The Bad Mother – Isabelle Grey

Another of my 3 for £10 finds, questions what a good mother is and how a family can be torn apart by the past. Really drawn to this because it doesn’t give too much information.

The Twins – Saskia Sarginson

My final 3 for £10. I have twin cousins and find the bonds between twins absolutely incredible and this deals with that idea and what happens in the most dramatic of circumstances.

Unspeakable Things – Laurie Penny

The deeper I get into my research the more I’m driven to understand the social standing of women and the treatment of women throughout the world. How they present themselves and how they are perceived. Laurie’s book came well recommended and with the seal of approval from the amazing Caitlin Moran.

Annie – Thomas Meehan

I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that I never knew that Annie was also a book. I found this in my local bookshop and got ridiculously excited as this was my favourite film as a child and I sang ‘tomorrow’ most days. I can’t wait to get stuck in to this.

The Virgin Suicides – Jeffery Eugenides

This has been recommended for me more than once, I thought I might as well buy it was cheap second hand. I’ll let you know if it came up to scratch.

The Girl with all the Gifts – M.R. Carey

I’ve been intrigued by the title of this book for a little while. The blurb is tantalizing ‘Melanie waits in her cell to be collected for class. When they come for her, Sergeant Parks keeps his gun pointing at her while two of his people strap her into the wheelchair. She thinks they don’t like her. She jokes that she won’t bite, but they don’t laugh.’ This raises so many questions, why is she detained? Why does she have to go to class? Who is Melanie? Looks like a fab read.

Orange is the new Black – Piper Kerman

Now I’ve never been completely obsessed with the TV show but after watching a Ted Talk that Piper Kerman gave on life in prisons and how the USA must adjust I really wanted to read Piper’s account. Who knows it might even get me back into the TV show again!

After Auschwitz – Eva Schloss

I’ve always been interested in Holocaust literature since I was a child. Eva is the stepdaughter of Otto Frank, Anne’s father. Part of my curiosity is about him, the man that Anne adored so much, and how Eva’s life with him is. I’m also intrigued to know how Eva survived and what her life was like after surviving Auschwitz.

Me, Earl and the Dying Girl – Jesse Andrews

Everyone is talking about this film and I need to read the book before hand. I’ve seen the trailer and it seems funny as well as sad. I love a good YA novel and I’m really hoping that this is a good one.

I’m off to Amsterdam!

Sep 6, 2015Sep 5, 2015Leave a comment

When you’re reading this I will be boarding a coach for an 11 hour journey to Amsterdam through the night, tomorrow morning I will be seeing the beautiful sights with two of my best friends. I’m beyond excited to finally be going on a girls holiday and also absolutely terrified after I had to miss out on the trip to Prague because of my fracture, I’ve never been out of the country without my family or Ali before.

I’m looking forward to falling in love with the beauty and culture. We have a list of museums to visit, things to see, a visit to Hard Rock Cafe and there’s a certain surprise that the girls have planned, I have no idea! It’s also going to be rather amusing to go to the sex museum that’s not far from our hotel.

Fear not my faithful followers I won’t be leaving you with nothing! I’ve got a few posts lined up for this week like this months book haul, my piece for suicide prevention day and a book review. Although if you want to see what I’m up to you can follow me on Instagram as I’m sure I’ll be posting up some of mine, Amy and Dani’s adventures follow me on @chloemetz_.

Catch you all at the end of the week! 🙂

Happy Birthday Dad!

Sep 5, 2015Leave a comment

Today is my Dad’s 43rd Birthday so I wanted to write this post about him. After waking up before 9am on a Saturday (totally against my way of life, weekends are for sleeping half the day and staying up all night) I’m pleased to say that the Chelsea FC swimming trunks went down a treat and so did my sisters choctastic cake (with M&Ms, Maltesers and Chocolate Fingers, what else could you want at 8.30am).

I just wanted to write this post to say happy birthday to my Daddy who I love very much and who taught me that being the headstrong little kid I was wasn’t a bad thing and nor was learning to stand up for myself. I love you Daddy ❤

P.S, You were right, acting like a girl isn’t always as awful as I thought it was.

We need to talk about Refugees

Sep 4, 2015Leave a comment

The majority of the western world was shocked into silence this week as a picture of a child, washed up on the shores of Turkey, was plastered across the media. From that point onwards we are all questioning why and how this has been allowed to happen, how a toddler and wind up thousands of miles from home dead on a beach. The image shocked us and it made me sit and research and understand these people and their stories and I just wanted to sit and cry and do anything I could to help.

It would be too easy to just say the parts of the media lie, we know they do. The majority of British papers have recently been talking about the ‘migrant crisis’ the mere words are a lie, they also lied about a recent train my friends were delayed on from Paris, it was issues with the train. These are not people risking their lives, risking the lives of their children for free money and healthcare that the UK can offer.We cannot call them migrants, they have not left because they want to or it’s preferable for them, they have fled from their homes, from what they know because otherwise who knows what they’ll face or if they’ll survive it.

If we’re going to decide, let those who need the help most receive it, children and the elderly. Extend our arms and hearts like Germany has because what happens is it will be remembered. People are not looking for 5 bedroom houses, luxury meals and gastric bands, they are begging for clean water, enough food to keep them alive and medicine for their children. Can we really deny a child the right to a life because they were born into a war zone?

I don’t know what I can do right now, I don’t have money to donate or things like that but I know that I have this little corner of the internet where I can show my support for the refugees and plead with British officials to help them. I will happily give my taxes in this time of need. I know there are children in this country suffering and I wish I had the answers to help everyone and it makes me so heartbroken and frustrated because I just want to help.

I stand with you refugees. I hope the rest of my country do too.

Book Review: Thirteen Reasons Why – Jay Asher

Sep 3, 2015Aug 20, 20167 Comments

‘You can’t stop the future.

You can’t rewind the past.

The only way to learn the secret…is to press play’

Clay is an ordinary guy, like a lot of other people in the school when he hears about Hannah Baker’s death he feels something, but what he doesn’t know is that Hannah has plans for him. After a box of tapes arrive addressed to him he can’t quite believe it when Hannah’s voice comes through the speakers, explaining that if he listens long enough he’ll know why he is one of the thirteen reasons.

This book has been on my to read list for a really long time, I finally got around to picking it up and was told after I wouldn’t regret reading it. I don’t, but I also don’t think it deserves all the hype. It’s an intriguing read and a great idea but there were some holes in the plot that just didn’t make it believable. As for the characters, I thought that Clay was just, a bit boring really, we don’t really know anything about him other than he’s a ‘nice guy’, there could have been more background about him and who he was. Hannah was different, while at first I couldn’t really understand her character, she grew on me and got a place in my heart. When I got to the end I wanted to cry, because at some points I knew how she felt, school can be a heartless place.

I think it did highlight the sheer loneliness that can be caused by rumors. Hannah, like Margo from Paper Towns, is a kind of enigma. Nobody really knows her, they just know the idea of her. These tapes, recorded before she killed herself, are the only way to know anything about Hannah, because there was no other way after everything that had happened. It also seemed to me like she could have been saved and maybe that’s the tragedy in all of it, that I’m sure if the right person had noticed she could have lived. That said, it’s easier said than done and I fully appreciate that.

To review this book is to have to make my way through a minefield of potential spoilers and connections that I don’t want to spoil for you, I do think you could have seen some of them coming though just because of the nature of the book.

I’ve given this novel three stars ***, it’s not because it’s bad, it’s a perfectly ok read but for it it really was just ok. I feel like there are better and much deeper stories that can explain what can lead a person to suicide. On the other hand I really appreciate the way Hannah’s loneliness is expressed, she’s a complex character and I definitely think that the book could have been longer. It’s that little bit more detail that I think is lacking in this to make it a great story rather than just a good one.

Review by Chloe Metzger

I just need to say if you are at a low point and considering suicide, please, please speak to someone. Your life is worth it, I promise ❤

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