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Bowling and Vodka Slush Puppies

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After the excitement of yesterday and finally passing my test yesterday today was to celebrate after not having to teach tomorrow! It was kind of odd today walking around and seeing people driving around and thinking that now I could just do that now. I am legally able to just drive a car when I want now. I spent the day mooching around town, looking at gym memberships, losing my student ID and maybe spending a bit too much in Primark… Image

During slush time 

So before I went out I was close to wanting to nap but back up again and off to bowling with the boys and Sophie! Then the drinks started flowing and at first my scores were at the top tying with Dan, then I drank some more and more then the scores went down.. I ended up last but it was so much fun. Also the new discovery of Vodka Slushies was both mind blowing and incredible It was nice to laugh and joke around for an evening and just be happy and celebrate passing my test!

Then it was on to Spoons for chips and one more drink before Ali got me very drunkenly on a bus back to halls. It was one of the best nights sleep I’ve had in a long time!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST!!!

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I’ve been waiting for that certificate since I turned 19!!!! 

After 2 years of learning, 4 failed attempts, 2 idiot cyclists and a red car named Harry I’ve finally passed my driving test!! I’m ecstatic and it’s really changed my life! Ok so I haven’t been out in my car but I have so more opportunities now and I’m going to have more independence. I strangely calm this morning, I listened to music and talked on the phone a lot before getting in the car. There was a moment of melt down before where I just thought I couldn’t do it but I kept talking to myself, my techniques are working. It felt like I’d never pass and I did with only 4 minors as well and a perfect manoeuvre. I have 80 odd likes on Facebook which is crazy?!? I was nearly crying, my instructor was nearly crying it was just an incredible feeling. So what’s next? Getting home and back to my car and finally being able to go out on my own! I’m happy, happy, happy! 

Let the sun shine!

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I have burn marks on my right arm but not on my left…definately not the summer goddess vibe I was hoping for. Actually maybe the summertime goddess thing won’t happen I still need to focus on not tripping over my flip flops and mastering the maxi dress as a short person…ok maybe I’ll just stick to converses. So the sunshine is here and Kingston has been sweltering, it feels so nice to walk out in shorts and a vest top with my sunglasses on!

There might not be much to report but the sunshine is making me a lot happier and I thought I’d share that with you all!

Picking myself up

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Making myself get out of the flat despite feeling rough 

When I woke up this morning I knew leaving the flat wasn’t going to be easy, I managed to get up later than I though but I get felt deflated, miserable. When I feel like this I know it’s normal for me to stay in the flat, hide from people and that makes my mood worse. I made the conscious decision to throw on some clothes and go pick up some breakfast in an attempt to try and bring myself up a little before my driving lesson this afternoon.

I felt awful, paranoid and generally gross. While other girls were walking around in glamorous maxis and flipflops I was in my usual jeans and converses. I started to use the techniques that I had learnt with my mentor and started questioning why I was anxious, why I was nervous and a strange thing happened…they started to work. It’s a real turning point for me. I don’t know if this will stay but I hope it does.

Day 3 in the studio!

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The glamorous look is definitely not an option for a serious recording session…well not for me anyway

I was very relieved that I didn’t have to get up too early to record today a lateish start for recording today and I definitely needed it. Tonight I am really tired but happy too, we’re half way there! 2 songs down and 2 to go! Yes! It’s been a long day full of messing up, awesome takes, not so awesome takes and frustration but we got there in the end and the boys were incredible! I can’t wait for everyone to hear this EP but I still have work to do 1 or 2 more sessions in the studio to do but we will have it ready for Basingstoke Live this summer! If you do want to keep an eye on us put in No People Club in Facebook or @NoPeopleClub on Twitter! I don’t have much else to say apart from I really do have amazing band mates and I’m really expecting big things from how the last few days have gone! Watch this space! 

 

Getting my groove back!

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Not my best photo but it was in a dark pub! 

As corney as the title is I genuinely felt like I got my groove back tonight! I’ve been in a rotten mood all day after waking up late, my bus breaking down and feeling overly emotional. Being around people was the last thing I wanted to do this afternoon so I wasn’t all sweetness and light at band practice today. Although Ali being Ali decided it would be  good idea to give me a mic stand rather than to just giving me the mic and it worked. Although at first I wanted to stick it somewhere for him even suggesting it, I got into it and I started to sound better, although slightly deaf at the end of it. I knew we had an open mic night tonight and I was nervous, I think this also made my mood a little bit more crappy than it normally would be. I just felt stressed and nervous and still had yesterdays driving lesson on my mind.

The venue turned out to be very different to what we expected and after some discussion/ slight worry Ali and Rhys headed back on the bus to grab acoustic guitars instead and we just went ok lets give this a go even though we’ve never practised it before. That’s what being in a band is about right? I can honestly say being up in front of everyone and singing was the happiest I’ve been in weeks. Instead of feeling nervous I kinda just gave in to the music and felt like I was on cloud nine. The once noisy pub now had its eyes on us and was clapping and cheering for us, even the new songs. It was incredible and a total hit! IT might not have been the crowd we thought we’d be playing to but it was damn fun. Also Rhys surprised me with his INCREDIBLE backing vocals!

It’ safe to say we all left tonight in a seriously good mood and ready to kick ass with the EP. It’s put me in a good mood for recording tomorrow, even though I’m still pretty nervous. The thing is people really liked our sound, they liked us and I really loved people being so positive about our music. I’m insanely happy and ready to crawl into bed and get a good nights sleep before recording again tomorrow.

Teaching…hmmm

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I’ve been at my placement school for a little over 2 weeks now. I don’t write much about it because I do a lot of observing and some working with the kids. I’ve found that the more I work with them in groups the more I feel like a young person, not a teacher and certainly not someone who wants to tell them off. The boys respect me and  I them so this doesn’t happen too often.

The one thing I’ve learned about working with teenagers is you have to respect them, they’re damn intelligent and worth listening too. A lot of people disregard teenagers views (myself included in the people who aren’t listened to) and I just want to stand up and shout LISTEN TO US WE ARE THE NEXT ONES TO TAKE ON THE MESS YOU MADE. As you see not  a very treachery thing to say. I sitll have a lot of placement to go and hopefully I’ll start feeling more like a teacher.

How Stephen Sutton will live on

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You can’t have failed to notice today that 19 year old charity superstar and cancer patient (NOT sufferer) Stephen Sutton passed away today in his sleep. Although we all knew Stephen’s diagnoses meant he was going to pass, it feels as if none of us expected it to happen so soon. It goes without saying this guy was an incredible individual and I hope that people still carry on the work he wanted to do, even though he’s not here any more. 

What hit me was that Stephen was 19 years old when he died, the same age as I am now. We were born the same year, he’s into the same bands (which is how I heard about Stephen’s story) and it just seems cruel that this is an age where you look forward to the next big stage of your life, yet Stephen’s was taken away so cruelly. I often talk about how my illness effects me but Stephen has given me a reason to think. I don’t want to be defined by something, I want to use my experiences to help others, just as Stephen has done. 

I think of all the things Stephen achieved and how much as a country we all grew to love him and his positive outlook and I’m inspired. He never let his illness define him, it seems to me that he never really gave up even when he knew he didn’t have long left to live. It is because of Stephen I don’t want to give up, it’s a totally different situation but his message and his courage made something wake up inside of me. I look to Stephen as someone of incredible determination, something that I want to have. 

Today the world lost someone truly unique and even though I never knew him I’m so upset that he is gone. His message an actions will live on though! If we can carry on raising money and kicking cancer’s butt! As for me? I’m going to take Stephen’s message and try and use it in my own life, step by step. 

 

Rest in Peace Stephen Sutton, you will be missed but never forgotten.

 

Don’t know about Stephen? Please watch here 

Back to the Studio and back to being me

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Today something changed. I’m back online and the happiest I’ve been since I got back from Easter break. It doesn’t take a genius to work out that I’ve been struggling for the last few weeks and I’ve been deeply unhappy and felt very alone. This week, so far, seems to be transforming that mind set. I’ve still had some times where I’m alone in the flat but not as many. I’m not hiding in my room as much as I have been the last few weeks. 

After going home for the weekend I started feeling better, then my meeting with my MH mentor made me feel so much better. She understands and is used to seeing people like me but never makes me feel like I’m just another student. I talk to her when I’m feeling particularly down and we try and work out ways to help me. This time it was more talking things out and she understood why I’d been hiding and why’d I’d felt so low lately. She knows me well enough that when I said I’d sat in silence without even my music she knew something was wrong. So that (after a long introduction) is what today’s post is about. 

Music is a huge part of my life, but sometimes it also makes me so anxious. It was finally my turn in the studio today and I was nervous. I hate making mistakes but this is the kind of thing where you make so many. Take, after take,after take but it wasn’t that bad. Despite only having a few hours we managed to get one song finished, 3 more to go and more hours in the studio tomorrow! It was tiring but it actually started to get fun and I started to feel better. I didn’t dwell on every take, I just kept going. 

As much as I hated watching the boys walk the opposite way home I’m smiling tonight. I’ve got my music back on and I’m singing along, so you know I’m on the mend. I wouldn’t wish my lows on anyone, no matter how much they’ve hurt me. I wouldn’t wish not wanting to get up, to do anything and to neglect the things and people you love because of something you can’t control. That said, I wouldn’t change who I am. This illness doesn’t define me, it’s a part of me that sometimes does take a few days away. I’ve had it for so long I worry about what they call ‘going back to normal’ I’ll never be a 13 year old girl again and that’s who I was before any of this kicked in. I suppose I’m realising that maybe this could be the start of feeling better. The things I’ve noticed so far? As my friend Will says (see I told you I wouldn’t say you were evil on my blog :P) I have a smile that means I could get away with murder with anyone BUT Ali. I know that I’m actually pretty nice when I’m happy, I care about people a lot and my pain, my joy, my life comes through my music. I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

A smile

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This won’t take long but I just wanted to share with you something I was reminded of today. The more you smile at the world, the brighter you’ll feel. I’m working with my mentor, organising getting out more and I’m hoping I can pull through the last 6 weeks of halls and fill you all in with the last few weeks and getting everything ready for mine and Ali’s new flat!