Category: Uncategorized

Updating the blog and thank you

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Those of you who follow my twitter may have seen an explosion of blog posts dated a while ago come up. I’m not advertising just clearing my backlog of blogs I didn’t post, didn’t finish etc. The next week or so I will be doing this but also posting my regular posts with pictures and my musings like this one. 

I wanted to use this post to say thank you to you all as well. My followers have gone crazy and in less than a year I nearly have 100 followers which means the world to me and gives me so much confidence in my writing when others in the field haven’t been so supportive. It’s a great feeling when people say I don’t have good writing skills I can pull this up and go well these guys don’t think so! My writing is always improving and scrolling back to September I can see the change regular writing has achieved. I hope to carry on and have an incredible second year for you all to read about. If you want something new I post a new book review every Sunday night at http://www.ihadtobuyanotherbookcas.wordpress.com please take a look if you want!

 

Thank you so, so much

 

Chloe 

 

A day in London with Mumma Bear

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Just some of the pictures from today. 

Today I headed back into London for a trip with my Mum! I’ve been waiting for this for a few months as we decided to go on a big shopping trip after her birthday so that we had money to spend in the sales. That part didn’t go as to plan but I’ll get to that later. We had an absolutely amazing time and I was just laughing and smiling all the time. I was just as crazy as my mother for  change and despite trying on a load of clothes I didn’t feel low about my body which is a big change for me.

I know from my past experiences of sales shopping I can get pretty down about the whole thing because I don’t feel like I ‘look right’ in a lot of the newest fashions or I don’t know how to wear them, which sounds silly but some girls make it look effortless. Mum and I hardly found anything after getting through Oxford Street a lot quicker than usual, we then decided to walk to Hard Rock Cafe London. What looked online like a short walk was actually a very bloody long one, but we saw some of the beauty of London in the sunshine.

I love London, I love being able to see the history of a street in my mind as I walk past the old buildings. The heart of the city sets my imagination on fire! Would I live there? No, not in the centre I don’t think but somewhere like Kingston, Wimbledon, Richmond would be nice.

I treated Mum to a cocktail in Hard Rock as well as myself. Mine was so sour you couldn’t drink it quickly if you wanted too! It was nice to spend time with my Mum, treat her and have a laugh. She’s been through a lot with me and a lot of trips in the past haven’t been easy with me,  because of that I love to treat her.

After cocktails it was off to meet the lovely Joe who spent the afternoon with us in Leicester Square and Covent Garden. By this time though it was starting to get busy so after a wander around we headed back to BTown.

I have such an amazing day today and I don’t think I’ve laughed so much in a long time. This was just one thing I want to do for my Mum to say thank you to her being a rock. I love these days out we have now I’m older and can treat her…you’re still not getting a house in America yet Mum, I’ll have to earn a bit more first!

Be your own cheerleader (I’m awesome!)

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I have one of THE most confident people in the world as a best friend. We got into a conversation a few days ago about being more confident and knowing when to applaud yourself, I know for a fact us Brits aren’t very good at it. Oh that’s another thing Rhys is American, that’s not to say that all American’s are super confident but it seems like there is a better attitude out there towards promoting yourself. 

I’ve been really up and down for the last few days, so when I started going down again today I decided to get out of the house and head to the library and try and write in the quiet. I ended up with a very different afternoon, a long walk in the sun, bumping into loads of people from school and college as well as an old teacher. While I was talking to people I realised something. I’m pretty awesome and I’ve done damn well. There I said it. It even feels awkward to write it down because, well, I don’t think that it’s something I’m really not used to. 

You know what though? I feel like it’s something that should be done more often, we should be able to shout out when we’ve done well and just be able to say (like Rhys does frequently) I’m awesome. We should be able to have that confidence when we walk into interviews or classes and just be like I know what I’m good at. Not in an arrogant way but just to be happy about what we can do and not always trying to play it down. 

So here’s mine: 

I’m great at being able to read and analyse for my degree, just send that first my way! 

I’m a great songwriter and performer 

My organised self has been known to save a lot of people’s asses! 

 

Be your own cheerleader or you may not have one! 

 

Post the reasons why you’re awesome below 🙂 

Old friends and memories

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It doesn’t matter how long I’ve been back in my home town, it’s always weird. Despite people saying it’s a big town I really beg to differ. Every time I go into my town centre I see so many people I know, people I went to school with, old work colleagues, old bosses, exs, family friends, old enemies. It’s something you don’t realise about going to uni. For those of us who maybe didn’t have the happiest time at school or college uni is an escape. I can be who I like at uni and experience being who I am for the first time. No one in Kingston knows the awkwardness of my teenage years, the theatre kid from school or the time I told everyone I was a witch (ok well now they do). The point is you can be as open as you like about your past, or not and that is something I like. 

Today just walking to meet up with a friend I remembered all this. A lot of my year group work in town or are back home from the holidays, not many have moved out of town yet if they didn’t go to uni. So walking through I saw way more people than I wanted to, apart from they were the awkward ones who looked away, not me. Some people never grow up. 

I wasn’t perfect as a kid or a teenager but my annoying habits I’ve mostly grown out of with time. I’m working on actually being a kind of cool person you know, band, blog and keeping the super talented boyfriend. Meeting up with Katie reminded me of this, we went from best friends to hating each other to friends again. We were both kinda nerdy, very opinionated but also very different. Her Dad likes to call me the poison dwarf from my days as a 12 year old, well that rift never healed haha! I get on well with Katie now and her younger sister. I was nice to talk to someone from school who isn’t still acting like we’re 14. 

In a way it made me glad to be home, in another it really made me miss Kingston and the life I’ve created there. It’s a strange thing this growing up malarkey, you’re not quite sure how to play it. Anyway, it was an odd day today but also a very lovely one seeing Katie and hearing how she was getting on. 

Having a dog is as hard as having a child

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I found her upstairs on my sisters bed once I’d gotten up. 

 

My plans for today were to cuddle up in the little cocoon that I made for myself, Mum and Dad would be off to work and my sister was staying at a friends house, a nice lie in for me. As I fell asleep last night I forgot that there was one person in the house I hadn’t thought about…the dog. So at 5.40 this morning she was put in the bedroom with me.

There’s something you need to know about my dog, it’s rare that she will lay nicely on the bed. Instead she sprawls out over the bed, especially if I’ve slept in an awkward position. So I ended up squashed against the radiator finally getting up at 6 because I couldn’t get back to sleep. I’ve been awake since 5am. My friends with children were not up at 5am. What have I done to deserve this. It wasn’t too bad once I’d woken up and realised there was nothing on TV at 6am on a Sunday morning. We played catch, ate some breakfast and I got on with some bits and pieces. As the day went on though I got more and more tired and snappy…not the attitude for a barbecue.

So I’ve come to the conclusion dogs and kids aren’t that different…I couldn’t have one either way right now. I’m tired, cranky, emotional and have been in a bad mood all evening. It does help that I love my dog but I really do love my sleep too.

Negativity is exhausting

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After being happy for a long time, being either on a high or just steady for a really long time, you realise that being negative or being low is exhausted. I used to hate people who told me to ‘just cheer up’ but now I understand why they said that, it wasn’t their fault that they didn’t know I was depressed. Now I’ve experienced being on a high for so many days then hitting a low and I’m exhausted and drained. It’s just about getting through this day by day. I know this won’t go away any time soon, maybe ever but I’m getting there one day at a time. 

I have no idea what the future holds.

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I have no idea and guess what? Neither do the majority of students who come out of uni. There’s this big expectation now for us because we pay £9000 a year that we’re going to have some massive life plan and know what we want to do. For a lucky few that’s the life they lead and they know exactly where they’re headed in life. For me? Not so much.

I’ve been talking to so many people since I started uni about what I’ll do when I leave…I’m in my first year. I have friends who don’t enjoy their courses and even I dropped one half field subject. Even when you plan the future is never for certain. So many things could happen No People Club could go crazy next year and I could head off on a world tour, I could write my novel and no one want to publish it. I could graduate and go into so many different things, digital media, publishing etc. The thing is everyone has advice for you and a million questions too. The plan right now? I want to stay on and get a masters while working part time. I’m hoping by third year I’ll have an idea of what I want to do.

That’s the thing by third year we’re expected to know at 17 what to do for the rest of our lives and I’m still not sure what I want to do for a ‘real job’, we all have plans but there’s only so far you can go. I have to apply for internships, work experience and so on even to get a shot at a graduate training programme. I’m hoping that being a masters student will help me out though.

So here we go the question people always ask when I say I want to stay on for a masters degree why. Not many people understand why a first year wants to go on to a masters degree and it’s not what a first year usually says. The truth is that it’s something I want to do for me. I don’t want to just get a degree, I want to go that bit further because I love academia and I love being in that environment. I even want to be a lecturer one day which also means a Phd somewhere along the line.

These things could change in 3 years, anything could. I thought I wanted to be a teacher I tried it and felt like I wasn’t ready. I want to use my time at uni to really explore loads of different things. I mean the music and the writing is still my top goal, even with a masters that won’t change. I’m hoping that I’ll find something in the next few years anyway.

So what I really want you all to know, especially my 3rd year friends, is that none of us are 100% sure of what’s going to come our way, we can plan but that’s about it. So if you don’t know then who cares? You’ll find a way to work, to pay the bills. I have so many incredibly talented people that I know and love in my life and I hope they all continue their passions in some way because you might as well, you can’t see the future after all.

I found an American, can I keep him?!

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My favourite American

Today I handed in my keys and bought an American home with me. That’s right Rhys has come to stay for a few weeks and after lugging his stuff from Kingston Hill to Seething Wells for our lift back to Basingstoke. Rhys, as usual, was a charmer with my Mum and sister. I can’t wait to show him around but helping him settle in at Ali’s tonight was odd, it’s so strange to have another person at Ali’s but I’m hoping he will find it fun and have a great run up to Basingstoke Live!

Right now I’m cuddled up with stuff all around me in the box room, it feels good to be home.

My night time musings

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I’ve wanted to write something amazing, incredible and thoughtful. I want to write a book, more songs and d everything right now. I’ve been working lately, I’ve been happier than I have been in a very long time and I have so much to be thankful for. The flat is silent right now, I’m the last one left but I can hear people outside. 

I don’t know if I’ll be sad to leave this place, I’ve felt very isolated here and very lonely I think I’ll miss the halls in Kingston Hill more because of all the memories I made. Saying that I do feel strange that in September this will be someone else room, someone elses normal. I’ll have moved on and I probably will never meet them or know what their flat mates are like. This room is for growing, it’s a temporary place and that’s something I’m not used to but now I like that. It’s been my own space for a year and it’s seen awful lows and incredible highs lately. 

I’m so looking forward to second year, to moving in with Ali and have spent the day setting things up for next year. It will be totally different and I really just want to stay happy and well keep feeling like the real me that I’ve been searching for for years. 

So farewell first year, I’ve loved  you and hated you, I won’t be back for Seething Wells though! 

Life in the box room

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I used to think that my room in halls was small, compared to my old bedroom it was but now that room is a luxury because I’ve moved into the box room. I have stuff all over the house and all over the room and it’s going to take quite a while until everything is in the right place and I can move again. I’ve slept for most of the day so apart from trying to move things around I don’t have much to tell you all about or many pictures either. I’m going back to Kingston tomorrow so hopefully there will be more to tell then!