Month: Jan 2016

Testing Times

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Hello again my lovelies,

I really wanted to write with better news, but unfortunately I’m still sick. I’m writing this from my bedroom at my parents house after coming home for a few days to try and get better. I’ve seen a doctor and while I’m slightly better than I was they now want to run tests just to see why this bug keeps coming back and just be safe. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong, I might just be unlucky which is probably the case. So everyone needs to just be patient with me and hopefully I’ll be back on my feet sooner rather than later… I hope so at least!

Book Review: The Art of Being Normal by Lisa Williamson

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David Piper has always been an outsider. His parents think he’s gay. The school bully thinks he’s a freak. Only his two best friends know the real truth – David wants to be a girl.

David has been longing to come out to his parents as Kate for a long time, but each time he tries there’s something stopping him. While trying to get through school with the help of his two best friends he takes an interest in Leo, a new guy who’s rumored to have been thrown out of his old school. While no one else will even look him in the eye David wants to get to know him better and not just because he’s gorgeous.

This was the first book I read in 2015 and as I mentioned in my top books of 2015 post, I absolutely adored it. This is the first book I have read with a trans character as the main character. I picked this up because it was on offer and I’m so glad I did, although written for a YA audience this is a great book and Williamson has cemented herself as a great writer. There are twists, turns, happiness and sadness in this novel. It is an emotional rollercoaster, but most great books are.

There is so much I wish I could tell you about, but a lot of my favourite parts come after a twist. The story builds really well to the twists and is pretty unputdownable. I will say though that while I liked David, he wasn’t my favourite character, he was a little too nice and acted younger than he was. I absolutely adored Leo though, even as you get to know more about him he’s just a great character which a much richer back story and he develops throughout the novel into someone I really liked.

This book is the kind of book that needed to be written, the title says it all really, there’s an art to being ‘normal’. When I say that I mean that I think there is a certain act that people put on to try and appear how they think they should and how others want them to be. The book eventually gets rid of this, as the characters grow stronger and more certain in themselves there is a moment of simply not caring about being ‘normal’ and that’s a really important message for young adults. Williamson can’t have known before she wrote this that 2015 was going to be a huge year for the Trans community, which is what makes this novel even more special. She gets it.

Of course I’m giving this novel 5 stars *****. Not only does this tackle a subject that isn’t spoken about enough, it’s talking about it to young people who can change the future for the Trans community. The characters were relatable and so was the plot. I think for many this will let them empathise and understand a little more about what it’s like to feel born into the wrong body. I also can’t wait to see what’s going to come next from Lisa Williamson, I cannot stress enough how much of a brilliant writer she is.

Back to blogging

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Hello everyone!

I’ve been incredibly sick for the past week and so I had to take a break from almost everything. I wasn’t on any social media, didn’t have contact with the majority of people I knew and was just tried to get better. It was only today that I left my flat in the past 6 days but I’m finally eating again and going out helped so, hopefully, I’ll be ok tomorrow. Thanks for your wishes on Twitter and Facebook and I can’t wait to get back into blogging.

Chloe 🙂

Book Review: All My Friends are Superheroes by Andrew Kaufman

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All of Tom’s friends are superheroes, even his wife the Perfectionist is a superhero, because of this certain parts of his life aren’t like anyone else’s. Like his wife, everyone’s strongest trait is their superpower and so you end up with some interesting heroes,like the Dancer, the Stress Bunny and the Phoney.  I’ll mention now that my copy is a newer edition with even more superheroes and with that, even more great illustrations for them!

All My Friends Are Superheroes is first and foremost about love. Ultimately it is a love story that goes pear shaped and has some invisibility thrown in because of an ex, but a love story none the less. Six months later, when the Perfectionist thinks that Tom has simply abandoned her, she decides that she’s going to move and use all her powers to forget about Tom and make a new life for herself. Little does she know Tom has been by her side the whole time and is racing against the clock to make her see him again before it’s too late.

I loved this story it’s short, funny and cute. Kaufman certainly has a talent for writing, as soon as I finished this (in one sitting no less) I went to my local bookshop to pick up another one. These books are great if you want to read something quirky, fun and short, which is particularly brilliant as a lit student because sometime you need a break from serious books. The character of Tom was brilliant too, he seems to be such a sweet man and genuinely loves his wife, which makes a nice change.

The superhero names were also great and it really did make me think about the people in my life and what superhero they would be. Kaufman has not only created a really funny and well thought out book but also one with heart, one that makes you think about life, which I didn’t expect when I first started reading. It got me thinking about which superhero I would be and which one I’d actually want to be. I’d probably be either the Bookworm or the Worrier, because that’s two of my most defining traits above all else.

I would definitely recommend this book for your shelf because, ultimately, you can read it again and again if you want to. It’s so short that it hardly takes up any time at all and the story is one that you won’t get bored of. It’s because of this, as well as the great writing and illustrations, that I’m giving All My Friends are Superheroes five stars *****. Every now and again even the most determined of us need to wind down and this is the perfect book for that. Keep your eyes peeled later on for other reviews of Kaufman’s work! I can guarantee there will be more!

Passion and finding a job

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As a third year student who graduates soon the question of ‘What are you going to DO?’ is cropping up more and more. I know I’m not the only one who wants to stuff their fingers in their ears and just shout la la la I can’t hear you while running away.

I love Ted Talks because I learn a lot and I realise a lot while watching them. I had a conversation with a friend recently about not knowing what to do after uni and not having one true calling. I’ve said before that I would like to do a Masters degree and a PhD but I know that this might change. I also know that there is a chance I might change my mind, a chance that I won’t get funding (which means it would take 4-6 years part time). There are a lot of things that could happen.

So while I have been applying for a graduate job (!!), looking at the kind of jobs available and thinking about what I want to do. So, I watched this Ted Talk because it looked interesting and I liked what she said. About just taking jobs that seem interesting and see where they go, that’s what I’ve done with my past 2 jobs and I’ve loved them. I’ve seen people doing the job and just like her thought ‘I could do that’ and my passion just grew and grew from there. All because I didn’t wait for this big show and dance of outright passion.

Don’t get me wrong I’m still going to freak out at times, I’m 21 and graduating. There’s a lot of pressure but I’m hoping I can keep this in mind and maybe you can too.

Maybe life’s not fair..

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When we’re young we get told life isn’t fair and as we grow older we realise this. there are things that we can’t control that we wish we could, illness is one of those things. You can help with some to prevent it or sooth symptoms but there are others you can’t, and mental illness is the same. I’ve learnt a lot in the last few years about myself and the illness that I have. I’ve thrown myself into research to learn more about the science behind it, recent research and theories to try and have a handle on something that I didn’t choose to have.

Ask a group of people with a mental illness and none of them would have asked to have it. It interrupts life and sometimes for some of our friends it takes theirs. I’ve thought a lot recently about this, about health. As much as I try and treat my body right with certain foods and getting fit and healthy I can’t do much for my mind. Sure I can surround myself with positive people and listed to my mind and my body but other than that if I’m having a low there are a lot of times where I have to wait it out, live with my depression or the anxiety attacks I sometimes have.

That said, ask that same group of people if they could flick a switch and it would have never happened and it will never happen again, it would be a much harder decision. Don’t get me wrong, in the last 6-7 years my illness has made my life hell and has taken things away from me, but it’s also given me things too. I’ve had depression since I was a teenager, so I don’t know what it’s like being an adult without it so sometimes I wonder, would I be as empathetic if I’d never had it, would I be as passionate and would I be so grateful for the little things in life. I don’t know. But I do know, because of my illness, that I have the best possible people in my life who pick me up and who know when I need the day or when I need a kick up the ass. Through lows and highs I’ve got great writing ideas or lyrics I wouldn’t have necessarily thought of, I’ve connected with amazing people and can be blissfully happy by the tiniest of things like waking up in the morning and feeling ok and other things too.

Why am I writing this? For a few reasons, one because I didn’t feel so great in my mentoring session today and we talked for a long time about depression, how I feel about it and the fears I have. There is fear, fear that I might go back to a dark place like I was at school but my mentor pointed something out to me. At 15/16 I had no experience, I hadn’t been diagnosed and I didn’t have a good medical team. I didn’t have a lot of information or ways to recognise my feelings and try and combat them before they got too bad, I had unhealthy ways of dealing with my feelings. In the last 3 years especially I’ve done well to get as far as I have and while the fear won’t go away, if I take note I’m in a better position than I was when I was 15/16. I have a voice and I have you guys too, who can cheer me up on Twitter to no end.

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Taken on my 15th birthday, I was happy here and hadn’t really experienced bad depression yet. 

People may call me names like a nut job, loon, or make snide remarks about being unstable and therefore unable. I’m getting to the point where I’m starting not to care and their hate makes me more driven. This illness may never go away but that doesn’t mean people will always be ignorant, which is why I write things like this to educate, to explain. I’ve written before about my story (the short version, maybe one day I’ll write it in detail) before and I’ve always been open on here about my highs and lows. I think it’s important to remember, for anyone who has an illness, that this is just a part of you, it does not define you. 

So no, life might not be fair and there are thousands of people in the world who live with my illness every day, but we aren’t alone. We might feel like it when depression grabs us and drags us under for a few days but at the end of the day there are so many others out there who are at all different stages of their illness and recovery. Don’t be scared of being you.

2016 on chloemetzger.com

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Now that I’ve settled into 2016, back to uni and in some kind of strange routine I can think about what I want to achieve on my blog this year. I’ve just hit 300 daily subscribers and I now have over 1500 followers on Twitter, if that is any of you that are reading now, thank you so much it was a great start to the year. It’s because of that I’ve tried to think of either things I’d like to achieve and do this year. I’ve whittled it down to just 5 things that I’d like to do.

1. Reach 2000 followers on Twitter and at least 100 more subscribers

2. Start a YouTube channel. I have my camera, tripod and some ideas, I’d like to try it and post 1 video a week.

3. Have regular posts, I already have weekly book reviews but I’d like to do a monthly feature on other bloggers and start ‘Sunday Seven’ my 7 top things of the week, which I’m hoping to start next week!

4.  Work on bigger ideas for posts, more in the lifestyle category.

5. Enjoy! I absolutely love writing this blog, it gives me something to focus on and I’ve connected with a lot of people through it. There will be changes and I won’t be a full time student come July but I won’t be stopping!

Crack – a poem

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Sometimes I write poetry, this image really made me think about the past year and where I’m at now. I started writing this after a really tough gym session,where I just felt my body let me down. Anyway, this is one of my few poems, enjoy.

One second was all it took,

Flying then falling

My lungs gasping for air

You cracked and you crumbled,

making me not as high.

Once I’d dreamed of growing taller, now I’d take it with no complaints.

You made my legs useless,

my summer a sleepy haze.

A city that should have been my playground,

turned into white walls and levels of pain.

Even now as I start to reclaim,

some of those things you took.

You can still floor me with a no notice

reaching out for boxes, the only hope I have of taking away my pain.

No doubt you’ve changed my life,

for the good as well as the bad.

In ways I couldn’t have dreamt of,

before their letter came.

I don’t want to fight against you,

spend my days angry and depressed.

But some days I can’t forgive a body that fights against me.

When I’m trying every day.

But I suppose time will tell,

and all I can do is carry on.

Slowly and pick myself up from the fall.

Book Review: This Book is Gay – James (now Juno) Dawson

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‘This is a manual for everyone – no matter your gender or sexaul preference’

When I saw this book at a YA lit fair I was intrigued. The bright and beautiful cover attracted me and then I read the cover. I thought this would be a novel about someone who is gay but this is something much better. I would even go as far to say this is one of the best books of a generation. This Book is Gay is a book which covers a lot of ground that the author thought was missing after teaching PSHE (health class for my American readers) but not just from one opinion, there are stories from so many different people all with different experiences.

When this was published, James Dawson was a gay man, in the time since James has announced that his real self is Juno, a transgender woman and I celebrated along with the rest of twitter. None of that matters because the writing is funny, interesting and highly educational btu in a way you feel like you’re chatting to a friend. I only mention this incase people are confused when trying to find ‘James’ on Twitter later.

I don’t believe in someone being 100% gay or 100% straight. It seems to me, even more so after reading this, that there are so many different parts of the spectrum that slapping an either/or label on everyone is just stupid. I’ve never had a girlfriend but I feel that I’m the person who falls in love with someone because of who they are, not because of what’s in their pants. I fell in love with a male, I’m going to marry him at some point but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a good looking female. If people want to label me after that, then so be it.

The book has both serious and funny chapters throughout as well as some brilliant illustrations. Some of the chapters include; Stereotypes are poo, Where to meet people like you, Nesting, Hats, The ins and outs of gay sex and Welcome to the members club. There is even a bit for parents and carers, lists of charities and organisations and notable gay and LGBTQ celebs and allies (named: A guide to recognising your gay saints). There is so much in here and I learnt so much I will just shout my love for it from the rooftops!

I 100% feel that this book should be given out at all schools as an important tool for learning and accepting LGBTQ youth. Dawson is right, there isn’t enough sex education for young  LGBTQ people. I thought long and hard after reading and we didn’t cover safe sex for anyone who wasn’t straight which, frankly, is just ridiculous. How can you just ignore the needs of people just because they’re not ‘the norm?’, they can still get STI’s like anyone else? They still have questions and worries like anyone else. If I was in charge of a school I’d make sure everyone was given a copy and there were copies in the library too. This is superbly written and has a lot of great info from a variety of people, not just Juno herself.

There have been arguments that there isn’t as much information for the Lesbian community. I can see the points people have made but I do feel there is a good amount of content in here, after all there are only so many pages here. The part about lesbian sex is a little thin, and maybe that’s what people are upset about and I can understand that. Other than that though, I feel like this is a good and inclusive guide.

Of course I’m going to give this book 5 stars *****. I was truly inspired by Dawson, her writing, her style and the way that the book itself was put together. I think everyone should read this, because everyone will learn something from it. A truly phonomenal book, not one to be missed.

End of the week

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I don’t think I’m get going to get used to being finished with my week one Wednesday. Don’t get me wrong, I like being able to work from home and be on my own schedule for the other 4 days of the week, it just feels strange to me that at 11am on a Wednesday I’m done for the week. It’s also made me want to work for myself in some way. I’d love to have a creative job or start my own business as a social media advisor. Well that or being a musician or a writer. I have a lot of ideas and dreams, I’m going to make sure at least one of them happens!

While I’ve finished uni for the week and if I wanted I could easily spend the next 4 days in my PJs, staying up until 2am reading every night and sleeping all day I’m not that kind of student. I love a lie in as much as anyone else but I also need to get stuff done. I usually write a to do list for each day, as well as general one for the week. Even for the rest of this week I have two meetings tomorrow, possibly a band practice, then I’m out with friends, my Mum’s coming up on Friday and I have assignments and uni reading  to do over the weekend. There’s no rest for the wicked!

I say all this but I much prefer being busy because although I get exhausted, it makes things easier for me mentally. When I have a balance of being busy but not pushing my spine too hard it distracts me from other things that are going on in my head. Things I’m anxious about or things that are bothering me, for a long time now I’ve felt really relaxed when I do uni stuff. There’s an order to it, there’s things I know I have to get done and I can focus. I needed to make sure I didn’t have 4 and a half days of doing nothing a week because I know that if I just sat around and thought for all that time I could get very sick very quickly.

It’s strange because in 7 weeks time I’ll only have 4 hours of uni a week, in 11 I’ll have no scheduled classes at all. I’ll admit I’m a littler nervous about that, but hopefully I’ll make myself busy after final submission again. That or I’ll spend as much time in the gym as my spine can take and spend the other half of the time reading!

End of the official working week already, student life, huh!