Tired. It’s a little word. A lack of sleep can change me into a totally different person. I’m not saying just a little cranky or more forgetful (although both happen), one of the worst things for my depression is me being tired, everything gets darker, even the littlest things get harder. I can’t do things that I normally would be able to on a low day.
Why am I writing this? Because I know a lot of you are the same. Depression and anxiety makes you tired to start with, honestly it is exhausting and it took me a long time to accept that I was allowed to be tired by it. Physically and mentally sometimes even going through the motions are too much. The people around me can normally tell, as soon as I’m quiet it’s like something in my cracks and then the dam breaks and everything I’m nervous, anxious, scared about builds up in me until I feel like I’m going to burst. And I have to find a way to get it out.
I’m writing because it’s ok, you have the flu and you’re still tired after people are like oh it’s ok you’re wiped out, you have an extreme low and then are still feeling crappy after a few days a lot of people tell you to ‘get over it’. Right now I’m exhausted so I feel really up and down and all over the place. Ali knows, he picked up on me being grumpy pretty quickly but somehow knew I needed a cuddle.
I won’t sleep for a while yet, I’m exhausted but not tired. It makes no sense I know, or maybe to some of you it does. Either way I wanted to keep you updated and let you know how I’m plodding along.