Tag: work

I’m meltinggggggg

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Now I may not be the Wicked Witch, although damn I wish I could be every night in Wicked, but I’m pretty sure I’m melting right now. I know, I know, how British of me a few days and I’m complaining. BUT! I am not someone who wishes for extreme heat, the only time I can hack it is when I’ve paid to go to another country and have access to a pool and preferably some juicy cocktails. Even in that situation I need to be able to sit under some shade.

This morning saw me putting on factor 30 in an effort to keep myself from turning lobster red. All hail the pale kids, we are the warriors in this fight, the sun is definitely not our friend.  My friend phil has decided all he wants for christmas is some melanin …maybe I should put that on my list too. While I love warm weather, enough to go out in jeans and a t-shirt, maybe a cheeky pair of shorts this is more like walking into a sauna complete with lots of nipples in the street (seriously guys put. them. away. I don’t need to see your man nips).

Luckily I found some happiness in the beautifully air conditioned rooms at uni whilst working today. All in all though it’s been a pretty awesome day, despite the heat. I got to do some amazing work for the uni, get some questions answered about dissertation, have a gorgeous frappachino with the amazing Mr Phil Brookes (who also saved me from not having any tea this morning, what.a.babe.), go book shopping again *cough* book haul *cough* and have a catch up with Joe which always makes me smile.

So I’m afraid that is as much creative juice as I can give right now, my brain is turning to mush and my bed is calling me! BUT as always I love to hear from you guys so drop me a comment below with how you’re coping with the heat where you are! And coming up tomorrow a review of Caitlin Moran’s How to be a Woman.

A quarter life crisis (five years early) – growing up, meltdowns and questions.

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Sometimes I am sure that I’m actually still a sixteen year old trapped in a twenty year olds body. It’s my annual crisis, you know the one I mean don’t you? The whole, what am I doing with my life, am I behind? Look at what my friends are doing while I’m stuck at home. Yup all that came today. I’ve said it once I’ll say it again, the pictures of people’s kids, engagement rings and weddings make me break out into a cold sweat, I don’t feel ready for this stuff!

I get so worried about what I should be doing that I freak out. Never mind the fact that I’m not keen on having a small person around right now, would probably burst out laughing if I got proposed to and am too broke/ addicted to expensive things to get married. Yup, that pile of books get in my amazon cart, a sale on handbags well it would be rude not to look and as for Topshop? Well I’m like a bloody magpie.

So I sat this afternoon, like many hormonal girls before me, in my PJs, my hair atrocious with chocolate in one hand and a coming of age book in the other (book of choice this time Caitlin Moran’s How to be a Woman) sobbing my little heart out. I had a bit of a fit at Ali, locked myself in the bedroom and let it all out. I cried because I don’t feel like a grown up, I have no idea whatsoever about grown up things like marriage and mortgages and I don’t have a life plan. Yup, yup, yup feeling sorry for myself and a little bit of self indulgence.

I get told that it’s perfectly normal to have days where you completely lose your shit and feel like a child again. There are days when I want to crawl up into my Mum’s lap and let her tell me it’s going to be ok. Well, nowadays I have to settle with cuddling up to Ali while he does the same thing and assures me that doing badly on that one assignment will not balls up my entire life or a phone call to my Mum about what job I’m going to go into.

You can probably guess that I’ve calmed down now, had some good old comfort food and vented to my Mum. I guess I’m writing because it should be something we can talk to each other about, all us 20 somethings who really feel like everyone else has their shit together and you’re clutching at straws. So I’m allowed to feel a little lost and scared that two of my best friends are moving across the world and another is getting a real proper job with proper (not student loan) money. I’m allowed to get a little freaked out that it’s my last year of undergrad and the next few years are going to be grown up and scary because, well, that’s what you’re 20s are for right?

So I’m sorry to everyone who’s waiting for any big announcements from me, I’m still in Little Mermaid Pjs (thank you Primark) and working out how to be a woman in the first place. Basically, I’m just being a 20 year old student who doesn’t have a clue.

Trusting yourself, and why it’s so important.

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Now like many of you reading I have a very british sense when believing in myself. You know what I mean that, umm, err, well maybe I’m right, oh maybe I should just ask someone else.We’re not like the American’s it’s a new thing for us to shout about our accomplishments and being our own cheerleaders. So you can imagine me, only a week in to one of the biggest/most important jobs I’ve had in my life. I’ve taken over something and I’m managing it myself, queue panic, self doubt and breathlessness.

Yesterday I was plodding through emails and working from home. All of a sudden I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t understand some of the things being asked of me and felt like something was off. I tried to work around it but ended up emailing my boss and asking if she could go through it with me, if it was no bother of course (see there you go that English politeness again).

So today, as promised, she went through it with me. It turns out that the gut instinct was right, I should have trusted myself and not been stressed. It reminded me that sometimes kicking that politeness in the butt might be better. This was again  highlighted when she said I was doing a good job and I’ll get it,eventually.

Why am I writing this? Not because I felt like a diary entry (which some people have tried telling me this blog is), because I think that every now and again we all need reminding to trust ourselves. Yes you, reading right now, trust yourself because you’re a lot more clued up than you think.

5 Confessions of all workaholics and how to beat them!

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Workaholic is a word that sums me up whether I like it or not, be it in my job, my course, my hobbies I work damn hard and sometimes forget that I’m not supposed to be working 24/7, non stop. I notice this more when I get told to stop tidying and just sit down doing something I like rather than cleaning or organising or doing extra reading. So I decided to write another one of those lovely lists but, well, a helpful one (I hope).

1. I over organise.

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No word of a lie my calendar is always jam packed, when it isn’t I feel a little odd. I try and over schedule my entire life. So after having something on every single night of the week ( any paying for it a little bit), I realised that this is one of my workaholic traits.

How I beat it: 

Making sure that if I’m planning everything I leave myself time to relax or do what I want. Of course right now with my spine I don’t have much of a choice, but I have learnt the value of rest. If you know you’re going to be busy make sure you also have some relaxation time planned too, even an hour or two. Trust me it’ll make you happier and healthier!

2.  I put a lot of pressure on myself! 

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I am a perfectionist. In uni, in work and in a lot of other things. Now I don’t have a pushy family, they’re happy when I’m happy. It’s me who puts pressure on myself to be the best of the best, get constant firsts and good results at work. Although it’s good to aim high, sometimes it’s absolutely exhausting!

How I beat it: 

This is possibly one of the hardest things to beat. It’s taking me a long time to accept that I don’t have to be perfect all the time, that getting a 66 instead of a 70 isn’t terrible. That not working every single shift at work doesn’t make me a bad worker. This goes hand in hand with planning me time so that I can accept and be happy with who I am.

3. I drive my friends/family/boyfriend crazy with things that aren’t happening for months.

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‘But these books have to be read in the next 6 months’- really NOT an issue

How I beat it: It’s good to have a plan but now I have a laptop I focus on the month ahead, not 6 months ahead and try and take it a little bit at a time without worrying about things to come. I write a to do list for the week and focus on that instead of whats happening in 3 weeks time.

4. Not sleeping enough 

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Not having enough time to sleep is a bad move! It will effect my mood, my appetite, the way I am around other people. All in all a lack of sleep is one of the worst things for me.

How I beat it: PRIORITISE! Make sure I know what needs to be done and what can wait until the next day. Also asking for help doesn’t show weakness it shows strength. When I really can’t cope and know in advance there is usually the option for an extension at uni and my bosses are there to talk to if I’m struggling and need support.

5. Not eating properly

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This happens to a lot of people I know. Personally I get so into a project or piece of work that I keep going and going until I physically have to stop. One of my first open days for work, I kept putting off my lunch break because I was enjoying the day so much one of the older girls pulled me aside and reminded me I needed to eat, no matter how exciting this all is.

How I beat it: If you’re in an office, make lunch plans with someone else in the office. If you’re at home maybe set an alarm on your phone. I’m the worst at forgetting to eat if I’m absorbed in something but these usually work! Another thing is have regular smaller snacks, sunflower seeds are one of my favourites or a good old chocolate bar. Remember your body is your machine! Treat it well because you’re going to need it to succeed in whatever you want to do!

As always I love to hear from you guys! So fellow workaholics, what are your confessions and have you found a way to stop/get around them? Let me know!

Paid Internships Exist! Starting my job as a Social Media Coordinator

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We all know the problem with finding a job right? To get the job you need experience, to get experience you need a job. Now I know like the rest of the student population it can be ridiculously hard finding any kind of work experience/ internships. Today I was lucky enough to start mine!

Before getting super into social media I thought about going into teaching or magazine journalism. Now most of the time you need to ‘volunteer’ in schools so I did that under a scheme which luckily made sure I got a bursary payment as I was promoting the university. As for magazines, I am get to find a paid internship that are above minimum wage (seriously try travelling into central London and living on minimum wage while looking good enough to work at a magazine, nope, not happening). So I’ve always been a little cynical about becoming an intern, it’s something that more well off people seemed to be able to do, not people like me. Not any more!
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Ready to start this morning, trying out my new lipstick too! 

I applied for the position because firstly, it was paid, secondly, it’s something I’m interested in and thirdly I thought I might as well. I felt like I had a good build up and some experience that would get me an interview, but did I think I’d get it? No. I really didn’t. Although the interview went well I hadn’t had a proper sit down interview for a few years (they’ve all been group interviews for my last few jobs) and there were some questions to make me think. I left and tried to put it out of my mind, knowing that I would know by the end of the day. Then I got an email saying it would be at least another day, maybe more. At this point my spine was still making me sleep almost all the time so I didn’t think too much but the longer it got, the more I thought I hadn’t gotten it. So imagine my surprise when I got the email offering me the job and it would pay a little under what I’m earning as a Student Ambassador.

It was decided I’d start after going to Athens, fine by me seemed like aaaaaagggggeeeeesss away. Nope. Today rolled around and I had everything ready, woke up early, played with the hamsters but I was SO nervous. I couldn’t remember what medication I’d taken and didn’t want to take it again so I was flapping about that. I ended up going with just paracetamol for my back (in hindsight a BAD, BAD idea.) I was worrying, what would people think of my brace? Could I really do this job when I only have 400 followers? I was so nervous/ daydreaming once I got on the bus I nearly missed my stop altogether.

I shouldn’t have worried, I was very well looked after. I was introduced to everyone in the office, a lot of people happened to recognise me from the KU Talent Awards. I’m slowly learning peoples names but I think it will take me a while. I’ve been set up with a staff account, I’ll be getting a staff ID card and can use the canteen…god I’m such a dork. Everything was gone through slowly and my new boss is fab, she’s open to ideas as long as I have reasoning! I’ll also be able to meet some of the fab guest speakers we have coming up (beyond excited).

So I’ve really landed myself a great opportunity, doing something I love. I will still be a Student Ambassador and International Ambassador too! This is just something that is more specific to a career path if I decide that I want a break from academics. I can’t wait to tell you all about it!

I wrote a post a while ago about being brave. This is it. If there aren’t any opportunities for what you want to do then go make some. Start a blog about your interests, do research just because and don’t give up. I never, ever thought I could be an intern and be paid a decent amount, whilst being treated like one of the team. People think that I just get given these opportunities sometimes but, I really don’t I work very hard and stay connected with people, it works!

I hope you all enjoyed reading today ( I know it’s been a long one!) and if you have any questions let me know below!

Waiting pays off! My good news!

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Hello to all my lovely followers, to start off with today has been a little bit crazy and fast paced and I’m absolutely shattered as I write this. I’m laying in bed at my Basingstoke home with the stupidest grin on my face. All that I’ve been posting about trying to stay positive and not get too low? Well it’s worked because I’ve had great news today!

I have been missing uni lately, missing the structure, learning, having societies to go to. It’s because even though I wouldn’t have been able to go to class, I would have had something to think about, work on rather than my brain going around and around. Really I needed a new challenge, which I have been setting myself. I’ve settled into writing habits, been packing for the trip to Athens and trying to establish some sort of routine around my back, which is harder than it sounds.

Today marks 5 weeks since my accident and by complete surprise I finally got my back brace! My Physio is an angel, and absolute angel and so are the rest of the team. Thanks to them I’ve had a lot less pain after they thought waiting another 2 weeks for my brace to be fitted would be ridiculous. They’d had training themselves so simply went up, got the brace and got me fitted (took 3 members of the very smiley team). I’d been so nervous about physio but I laughed so much and although it was painful I’m so looking forward to getting better now.

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People do stare when I wear it, at first I didn’t care I was just so happy and felt so much more protected. My nerves got a bit worse walking though town when people stared but for the most part I was just so, so happy that I finally had my brace and I have things to look forward to. Already today was going better than yesterday and most of the day before. Even though it was pouring down outside it was like I just had this little sunshine following me around that let me forget about everything else for a little bit.

I logged onto my laptop with a few things to do between packing and had a lot of free time to kill (or so I thought) until an email flashed up. I saw that it was about the internship position I’d gone for an interview for, I thought I hadn’t got it. Well how wrong was I! I’ve been offered one of my dream internships!! I’m now a Social Media Coordinator! I get to handle our social media, go to events and live tweet, it’s all so exciting! I’m flying with happiness about it all after thinking I wouldn’t get it at all!

So I got down to the office in the pouring rain as quickly as my spine would let me. Everyone was lovely and welcoming. I felt instantly comfortable in the new office and will be issues with my staff email and such when I start after I come back from my trip to Athens! I’m recognised as staff now!

I’ve got so much to look forward to now that I can relax a little about not getting the grade I wanted and buying a bigger pair of shorts, because you know what? Right now I feel pretty damn awesome.

Read, Write, Sleep, Repeat

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It’s that time of year again. The library is my second home, books are replacing pillows and I think I could quite easily sleep cuddling my laptop. I finally finished one assignment today and I have three more to go, all in different stages. After this mornings 4.30 wake up call from the hamsters and their wheel, it’s safe to say that I’m writing this feeling more than a little sleepy.

All in all though, I’m pleased I’ve had a focused and productive day. People say that being a student is all Netflix marathons, sleeping until noon and nights out but if you actually want to do well there is so much more than that. So I got myself up, to my physio appointment, then spent 3 or 4 hours in the library trying to force myself to get things done. Add to that Dani’s company, followed by dinner with Joe and I think I’ve spent today wisely. With that in mind though I’m hitting the books again tomorrow, wish me luck!

Living in the Library

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For the last two days, I have spent my life in the library. Laptop, piles of books and a large amount of sugar to get us through me and Eleanor hit the library, hard. There are a lot of assignments to get through, I have Independent Research (4000 words), Victorian to Modernist (1500 words), 20th-21st Century (2000 words) and Locating Literature (2500 words). So all in all 10,000 words, the amount of words I’ll be handing in  for my dissertation this time next year.

So for the foreseeable future I will be camping out with library, possible falling asleep on piles of books (as I did last year) before settling down for some time to myself before starting my reading for next year. It’s not that interesting but I did have some good company to keep me going. Only 4600 to go words to go!

I want to do EVERYTHING

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I don’t stop, ever. There’s something in me when I’m well that means I want to do and try everything. I do the blog, the band, horse riding, uni, work and all that kind of thing already but I’m always looking for more to do. I want to be writing my book, start a vlogging channel, swim more, volunteer with disabled kids, write more songs, learn sign language, get my MA, get my Phd, read all the books I own, finish all of my to do list, see all for my friends, travel *and breathe*.

A lot, right? I’ve always been like this, I’ve always wanted to do 100 things and get them all perfect and work,work,work. Sometimes I work so much and so hard that I end up making myself ill, then I take a week or two to rest and get better and do it all again, it never ends! Obviously you all know I have to be careful with this, being over tired is one of the things that makes me get low quickly (I don’t want to call it a ‘trigger’ because that MEDICAL term has now been overused by idiots online and people now don’t understand the real medical meaning).

I have to try and balance doing everything with being well and it can be really annoying. My family, friends and mentor keep an eye on me but sometimes I don’t see it I just keep going and going and going. It’s not always a bad thing but it’s all about getting the right level of each and accepting that I can’t do everything all at once…not until time turners become a real thing anyway. Oh god, writing this I realised I’m letting my Hermione show…oh dear.

So yes my lovely followers I am, as my friends would say, ‘a total keeno’, ‘a Hermione’ and a pain in the ass overachiever. I’m writing this because I know it need to work on it and I know I’m damn well not perfect, even though some people get this idea what I get everything right. Wrong. I am grasping at straws as much as anyone else most of the time and I just happen to find myself in situations that I can use to my advantage, no magic, no secrets actually I’m a bit of a pain in the butt ;).

As always give me a comment and a subscribe if you like what you read I want to talk to all of YOU!

How to explain ‘Head Sick’ – Mental Health

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Me age 16 trying to be ‘normal’ and ‘fun’ on a bad low

Calling in sick to work is not a great experience for anyone, especially when it’s for something mental health related, because it relies on people having knowledge as well as people not judging you. You can’t phone your boss and say ‘I feel really sad, I can’t come into work’. A lot of people think that bad depression means you just lie in bed all day and that’s that. For most of us, that isn’t true because we can’t let it, we have bills to pay and things to do and even if you don’t care about those things you go on in cycles but don’t feel anything towards what you’re doing and then the says you do have off/ evening when you can crawling into bed and staying there becomes all you want to do…sometimes.

I’ve been mentally ill for about 5 years now and the picture above is me at one of my worst points. Being 16 was a terrifying year and there is so much I just don’t remember, my mind just goes blank. The picture above was be trying to be happy, fun and normal. I hadnt been diagnosed and every just said it was my hormones but I felt crazy, when I did manage to go into school I’d normally leave early or just sit in my lessons and slowly going numb, not taking anything in. It was torture.

In a way it’s good that I can’t do that anymore, I need to work to have money, I need to go in to get my degree which I care a great deal about and differing from first year I live with someone who knows when I’m unwell and helps me any way he can. Days when I am low and not functioning are what I call ‘Head Sick Days’ and I’m thankful that my tutors and my friends know when I really need some time as well as encouraging me. I hope though, one day, that everyone can have this kind of understanding and help that they really deserve because depression, anxiety, bipolar etc are all illnesses and we need to support those who need it.

I’ve been pretty rocky for the past month, a lot of lows and needing a bit more support than normal from those around me, but I don’t feel hopeless. 2015 is looking to be fun and busy, especially for the band and my work. So right now my posts might not be exciting but I’m taking it day by day a step at a time, with ‘Head Sick’ time included.