Tag: weight

Who’s that girl?

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Who’s that girl I see looking at me from a magazine? She’s perfect, she has flawless skin, bright eyes and not a hair out of place, she’s thin, there are no hips, no cellulite, although despite her skinny frame her breasts are fantastic. She’s not real. Tonight I spent a good amount of time watching the above and this afternoon I was reading my normal monthly set of women’s magazines.

Now I’m not going to use this article to bash women’s magazines because I know some who really do support women, although I can’t claim to understand some of the articles. I do have a problem with advertising, because it promotes an image that none of us can achieve. I’ve said many times on this blog that I’m not always happy with my body, especially as of late. I fractured my spine, I put on some weight and I wish I could say so what but I’m surrounded by images of thin and beautiful women.

I’m not saying we ban an idea of beauty, I mean who hasn’t used a good filter on Instagram? Or been happy with a little touch up here and there? Of course we do. I also want you to think about any time you’ve felt a little bit sad looking at pictures or thought I wish I looked like that, because I know that as an impressionable teenager I had these fleeting thoughts but they wouldn’t damage me right? Wrong. In part these images added to my feelings of self consciousness and comparing myself to other women.

In the video about I heard about young women who took on teen magazines to limit the use of photoshop. This gives me so much joy and hope. At that age you don’t always know that these images aren’t real, that you can’t look like that. I remember posing like Paris Hilton (I was a young teenager, and it was the early 2000s, give me a break) in a holiday snap to try and look thinner…I wasn’t fat to begin with. Children and young people are very impressionable, especially as you hit the teenage years your body is doing things you have no control over, your spotty or greasy or whatever.

Now for most of us who are bullied and teased we grow up and shed that awkwardness, even just a little, but at the same time we didn’t have the glare of social media. I just want to educate young girls that this isn’t real and at the same time. I want the media to stop sexualising everything they can, to not cut a model like a pumpkin, carving what they want out of you.

Just preparing for a project I’m going to do and looking at the words used in women’s magazines and they’re almost as responsible as the pictures. I want to do something positive. I want to shout it for the roof tops as I remind my little sister that she is the most naturally beautiful person I know and my little cousin that just because we’re a different shape to my sister doesn’t mean were not beautiful too. I want to make people not feel ashamed to wear makeup or want to get fitter but to know that there are so many different types of perfect and not just the models in a magazine.

Banishing Body Blues

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Honesty time, I have spend this evening wallowing in my own self pity feeling awful and wanting to cry. Why? You ask? Not the injury, I haven’t failed anything (that I know of), nope I couldn’t fit into last years summer clothes. That’s it. Seems silly right? I’ve spent all evening trying to pal na blog but blocked by this big dark cloud of feeling worthless. So I write a blog (it sucked) and put on my iTunes to Emma Blackery, my favourite Youtuber, her song Perfect sits there. I’ve put it above because it’s such an uplifting song. I started listening to it and I was like yeah you know, I’m okay.

I might not be a size 8 any more and it sucks that some of my clothes don’t fit but right now I’m recovering. I can hardly walk but I’ve been crying over putting on weight? No logic there, right? My family, Ali and Friends tell me that it’s the least of my worries with a fractured spine, if there’s any time not to feel guilty about weight gain, it’s now.

I don’t want to be this critical of myself, if anything I think it’s just wanting control back of my body. It’s just letting me down and I hate it and there is nothing I can do, which hurts the most. Since I’ve been getting better from the depression I’ve wanted to be so positive and do things but I fall down sometimes and want to go back to bad habits. I’m still fighting and I wanted to share this song with you because I know that everyone has their own struggles, something I wrote about a couple of months back.

Am I completely happy and fine and cheery? No, that’s why I wrote this because if any of you are going through the same thing I want you to know it’s ok. I don’t want it to become this big disgusting secret and I might get crap for this but guess what I PUT ON WEIGHT. Just like all of us will at some point in our lives, I might put it on, lose it, I might never reach a size 8 again and I’ll never be the same size as my tiny sister. I’m trying to focus on the positives though, I’m smart, I’m going on a course in ATHENS for my work and can travel with my lovely boyfriend. It’s all about trying to put it in perspective and hopefully I can keep listening to the music until this cloud decides to go.

As always I’d love to talk to you guys so leave a comment! If you want to hear more about Emma Blackery you can also check out her YouTube channel, it’s brilliant. What are you waiting for, click the link here for her regular channel and here for lifestyle and advice!

Healthy Body (image) Healthy Mind

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2 year difference, left me in 2012 and right me in 2014 

In my bathroom there is a huge mirror, it stretches across a large portion of the wall above the sink. When I first moved in it really bothered me, wheneverI got undressed for my shower or got out of the shower my body was staring back at me, imperfections and all. I’m not a big girl, but I am curvy, my hips have driven me mad for what seems like eternity (jeans shopping, hell on earth) and I’m quite tiny. Something was different when I had a shower this morning. I looked at myself, really looked. I decided there and then I was done with anything to do with slimming down, I was finally happy with the way I looked after a long time of battling with it. Yes my hips still give me hell when I go shopping but I found positives, above them my waist was almost funnily tiny and I could see the tiniest hint of my ribs, that I didn’t like.

I had a fair bit of puppy fat when I was at school before drastically slimming down when I was 17 to the point where I could fit in to an 8 easily and a 6 at times…I hadn’t fit into a size 6 since I was 12 or 13. I’ve always been self conscious and as with most young girls it changed my eating habits at times, if I felt particularly bad I’d avoid eating, sometimes getting so worked up I’d cry over a chinese. I did want to be thin, I didn’t understand why I had lumps and bumps when my sister, aunt and cousins were all absolutely tiny. My Mum didn’t take and shit ‘it’s your build, the same as me’ at 15 it doesn’t make you feel much better at all. My sister is tiny at at times, although she is 7 years younger than me I was jealous, she had a life time of being able to fit into designer clothes ahead of her while I couldn’t fit into their ‘large’ sizes. Crying in the changing rooms was a regular occurrence and there was nothing I hated more than going shopping. I feel right now that my mother was a saint.

Now I love going shopping, although there are shops I avoid because they make me feel uncomfortable. I haven’t done calorie counting ever (because when people do it I want to batter them with one of the huge bags of pasta from the supermarket), I don’t understand when people go on a zero tolerance to carbs diet either. I understand cutting out white bread if it makes you feel ill, things like that but denying yourself food so you look ‘perfect’ I’ve been there, I’ve done it and I just like the cake better.

Every friend I have both male and female have things they don’t like about their bodies, noses, muscles, bums, boobs, arms, legs everything is on the list! It’s completely normal! I’m not saying this new found revelation is going to make me love every big of my body. I’d like to be more toned on my legs and my tum but I don’t want to obsess over it any more. All this said I have friends who either have or are recovering from eating disorders, it’s not the same thing at all. They’re ill and it takes a long time to get better from an eating disorder, I hope that I can help them feel more positive about at least one part of their bodies.

People will nag at me about what I eat, what I do, what I wear I just want to say IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. I’m going to eat what I enjoy, wear what I feel comfortable. I also make a big deal out of telling people if they look good because it can change someones entire day, it’s not uncommon for me to shout at one of my friends ‘ oh my god your boobs/butt looks great today’ it’s not because I’m gay, it’s because I want people to know that there is always something beautiful about them.

You right there reading this, there is something beautiful about you too, don’t forget it!