Tag: positive

Livin' The Vida Lockdown: Day Five - Four Things I Want To Do Daily

Livin’ The Vida Lockdown: Day Five – Four Things I Want To Do Daily

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Like many freelancers I’ve seen a drop in work because of what’s going on and while that is absolutely terrifying it also means I have more time and not much I can do.

I’ve seen people say that they’re going to learn a new language, decorate their houses or do something really amazing and creative. I’ll be honest, right now, getting up, dressed and showered is a sign of a good day. That said, I wanted to have little, achievable goals for my days in lockdown.

While these might not be amazing and they might not change or accelerate my life it’s something I can do right now to put a smile on my face.

Start The Day Reading

Today and last Saturday I started the day reading and it was really soothing. It’s no secret that I love books, all I do is read BUT being able to escape into another life or another world is a great form of distraction and counts towards my yearly Goodreads goal. So really it’s a win, win situation.

Write for 20 Minutes

A while ago I saw on Victoria Schwab’s Twitter that she said writing for 20 minutes at a time is how a lot of her books were written. Having dedicated time for writing and in short bursts helped her and I thought I should try that.

I might as well start now and who knows my book might actually get written. A first draft is a good start but if I make it into a daily habit then who knows.

Find A Positive Thing/ Silver Lining

It might feel like the world is on fire and everything is awful BUT there are some little things to be grateful for. I want to try and find something every day to bring a little light or a little hope.

Listen To Music

I’ve found that music is really helping me right now. Back when I was really depressed as a teenager music got me through a lot. I would have my iPod playing through classes where I could get away with it (whether the teachers noticed and didn’t care or just forgot I was there who knows) and at night when my anxiety was bad I would just play music until my brain calmed enough.

So I’ve been alternating between my positivity playlist, Apple Music playlists and albums I like to keep my brain at bay. Seeing as it’s something that is working it makes sense to try and do it every day.

What’s something you want to do every day? I’d love to hear below!

Livin' The Vida Lockdown: Day Two - When This Is Over

Livin’ The Vida Lockdown: Day Two – When This Is Over

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Well, we’re now into the second full day of the UK Lockdown. Firstly, thanks for reading yesterday’s post (you can catch up here), it means a lot to know you guys are reading along.

So, did the marvel of lockdown bring today – I took it a little easier and was a little kinder to myself. Ater working for a few hours I picked up and dusted of my Ukulele, started a new book and had my daily nap. I found doing this alleviated my anxiety at little, also having the sunshine coming through the window.

One thing I can’t help but keep coming back to though is ‘when this is over’. I know I’m not the only one who is missing the little things like being able to see my family, meet friends for a drink and take Bobbie or Max out for a walk.

To have something to look forward to I’ve started creating a list of things, big and small, that I’m looking forward to when life, eventually, gets back to normal.

Going to a beach

All this sunny weather we’re having has made me desperate to go to the beach and get some chips while soaking up the sun. I hope we have a great summer this year and can get outside.

Seeing all my friends for a huge catch up – including cocktails

I think a huge night out is in order because even an introvert like me can get a little stir crazy in these situations.

Seeing my family and family pets

This is probably the hardest part right now. I love seeing my family and having a quick catch up and cuppa. I haven’t been separated from my family for more than a week and a half since I moved back after graduation. I can’t wait to see and hug them all – particularly the pets.

Going to the Gym

I know, who am I and how did this happen? I haven’t written about it but before this all started I was having sessions with a personal trainer. While I’m self isolating focusing on exercise and food intake isn’t my biggest priority but as soon as it’s safe I’m looking forward to getting back to it. Also, last time I was there I lifted half my body weight, looking forward to seeing if I can increase that.

Carrying on with wedding plans

It’s just under 10 months until my wedding. It’s still going ahead, I’m still planning for everything we originally planned to happen. Obviously everything is on pause right now but I’m looking forward to when I can get back to it.

Visiting Ali at shows

As you can imagine it’s been pretty stressful seeing as all events are cancelled right now, meaning Ali’s not been able to work. I am so looking forward to being able to see him do his thing.

Treating Myself

I’m trying to be pretty frugal with my spending right now, so I’m not buying anything apart from essentials. So, you can bet that I’m planning on buying myself a new Juni, set of Dungarees or Mini Pini from Lucy and Yak if they still have my size.

Spontaneous Trips

Sometimes, when me and Ali are both home, we’ll go on a spontaneous trip out in the car. They’re not always that exciting but just getting out and doing something together is fun. Plus, there is a pub that does pretty good food opposite one airsofting shop and a comic book shop opposite the other.

What are you looking forward to? Let me know below!

5 Things I Learnt in 2018

5 Things I Learnt in 2018

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In a word, 2018 has been intense. I’ve felt like I’ve been pulled in every direction but I’m a world away from where I started the year. When I thought about how I wanted to write about the year I was a bit conflicted, I didn’t want to make it look like everything was perfect but didn’t want to moan.

So, why not put a positive spin on the crappy times from this year? Instead of thinking about how much things sucked, I wanted to look at what I learnt from them. Do any of you try to do that too? I’d love to hear in the comments below!

My own happiness is important

This seems quite obvious but it’s something I neglected for a long time. I thought the aim was to work as much as possible, that’s it. It didn’t matter if I couldn’t do anything at the weekend because I was so exhausted or my skin was an angry spotty mess because of stress. This was life right?

Wrong. I started prioritising what was important to me and what I wanted out of my life. I still don’t have the perfect balance (I probably never will) but I’m working on it.

Sometimes doing the scary thing is the best thing

Going freelance was slightly terrifying. When my job was no longer needed I didn’t know what to do. I did what I thought I was meant to do. Applying for more office based jobs, trying to find something closer to home.

I didn’t think anyone would hire me as a freelancer, and besides it was too much of a risk. But I posted on Linkedin, chatted to a few people I knew and within a month I had started in a job I could only dream of. I’m finally happy and the fear was worth it. Doing this comes with it’s own challenges but I’m ok with that.

Standing up for your own body is important

My body isn’t always kind to me but knowing when something is normal and when it’s not is so important, especially this year. I was finally diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, after knowing something wasn’t right. That was the first step. Similarly, knowing when side effects of medication was too much was also important.

Later in the year, I had to really push myself to disagree with medical professionals to get help. After a lot of misdiagnosis I had a few days in the hospital, we’re still not clear what exactly happened but I was firm with my doctors that something wasn’t right and needed investigation – or at least pain relief!

Finally, I had to deal with a dismissive Gynaecologist who refused to acknowledge my own feelings about the Coil. After talking to a brick wall, I thought about my options and replaced my implant – as I knew the pill would impact my mental health and was pleased I listened to my body as it was exactly what I needed!

I’m allowed to say no or walk away

I used to feel like I owed something to the person who employed me, loyalty and positivity at all times no matter what. I thought jobs were meant to be for the longest amount of time possible. Wrong.

Much like being in charge of my own happiness, I’m allowed to say no to things! I’m allowed to walk away if I don’t feel like I’m being respected. At times, these had consequences but I’m proud of myself for actually putting my own sanity first.

I am a badass!

There, I said it and I’m going to keep saying it! I haven’t given up or given in this year when things got tough and I’m pretty damn proud of myself.

What have you learnt in 2018? I’d love to know!

Self-Care Update

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Recently I wrote about my own self-care slip and you guys were amazing! I know that I’m a workaholic, I love to get things done and achieve as much as a possibly can…so relaxing takes a back seat. BUT, I have a great update for you all, there’s definitely been a change.

In the past week, I’ve started tracking what I’m eating to make sure I’m not over or under eating in line with my emotions. I’ve been filling up with a lot more protein when I can and trying not to binge on chocolate…that’s something I’m working on. I also haven’t weighed myself because I don’t want to get in a negative cycle. I will do it eventually but right now it’s not a priority.

I’ve also started doing Yoga every night! I know, hold fire. I was sceptical at first it’s just stretching, right? Wrong. So, so wrong. I can feel my muscles working and I’ve seen a difference in my stress levels. I look forward to that 20 or so minutes every night where I switch off and try to only focus on Yoga. I still get distracted and fall down at times but it’s a healthy start!

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And, finally, I went and got my hair done after much thought I just want and booked. This time I went to LK Hair in Newbury after wanting to since I started my job as I work with one of the owners. It was amazing. Not only are excellent at their jobs but they’re also the best in the UK, I have no chill.

In short, I hope this lasts. I hope I can be a little kinder to myself and make sure no matter how busy I get I make some time. There’s no doubt I’ll have slip ups but I’m trying and it’s definitely a start.

What do you do for self-care? Let me know in the comments below!

 

The Job Hunt

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Yesterday morning I woke up to a job rejection email, a few lines outlining that I hadn’t been successful and they wouldn’t be interviewing me. I had a moment of ‘ah damn’, deleted the email and moved on. It’s not that I wasn’t upset, it’s more the fact that I know I’m not just going to walk out of uni with a high paying job and that’s me sorted for life. I’m also a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, so that job just wasn’t for me this time. No biggie. This wasn’t the case a few months ago when I got a rejection email for a job that I REALLY wanted, I didn’t get an interview. I guess I was shocked more than anything, every job I’ve applied for since I was 17, I’ve at least gotten an interview. I know this is different though.

I finished my work for my degree a week ago and while I’d love to take a month off and not even think about a job, that’s not who I am. I’ve had a job since I was 16, a few months after my 16th birthday (and when I realised I needed more than just the occasional babysitting job) Dad drove me around handing out CVs all over Basingstoke, a week or two later I had an interview and later a job at a cinema. I give 110% into every job, that’s just how I am as a person and I’ve carried that on through the various jobs I’ve had since that first one. I mean I grew up helping my Mum out on her stall every weekend through the Spring and Summer, I’m just used to helping out wherever I can and I truly believe that made me who I am today (although when I as a kid that was in between vital colouring in time) .

Over time I know it’s going to get a little harder to be as positive as I am now. Even at this moment with people I know having babies and getting married, finding jobs quickly I get a little anxious and have the whole ‘WHERE IS MY LIFE GOING? WHAT AM I DOING AHHHHHH’ moments. That normal though, I suppose when then is the first time I’m not going back into education in September for 16 years, the freedom is both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.  I know I’m lucky too that I’m not being pressured just to take jobs because they are there, I’ve got a little time to actually apply to jobs and companies I want to be a part of rather than some of my other jobs I’ve had where it’s been a case of desperation.

Of course I’d love to have a good job in the next month, but I also know that I might need to pop back into part time work just to tide me over. The important thing to remember and this goes for Saturday jobs, part time work, full time work, whatever, is that you are not above any part of your field. If I go into a marketing job and at first they want me to remove staples, I’ll remove staples. They want me to make coffee for a while, let me know the way you like it. There’s a difference between knowing your worth and getting stuck in. There’s a difference between starting out and staying in a crappy position. It’s all about balance and proving yourself.

You’ll know if people are taking advantage, trust me you’ll know, this is coming from someone who was left with a handful of other teenagers to run part of a shop on a regular basis on a low wage while the supervisor did what they liked. BUT find the positives in every experience, being left with the others to run the shop? I got leadership skills and my customer service was fab when I left. Picking up Popcorn kids had thrown on the floor? Reminded me to always, always respect the place I’m in and the people that work there. It might not seem anything

So, my positive pants are on, my job hunting hat is on. Let’s do this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday Seven: This Weeks Favourites

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Hello and welcome back to Sunday Seven because I’m now well enough to sit and think of seven things without getting confused and stressed. Ah the wonders of the human body. For the majority of Sunday Seven’s in the future it’ll be a round of up my favourite things or things that have interested me this week, so here we go!

1. H&M’s Compact Foundation in Soft Sand 

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As you all know I’m not a beauty blogger, although my Twitter followers were very enthusiastic about the thought of me doing a what’s in my make up bag post. I got into make-up very late and foundation has always been something I worried about, then I found this beauty. It’s light, stays on and gives a good coverage, particularly covering up my bad skin where I’ve been ill and dehydrated. The best thing is that it also only costs £7.99, you can find it here.

2. Sunshine this week! 

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I finally got to see some sun this week, this was taken yesterday when it was pretty faint but today I actually got warm because it was sunny, hooray! Winter is nearly over! Winter is way too miserable when Christmas is over.

3. Celebrating the great people I go to uni with 

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You might have seen my instagram (@chloemetz_ if you want to follow each other) or my post about the KU Talent Awards this week. It may be my third time attending but I’m constantly amazed at the incredible people I go to uni with and that I’ve been considered one of them multiple times. If you want to read about what I got up to have a look over here.

4. Positive quotes at home

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I’m a sucker for positive quotes around my home. Or positive quotes in general, I mean I even have one tattooed on me. I already have a few postcards like this but when I saw these in my local Paperchase I had to buy them because they’re just little pick me ups for when I’m feeling down. There are loads of different ones in store but they also have some online.

5. The Wicked and The Divine Vol. 2.

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I’m a big comic book and graphic novel fan and so after reading the first in the series I was desperate for the second and now after finishing the second in one sitting I’m desperate to read the third. The series can be a little confusing at times but I love it and I’m seriously in love with the artwork too.

6. Creme Egg McFlurry

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According to my online research they are back THIS WEDNESDAY get excited. Creme eggs in general are my weakness at this point in the year, probably because they are only available for a certain period of time and mixing that with a McFlurry is heaven to me. So you’ll know where to find me Wednesday afternoon.

7. Playing shows with the boys. 

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For the first time in a long time I got to play a show with the boys. Not only did I have a great time performing, I also got commented on how much better I’m looking!

Starting December right!

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It’s been a pretty positive start to the week and now the month, just what I needed! There’s been some really shitty parts to this year, especially in the last few months so I’m determined to send 2015 off in a positive year and look forward to 2016…even if I am a little bit terrified of it! I wasn’t feeling particularly great about today, I was anxious about my gym class because of the pain I’ve been having but it turns out I didn’t need to be. That said I was already in a good mood from last night after having a long and lovely Skype conversation with Eleanor, it’s hard with her being all the way in New Zealand but we’re making it work.

Of course today is December 1st (I know, how is it December already?!?) so it’s advent calender time but since I haven’t been back home in a while I had no advent calendar this morning…the first time since I was 1. Luckily Mum text me a picture this morning of a maltesers advent calendar all for me, yay! I also picked up Star Wars ones for me and Ali too because IT’S FINALLY STAR WARS MONTH AND MY TICKETS ARE BOOKED, AHHHHHH.

As always I trekked to the hospital for 9am *sob* for my morning gym recovery class. I’d had a rough week last week so I was lucky I could talk to Mum before going and try and get in a good mindset before going in, got mistaken for a student nurse (I wish!) and got told that ‘surely I still have time to grow’ after I complained I was so tiny… the people in the class thought I was in my teens. Of course the real reason I was nervous was pain but I tackled all the machines, including a new one, and I kicked butt! There is no better feeling for me at the moment than coming home covered in sweat and knowing I’ve worked hard to get better, even if I do pay for it later. Oh and because my physio instructor for the gym is amazing I got given a sticker because I worked so hard…being the youngest has its perks!

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Another really amazing thing is that as I’ve mentioned before I’ve struggled with the fact I’ve put on weight because of the accident and recovery, as well as the implications of my medication. As I wrote before I won’t mention numbers on here but I can confirm my healthier eating habits and gradually building up movement is working I’m finally losing the weight I gained!! I’m really proud of myself for doing something healthy and my strength in will power!

I ended a good day with a great evening at The Fighting Cocks with Ali, Charlotte, Rhys and later Joe. I got to play in the quiz, laugh a lot, get drawn on and just get out of the house with no expectation to get drunk which was really nice. It also helps that whenever me and Charlotte hang out we can’t stop laughing.

I’m stupidly excited about this start to December and I hope more than anything it carries on!

Sometimes positivity isn’t that easy

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Sometimes trying to be endlessly positive is exhausting, right? There are days where no matter how hard you try you just feel like everything sucks and your best friend is your bed, your phone needs to be switched off so you can ignore EVERYONE and any chocolate that you can get your hands on is yours. Ok, that might sound like a PMS day, it probably is partly to do with hormones and stuff but today ended up like that.

I’ve been feeling down, I had another doctors appointment today and I’m not lowering my depression medication, my doctors not comfortable because of how much stress and pain I’m in, it’s not the right time. On top of that my pain levels have been pretty up and down too. Basically as soon as I left work this afternoon everything just splintered a little. I felt upset and angry about my spine, I noticed people staring at me again in town (you think I’d be used to it by now) and anything that is slightly said to me in the wrong way makes me feel useless. At the same time though I have laughed, I have smiled. Maybe this is what it feels like to go mad, I’m kidding.

When I’m around and talking to the people I love I’m happy. Usually I’ll pick myself up, go for a swim or a walk, go do some food shopping in the car or get on to some promoters about shows. My spines really limited me for the past 2 months and I’m not ashamed to admit that sometimes I don’t know how to handle it. So as much as I try sometimes I depression gets it’s own was over my positivity.

BUT this isn’t where I want the people I love to worry, after having my freak out I’ve calmed down, accepted things and I’m ok. I’m planning a few things I can do and have decided if I can’t swim I might as well go and get one of the tattoos I wanted as an early birthday present to myself. Just a small one, to remind me to keep smiling and I’ll be ok, all shall be revealed soonish! Sometimes you just need to let out all of the hurt, upset and frustration.

Tomorrow will be a better day, I’m going to make sure of it.

‘All you need is POSITIVITY’

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Yes, yes I did just quote a Spice Girls song and no I do not have any shame (come on I was a Spice Girls obsessed little girl, of course I can quote the songs).

Hello lovely readers, I hope you’re all doing ok. So today hasn’t been a great day, It’s been pretty rubbish although I’ve had some good news (more on that later) but mostly bad, which left me pretty low. I reached a point today after a little cry where I saw up and thought, right I’ve had time to be low and now I’ve got to get on with what I need to do. For now, that means resting but keeping my mind active, doing my physio and then slowly moving up with the goal of still having a great summer. What’s being miserable going to achieve?

Now I know what some of you are thinking, It’s great for her, but I can’t do that. Let me tell you a little secret, for years when people told me to ‘stop being negative’ I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell and fight and make them understand that I just couldn’t be, why didn’t they understand? I just couldn’t be positive, I couldn’t get out of this black cloud and sometimes you can’t. You have to be at a point where you’re well enough and bit by bit you will get there, it just takes time.

Anyway, back to today. I’m not saying I won’t have lows, I have depression lows are a part of my life, so are anxiety attacks. I just want to try and control them, grab positives when I can. It is hard and I am struggling but I’ve been worse than this before and somehow I got through. I know I’m stubborn and headstrong, so I’m going to try and use that to be positive when I can. I’ve got so many people helping and caring for me, the least I can do is try. Although I had an avalanche of bad news, it wasn’t all bad, I’ve got an interview for some really incredible work opportunities, I got to see Joe today and I finally have physio booked!

Being positive with a mental health condition isn’t always easy but it is possible, just not all the time! Take some time to do something you want to do, go back to something you enjoy (for me it’s been sketching), make a plan of things you’d like to do or ,if you’re like me, lists can make you feel so much more in control of the situation (which I struggle with, not being in control make a very stressed Chloe). So even if right now, there is no light you can see in your life. If things are so stressful you just want to hide under the covers, you’ll get there and there WILL be better things to come. Also why not try reading the ‘helping yourself list‘ I wrote about last year?

I hope you’ve enjoyed todays blog, as ever leave a comment below and let me know what you think!

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Things get better!

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Hello you lovely lot!

Yesterday I was pretty down, I’m sure a lot of you saw it, I needed to get all the stress and anxiety and worries I had written down because I promised all of you I would be honest. Today was met with another trip to Kingston Hospital and desperately hoping something would be sorted. My lovely Mum came up today to come with me so that Ali could go and record Bass with the boys.

Now I’m very slow at walking at the moment, I’m hardly walking at all. So I met my Mum for a hot chocolate on this miserable rainy day and managed to find a Sylvia Plath book to pick me up a little bit before the big appointment, but that wasn’t what was amazing about today. This morning I started reading Katie Piper’s ‘Things Get Better’ after the horrible lows and anxiety yesterday. I tweeted about it and then the BEST thing happened KATIE REPLIED! THE KATIE PIPER!!!  Now I’m a huge fan of her’s she stands for everything I want to be and believe in. It gave me the push I needed to get me through the day! I want to get real copies of all her books, especially ‘Start your day with Katie’ to help with my positivity.

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My tweet from Katie Piper!!! 🙂 

Mum and I braved the rain and wind to get the bus to the hospital (thankfully the passengers and bus drivers were really helpful today, thank you!). I was terrified. Nobody had really told me what to expect or what could happen, the last I knew they were still on the edge of debating surgery. So I sat and waited to be called through for what seemed like ages until a friendly nurse called me through. The walk down the corridor was possibly the longest and most embarrasing. It’s painful to walk so I walk with tiny steps, holding on to the wall for support and I could see the sympathy in everyone’s faces while mine was going red with both determination and embarrassment. When I finally got into the room again the nurses were great getting me settled to wait for the doctor.

I try not to cry in these situations, I want to seem like a good patient, that I appreciate what doctors do. I held my Mum’s hand while waiting and just hoped they wouldn’t go ahead with surgery. The doctor was sweet, quick and good at what he had to do. He checked me over, answered my questions and apologised for the rudeness of A&E a few days before. Apparently my legs are strong, which is a happy surprise for me, he could see how much pain I was in and tried to make it as quick as possible. I was told a back brace would be needed, stronger painkillers and a follow up appointment with x rays in 6 weeks. That was it but I felt so much more confident that he knew what he was doing. Then on to physio while the nurse thankfully ran up to put my brace request in for me (it’s special equipment that needs to be ordered in).

I only had to wait 10 minutes to see my lovely physio lady, Linda. She was funny, kind and made me feel good and didn’t push me to see what movement I had for now! I really liked her and she me so now I have physio lined up asap but the good news is I should fully recover. I’ve also been suggested a wheelchair (now purchased) for days out and NOT to push myself too hard at all, like I kind of have been.

With the good news I called around, I’m also still allowed to go to Athens! Then it was off to buy a few new pair of PJs, The Simpsons ones, The Little Mermaid, Monsters Inc, Cola ones – thank you Primark! Finally Mum, Ali and I went for some dinner before I got taken home to rest again, it had been quite a painful day.

I’m still struggling with all of this, I know how lucky I am but I’m nervous about the Brace and Wheelchair. No ones ever been able to see something wrong with me, I get worried about how people will react, even if it is temporary. It might seem silly but I’m trying to work through and not get too angry/frustrated as I have been.

So there you go! Fully up to date and hopefully my wheelchair will be here after the weekend and I’ll have news on the rest of my appointments soon. I’m still super bored and in bed most of the time so I’m coming up with new things for the blog but I’d love for you guys to chat to me too, leave me a comment, tweet me, email me! I love to hear from you all!