Tonight at 8pm I stood at my window and clapped. Living in a block of flats and trying to isolate means the window was the best option. And when I cracked it open all I could hear was hands clapping…and it gave me a little bit of hope.
I’d be lying if I said the past few weeks hadn’t been tough on my mental health – I think they have been for all of us. My anxiety and panic attacks have increased and most of my ways have coping have been taken away. To put it simply the world had become a pretty dark and scary place.
When I can though, I try and list the good things in this, the little bits of hope that come through. For me personally, I’ve had the support of a fantastic team, my neighbour has grabbed us some bits while we can’t leave the house while my family dropped over much needed pads. We’ve had so many offers of support from friends and family too. Also, I’ve been told that some of my wonderful followers have sent me things from my Amazon wish list. I am so touched.
While my brain might be trying to tell me that everything is awful and getting out of bed is more difficult, these little rays of sunshine do so much. In all of this, there is kindness, there are good people. I am not trying to play down that things are scary right now – they are, but finding hope in all this is all we can do.
Well, we’re now into the second full day of the UK Lockdown. Firstly, thanks for reading yesterday’s post (you can catch up here), it means a lot to know you guys are reading along.
So, did the marvel of lockdown bring today – I took it a little easier and was a little kinder to myself. Ater working for a few hours I picked up and dusted of my Ukulele, started a new book and had my daily nap. I found doing this alleviated my anxiety at little, also having the sunshine coming through the window.
One thing I can’t help but keep coming back to though is ‘when this is over’. I know I’m not the only one who is missing the little things like being able to see my family, meet friends for a drink and take Bobbie or Max out for a walk.
To have something to look forward to I’ve started creating a list of things, big and small, that I’m looking forward to when life, eventually, gets back to normal.
Going to a beach
All this sunny weather we’re having has made me desperate to go to the beach and get some chips while soaking up the sun. I hope we have a great summer this year and can get outside.
Seeing all my friends for a huge catch up – including cocktails
I think a huge night out is in order because even an introvert like me can get a little stir crazy in these situations.
Seeing my family and family pets
This is probably the hardest part right now. I love seeing my family and having a quick catch up and cuppa. I haven’t been separated from my family for more than a week and a half since I moved back after graduation. I can’t wait to see and hug them all – particularly the pets.
Going to the Gym
I know, who am I and how did this happen? I haven’t written about it but before this all started I was having sessions with a personal trainer. While I’m self isolating focusing on exercise and food intake isn’t my biggest priority but as soon as it’s safe I’m looking forward to getting back to it. Also, last time I was there I lifted half my body weight, looking forward to seeing if I can increase that.
Carrying on with wedding plans
It’s just under 10 months until my wedding. It’s still going ahead, I’m still planning for everything we originally planned to happen. Obviously everything is on pause right now but I’m looking forward to when I can get back to it.
Visiting Ali at shows
As you can imagine it’s been pretty stressful seeing as all events are cancelled right now, meaning Ali’s not been able to work. I am so looking forward to being able to see him do his thing.
Treating Myself
I’m trying to be pretty frugal with my spending right now, so I’m not buying anything apart from essentials. So, you can bet that I’m planning on buying myself a new Juni, set of Dungarees or Mini Pini from Lucy and Yak if they still have my size.
Spontaneous Trips
Sometimes, when me and Ali are both home, we’ll go on a spontaneous trip out in the car. They’re not always that exciting but just getting out and doing something together is fun. Plus, there is a pub that does pretty good food opposite one airsofting shop and a comic book shop opposite the other.
What are you looking forward to? Let me know below!
Yes, I am fully aware that you now have Livin’ La Vida Loca in your head after reading that title and you are VERY welcome.
While I was working today I couldn’t get rid of the niggling feeling that I wanted to make some kind of record of what’s going on right now and, of course, I wanted to share it with you. These are very strange times and for the majority of us we haven’t experienced a lockdown before. While BoJo won’t explicitly call it a lock down it pretty much is.
So, I got the idea to start writing daily about my thoughts, experiences and once I came up with that title it HAD to happen. Is this going to be an enlightening read? I have no idea. Will it make you laugh? I hope so. I can’t promise that it will be constant laughs and sunshine, but it might give you some comfort from your own thoughts.
It also means that some days you might get 2 blogs from me, aren’t you lucky!
What Did Day One Have In Store?
As for most of us it wasn’t the most exciting day of my life but there were a few silver linings. I don’t know about you but my sleep cycle is broken right now meaning no matter how tired I am I wake up at 6.30am…even though I have nowhere to go (thanks brain).
First order of business, Disney Plus+, yep I literally woke up and signed up. I’ve been waiting too long to watch The Mandalorian and get started on the list I made.
I wish at this point I could say I got up and did Yoga or something like that but, alas, no I dozed for another hour while Ali recorded me snoring. Nice. As a bonus when I did drag myself out of bed I got to have some breakfast while watching The Muppets, not the worst way to start the day.
The rest of the morning was spent working, emailing and internal despair. Standard. Then I hit a bit of a rock. My mood plummeted and I felt absolutely exhausted. This shouldn’t have surprised me as much as it did, stress makes my Fibro worse so all of this was bound to have an impact on my health.
I have come to realise that getting through the next few weeks is going to include daily naps. Which…is ok. I’m trying to tell myself that anyway.
While the afternoon was pretty similar to the morning I did get my boost of energy, managed to have a bath and even had a delivery of pads left at the front door (I really owe my family one for that).
Overall thoughts for Day One
I know my mental health is probably going to be very edgy. Going out and seeing my close family, visiting pets and going out for a drive when I’m not feeling great has been my way of dealing with it for years now.
It’s going to take work to stay mentally well during this time and I think the main thing is that I need to be kinder to myself. If blocking out an hour to nap gets me through this then that’s really not the worst thing I could do. If watching Disney and ignoring the news for 99% of the day makes me happy then that’s cool too. One day at a time.
More than anything though, I will get through anything to make sure the people I love are safe. Staying indoors for a few weeks vs losing someone I love? It’s really a no brainer isn’t it.
I’m not sure if these will be every day, even though that’s the plan but I’d love to hear what you guys are up to as well and how you’re doing.
Also, here’s Livin’ La Vida Loca for you, because you still have it stuck in your head and it’s a feel good tune. Until tomorrow all!
Chloe Metzger 