Tag: feminism

Feminist Friday: Sexism is Exhausting

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When I was talking to Ali about being in a little bit of a writing slump, we spoke about what I could write about, what I’ve written about before and he said that right now I need to take some time for myself, because I don’t relax, because even at 22 I’m guilty of wanting to ‘have it all’. In short, I’m exhausted. I’m constantly asked about the future at this age and I get really, really stressed. I get stressed when adverts don’t reflect my body, when eating cake is seen as a ‘cheat’ or ‘treat’ for women, but not for men. I get stressed about my career, about how I look, about how many bullshit articles there are in women’s magazines.

We’re always demonised for wanting to have a family, a career, a happy relationship, told that we’ll burn out. At the same time, there’s still sexism in advertising, women are sold cleaning products, but used to sell sports cars rather than being the ones who want to purchase them.  We’re marketed to for cooking, cleaning and particular shows on TV have adverts that are ‘female friendly’ about periods and ovulation, while the football has adverts for beer and cars. Because of all this pressure sometimes I just look at it all and think screw it, why am I doing this? Why am I fighting when I’m exhausted and all I’m seen as is a bunch of hormones who wants to clean and procreate. Is it any wonder I don’t relax?!

I know that I’m not the only  one that has thought this way, not the only one to just feel so tired and frustrated with the world. I’ll be honest the past few weeks have been really tough with personal issues and when you’re already down sometimes you wonder if you’ll ever beat sexism. For me as a young 20 something I think about whether I’ll get discriminated against if I choose to have a child, whether I’ll be able to be top in my field while fitting in school runs and plays and parents evenings. Even as recently as yesterday there were comments because of a comment I posted about loving to work and that I didn’t intend to stop working after I have children and this was from another woman.

Even in 2016, I’m still plagued by these worries, these conversations that my other half doesn’t have to deal with. I see magazines and women’s bodies have been manipulated by software and where women are told how to ‘please their man’, rather than focusing on themselves. I see people I know make sexist jokes. I’m the focus of comments that constantly question my feminism because I haven’t always been this forward and I’ll be honest, it’s exhausting. I want to shout feminism and be a warrior for women all the time, but I wanted to be honest and say that sometimes I’m worn down, I look around and think, fuck how are we going to fix this?

This is NOT me giving up, it’s not even me taking a break. It is me reminding not only myself but others out there that it’s ok to feel frustrated, to feel like this is so big, so much bigger than us. Now I’ve calmed down and thought, written, I’ve realised that everyone has these days and that feminism and battling sexism isn’t something someone can take on on their own. I realised that we’re all in this together and that everyone is allowed to be scared or stressed or frustrated, these frustrations keep the fire burning but we can’t let them burn us out because otherwise, we’ll get nowhere.

 

Feminist Friday: 5 Contemporary Non Fiction Books Every Feminist Should Read

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We’ve all heard of the classic feminist texts from The Second Sex to The Female Eunuch, some of us have even studied them. While I fully understand their importance, they can be quite heavy and slightly hard to relate to the 21st century woman. Fear not! I’ve compiled a list of 5 Feminist books that I think are definitely worth a read. Don’t forget I love to hear from you all so if you can recommend any more, leave me a note in the comments!

 

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Girl Up 

Laura Bates features twice on this list, and with good reason. While a few years ago Laura was relatively unknown she’s now a key voice in modern british feminism. This is her second book, Girl Up is a book I wish I’d had growing up. With a mix of serious messages, humor and drawings of dancing vaginas (yes, you read that right), what more can I say? This has Laura’s stamp all over it and although it would help teenagers I thoroughly enjoyed it as a twenty something and it was comforting to know Laura herself wasn’t 100% confident in calling herself a feminist once upon a time.

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Everyday Sexism 

Laura’s first book was based on the website she founded, based to give women a safe space to call out everyday sexism, after it happened to her one too many times. It made me realise that, actually, the way I’d been treated in the street, in pubs and clubs, even at university wasn’t ok and I wasn’t ‘over reacting’. It’s such an important book and really makes you think about anything you may have passed off in fear of looking like you’re overreacting.

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How To Be A Woman

This book changed my life. Caitlin is an incredible writer and feminist. She’s both funny and gives insight into issues around us. This made me declare I was a feminist and not give a damn what anyone else thought. I reviewed it here.

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The Vagenda

Holly and Rhiannon have taken on the magazine and media culture we’re faced with. For a long time I’ve read women’s magazines and have increasingly felt frustrated were real women like this? Why did we need all these make up ads and ‘please your man’ articles recycled every month. This was eye opening and I found myself cheering them on and I haven’t read a ‘women’s’ magazine since.  

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Living Dolls: The Return of Sexism

I’ll admit that when I read a section of this for a class, I wasn’t impressed, however the more I read the more I agreed. Walter looks at the impact that the doll has had on women and why there is such a fascination with women being depicted as barbies or childlike. An intriguing read.

 

 

Book Review: Rad Women Worldwide – Kate Schatz

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I was sent a copy of this in exchange for an honest review.

It’s a known fact that women were often left out of the history books too often. Although we are getting better at recognising the impact that women have had in the past and are having now, books like this are a huge help. This is a beautifully illustrated and colourful book to highlight some of the great and interesting women throughout the world and history, while there are some that you will have heard of (Malala and Freida Khalo to name a few) and many that you will not have. I had no idea that women had such a prominent history in making peace, that there were female rulers of Egypt. There is so much that is missed out, important people that are only just starting to be recognised, or are sadly only recognised after their deaths. While there is a rich and diverse history in this book, I was longing for more by the time I reached the end and I’m hoping that there will be more to come. This is definitely a five star read and I’d recommend it to anyone who wants to know more about the incredible women or past and present.

Feminist Fridays: The Sun Can’t Handle Emma Watson’s success

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Emma Watson gave a brilliant speech this week in regards to sexual assault in universities in colleges. Emma has been vocal in a thought provoking and honest way about gender equality after becoming a UN Goodwill Ambassador. Once again, the Sun has shown is misogynistic colours and highlighting the fact that it cannot be considered a newspaper, due to it not reporting the facts. The Sun as a paper has had multiple issues in regards to sexism over the years from Page 3 to their coverage of women in general, this is it’s latest blow. By refusing to call Emma by her name, merely by a character’s, the Sun appear childish and petty, while making it appear to be something to laugh about. Clearly the ‘journalist’ who wrote the piece thought that a young woman of high intelligence (who achieved consistently high grades and studied at Oxford and Brown for her degree) who is attempting to promote equality of the sexes was a threat, just as many of their colleagues at the Sun have done previously.

Perhaps what is most horrific, the writer has deemed a call for equality and highlighting the high statistics of rape that are happening around the world as ‘whinging leftie crap’ shows a shocking amount of ignorance. Rape, whether that is towards men or women, is a violent sexual act, if standing up and standing out is ‘whinging leftie crap’ then call me what you like. They continue to state that ‘all actresses’ will talk about such issues if ‘given the chance’, a woman using her voice to do good in the world you say? The horror. Again, the author of the piece highlights women in this context specifically, by noting only actresses they leave it open for men to speak out and take up causes, but allude to women having to stay silent. Oh no that they are allowed opinions, but shouldn’t be taken seriously (because that makes it ok). The author also took a jab at actress Angelina Jolie, known for her high profile charity campaigns as well as acting talents, and her impending divorce. The sexism is astounding and I question the editor that allowed what I can only describe as poison, to be published in a national paper.

It’s obvious to me that a large majority of those who work at the Sun fear young and intelligent women speaking out. They fear women stepping forward and challenging ideas, rather than just being something to undress and look at. Time and time again women have been shamed for how they look or disrespected by tabloid press for how they choose to act. They use their prying eyes to take pictures of young actresses and use headlines such as ‘all grown up’ to describe young women who have only just turned eighteen, so that they can present them to readers in sexualised formats. These are all tactics to keep women silent, to keep their opinions to themselves. It is in light of this that both women and men need to stand up against such blatant sexism in the press.

Feminist Fridays: Little Girls and Lipstick

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I’m a firm believer that women should do what empowers them and not take any notice of anyone else. For some this means putting on their make up or perhaps a lipstick to go out, to make them feel confident. Hell, I know I’ve put on a splash of lipstick to make me feel more confident than I really am. While I’m not a frequent make up wearer, I understand that others do and respect their choice. Banning make up isn’t going to sole gender inequality in the world. This week, however, I did have a serious think about children and make up.

When I was a little girl I thought my Mum’s red lipstick was the most classy thing ever ( which is probably where my love for a good red lip comes from), but she only did this when we were going out somewhere special. Day to day, while my Mum used make up it wasn’t made out to be a big thing, she could go out without it if she wanted too, and often did. Now she has two daughters, one who has minimal interest in make up (me) and another who can shame some make up artists if she tried (my sister). I thought back to our childhoods and the way make up was presented to us, it was just another thing. Did we want our nails painted like our Mums? Of course we did but that’s all it was, Mum never showed us a desperation or a need for make up.

Now, when I look for presents for my Goddaughter, due to the fact she’ll be a big sister soon, I find myself increasingly frustrated about what is put on the shelves and the child models themselves. Someone on my Facebook shared an image of a toy that was marketed as 5+ but, alarmingly, the little girls on the front appeared to have red lips. There are piles upon piles of ‘toys’ that have nail varnishes, lipgloss etc with Disney Princesses on. I fully understand little girls wanting to be like their Mums and Sisters but at the same time I’m worried that at the age of 3 or 4 little girls are introduced to an idea that playing, for them, is to do with their appearance.

We all know that growing up is not easy, so why are the toy companies cashing in on making little girls grow up even quicker? I know it’s about business, I know it’s about profit but there’s something I find deeply uncomfortable about it. You don’t want a 4 year old thinking that all they can do is play with dolls and lipgloss. I’m a big believer in letting children be children, because they are for such a short time. Women are told to worry about their bodies from all kinds of media for their entire lives, but putting lipstick on a child that’s going to go on a toy box? It’s too far. We need to take back the toy aisles. We need to tell girls it’s ok to want to play with other things, that they can build whatever they like about lego and we need the kids on the boxes to look like happy and healthy kids, not a dressed up version.

Sometimes, when I write these, I just feel an overwhelming sadness. I struggled so much to fit in even at secondary school because the only make up I was interested was eyeliner, and a lot of it. I struggled when girls would be making up dance routines or playing ‘Mums and Dads’, because I was leading an army in the woods with the boys. I’m not saying that I didn’t LOVE body glitter the age of 10 or put on my Mum’s make up like other girls, of course I did at home. The thing is for almost al of my life I’ve felt like make up was just a thing, not the be all and end all. I don’t care if I go on without it, but I worry about what little girls are seeing now. Look at everyone on Youtube doing make up tutorials, the images used on boxes and the pop stars they watch. There’s never a hair out of place and images are photoshopped for perfection. It may only be a little bit of make up on a model but I for one want to give kids as much time to be kids as possible, before they have to deal with growing up.

Feminist Fridays: The Stanford Case

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The Stanford Rapist was released this month, after a mere 3 months in jail after being convicted of raping an unconscious woman behind a dumpster, only to be caught by two men who tackled him to the ground. For women everywhere the fact that the rapist was ordered to serve 6 months (and got let out early for ‘good behaviour’) instead of the many years he could have served was a slap in the face. It was explained that a longer sentence would have a big impact on his life…with no mention of the young woman who has to live with the trauma of being raped for the rest of her life. Oh and he was and still is notoriously described as the ‘swimmer’ rather than rapist, a title he deserves.

Sexual Assault can happen to both men and women and both are considered a taboo to speak out about. While women are notoriously shamed for what they drank, who they go out with and what they wear, lawyers will also go to extreme lengths to make it sound like the woman ‘wanted it’. In this case, being unconscious behind a bin doesn’t add up to wanting sex, it adds up to being drugged and abused. I won’t write his name on my blog, because he is disgusting and repulsive plus any news outlet has too much information on him anyway. There have been an outpouring of emotional responses, none that touched my heart more than the video below:

Assault is assault, it needs to be punished.

Feminist Fridays: Career AND Family- Why I Refuse to Choose.

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We all know that the dreaded question is asked of all women at a certain age, when are you going to have children (it’s never are you going to have children, but that’s for another post). Recently I was having a conversation which somehow turned to me and my partner having children in the future. I was slightly caught off guard because it’s not something we’re planning on for a few years, until were both settled with secure incomes and our own home (we’re currently living with family while we get on our feet after university). Even so, our company were adamant that I would be leaving work and my career to care and raise our children, while he goes and earns the money to support us.

Yeah. You read that right.

I couldn’t hide my shock at being told this. When asked why I have to be the one to stay at home/ give the most care I was simply told it’s because I’d give birth to them. Well…that’s what maternity leave is for. It simply wasn’t accepted that my partner, who I’d trust with my life, should look after our children, nor should I be the one to support us (even though we’ve discussed this in the past and will make the decision  .

I’m one of those women who has known she’s wanted children since her teens. I love kids, I love my friends kids and I’d love to be a Mum someday. BUT that’s not all I want to be, I love my job and I’m excited about my career and where it can go for me. I want to be able to travel and work my butt off in something that I’m passionate about. Neither of these are either/or situations. I’m lucky that I work with two wonderful women who have balanced a child and a job.

I feel like there are too many people who think that gender stereotypes are the way it should be and the way it should stay. We’re in 2016! As I’ve said time and time again Feminism is about making a choice. My Mum, Aunt and Nanna all raised their kids at home and that was their choice and it made them happy. I know people who’s Mum’s worked full time, who worked part time. None of these situations did their children any harm. We guilt mothers who go out to work, because in societies eyes once you’re a mother that’s your only identity. Likewise mothers who stay at home to raise their children are deemed ‘unfeminist’ by some, which is total BS. We need to make sure women have the right to choose in both a social and economic way.

I’m not planning on having a child for years but I know right now that having a child won’t automatically stop my career. I fully intend to work, because ultimately I’ve worked hard and in the next few years I intend to work even harder. There should be choice for women AND men. I refuse to chose between one and the other. I refuse to put the pressure on my partner to be the breadwinner and refuse to be pressured myself.

Have you had similar things said to you?

 

 

Feminist Fridays: Can Women Ever Really Win?

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Today the French High Court ruled that the ‘burkini ban’ as it has been dubbed is illegal. After images of a woman being forced to undress on a beach in France made headlines around the world, it lead me to think about whether a woman can ever really win in terms of what they wear. So, when seeing this image I don’t think anyone else has quite summed it up in better way. It’s apparent that women from all backgrounds and walks of life a judged and/ or deemed unsuitable by someone.

Women are told that they should cover up, have respect for themselves, because they need to have pride, but not too much. You need to look attractive for work, but not too attractive because otherwise you won’t be taken seriously. If you don’t put on make-up or style your hair you’re lazy and don’t want to make an effort. And hair on your body? Do you have no pride? As for breasts, don’t even think about feeding your child in public, get to the toilet it’s too vulgar, but if you want to show them online or in a magazine you’re more than welcome. As long as you’re thin enough that is. You want to cover up? Why would you want to do that are you fridged? Of course you are with a skirt length like that. Covering your face and your hair for a religion? You must be oppressed, stand up to them. You want to cover up on a beach? We can’t allow that, it’s illegal here.

There are so many contradictions and expectations upon women, of course there are also issues for men in terms of what is expected of them, that I’m not denying. The Burkini ban, however, shows the extent of the ridiculousness that we have found ourselves in. The swimming costume was not offensive and didn’t do any harm, instead it allowed a woman to feel comfortable while enjoying time with her family. Feminism, after all, is about women having the right to choose what they do with their bodies. It’s not different to someone wearing a swimming cap and wetsuit. There is so many more problems that police and law makers should be focusing on, instead of alienating women simply for what they chose to wear.

 

A HUGE thank you to @LaSauvageJaune for letting me use this image.

 

Feminist Fridays: Back to the Archives My First Public Feminism Post

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For this weeks Feminist Friday, I wanted to take you back to the first post where I unapologetically called myself a feminist. I’d had some years that I’m not proud of where I both feared and loathed the label, I wanted equality, why did I need to be called a feminist? Weren’t most of them all angry and man hating (a common misconception). I’m not the first young woman to have felt that feminism wasn’t for them, and I wouldn’t have been the last BUT in the summer before my final year I read a lot (what else is new) and I found what I’d been looking for. I found other women who initially thought the label was too much but then realised there was so much BS in the world if you’re a female. So I wrote this blog and I hope that I’ll show that feminism and feminists aren’t as scary as people make them out to be. We just want equality and we don’t hate men (well no true feminist does).  Enjoy my archive post titled ‘I am a Feminist’, because now I’m so damn proud of that label. 

A lot of people may see the title of this post and think, so what? I’ve thought about writing this for a while and put it off for no reason other than I didn’t want to get this wrong. I am publicly declaring I am a feminist and anything I thought or wrote before is now over written. I’ve always been a feminist but I hadn’t always liked or used the word. I’ve been a feminist since I was a little girl where I’d shout GIRL POWER at everyone while wearing girl power temporary tattoos and would play armies at school and take charge. I’ve been a feminist since I got bored of barbie and used to sketch out my own dolls who could do anything and be anything. I’ve been a feminist since I was a passionate and angry teenager  determined that women could be and do anything and later as an excited 17 year old who saw a poster for the feminist society at university. Then something changed. I came to uni and got in an argument with a male feminist about how oppressed and angry I should feel. As a rule I hate being told what I should and shouldn’t do or feel, more people tried to fit me into a mold so I decided I didn’t want to be a feminist if that’s what people expected of me.

For a long time I, like a lot of young women, refused to call myself a feminist. I didn’t like the way the word had ugly connotations of man hating, being angry and not wanting to shave or wear a bra. I hate body hair on any human and I love a good bra (let’s face it, exercising without one is just damn painful). I’d say I was a humanist and other things like that, I got in arguments at uni and a lot of ‘feminists’ made me feel like I had to conform to their way of living and thinking. Fast forward to when I broke my spine and had a lot of spare time on my hands and something changed. I picked up a copy of How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran for my Writing Women class and it spoke to me. I suddenly felt like I belonged and I could be a feminist and still be myself.

I read and continue to read every book on feminism and strong women that I could get my hands on. I got more interested in politics and women in an international context. I was happy talking about feminism and debating with others. I wanted to be part of a great group of men and women who wanted positivity and empowerment. I’ve said too many that I feel feminism is something you need to discover for yourself and not just tell people WELL YOU ARE, that just pisses people off. I found, fell in love and embraced feminism. I love women like Roxanne Gay too who question what it means to be a feminist in her book ‘Bad Feminist’, because I don’t think there is one true way of being a feminist.

I’m all for women going out and getting a career but I’m also totally supportive of stay at home Mums. My first female role models who I spent time looking up to were my Mum, my Aunt and my Nanna all three are incredible, powerful, kick ass women and all three were stay at home Mums. I also admire working women too, I’ve learnt a lot from my boyfriend’s Mum, who’s always worked. They’re all different and all deserve to be respected for different things.

I also feel that a woman can do what they like with their bodies. I’m not against glamour modelling or the porn industry. Don’t get me wrong there are issues and that’s a whole blog post right there, but if women WANT to do that to their bodies then who is anyone else to dictate to them? Because to me feminism is all about having a choice.

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image from Pinterest via Popsugar

 

I could go on and say all the things we need to fight and put right in the world gender stereotypes, rape, female education around the world, the children debate, etc. I could write about all the men on Twitter, when I posted about equality, who told me I was wrong that the pay gap was a myth and feminism wasn’t needed anymore. I could apologise for being young and naive when I said I wasn’t a feminist. Really though, I just want to say that I’m a big fan of feminism and other women. I don’t want to get angry and compete with them or knock them for every little thing. I certainly don’t want to stand up and go well women are better and men suck, I love men!

I’m writing this because I felt like it was the right time for me to say. I’ve been thinking about feminism instead of sleeping and looking up more books to add to my collection. I know there are some fantastic women out there who I’ve yet to meet and I also know there are people who will judge me first on being a woman before anything else, but you know what I’m excited. I’m excited that I’m a part of this community and that we live in a time where there are so many people working for equality and hopefully less hatred.

So there you go, I’m a feminist, how about you?

Feminist Friday: We Need To Talk About Rio

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This week the world has marveled at the Rio Olympics, where incredibly talented olympians compete to be the best in the world at their sport. After blood, sweat and tears winning bronze, silver, or the all important gold should earn the utmost respect, but alas there has been rampant sexism in the way in which the games have been reported, in respect to both female and male athletes. For an event that is viewed by the entire world, it’s alarming at the extent of the sexism we have been seeing.

Here are just some of the issues in reporting we’ve seen.

  • Women referred to as ‘girls’ and ‘girls teams’.
  • The chief of NBC’s Marketing delcaring that women watch the Olympics for the ‘reality tv’ aspect, not the sport.
  • Recurrent scrutiny of female athletes bodies, particularly in gymnastics.
  • When a woman wins, she’s described as competing ‘like a man’
  •  Female presenters having complaints put against them, not for their skills in presenting, but due to the length of their skirts.
  • Bronze medallist Corey Cogdell being described as the ‘Wife of a Bears’ Lineman’ instead of olympic athlete.
  • Recurrent focus on female athletes as mothers.
  • Cosmopolitan magazine’s ‘bulge’ articles, focusing only on the looks of men, rather than their ability.
  • Katinka Hossu’s world record being put down to the success of her husband who was deemed ‘responsible’ for her success.
  • The women’s judo final being compared to a cat fight.
  • Katie Ledecky and Simone Biles constantly being compared to male athletes.

I couldn’t write Feminist Friday’s without talking about such a major event and the issues surrounding it. The Olympics are celebrated throughout the world and yet, in mainstream media, women are still classified as being inferior to men. On the flip side the fact that women’s magazines are merely focusing on the size of a man’s bulge is not ok. Why are we focusing on these petty and superficial things instead of people’s talent? While some may think there’s aren’t big issues, it’s the way we consume media that makes them a big deal. Little girls will aspire to be like these olympians, do we want them to think that no matter how talented, they will always be compared to a man? Do we want little boys to be self conscious about how their bodies look and nothing else (because we know women are faced with this on a larger scale)? Let’s actually focus on the talent and the sport and not let these terrible and often talentless commentators and journalists take away from their glory with pathetic comments.