carrying on surviving the past year

Carrying On: Surviving the Past Year

Hello, hello, hello

I know, why am I talking about the past year when it’s April? You see the past year has been tough, really damn tough. It was unexpected and difficult and at times I didn’t really know how I was going to get through it all. I wish that was me being dramatic, I really do.

Career Changes

Aaaaaand this is where it kicked off. In April 2017 I was let go from a Marketing job. To be fair I wasn’t happy in it and now I know it was a good thing, a really good thing. So I did some temp work, some more work which turned out to be temp work before I found my current job. Now I do what I wanted to do when I graduated, I work in Social Media. I love doing extra research, looking at stats and people listen to what I have to say! That said my confidence took a really bad hit for a chunk of the year but I’m back guys!

 

Relationships!

So, Ali is a Sound Engineer and back in April 2017 he hadn’t done much travelling for work. We also hadn’t spent more than 2 weeks apart since we were 13 and 14. Everything changed in that regard this year. Now we’re used to spending time apart from a few nights to two months after a busy summer and his first tour. When it first came around I panicked, I cried and I was petrified of sleeping alone. Now? I miss him but hello, double bed for one? Yes, please.

Personal Challenges

Only a few days after losing my job, I lost my second Dwarf Hamster, Hamski. That was heartbreaking, we knew she was old but the timing just seemed cruel. Because of everything that was going on my mental health took a hit, I became very anxious and depressed, I thought that everything was destined to fail in my life. I was in a lot of pain which, I found out was going to continue to be a constant in my life. I really had to work hard to overcome my personal issues to succeed.

But it wasn’t all bad…

Of course, I’m going to throw in a cliche. It has to rain for flowers to grow. I believe that everything happens for a reason in your life, this year reminded me how resilient I am. I’ve been knocked on my arse and got up again. I’ve got a job that I love, that I feel so passionate about. I have my little Hamster, Wickett. Ali and I are actually closer since he started working away and then coming back. I started to get comfortable with how ‘boring’ I am. I know I can be fully independent if I need to be.

Long story short, it was shit but I got through it and I bet you could too.

 

Sunday 7: Reasons YOU need to vote

Tomorrow is the deadline to register to vote in the UK General Election 2017. But, why should you vote? It’s a difficult time, a snap election has been called and everything feels a bit rushed. I know that a lot of people are irritated and disenfranchised with politics and the government. So, why should you vote?

Because your voice needs to be heard 

We know that there aren’t enough young people in parliament, but that doesn’t mean your voice isn’t heard. Voting means that you can have a voice and be heard.

Because you can make the change you want to see 

Vote in the people you believe will make a difference and change.

Because it helps make the country a better place for you and others like you 

I’ll be voting for what is important for me and the communities that I am a part of. Who will make the country better for your community? If you don’t vote then who else will?

Because every.single.vote.counts. 

There’s no such thing as a wasted vote, your vote could make all the difference.

Because so many sacrificed so that you could 

People died so that you could vote. Don’t forget that.

Because ignoring a problem won’t make it go away

If you have a problem with the way the country is being run, complaining online won’t do anything, actually voting for the person you think is best will.

Because if you don’t, you can’t complain. 

If you don’t vote, you’ve done nothing to try and stop what you want to complain about.

You have until 11.59 on the 22nd May to register, click the link here and make your voice heard. 

Get registering, get voting!

Change is what I needed.

I’ve made no secret of the fact that last month I lost my job and it was horrible. I felt completely devastated and my confidence took a big hit. I won’t go into specifics but I didn’t know it was going to happen, so I had absolutely no backup plan. At the time I remember Ali saying to me that this could be the best thing that ever happened to me, I scoffed at him. How could that be? At the time I panicking over how I was going to make rent and what the hell I was going to do next.

The thing is, and don’t tell him, but he was right. I’ll be honest and say that I was in a job that didn’t make me happy but I stuck at it and tried to make the best of the situation. While it sucked that I got let go, and at the time it seemed like the world was collapsing, it gave me time to think.

While I was looking I was offered a 3-month contract with a local company, good pay and a new experience. I was nervous but took it and it’s completely changed my outlook on my life and myself. After a month of being there, I feel a lot better. I’m not leaving the house at 7.15am and getting stuck in traffic for an age on the way home. I’m not stressed about everything and I have other people around me who have experience in marketing to help and teach me.

While I know I’m on a contract it could go many ways, I’ve already decided to keep an eye on the company notice board so that I can stay in a place where I’m happy. I never thought that losing my job could be a good thing and it wasn’t at the time but getting to the point that I am now? It was worth it.

Of course, I don’t have it worked out. I still have days where I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing and worry about the future, who doesn’t? But it made me realise that I get to work with a smile on my face and leave with one too, I can have a job where I don’t come home and feel stressed until I go to bed. There will be challenges ahead, I know that but right now I have a good feeling and a positive outlook and that’s really what I needed.

Hello August

Hello August

Like the rest of you, I’m scratching my head as to how it got to August so fast. I’m also marvelling at how different this August is going to be. Some things will stay the same, it’s still going to be my anniversary in two weeks (!!), it’s still going to rain a fair bit, my sister is still going to argue with my Mum about new school shoes. Some things though, have really changed. For the first time since I was 4 I’m not preparing to go and buy my new supplies for the new term, get new clothes or uniform. For the first time I’m not lounging around my house or working a part time job. For the first time I go to office meetings while looking at the beautiful views from my window (above).

A lot of people have written these types of post today, I’ve enjoyed looking at a few. I felt a slight sense of unease when I looked at the date today because from this month, things start to slow down. I started to panic, what do I have to look forward to? Did I make the right decision to completely stop studying? Change is necessary, but it doesn’t make it any less scary. So, I have a few things planned a trip up north, my 22nd birthday, comic con. In fact I have something to look forward to every month until the end of the year, but I guess this feeling of unease comes from a break in what has been my routine since I was a little girl, but you know what, I’m kind of looking forward to it.

So hello August, show me what you’ve got.

Taking a Chance

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If I’ve learnt anything in the past year it’s that you can make all the plans you want, life has a way of making sure you do what you need to do. I’m going down a completely different path to the one that I thought I would, because I took a chance.

I’d set up this whole plan of being an academic, staying in Kingston and just seeing what happened. I realise now that that career path was partly due to fear. I thought I would stay in education forever because it was something I was good at, I was the smart girl and there was money to be won, it just seemed like a natural progression. Then this year I just kind of fell out of love with the idea slowly. I got told by my lecturers how they struggled, that they couldn’t get jobs and were in so much debt. That’s one thing I didn’t want. I hate borrowing money and I hate being in debt, I didn’t want to do all of that work and deal with all the stress and then not have a job at the end of it.

Falling into doing Marketing by accident was the best thing I ever did. It had been suggested to me that I look into it before but I thought you had to be a bigshot to do marketing, apparently not. It’s something that I’m good and similarly with my job, I just threw myself in and applied. I just thought, why not? And I got it. I think that’s what I’m going to take from the uni experience, just do things and see what happens. I know I’ve landed myself with a brilliant job, I’m learning, working with some amazing people and hopefully I’ll be travelling for work too, something I never thought I would do.

 

Image from Pinterest

Overwhelmed.

Mental illness doesn’t disappear, even when your life is on the up.  Tomorrow is a big day, tomorrow I put some bags and my hamsters in a car go to my parents and start the next part of my life. I’ll pick up my new car (!!) and then in the morning go to my new job that I’ll hopefully have for a long time to come. Everything is on the up, life’s getting better and better but I still find myself at times suffocated by my anxiety and feeling like I can’t breathe. I’m excited and terrified at the same time but it feels like everything is going so fast and I need to hold on to something. I guess this is normal, it’s a normal thing for someone who’s having this much change happening in their life to feel. I do have a bonus, I’m moving closer to my family and as of next weekend I’ll have Ali back by my side. I know everything will be ok and this is just a phase in my life but either way, my anxiety is kicking up a notch and I’m going to make sure I can live with it and not let it take over my life.

Looking Forward – Hello 2016

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It’s 2016. I look up at this year like a big mountain and I’m going to have to climb to the top.

I’m not going to write about resolutions because I don’t make them. A lot of people with depression will tell you the winter when it’s dark and rainy and just generally shit outside is not the best time to try and change your life. In the past I’ve made changes in the summer when I feel like I have more hours in the day, I feel like I can go outside and look at the sky because it’s clear and that just calms me down.

Instead of setting these huge goals and comparing myself to others I’m going to carry on with what I started in 2015. I’m going to stick to my weekly gym routine, although now I’m signing up to a bigger gym. I’m going to carry on trying to eat right to feel better about myself and lose some of the weight that I put on after the accident.

The biggest challenge, without a doubt, is going to be the changes I’ll face during the summer. I’m not scared of doing or submitting assignments, I’m nervous about graduation. I’m nervous about finding a job and starting my masters. I think, for me, getting through all those changes in my life is going to be enough hard work, so I’m not going to worry about resolutions.

Hopefully this year will be better than the last! Happy 2016 everyone ❤