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I have a crush on Amy Schumer

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A few weeks ago I went to see the incredible Trainwreck and it was my first time watching Amy Schumer doing her thing. I’ve spent the evening watching her stand up and I think I definitely have a crush on Amy, she’s funny, she’s real and she’s frank about sex and being a woman. Is she offensive? Yes. But she likes to make people feel uncomfortable with comedy, it gets them talking and thinking and if they’re outraged then that’s fine, because I dare you to find a comedian who’s never offended anybody ever. That’s right, you can’t.

Now I can’t claim that I relate to Amy on the whole single girl, slutty, partying thing but on most other things I can laugh along and understand. It also pisses me off when people say she’s ‘funny for a woman’ I mean really? I didn’t know that having a penis was a requirement to be funny. I love funny women Amy, Sarah Millican, Miranda Hart (although I don’t like her routine she’s made me laugh occasionally), Emma Blackerry. I also love that they swear (uh oh, you’re all thinking here goes Chloe’s rant).

Now, here’s the thing. Imagine me, on stage, playing a show which has mostly guys performing and there’s me all short and cute and shit. I go on stage after guys and I can hold my own, I can say fuck too! But because I’m a girl I still get told to ‘be more ladylike on stage’, in fact a few people I used to hang around with came to a show recently and got all high and mighty because I occasionally swear on stage. It’s not like every other word is swearing but they were all ‘ woaaaaah act like a girl’, to which I replied fuck off.

It’s one of the best things about Amy, she does swear and talk about sex in her routines. She’s not all prim, proper and ladylike. The thing with women like her is people think they’re incapable of being polite and not swearing, people assume the same about me, but guess what? This whole persona is one part of a person and generally when it’s appropriate. I don’t go and drop an f-bomb when I’m with my grandparents or when I’m giving a mental health speech? I don’t make sex jokes or call people dicks at work. There’s a difference between funny and stupid…most of the time anyway.

What have I done this summer?

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I’ve been thinking a lot about the expectations of summer today and for the past few weeks. As we creep closer to September and the evenings start getting darker that little bit earlier summer is scampering away before our very eyes. While I was lying on the bed at my appointment yesterday, as my physio was telling me to slow down and not push the muscles too hard something in me snapped. NO! I wanted to scream in my head, No I’m done, I want a summer do over, I want to go and explore the world and write books and go all over London. Just give me a do over. But I was sat slowly trying to pull my knees towards my chest and having my reflexes checked every week to make sure that I wasn’t getting worse. I was waiting on doctors appointments and adjusting medication levels every few weeks. What the hell was I going to say once I got back to uni?

Almost on queue my anxiety  kicked in today, with a days of depressive thoughts too. What if everyone just ignored me when I couldn’t keep up or go on nights out properly? What if I just sat in the corner while everyone talked about how awesome their summer plans were and how they were glad they spent their last summer before graduating having fun and being young? All I could say was that I fractured my spine, got to go in an ambulance and slept a lot.

So I got sad, got angry, and tried to convince myself getting out of bed and getting dressed was going to be a good move. I threw on some clothes after a while and scraped back my hair, intending to take some pictures of Kingston in the sun. The short story is that it didn’t happen, the long version includes a lot of muscle spasms and swearing. So I moped even more and did housework. Now I bet you’re thinking why do I want to read her moaning about life being sucky, WAIT, this bits almost over, I promise.

I thought the words, what have I done this summer? After waves of negativity I had a lightbulb moment, I managed to get my spine to heal back together. I realised how awesome and amazing my body had been this summer. I might not have done anything that other people I know will have done like a trip to Australia or going to Reading Fest, but my body has managed to piece itself back together and escape never being able to use my legs again.

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I realised that it was pretty awesome that I’ve gone from needing help to get out of bed, to walk even the tiniest bit and helped out of the bath every time (now it’s not as often) to having the independence to go to work and my physio appointments without everyone being anxious about it. I’ve learnt to deal with doctors and have a love for nurses. I’ve learnt that I can handle levels of pain I wouldn’t imagine and that if my determination ever needed testing this would do it. I didn’t back down on going to Athens or performing at Basingstoke Live, as people keep telling me I’ve been pretty bad ass.

I still have a long way to go, more appointments, more physio and having to adjust my plans but your body healing itself is a pretty awesome thing and it even makes me forgive the stretch marks that have caused me so much upset lately. Even with all that and the chance I’ll never be able to ride again/ it will be too much of a risk, the experience has made me grow, as cheesy as it sounds. I’ve picked myself up from lows I never thought I’d have and I’ve seen the beauty in the people around me.

So that’s what I’ve done this summer, how about you?

Book Review: It’s Kind Of A Funny Story – Ned Vizzini

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“Sometimes I just think depression’s one way of coping with the world. Like, some people get drunk, some people do drugs, some people get depressed. Because there’s so much stuff out there that you have to do something to deal with it.”

Craig has a good life, he goes to a top school in New York, has a loving family and a good group of friends. Craig is also depressed. After deciding he doesn’t want or need to take his medication any more, a few nights later he decides that he’s going to kill himself. But something stops him that night and he finds himself checking into a psychiatric ward and into a completely new world. To get better a lot has to change and Craig has to get to know himself.

There are books in life that somehow just explain your life. They make you feel like you’re not alone and you’re not as crazy as you thought you were. For me, It’s Kind of a funny story was like that. I’ve only ever read one other book that understood how I felt was The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. You see, Vizzini’s main character Craig is a perfectionist, he wants success and if one thing goes wrong he spirals he starts to ‘cycle’ which, if you’ve never experienced it is a bad thing. Thoughts keep coming and coming until you can’t think straight,sometimes you feel like you can’t breathe. His high ambition and determination takes over his life to the point that the majority of his cycles are about the work he’s going (or lack of it).

A few people have criticised some of the actions of the teenagers on the ward and I’ll admit that, at first, I was sceptical and thought could things like this really happen? Then I remembered I was reading about teenagers, and I think that’s something you have to keep in mind while reading this novel. Craig isn’t an adult and while some of the things he struggles with might be hard to understand as an adult I can fully remember these feelings and emotions as a teenager myself.

I can fully praise this novel for its portrayal of what it’s like to have a mental illness as a teenager and also for reiterating that you should never just stop taking your medication. I don’t think I’ve ever been able to read something and just feel every bit of what the character is going through; the anxiety, the need to achieve, thinking that you can handle everything when in fact you’re only slightly getting better and last but not least finding a creative way to release all the frustrations. The reason that Vizzini can write this so well is because he himself has lived it. Like Plath’s novel, Vizzini’s is semi autobiographical; he was in a mental health unit as a teenager. On a personal level, I don’t think that experience ever truly leaves you. I’m inspired by him and incredibly saddened to learn that he took his own life a few years ago.

I want to give this novel five stars *****. This really is something else, not only is there a positive portrayal of young people with mental health conditions but also of teenagers in general. Craig does nothing wrong except try, and I think that’s more common than a lot of people realise. People with mental health problems can have a perfectionist side, which without help can take over, I certainly know mine does. I want everyone to read this because it is amazing, educational and I found that it really gave me some hope and someone to connect with. Go and pick a copy up now!

Review by Chloe Metzger

Who’s that girl?

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Who’s that girl I see looking at me from a magazine? She’s perfect, she has flawless skin, bright eyes and not a hair out of place, she’s thin, there are no hips, no cellulite, although despite her skinny frame her breasts are fantastic. She’s not real. Tonight I spent a good amount of time watching the above and this afternoon I was reading my normal monthly set of women’s magazines.

Now I’m not going to use this article to bash women’s magazines because I know some who really do support women, although I can’t claim to understand some of the articles. I do have a problem with advertising, because it promotes an image that none of us can achieve. I’ve said many times on this blog that I’m not always happy with my body, especially as of late. I fractured my spine, I put on some weight and I wish I could say so what but I’m surrounded by images of thin and beautiful women.

I’m not saying we ban an idea of beauty, I mean who hasn’t used a good filter on Instagram? Or been happy with a little touch up here and there? Of course we do. I also want you to think about any time you’ve felt a little bit sad looking at pictures or thought I wish I looked like that, because I know that as an impressionable teenager I had these fleeting thoughts but they wouldn’t damage me right? Wrong. In part these images added to my feelings of self consciousness and comparing myself to other women.

In the video about I heard about young women who took on teen magazines to limit the use of photoshop. This gives me so much joy and hope. At that age you don’t always know that these images aren’t real, that you can’t look like that. I remember posing like Paris Hilton (I was a young teenager, and it was the early 2000s, give me a break) in a holiday snap to try and look thinner…I wasn’t fat to begin with. Children and young people are very impressionable, especially as you hit the teenage years your body is doing things you have no control over, your spotty or greasy or whatever.

Now for most of us who are bullied and teased we grow up and shed that awkwardness, even just a little, but at the same time we didn’t have the glare of social media. I just want to educate young girls that this isn’t real and at the same time. I want the media to stop sexualising everything they can, to not cut a model like a pumpkin, carving what they want out of you.

Just preparing for a project I’m going to do and looking at the words used in women’s magazines and they’re almost as responsible as the pictures. I want to do something positive. I want to shout it for the roof tops as I remind my little sister that she is the most naturally beautiful person I know and my little cousin that just because we’re a different shape to my sister doesn’t mean were not beautiful too. I want to make people not feel ashamed to wear makeup or want to get fitter but to know that there are so many different types of perfect and not just the models in a magazine.

What I’m reading: August Bookhaul!

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Hello to my lovely readers! It’s time for this months book haul and this month it’s more than my normal six books because I won an amazon voucher for some writing I did for Endsleigh Student Insurance company!

This months books are a mix of shop bought, reccommendations and a few on the amazon 3 for £10 offer that I am in love with. So here we go!

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Pretty Think – Jennifer Nadel 

This was one of my recent finds in the YA section at Waterstone’s it was tucked away but immediately got my attention. A teenage girl, an older man and attacks happening around town? Count me in.

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The Tiny Wife – Andrew Kaufman 

Another one of my wandering finds as I was looking for another one of Kaufman’s book (which I’ll talk about later) the plot sounded weird and wacky and the Tiny Wife is one of many characters in this book. It’s really short and I’m very excited!

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Never Always Sometimes – Adi Alsaid 

This was recommended to me by my friend Becky who I met at book club. It’s a typical boy/girl YA read by the looks of things and I’ve already started it. It’s not as exciting as I hoped for but I still have a fair bit of it left so hopefully it will pick up!

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All my friends are superheroes – Andrew Kaufman

Just the title of this grabbed me, I read it in one sitting the day I bought it and I am SO glad that I picked it up! There are awesome illustrations, great original ideas and I’d happily read this again. This is the special 10th anniversary edition with more superheroes in it, I’d recommend paying the extra!

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Hope in a Ballet Shoe -Michaela and Elaine DePrince

I love stories of going against the odds and winning, I suppose they speak to me on a personal level. I’d been looking at this book for a while, so when I saw it on 3 for £10 I had to get it. I’m really hoping this will be a great memoir.

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Yes Please – Amy Poehler

I haven’t watched a lot of Amy Poehler, but from what I have she’s funny. Funny is good. Last month I chose to read Lena Dunhams Not that kind of girl instead of this. It was awful so this month I decided to give Yes Please a go. I hope it’s better, a lot better.

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How I Lost You – Jenny Blackhurst 

I had to have a thriller in there didn’t I! I love these kinds of novels, a little dark, a lot of secrets. The main character was charged with murdering her baby son and sent to a psychiatric hospital, but what if they lied? I’m sure I’ll be up all hours reading this.

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Extraordinary Means – Robyn Schneider 

Another YA novel, this time about a sick teen who gets sent to boarding school, he believes to die. Then he meets some trickster loving friends. This novel has a big of a TFIOS feel about it but with less love and more laughs, I hope I’m right!

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The Day We Disappeared – Lucy Robinson

A chance buy on this one, two women running away from something the reader doesn’t know about. Sounds interesting and some good reviews!

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Bad Feminist (A Collection of essays)  – Roxane Gay

I watched Roxane Gay’s Ted Talk about this collection and ever since I’ve had to read it. It just spoke to me, this things she mentioned I found myself nodding along with and after just reading the introduction I’m already excited because this seems like someone who really knows what she’s talking about, especially as a young woman. I’m so excited about this one!

These are my 10 books for this month and I’m planning to get through all of them by the end of the month. Have any of you read these or would you like to read them, let me know!!

On the topic of books, my reviews are every Thursday with the following for the rest of the month:

20th – It’s Kind of a Funny Story

27th- The Fever

3rd (September) – 15 Reasons Why

10th – We are completely beside ourselves

17th – Suicide Notes From Beautiful Girls  

My First Book Club!

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Yesterday was a busy day, after spending most of the day in the office at Kingston Hill working on The Student Room for results day I was pretty exhausted by the evening. I could have easily gone home, microwaved something and curled up in bed but I’d been looking forward to my first Young Adult Book Club all month talking about Ned Vizzini’s It’s Kind of a Funny Story which is next Thursday’s review. Book Club is something I’ve never done before and after missing out last month because of Basingstoke Live so I was determined to go.

Buuuuuut, determination is hard when you’re anxious. As usual my anxiety reared its head as I was walking to town with thoughts swimming around my brain. What if everyone knows each other? What if I’m the oldest? What if no one shares the same opinion as me?! Part of me wanted to run (ha, I wish I mean struggle to quick walk) away and forget about it.

As usual the staff at my local Waterstone’s were lovely and engaging. I got there half an hour early and had a lot of conversations with different members of staff and got compliments about my jumper again ( It’s says – Me? Wrong? Never. on it and it went down a storm at the office). Then I bumped into a girl who bonded with me over books we loved and that’s just the beginning.

At this point let me introduce Becky who is scarily similar to me and feels like she’s been a friend for years! I think she’ll feature on my blog again! We hit it off straight away, she’s heard of my band (!!) and ended up talking way after the evening had finished. The only worry that came of my anxieties was that I was the oldest non staff member of the group, but that didn’t matter. The girls were great and I’m already thinking of some people from uni I want to bring down.

It was a big step for me tonight to do this when I didn’t know anyone. It’s the kind of situation that makes me incredibly anxious and panicky but I did. It’s nice to do something that only I’m really interested in and meet other people who like it too. I’m definitely going to be going for the rest of the year which is super exciting and something to look forward to every month. So I would say it was a success! I also treated myself because I was proud with two next YA books (of course), a new fox keyring, some pens, an about me type book, a to-do notebook, a new academic diary, Harry Potter Pop and some brightly coloured pens! 🙂

Are there any other YA readers out there who can give me some good recommendations?! Throw them my way!

Book Review: Keep Your Friends Close – Paula Daly

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You’d trust your best friend with your life…right?

Natty has the perfect life, a successful business, two daughters she adores and her teenage sweetheart as a doting husband. While the stresses of work build there is nothing Natty can’t handle…apart from maybe her mother in law. That is until she receives a phone call that her daughter is desperately ill, her oldest friend steps in to help out but what Netty doesn’t know is that this could be the start of her world beginning to unravel.

I will start out by saying that Daly’s novel is delicious and addictive.I give you fair warning, this book will keep you up until the early hours desperate to know what’s going to happen next. There was no part of me that wanted to put this novel down at any point of the day. Daly has an incredible talent for creating a world in which anything can happen and anyone can have secrets you’d never even consider. If there was anything I’d change about this novel it’s that I’d want it to continue. I want to know what happens after it ends because it was just so damn good.

The protagonist, Natty, is a determined woman, she’s worked hard for all she has and has never had a reason not to trust her best friend, until now. There are twists, turns and ‘oh my god’ moments throughout the whole book. I also particularly liked her daughters, they grow as the book goes on and become incredible characters, in fact I would have liked to have known more about them. I was also pleased to see the return of Joanne, the policewoman (those of you who have read Just What Kind of Mother Are You? will remember her).I also found the character of Eve to be written in a breaktaking way. I hated her, but at the same time I couldn’t get enough. I’ll leave it there in fear of spoilers.

It’s hard to write a review for a novel such as this because I could easily drop in some spoilers without realising. Each twist and turn has been carefully thought out and although there are some clues throughout, there is still the ability to shock, especially in relation to Natty’s past…Daly’s one of those writers that once you’ve read one of her books you’re hooked and I can’t wait to get my hands on her latest novel this summer. I only have a few weeks to wait but I can assure you Keep Your Friends Close has wetted my appetite and I’m sure it will do the same for all of you. 

It should not come as surprise that I’m giving this novel five stars *****. It is written with a sharp mind and pure talent on Daly’s part. I read this book in less than a day, with other things to do. The thought will always be at the back of your mind too, who do I really know? This novel really is a must read, I promise you wont regret it.

Daly’s new novel The Mistakes I Made is out on the 27th August.

This is not a sponsored post.

Review by Chloe Metzger

My experience of Acupuncture

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As a part of my fracture recovery I semi-voluntarily get stabbed with tiny needles all over my spine and occasionally my legs. Doesn’t that sound like fun? What I thought was just something that you paid people to do if you were slightly mad, is actually funded on the NHS. Now I’ll be honest I was very sceptical about the way this works and if it works at all. I’m still trying to figure it out myself. After weeks and weeks of still not being able to move and a little persuasion I was booked in to acupuncture.

I said last week that things are only slightly improving with my spine, leading me to be willing to try anything and everything to get rid of some of this pain and get a more active lifestyle back (I was supposed to be super ripped by this point, then I decided to fall off a horse). Meeting Nicola I was nervous, more than nervous but because she is absolutely fab she managed to make me feel informed enough to give it a try. Nicola is the most amazing physio, she answers any and all of my questions, encourages me and understands when the pain is a little bit too much. I don’t think I would have let anyone else use me as a dart board three times.

A lot of people ask me things like what does it feel like? Does it hurt? Do you watch? I can answer honestly that it feels like someone is jabbing you, not in an ‘oh my god what the hell are you doing’ kind of way. Some lucky so and sos don’t feel it at all apparently, I most definitely do. For me there are certain points which are quite painful, whereas others are just a bit annoying, for example there’s one in the middle of my lower back that I’ve had every time and I can usually ignore it. Another point that I had today was on my hip which lead me to swear out loud, it didn’t feel great and the weirdest one I’ve had so far is the backs of my knees, I don’t even know how to describe that. Obviously with it being on my back I can’t watch it, nor would I want to.

If you don’t like needles, scroll past this next image…

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Sometimes it can cause pain afterwards and, you guessed it, I’m one of the lucky few who get a fair bit of pain after. I can also get sleepy too. I’ve had 3 sessions and I haven’t seen any incredible results yet unfortunately. I’m going to have a few more sessions, partly because we tried the alternative today and I nearly cried in pain as Nicola tried to relax the muscles. I can’t say that I’d recommend it to people other than to help curb a needle phobia, I’m starting to not be that bothered as long as I don’t have to see it.

I think if I wasn’t struggling so much with pain and it hadn’t been so long I would have held off. I don’t see it as anything magical or groundbreaking, that said it might be more to do with what’s wrong with me rather than the actual treatment, who knows. I’m hoping that after pain clinic and seeing the Neurosurgeon I can finally get back on track, get rid of acupuncture and get back into some fitness!

Image from paramount-physiotherapy.com

Paper Towns Advanced Screening!

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Tonight Summer and I were lucky enough to go to an advanced screening of Paper Towns at my local cinema. I’m a huge fan of John Green, he’s one of my all time favourite writers and last year’s film The Fault in Our Stars is possibly my all time favourite film as well as a book that left me speechless. To say that I was excited for tonight was an understatement.

I have to say that the film doesn’t disappoint. When I heard that Cara Delevinge was playing Margo I have to admit I was a little sceptical, it was wasn’t how I saw Margo in my head. I was completely wrong because Cara just acts so well as Margo, there are moments here and there where her British accent slips up but I think that’s only because we got to see the Q&A footage before seeing the movie (where she sounds very British). I don’t know, now I’ve seen it she’s won me over and will forever be the most amazing Margo. As for Quentin, or Q, John Green was right when he said that he Nat Wolff was born to play him. He expresses the good guy/ awkward/ hopelessly in love guy that we all know and love from the book.

The film made me and the rest of the audience laugh, a lot. It also had a much more diverse audience than TFIOS did when it came out. There were such a mix of people, I was really surprised! Also, my sister has never read Paper Towns and she didn’t feel like she didn’t understand it or missed anything out, so don’t feel like you need to have read the book to enjoy. Oh and if you did enjoy TFIOS look out for an awesome cameo!

The best thing is that although I knew what was going to happen, I still had shivers up my spine, I still wanted to know about the mystery of Margo. It takes a very special film to make you forget what you’ve already read and get lost all over again. I was disappointed that the Seaworld scene wasn’t in the movie, it was my favourite part of the book so I was a little let down and there was one change towards the end that I wished was the same as the book. It wasn’t bad at all, just different. That said I fully accept that it can’t be exactly the same as the book.

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Summer and I waiting to go in, with giant slushies of course

There’s something about Green’s books when they are turned into films that sparks this feeling inside me. With TFIOS it was the feeling of wanting and needing to love, love no matter what because you never know how long you’re going to get. Paper Towns just reminded me to keep doing what I want to do, not to slip into that life of doing what you’re supposed to do when you’re supposed to do it, to embrace and crave some extraordinary things.

Would I recommend seeing Paper Towns?  Yes. It’s not overtaken TFIOS as my favourite movie, but it has made me want to go back and read the novel and in fact appreciate the novel more. It’s so funny and just takes you along for the ride, oh and Radar and Ben are PERFECT. The chemistry between the trio was amazing, sometimes you forgot that you weren’t watching three best friends. As with the relationship between Cara and Natt, it was in a word, perfect. As soon as it hits general release, go and watch, if you’re a John Green fan, you won’t be disappointed. Similarly if you want to have a girl crush over Cara’s eyebrows this is also a film for you!

10 Things not to say to a writer

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This has been trending on Twitter today and I can’t help but laugh and agree with most of the tweets that are going out. I love writing, I honestly do but sometimes people think being a writer is a free pass to treat you like an idiot and ask stupid questions. So I may have gotten just a tiny bit sarcastic with these. So here are my 10 things not to say to a writer…

1. Being able to write all day must be SO relaxing 

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Ummmm yeah staying up all night trying to meet deadlines is like bathing in Lavender…

2. What is going to be/ is your real job though? 

*sigh*

3. Oh, writing, but what are you going to do with that?

I’m going to do whatever the hell I like.

4. Have you read 50 Shades of Grey? Don’t you think Mr Grey is a great character? 

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If you mean the real Mr Gray, as in DORIAN FREAKING GRAY, yes I think he’s genius. If you mean that drivel that sexually frustrated housewives mean, please leave.

5. Anyone could write! 

Hahahaha. Okay, off you go then come back to me in a week and tell me how you’re getting on.

6. You better not be writing about me. 

Well, I wasn’t but now you never know…

7. Oh, that’s depressing 

When  used to tell people about the novel I was writing I got this a lot. People just run with the basic idea, not with what you’re trying to do with it. Infuriated me to no end.

8. I don’t read.

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Shut up. Just shut up.

9. When are you going to do something with your writing?

I don’t know what it is with people but they think that you magically produce a book in a matter of weeks. Writing is hard work. When you’re struggling with writers block this is the last thing you want to hear.

10. But what do you really know about that? 

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Here’s the magic of writing, you can imagine whole different lives without actually living them. There’s a difference between research (which does happen) and living the lives of every single one of your characters. My favourite authors have come up with different worlds they can’t have possibly lived but they’ve made it real to the reader. Now that’s magic.

What are your 10 things not to say to a writer?