I’m Loving: American Crime Story

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As someone who doesn’t have a hooked up TV in their flat, it’s rare I get excited about TV programmes. Over the last few months I’ve kept seeing reports about the OJ Simpson trial, I knew nothing about it but I knew about the name. Nicole Brown-Simpson was murdered the year I was born, so while I have no memory of the trial being on TV I’d heard it mentioned before. The more I read the more interested I got and of course this was all build up to the new FX show, American Crime Story. This looked like it was going to be a great show.

I read and watched a lot to understand background and know the fact before watching the fiction, I wasn’t disappointed. I cannot wait for next week and the next installment, the acting so far has been incredible and I love the angle. There hasn’t been an overwhelming sense of O.J’s guilty or O.J’s not guilty in the first episode which was a relief. I didn’t want to watch something that was incredibly tainted with one person’s view. The fact that the case focuses on those around the case and how it changed their lives is also brilliant to me. Of course, there has been some criticism of the fact that the Kardashians as children will feature BUT the children of O.J and Marcia Clarke are also featured. Robert Kardashian Sr was O.Js best friend, and Kris Jenner Nicole’,s which means that their lives are going to be explored.

The show was fast paced and from what I’ve read is staying close to fact so far. For someone like me, who’s never had an interest in crime shows before to be so hooked they must have done something right. I cannot wait for the next episode and the next and the next. I know I’m going to be clearing time each week to sit down alone and watch, no matter what’s happening that week.

The show also brings up some big issues. The race element is still incredibly relelvent today, 20 years later which is a sad truth. Why is the US still dealing with racism and police brutality? It’s something that, in my opinion, took away from the heart of the case. Two people died, but this was turned into another race issue. Don’t get me wrong I agree that there were and still are great issues between police and the African-American community but for this hugely famous athlete I don’t think it was the case. We’re also confronted with the issue of domestic violence, something incredibly serious. Whether or not O.J Simpson killed Nicole and Ron Goldman, he did assault her. Domestic violence is something that is never ok, towards a man or a woman and from this terrible and shocking murder hopefully there is room for education about domestic violence.

Overall, I’m very excited about this series. It’s going to be a fascinating look at ‘The Trial of the Century’. I’m already thinking about next week and how the famous chase is going to be shot.

How about you guys? Have any of you been watching? What do you think so far?! I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Handling Rejection

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As with anyone, I hoped that when I applied for the graduate job I really wanted, I’d get good news and be heading to an interview. The day I started getting sick I got bad news, I’d been rejected for the position and wasn’t even getting a phone interview. I didn’t just cry, I sobbed my heart out. I’d been thinking about that job non stop for months, it just seemed like a good move for me and something I really wanted. I was always going to write about it, because this is a part of student life, we all have to deal with rejection.

I’ve never been one to handle anything associated with failure well because I am a perfectionist. I need everything to be handled and right and I just need to get things done and because I always put 110% into everything I do and when I don’t achieve I do get anxious and stressed. I feel like I let myself down and I get incredibly angry with myself and list things I need to do better next time. In some ways that’s good, but other people remind me I’m too hard on myself. It’s just a job and there will be other opportunities but it doesn’t always feel like that.

I know that right now a lot of us students are going to be getting rejection emails and sometimes it just knocks you off track. I’ve been having a bit of a meltdown, made worse by being ill, not knowing what I’m going to do after I graduate, what I want to do and what I want in the bigger picture. From what I’ve worked out a lot of students feel like that right now and it’s normal.

I’m trying to take the advice of the people around me, that it wasn’t meant to happen and they’re the ones missing out. Ali sat down the night of the rejection and just listed all the amazing things I’ve done and what I’d put in the application and that they missed out. I’m hoping this is true, it didn’t make the rejection hurt any less, but I’ll find something eventually.

 

Hello February 

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February is finally here! Hurray! As my frequent readers will know, January wasn’t the best month for me. I’ve been sick on and off for over a month, I was very stressed and just generally struggled with my mental health too. 

So far, I’m liking this month though. I’ve gradually been able to eat a little more today, got some beautiful flowers from my grandparents and was well enough to come back to my flat in Kingston. I still have a long way to go and some tests to be run, but hopefully I’ll get some answers soon. 

    
I’m hoping that in the next few days I’ll get a little stronger and more able to do things (I’ve had a few blog ideas while I’ve been sick). 

So here’s to a MUCH better February! 

Testing Times

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Hello again my lovelies,

I really wanted to write with better news, but unfortunately I’m still sick. I’m writing this from my bedroom at my parents house after coming home for a few days to try and get better. I’ve seen a doctor and while I’m slightly better than I was they now want to run tests just to see why this bug keeps coming back and just be safe. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong, I might just be unlucky which is probably the case. So everyone needs to just be patient with me and hopefully I’ll be back on my feet sooner rather than later… I hope so at least!

Book Review: The Art of Being Normal by Lisa Williamson

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David Piper has always been an outsider. His parents think he’s gay. The school bully thinks he’s a freak. Only his two best friends know the real truth – David wants to be a girl.

David has been longing to come out to his parents as Kate for a long time, but each time he tries there’s something stopping him. While trying to get through school with the help of his two best friends he takes an interest in Leo, a new guy who’s rumored to have been thrown out of his old school. While no one else will even look him in the eye David wants to get to know him better and not just because he’s gorgeous.

This was the first book I read in 2015 and as I mentioned in my top books of 2015 post, I absolutely adored it. This is the first book I have read with a trans character as the main character. I picked this up because it was on offer and I’m so glad I did, although written for a YA audience this is a great book and Williamson has cemented herself as a great writer. There are twists, turns, happiness and sadness in this novel. It is an emotional rollercoaster, but most great books are.

There is so much I wish I could tell you about, but a lot of my favourite parts come after a twist. The story builds really well to the twists and is pretty unputdownable. I will say though that while I liked David, he wasn’t my favourite character, he was a little too nice and acted younger than he was. I absolutely adored Leo though, even as you get to know more about him he’s just a great character which a much richer back story and he develops throughout the novel into someone I really liked.

This book is the kind of book that needed to be written, the title says it all really, there’s an art to being ‘normal’. When I say that I mean that I think there is a certain act that people put on to try and appear how they think they should and how others want them to be. The book eventually gets rid of this, as the characters grow stronger and more certain in themselves there is a moment of simply not caring about being ‘normal’ and that’s a really important message for young adults. Williamson can’t have known before she wrote this that 2015 was going to be a huge year for the Trans community, which is what makes this novel even more special. She gets it.

Of course I’m giving this novel 5 stars *****. Not only does this tackle a subject that isn’t spoken about enough, it’s talking about it to young people who can change the future for the Trans community. The characters were relatable and so was the plot. I think for many this will let them empathise and understand a little more about what it’s like to feel born into the wrong body. I also can’t wait to see what’s going to come next from Lisa Williamson, I cannot stress enough how much of a brilliant writer she is.

Back to blogging

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Hello everyone!

I’ve been incredibly sick for the past week and so I had to take a break from almost everything. I wasn’t on any social media, didn’t have contact with the majority of people I knew and was just tried to get better. It was only today that I left my flat in the past 6 days but I’m finally eating again and going out helped so, hopefully, I’ll be ok tomorrow. Thanks for your wishes on Twitter and Facebook and I can’t wait to get back into blogging.

Chloe 🙂

Book Review: All My Friends are Superheroes by Andrew Kaufman

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All of Tom’s friends are superheroes, even his wife the Perfectionist is a superhero, because of this certain parts of his life aren’t like anyone else’s. Like his wife, everyone’s strongest trait is their superpower and so you end up with some interesting heroes,like the Dancer, the Stress Bunny and the Phoney.  I’ll mention now that my copy is a newer edition with even more superheroes and with that, even more great illustrations for them!

All My Friends Are Superheroes is first and foremost about love. Ultimately it is a love story that goes pear shaped and has some invisibility thrown in because of an ex, but a love story none the less. Six months later, when the Perfectionist thinks that Tom has simply abandoned her, she decides that she’s going to move and use all her powers to forget about Tom and make a new life for herself. Little does she know Tom has been by her side the whole time and is racing against the clock to make her see him again before it’s too late.

I loved this story it’s short, funny and cute. Kaufman certainly has a talent for writing, as soon as I finished this (in one sitting no less) I went to my local bookshop to pick up another one. These books are great if you want to read something quirky, fun and short, which is particularly brilliant as a lit student because sometime you need a break from serious books. The character of Tom was brilliant too, he seems to be such a sweet man and genuinely loves his wife, which makes a nice change.

The superhero names were also great and it really did make me think about the people in my life and what superhero they would be. Kaufman has not only created a really funny and well thought out book but also one with heart, one that makes you think about life, which I didn’t expect when I first started reading. It got me thinking about which superhero I would be and which one I’d actually want to be. I’d probably be either the Bookworm or the Worrier, because that’s two of my most defining traits above all else.

I would definitely recommend this book for your shelf because, ultimately, you can read it again and again if you want to. It’s so short that it hardly takes up any time at all and the story is one that you won’t get bored of. It’s because of this, as well as the great writing and illustrations, that I’m giving All My Friends are Superheroes five stars *****. Every now and again even the most determined of us need to wind down and this is the perfect book for that. Keep your eyes peeled later on for other reviews of Kaufman’s work! I can guarantee there will be more!

Passion and finding a job

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As a third year student who graduates soon the question of ‘What are you going to DO?’ is cropping up more and more. I know I’m not the only one who wants to stuff their fingers in their ears and just shout la la la I can’t hear you while running away.

I love Ted Talks because I learn a lot and I realise a lot while watching them. I had a conversation with a friend recently about not knowing what to do after uni and not having one true calling. I’ve said before that I would like to do a Masters degree and a PhD but I know that this might change. I also know that there is a chance I might change my mind, a chance that I won’t get funding (which means it would take 4-6 years part time). There are a lot of things that could happen.

So while I have been applying for a graduate job (!!), looking at the kind of jobs available and thinking about what I want to do. So, I watched this Ted Talk because it looked interesting and I liked what she said. About just taking jobs that seem interesting and see where they go, that’s what I’ve done with my past 2 jobs and I’ve loved them. I’ve seen people doing the job and just like her thought ‘I could do that’ and my passion just grew and grew from there. All because I didn’t wait for this big show and dance of outright passion.

Don’t get me wrong I’m still going to freak out at times, I’m 21 and graduating. There’s a lot of pressure but I’m hoping I can keep this in mind and maybe you can too.

Maybe life’s not fair..

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When we’re young we get told life isn’t fair and as we grow older we realise this. there are things that we can’t control that we wish we could, illness is one of those things. You can help with some to prevent it or sooth symptoms but there are others you can’t, and mental illness is the same. I’ve learnt a lot in the last few years about myself and the illness that I have. I’ve thrown myself into research to learn more about the science behind it, recent research and theories to try and have a handle on something that I didn’t choose to have.

Ask a group of people with a mental illness and none of them would have asked to have it. It interrupts life and sometimes for some of our friends it takes theirs. I’ve thought a lot recently about this, about health. As much as I try and treat my body right with certain foods and getting fit and healthy I can’t do much for my mind. Sure I can surround myself with positive people and listed to my mind and my body but other than that if I’m having a low there are a lot of times where I have to wait it out, live with my depression or the anxiety attacks I sometimes have.

That said, ask that same group of people if they could flick a switch and it would have never happened and it will never happen again, it would be a much harder decision. Don’t get me wrong, in the last 6-7 years my illness has made my life hell and has taken things away from me, but it’s also given me things too. I’ve had depression since I was a teenager, so I don’t know what it’s like being an adult without it so sometimes I wonder, would I be as empathetic if I’d never had it, would I be as passionate and would I be so grateful for the little things in life. I don’t know. But I do know, because of my illness, that I have the best possible people in my life who pick me up and who know when I need the day or when I need a kick up the ass. Through lows and highs I’ve got great writing ideas or lyrics I wouldn’t have necessarily thought of, I’ve connected with amazing people and can be blissfully happy by the tiniest of things like waking up in the morning and feeling ok and other things too.

Why am I writing this? For a few reasons, one because I didn’t feel so great in my mentoring session today and we talked for a long time about depression, how I feel about it and the fears I have. There is fear, fear that I might go back to a dark place like I was at school but my mentor pointed something out to me. At 15/16 I had no experience, I hadn’t been diagnosed and I didn’t have a good medical team. I didn’t have a lot of information or ways to recognise my feelings and try and combat them before they got too bad, I had unhealthy ways of dealing with my feelings. In the last 3 years especially I’ve done well to get as far as I have and while the fear won’t go away, if I take note I’m in a better position than I was when I was 15/16. I have a voice and I have you guys too, who can cheer me up on Twitter to no end.

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Taken on my 15th birthday, I was happy here and hadn’t really experienced bad depression yet. 

People may call me names like a nut job, loon, or make snide remarks about being unstable and therefore unable. I’m getting to the point where I’m starting not to care and their hate makes me more driven. This illness may never go away but that doesn’t mean people will always be ignorant, which is why I write things like this to educate, to explain. I’ve written before about my story (the short version, maybe one day I’ll write it in detail) before and I’ve always been open on here about my highs and lows. I think it’s important to remember, for anyone who has an illness, that this is just a part of you, it does not define you. 

So no, life might not be fair and there are thousands of people in the world who live with my illness every day, but we aren’t alone. We might feel like it when depression grabs us and drags us under for a few days but at the end of the day there are so many others out there who are at all different stages of their illness and recovery. Don’t be scared of being you.

2016 on chloemetzger.com

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Now that I’ve settled into 2016, back to uni and in some kind of strange routine I can think about what I want to achieve on my blog this year. I’ve just hit 300 daily subscribers and I now have over 1500 followers on Twitter, if that is any of you that are reading now, thank you so much it was a great start to the year. It’s because of that I’ve tried to think of either things I’d like to achieve and do this year. I’ve whittled it down to just 5 things that I’d like to do.

1. Reach 2000 followers on Twitter and at least 100 more subscribers

2. Start a YouTube channel. I have my camera, tripod and some ideas, I’d like to try it and post 1 video a week.

3. Have regular posts, I already have weekly book reviews but I’d like to do a monthly feature on other bloggers and start ‘Sunday Seven’ my 7 top things of the week, which I’m hoping to start next week!

4.  Work on bigger ideas for posts, more in the lifestyle category.

5. Enjoy! I absolutely love writing this blog, it gives me something to focus on and I’ve connected with a lot of people through it. There will be changes and I won’t be a full time student come July but I won’t be stopping!