Book Review: Am I Normal Yet – Holly Bourne

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All Evie wants is to be normal. She’s almost off her meds and at a new college where no one knows her as the girl-who-went-crazy.

Evie’s been the ‘crazy girl’ throughout school when her OCD took hold of her and everyone viewed as that and that alone. Now she has a fresh start she’s under control, apart from her annoying therapist, no one knows about her past so now she wants to be normal. The thing is normal isn’t as easy as it looks she needs to find some friends, find a boyfriend and have absolutely no one find out. Oh and getting rid of the medication is a good deal too.

This is the second of Holly’s novels that I’ve ready and she solidified her place in my top 5 authors of all time. There is no doubt that Holly can write but the most amazing thing is that she can make the mind of a teenager come alive on the pages. Am I Normal Yet is different though because it also raises awareness of what it’s really like to live with a mental health condition as a young person right now.

Speaking as someone who has been through mental health and is still going through it now I think that Evie’s fears and anxieties are real. I don’t have OCD but there are a lot of overlapping fears, especially when you start somewhere new. Do I tell my new friends? How will they react? Why am I on these meds? I hate my meds. What’s the point of all this? Am I crazy? Am I doing enough normal things? The list goes on and on. Bourne captures this perfectly. She also makes it clear

The medication debate is a big one too and I’m really pleased at it is finally in literature for young adults. Medication is a strongly debated subject specifically in regards to young people, it seems that everyone has an opinion on this and they don’t really understand. Medication is a very personal choice for some people it works, for some people it doesn’t I’ve met people on both sides. It’s sad that people are made to feel like they are somehow ‘fake’ if they take medication to help stabilize their illness, you wouldn’t ask a diabetic to stop taking their insulin.

There was also something unexpected in the novel too, it talks about feminism in a totally unapologetic way the girls aren’t just going out of their way to meet boys or talk about boys. In fact that’s even a point in the novel they swear to have conversations that don’t even mention boys. It’s actually pretty refreshing, of course relationships feature but they’re not the absolute only thing.

Of course I’m giving this novel five stars *****. Bourne is one of my favourite authors for a reason and I think I love Am I Normal Yet more than I did The Manifesto on how to be Interesting (check out that review too if you like the sound of Holly, she won’t dissapoint). Holly has a third book that I am yet to read which was her debut called Soulmates, so I’ll be reading and reviewing that soon too. As always well done Holly another fantastic novel.

USA Goodies!!

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Today my family finally came back from America! It’s been super weird getting pictures sent to me and having to FaceTime them rather that just a call when I felt like it, my family have never been abroad without me but alas missing third year lectures was not an option. So instead they went shopping for me in return for me looking after my sisters hamster Fudge and you know not telling the world they’re away. So here are most of the gifts they got me, so exciting! IMG_5392

Star Wars cups. STAR WARS CUPS. So I watched Star Wars 4,5 and 6 for the first time all the way through and now I’m obsessed. I want anything and everything Star Wars, my Dad found these in a discount store and I’m so excited! They’re all so cuttttteeeeee.

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Pops! Pops everywhere!! So as any of you who follow me on Instagram I have a little bit of an obsession/ collection with Funko Pops as I pointed out in my Comic Con post and so Mum was armed with a list of what to look out for while in the US. The ones I put down were all sold out, which sucks but she still found some beauties. I got the new Katniss, Spirit Yoda, and exclusive Holiday Dancing Groot and the adorable Lilo I’ve had my eye on for a while. Yay for Pops!

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All the candy ever. There was halloween events in Florida and so of course they went for them. My Mum got two full bags, my sister three and my Dad another two, my Dad’s not a giant sweet person so I got his but I’m pretty sure that Mum’s going to give me some more the next time I got home mwhaha. I also got an adorable penguin with Lollipop, Taffy, Rock Lollipops and Milk Duds. Hello sugar highs! I’m hopefully going to do a candy post too with my favourites.

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I finally have some black and white converses after mine went in holes (again) and an ace Vans t-shirt to match. Some awesome m&ms, a chocolate frog and a Hard Rock pin badge. Oh and let’s not forget my new wand Harry Potter’s no less! I also got some comic books too but I haven’t taken a picture of those but I’m sure they’ll feature on Instagram soon! I’m so grateful for all my gifts and have a great time with Fudge spending quality time together.

Happy Birthday Ali!!!

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Today is my wonderful Ali’s 22nd birthday! I can only write a quick post before we go to the pub. Obviously I write about Ali a lot and how I feel about him, he’s a very private person so I don’t go into a lot of detail but so far he’s had a great birthday and we’ll be going to celebrate with friends tonight. Happy Birthday bear, I love you.

London with Joebi-Wan

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On Friday the legend that is Joe and I headed into London for our art gallery date that we’ve been arranging for aaaaaages. I’ve gotten really into my art lately from reading lots of comic books (Joe’s fault) and my visit to the Van Gogh Museum when I went to Amsterdam earlier in the year. So after our disappointment that the Star Wars shop wasn’t open yet we got our train into central and obviously stopped off at McDonalds before starting our classy day.

We tried to follow our phones to get to the Tate and eventually found it where our attitudes ranged from discussing the art in an artistic way and comparing pieces of art to moldy potatoes, blobs and just generally saying how weird they are. We didn’t go into any exhibitions or anything like that because when you don’t know how good it’s going to be £16 is a pretty big chunk of money, for a student anyway. We wondered around and saw some amazing artwork Warhol and Lichtenstein were my personal favourites. After we headed over to Forbidden Planet for comic books as well as the Disney Store in Covent Garden to get some Star Wars goodies.

I love spending time with Joe because we laugh, we take the piss out of anything and everything and it’s just such a chilled out atmosphere between us. Thanks for the great time bro (y).

Sexy Potato? Ana-Rexia? What’s happened to Halloween!

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Tomorrow is Halloween and after an invite to a party I went on a mission for a costume and I was let down, a lot. After searching I realised that any costume that was for a woman was ‘sexy’ or even if it didn’t have that label it was a lot shorter or showed a lot more skin. I was even sent the above picture of…a sexy potato. Now I know this is a joke but it kind of shows the extremes of what people are willing to promote as ‘sexy’, which leads me to my next costume.

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This is the ‘Ana-Rexia’ costume, yup just like the other mental health costumes that have shocked the world, this is the one that some idiots came up with this year. As I read earlier an anorexia survivor said ‘why not dress as a vampire or a zombie because two thirds of us will end up dead’. I felt sick when I saw this was a costume, especially the way it’s presented with a measuring tape a super thin model and again she’s trying to be sexy.

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So I moved away from anything traditional too because I couldn’t be a vampire, devil, witch, zombie or anything without getting my legs and or boobs out. I couldn’t even buy a vicars costume for a party without it being 2 sizes too big because it was ‘for men’. So I moved on, I’d been invited different things over the weekend so I thought I’d look up some great movie inspired costumes. Male Ghostbuster, just like the movie something you could, you know, bust ghosts with. Then I looked at the women’s…just skims the bum and boobs are fully out oh and an adorable little backpack, no. The Princess Leia costume was similar to the film, oh apart from the giant slit up the side which nobody would be fighting the Empire in. Every princess outfit that wasn’t over £50 was the same model, boobs out, butt out.

I don’t know what’s happened to halloween but I can assure you that I won’t be a ‘sexy’ anything this year. I’ve got a makeshift costume on hand and I don’t feel like I need to get anything out to feel good about myself or to have fun at Halloween. I hope you guys also have a great Halloween and dress up however YOU feel comfortable!

The Skeleton Cupboard – Tanya Byron

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‘I first became fascinated by the frontal lobes of the human brain when I saw my grandmother’s sprayed across the skirting board of her dark and cluttered house. I was fifteen’ 

Professor Tanya Byron is a well known clinical psychologist, but before she made her name she started just like anyone else new to the job and trying to learn the ropes. The book follows the twists and turns that Tanya faces as she tries to navigate not only her professional life but also her personal reactions.

The best part about this book, for me, is the fact that Byron shows herself as human here. She’s young and trying to muddle her way through and break into a career, becoming a clinical psychologist is not an easy thing to do especially as you need to partition your emotions and focus on the person you are helping without getting too tied up emotionally and being able to switch off at night, while still showing that you care in appointments. There is no coldness in this book.

I’m always slightly hesitant to read books from mental health professionals, because some are totally unsympathetic to what it feels to be on the other side of the chair. I can confirm that Byron is incredibly thoughtful, sympathetic and caring towards not only her patients but also to people with mental health conditions in general. There are far too many professionals who write books and treat people with merely clinical association.

I will warn you that this is not an easy book to read. I was scared, I laughed and I cried throughout because the people that Byron meets become incredibly real to you. There are topics that aren’t easy to read about, eating disorders, abuse victims, drug addiction, violence, self harm, dementia just to name a few but in these you really get a grasp of how vital psychologists are as well as the work they do.

I give this 5 stars *****. This is a well written, thought provoking and educational piece of literature that I feel almost anyone would connect with. Byron is unflinchingly honest about what it is like to train in this field making her thoughts, feelings, mistakes and successes known. I feel like anyone who has an interest in psychology, social work or merely people could learn a lot from this book, especially as it doesn’t throw in jargon that only academics will understand, Byron has truly made this available for all. I highly recommend this book.

As always I’d love to hear your thoughts, have you read it or do you want to? Do you have any ideas for me? Let me know!

Review by Chloe Metzger

Standing Up for What I Believe

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Sometimes I open my mouth and people don’t agree with what comes out. This morning that happened in my Writing Women class and to be fair I’m surprised it took this long to get a few stony glances by way during a class. I knew there would be some contrasting opinions today we were talking about a few texts that I really didn’t agree with.

We started with some literary theory, this was safe I love theory and agreed with most of the ideas that were put forward as well as having an idea of what to do for my final essay (thank god). Then we got onto a few of the set texts and videos this week, one being Rachel Cusk’s Aftermath and the other being the film of Lionel Shriver’s We Need to Talk About Kevin. Now, personal feelings aside I don’t like Rachel Cusk’s work from a literary perspective it seems incredibly over dramatised as well as, at points, simply odd in my opinion. As for We Need to Talk About Kevin we discussed the ideas of mothers and I felt like everyone was worshipping these portrays so I had to say something, I felt like they were fearmongering and took the absolute worst.

I talked about the mothers that surround me, about the fact that my best friend had a beautiful baby girl and I’d be horrified for her to read these as a new Mum. The clear resentment and disregard for others in the works, if you’re struggling is not something positive and as I said before I felt was incredibly over dramatised. Most of the others disagreed and felt that these kinds of literature were truthful and that we were getting somewhere by banishing this idea of the perfect mother. That said I was arguing that we rarely know about the normal day to day mother experience either and the ways children enrich their lives not make them hate it. Or hell how about writing about why some women don’t want children at all and the way they feel.

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There was also the option of talking about feminism in general in relation to our critical reading. I put forward that, after discussing how women are marketed, that we cannot forget that we are getting places, after all Playboy are now stopping the naked centrefold, we have to take that as something to be happy about. We’re denormalizing it, right? I pointed out that we can’t make these women feel bad though, the women who want to model and I said that when I was younger if I was taller I would have looked into underwear and topless modelling, which shocked a lot of people. I’m not going to hide it and I feel differently now but I don’t know if that’s because of my own body image or if it’s how other people make me feel about it.

It wasn’t all bad news, I felt pretty crappy after the class because people seemed to be opposed to it. After I got out I got quite a few people come up to me and say, ‘You said what you needed to say, good on you!’ or ‘I think it was really brave of you to say what you said because no one else was going to do it, carry on doing it!’. This positivity kind of relit this spark in me, you know I am allowed to have an opinion, I’m allowed to have my own kind of feminism and my feelings are if someone wants to present their body and they are not being pressured or forced to do so then so they should.

So it might be hard and it might not always make me popular but I’m going to keep going.

Happy Birthday Sylvia Plath

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If you follow my blog you’ll know that I am completely and utterly in love with Sylvia Plath. I’m writing my dissertation about her and there’s just something about her work that has a deep connection with me. Today would have been Sylvia’s birthday, unfortunately she took her own life at the age of 30 and has gone on to become one of the world’s best known authors. Happy Birthday Sylvia, thank you for such beautiful work.

So much working, reading, thinking, living to do! A lifetime is not long enough.

The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

My First Comic-Con!

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Yesterday I got to go to my first comic-con! I’ve always liked the idea of going but I’d never been into comic books or anything and didn’t know if it was something I’d enjoy. Now I’m collecting comic books, am a self confessed Star Wars nerd as well as Pop collector there really wasn’t a better time to buy some tickets and get down there.

Ali and I decided not to dress up this year partly because we got our tickets quite late and partly because we had no idea what to dress up as anyway…we now have come fab ideas for next year. From Waterloo to the Excel we were surrounded by people in varying degrees of costume, some of which I knew and others I had no idea. I wish I’d got more pictures but I was just so in awe walking around and a little nervous to ask people. Some of the outfits must have taken months to create with weapons, costumes that must have been handmade and some incredible make up that had been done I was truly in awe.

As I said this was mine and Ali’s first time so luckily we had a few great guides who were pros by now…

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Our band guitarist and his girlfriend Abbie went as Lady and the Tramp together and although it was sickeningly sweet it was also one of the most original outfits I saw and it worked so well! There was so much to look at and explore that I’m glad that they (as well as Abbie’s lovely friends) could point us in the right direction for an hour or so while we found our feet. We started in Comic Village, there was some phenomenal art work on display and just amazing ideas. I was so jealous that these people could create such amazing displays.

While I didn’t buy comic books, my only purchase in that area being a Doctor Who 11th doctor omnibus part 1, I did go on a bit of a spending spree in regards to Star Wars pops. I finally found my Han Solo! I’ve been looking for him for such a long time because no shops seem to stock him. I also ended up getting Obi Wan, Jedi Luke, Chewie (finally), and Hoth Han, I didn’t intend to get a lod of Star Wars pops and nothing else but these are the ones I haven’t seen a lot of. I was on the lookout for rarer Pops that I’m collecting and so far the Disney ones seem to be pretty easy to pick up and have been showing up in the strangest shops!

Aside from geeking out it was so nice to have a day out with Ali. I love spending time out as a couple, it just makes me so happy. We wanted to also go for a little walk in London but my back was really struggling so instead we went to get some food before both going home and relaxing while slightly falling asleep. All that said I survived, had a great time and here’s to going again!

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At the end of the day…

Get Noticed with Solopress

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A while ago I was contacted about a really exciting opportunity to work with Solopress on their new competition So we know that right now it’s hard for young people to get noticed and Solopress have come up with their own idea on how to get people noticed. So how about your own billboard? That would get you noticed right? So Solopress are running this competition where you can have your idea to publicise yourself! Sound good? All you need is a Twitter account and a reason that you should be noticed! For all the info click here (competition has now ended, link disabled) and I’d love to hear from you all too, because I think all my followers are awesome.

I got sent some really cool stuff for being a part of this and I’m really excited. I got some pencils with my name on, some business cards and a hand stitched business card holder. I’m really happy with these and thankful that my blog was appreciated. I didn’t even know the pencils were available so it was good to know and it’s a pretty cool thing to have in your pencil case.
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I’ve also been asked to put forward my idea for a billboard. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, so here we go. I want to be noticed for my blog, for my writing. My blog for me is a place to share my experiences with all of you and all of us breaking boundaries together. For my idea I want to be stood with a crumbling wall around me, sledgehammer slung over my shoulder. On different bricks are different barriers to be broken woman, mental health, university, etc. In big letters, Barriers are meant to be broken – chloemetzger.com. I thought it was pretty cool and something that would inspire other people, even if I don’t get the billboard I want to carry on this message throughout my blog.

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I hope you enjoyed this blog! I really enjoyed writing it and getting given the opportunity to think about how I want to get noticed and what for, so thank you Solopress! I’d love to see any of your tweets and ideas so let me know on @chloemetzger!