This is just a quick note to tell you all something I’ve been BURSTING to tell you for months! My band, No People Club will be performing at Basingstoke Live 2014 EEEEEEEEEKKKKKK. It’s the biggest free festival in the South East of England and after the disappointment of having to cancel my slot last year I was super excited for the boys and I to get a slot! The lyrics I posted to tell you this mean a lot to me, I wrote them about how a lot of people view my music career. Sometimes their opinions get so loud I start to believe it but, well, we’re getting paid for it so I’m guessing it’s not that silly after all 😛
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One of those days
Do you ever have one of those days where everything feels too fast and too slow? That’s how today feels. If I’m honest I don’t feel too much like writing but I do have some blog posts from this week to upload for you all. The problem with a daily blog is that sometimes you don’t feel like writing or you have nothing to say, hopefully there will be more fun to write about tomorrow.
6 years and new steps
Dinner and cocktails!
I’m allowed to get a little sentimental today, well I think so. 6 years ago today I first fell for Ali we were both so young and got together for the first time after I told him ‘well I’ll love you anyway’ he blushed and ran away. The shy boy with the guitar now means more to me than life itself. Mushy stuff aside today was another step together which is more nervous and terrifying than the times that I’ve said I’ll go out with him (twice if you want to know) we went to a flat viewing and actually liked it.
Now as with all flat viewings I’ve been to lately I panicked and cried after, it feels like so much pressure to decide all this and sometimes it just gets too much. Luckily we have a weekend to think it over and talk about things. I’ve come back tonight and made a list of pros and cons and hopefully by Monday we will have made a decision and could have found our first home together! How weird is that!
By the grand scheme of things we’re taking our time, but that’s really the only option you have when you met someone at 13 and decide to go to uni. After dinner with Ali’s mum and her boyfriend we managed a quick cuddle before I had to go back again. Although we’ll really celebrate in August I can’t wait for the next 6 years or even the next 60 if we’re lucky enough.
Surprise Payday and finally earning my own money again!
Today was my first Student Ambassador payday, and I had absolutely no clue about it. I’d emailed a few weeks ago and been told that we were going to be put on the new payroll at the end of the month so training turned to excitement that I was finally earning again! I’ve been working since I was 16 and it’s incredibly important to me to earn my own money. Although I’ve taken the student loan it feels really odd to have money given to me and not have to earn it. I didn’t mind it but it’s always been in my head that I don’t want to live off my loan if I can help it. I love earning money and the feeling it gives. If I won the lottery I’d still do something, maybe not to earn but I’d probably travel, support charities and study many different things because to me a large amount of money would mean opportunities.
So I’m not a millionaire from this job but I love the feeling of earning again, being able to save money. I get stupidly excited and pleased that I’m finally doing a job that I’m really passionate about. I get to blog and earn, it’s something of a dream to me which I never thought I would get to do after uni let alone during. So today has enabled me to put more of my student loan towards a nice flat to rent. We’re looking through estate agents now so fingers crossed.
I was working again today 2-7, sacrificing seeing one of my oldest friends Grace but she understands that this was training I had to do for work. I’ll buy her a cider when I get home, after 10 years of being friends I get very emotional now she’s finally 18! We’ve been waiting for well over a year to go to the pub together and it can finally happen!
So I’ll go to bed tonight with a smile on my face, I’m finally earning again and that masters doesn’t seem as impossible as it did before!
Not one, but two!
I’m going to be super happy and shout from the roof tops and I think I’m allowed to! Guess who won today at the English Literature awards!!!!!!!!! I’m so happy, being recognised for Academic Contribution and winning is more than I could have ever hoped for at uni, it’s far beyond anything I would have expected. I’m so excited by this and to top it off I was commended for the Best Overall Achiever award! I am really pleased that another girl, Daisy won though, she’s amazing in lectures and would make a great teacher.
My Mum, Sister and Ali came with me today, it was so nice just to have them there on such a big occasion to me. Here’s to the next 2 (or hopefully 3!) years at Kingston.
Life through my fingers
I find that much of my life ends up spilling out through my fingers. My lyrics, this blog, my novel attempts and something new, piano. I sat down today for the first time in a long time and just let myself play. Ali took me to one of the piano rooms, big, bright and in the corner a stunning Grand Piano. I didn’t think too much at first I tried my scales, attempting to warm my cracked voice and then I just played around. I figured I had some time to kill so I played around. It’s very hard to stop a piano sounding beautiful.
So I played and played and played. I wouldn’t stop and something amazing happened, first I got close to playing an actual song and then I just let myself go. I put everything I felt into playing and it made sense. I just played for nearly an hour and I was able to hear how I had been feeling lately. Sounds crazy huh?
I’ve been trying to find something I could do when I hit a bad low that I could just release and pain or emotion and I think I’ve found it. It’s not like writing, I don’t have to worry or think about what to do I just do it and it feels incredible, I’m so excited about this.
Tucked up at home
It’s been a while since I’ve been able to chill out, come home and relax. Today’s post will be short one while I’m appreciating the time and quietness at home. I miss the boys, but I don’t miss halls. Sometimes all you need is simple pleasures, warm pastry in the morning, a quiet bus ride, finishing a book (although the Hunger Games is not simple) and some good home cooked food. The next few days will be about recharging my batteries so I can go back on Tuesday and have a great time before I come back again!
Time out with the guys/ Happy Birthday Ben!
Despite waking up feeling like I’d swallowed gravel and was living in a heat wave tonight proved to be a great night. After last nights promise of an ‘early night’ (I laugh at myself as I write that, essay inspiration always strikes at midnight) I ended up going to bed at 2am again, not my smartest move. That said I did get 980 words of my essay done, half way and I’m not sure if a word of it makes sense! I got myself up and out of bed this morning, warmish shower and tried to carry on despite feeling like death warmed up. My voice was gone, I couldn’t cool down and all I wanted to do was curl up and sleep. Nope not today, still too much to do! I need to pack, pick up my work camera and get to Ali’s all before 4. After eating and possibly reading more of the Hunger Games (yes I’m now hooked, I have no idea how) I was feeling a bit more human.
Eventually I got to Kingston Hill on time (haha beat that sleep deprived body!) and helped the boys move stuff up for recording while having a lovely little chat with my favourite scouser, Phil. That then turned into a trip to ASDA and it was made pretty clear I’d have to wait to get back to Katniss and Peeta for a little while. I did love it though, me, the boys plus Phil. I felt happy and relaxed, exactly what I’d told my mentor I needed the day before. I was starting to feel sleepy though despite my voice somehow making it back to me and instead of starting on wine when we got back I headed back to Ali’s for food and some rest.
Well that was until we hit the bar with a Jack Daniels and honey in my hand and began dancing around the pool tables, not alone I may add, attempting to play pool a little bit drunk an dancing in an empty SU some more. After all this was a birthday party! Ben is finally 21 (the old man of the band as I have nicknamed his beardyness) and although we lost him a few times it turned out to be a great night of pool, drunk band mates, initiating me as a ‘lad’ and some really embarrassing dancing. It may have been one night but the memories will last a life time :’). In the end we didn’t make it into town, the boys had quite a few pre drinks and after we made sure Rhys got home ok, Dan had his alarm set for the morning and we’d said goodbye to Ben I was sober, and that’s how I write this. We have to be up pretty early tomorrow, the boys are recoding and I’m going home! Maybe I can still get in a chapter or two though…
Flat View number 2
To say I’ve found flat hunting stressful is an understatement. I’ve done all the right things, gone to the talks, done the research and I still get stressed, worried and nervous. Today was our second flat viewing as a couple, third overall. I really wanted this one to be the one our future home, apparently not so much.
The location was okay, between both of our campuses and it was above a shop, seemed good. Up and early to view and on our first room it seemed promising, two bedrooms (one for our bedroom, another for a study and it even had a lounge which we weren’t expecting. Then we went into the bathroom and kitchen, I didn’t like them but I thought with a clean I might be able to make it work, although honestly something didn’t feel right. Then I found out the people moving out were second years, I asked them to honestly tell me why they weren’t interested in staying (the rent’s very reasonable), at first they didn’t want to say then we got the truth, damp. A lot of damp which get’s painted over.
I’m asthmatic so that wasn’t going to work, although after complaining to the office who gave it to us we were told they were ‘sure it would be sorted’ before we move in. Nuh uh, no way. Right now I’m feeling pretty confused about it all, I just want to find somewhere to live.
Now it’s going to be a lot of looking online and hopefully we’ll find somewhere eventually.
Talking about Depression ‘The Other Side of the Coin’ event and our first flat viewing
A copy of Lizzie’s tweet, this made me very proud of myself!
After last nights attempt at a video to try and get used to talking to people about depression in a more formal and informative way you’d think I would have been a little less nervous about today. I was, very slightly but that didn’t stop the nerves creeping in after a lack of sleep again. What do I wear? How did I manage to get toothpaste on my top? What did I want to say again? URgh, Urgh, Urgh!
I managed to make it to the lecture room early, much before everyone else and I was calm at this point. I knew I was here on time, Lizzie from the Students Union would be there soon, along with the other speakers whom I had never met before. I soon started chatting to Gabby, a masters student who was going to be part of a small group talking about Bipolar. It was nice to talk to someone else about mental illness before speaking, it put me in the right frame of mind and made me feel safe. There were also two other speakers talking about sight and post traumatic stress disorder. Although I was anxious I really wanted some of my faculty to walk in and support me. A lot of my friends couldn’t make it for various reasons so I was hoping someone I recognised would. I nthe end it was the KUTalent team who eased my nerves (who I have to say took a lot of notes in the lecture.
Before long, despite a smaller turn out than I had thought, we set up the camera and began the lecture/presentation. I was first before running off to a flat viewing. I’ll admit I did feel nervous, would I make an impact? How do I want to come across? Will the videos I watched of others giving speeches have any impact? I hadn’t written anything down but I was hoping I would need to. I started off with the video ‘I have a black dog, his name is depression’ to give people a sense of understanding and hopefully empathy. The talk went well, I focused on my strengths not my weaknesses and incorporated them into what I was trying to say. I put empasis on three things that people with Anxiety and Depression need, time, patience and understanding because these all relate to the idea of ‘good days’ and ‘bad days’, something I wanted to stress and use myself as an example for.
I feel like the tlk went well and was a good opener, from what I could see I got a good response. I also learnt a lot today about others, their determination, their motivation and how they learn. Unfortunately I had to leave before my friends part, I’m sure she was brilliant and after speaking to her after she seemed happy. Although I’m disappointed that more people didn’t come I know they’ll see it. We’ll be using the talk in their training now and I’m hopefully going to work towards raising awareness and being a part of the student support group.
As I mentioned I had to go to mine and Ali’s first flat viewing and it was eventful…in true fashion I ended up hitting a low at the end. Brilliant. As with everyone else the process of flat hunting is stressful, for us it’s a whole different kind of stressful. I’ve never done this before and it’s showing Ali and I parts of our relationship we haven’t had a go at yet. We have argued about flats and where to live and all the rest of it and our first viewing really made me nervous. I’d been to a flat viewing before and the lady was lovely. The flat was spacious but there was something that didn’t feel right. After seeing the bathroom and bedroom I just had a gut instinct of no. By the time we got back to the flat I was in a full scale panic. Had we looked at this, at that? What if we couldn’t live near Kingston Hill, What f they were all the same price, How would we afford things. The list went on and so I sat and cried and lashed out and this is the reality of what I had been talking about. The smallest panic and I can completely lose myself.
Eventually I calmed down, exhausted and we started talking before I got a call from the university. We were being offered the opportunity to view another flat! As if all my prayers had been answered we both called our Mums, we’d look at the flat tomorrow but hopefully this one was it. We decided that we both had to feel comfortable and both Mums gave us some vital advice; don’t rush into things and don’t panic.
With this in mind I think it’ll be easier to sleep tonight. Since Jens left it’s harder to be back at Seething Wells but I’m ok, I think. Just lonely. Hopefully tomorrow will bring some good news, this flat stuff is doing my head in!
Chloe Metzger 