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5 Reasons my Mum is the absolute BEST. 

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I’m sure it comes as no surprise to you guys that I think my Mum is absolutely incredible. Well, that’s because she is. Mumma Metzgie as my friends call her is an absolute gem and I wanted to write this post about her because she deserves it!

1. She never lets me down

Never, ever, ever. From day 1 and I don’t think she ever will.

2. She’s the strongest person I know

She’s been through a lot of crap, she was the first person I’d turn to when I was bullied because she’d been there and she really hold our family together. It’s hard to explain but she’s just so bloody strong and calm ❤

3. She can drink most people under the table and down a pint.

My Mum is still going out with her friends on nights out and is amazing drunk, so, so much fun. It probably helps that she looks 10 years younger than she is as well.  

4. Life is never boring with my Mum

She’s almost always laughing at something. Mum is the biggest kid you will ever meet, to the point where her favourite place in the world is disney world and she plans to dress up as Elsa or Ana for Halloween in Disney World. Sometimes I get too stressed and serious but Mum always manages to get me to relax and have fun…although I’m still hesitant over a night out with her. All my friends love her and most of the guys think she’s attractive. You go mumma, go!

5. She’s never given up on me.

She hasn’t always had it easy being my Mum, but she’s never given up. Going to meeting after meeting, dealing with me when I’m having a meltdown, talking to me constantly when I need it and when I was younger she really fought for me. I am who I am because of all of this, my Mum believed in me no matter what

Happy Mother’s Day Mum, you really are the best.

And the winner is…me!

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I’m writing this with the biggest, stupidest grin on my face. I won!!!!!!! I cannot believe it but I won! I am this years winner of the Overcoming Adversity to Achieve award ahhhhh! I’m still half in disbelief, even though it’s right next to me as I type this (and looked pretty damn good in the flat if I say so myself!).

I honestly thought that the amount of inspiring people who were up for that award that I was going home empty handed and I was fine with that, they were all so amazing I was shocked that I had even been shortlisted with them. One of the best parts of  the evening though was sitting with SIR TREVOR MCDONALD of all people on my table and having a long conversation with him about literature, music, the world in general and the new TV show he has coming up. He even mentioned me in his speech and before announcing I was a winner said that he really thought I deserved it. He is truly one of the most wonderful men I have ever met.

Everyone was so welcoming and so proud I won, hugs and congratulations all evening! Some of the people tonight I am proud to be at university with and proud to be at Kingston itself, a place I will always love. I’m struggling to write this because it’s all still sinking in and its so incredible.

Thank you to everyone who helped me along the way. I’ve come so far from what I was and I’m so proud of myself for making the changes and making myself face up to them. I couldn’t list every single person but you all know who you are, I love you so,so much. Winning this has made me even more determined to keep working on mental health, to keep helping others.

Don’t give up guys! I never thought this could happen for me! ❤

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Pre assignment panic

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It’s a few weeks before Easter break, you know the drill. Right now most of us are getting the feelings of dread as assignment deadlines/exams sneak up on us. The library is getting busier every day, caffeine consumption is going up and nervous tears for no reason at all are creeping in.

As the girls keep reminding me we have a while until the next assignment is due (after submitting one today) but, it’s a horrible mix of the normal anxiety about this time of year and my own anxiety getting in the way.

I’m hoping I can write regularly, keep my mind off the things that are bothering me and write some more entertaining posts!

Specific Learning Difficulties Conference

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I spent today working with students with Specific Learning Difficulties so Dyslexia (like me), Dyspraxia, Mental Health Difficulties (also me), Physical Disabilities and others. I like talking to people about my experiences and being able to help in any way that I can. Some of the young people today were so bright, but also scared.

A lot of the adults thought that we ambassadors were great ‘inspirational’, ‘ mentors for young people’, now that’s all nice but it’s the young people I work with that I want the feedback from. I’m pleased to say that they said they learnt a lot and for some I think it was the push that they needed.

I’ve come a long way since I was at school and since my diagnoses for both depression and dyslexia, but I want to use all of that negative and try and help other people. I have been through a lot, more than I want to talk about sometimes but if I can turn this around then maybe in some weird way it was worth it.

One of the hardest goodbyes

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IMG_1646I’m writing this with a broken heart. Yesterday Rubey was sold and left the yard, I wasn’t able to say goodbye as it all happened so quickly. There’s something about a connection with animals that is so different than humans. When I first moved to Kingston, the hardest thing to adjust to was not having my dog at the end of my bed, even now she’s the hardest to leave after a weekend at home. Rubey kind of filled that need this year, not because of riding her because she was so affectionate.

Part of me doesn’t know how I’m going to go to the stables on Wednesday without seeing her and having a cuddle. A lot of people don’t understand, because she’s not mine, it’s hard to explain but I just had that bond with her and she was there for me all of this year. Her owner is heartbroken too because Rubey leaving was just so quick.

In my heart she’ll never be replaced, ever. She was the first horse I really connected with, even if I do love all of the others at the stables. I’ve just had an update though that she’s at her new stables being loved and cared for and is happy.

It’s one of the hardest points of this year but if she’s going to be loved I guess I can deal with it.

Out we go!

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Tonight the dream team are on the town. Me, Eleanor, Amy, Dani and Maisha are all out in Kingston together!!! We finally managed to find two nights this month where we can all go out and while tonight I won’t be getting horrendously drunk due to a gig tomorrow, I will be the next time. Tonight is our night out for Eleanor’s 20th birthday, I’m going to make sure she is both suitable drunk and happy at the same time. As well as El’s birthday we also have other things to celebrate firstly Eleanor got into New Zealand and she’s off for a year, then a few days ago we got the news that Maisha is also off to New Zealand! That’s right both of them! I’m looking forward to every minute I can spend with these two before their departure to New Zealand in July. It’s going to be an amazing adventure for them both.

Lookin’ good

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I’ve been horse riding for 5 months now, every week that I possibly could. I think it’s gotten to a point that riding has become a part of me, which amuses my friends to no end. Something interesting happened tonight, one of my bosses and one of my lecturers commented on how well I look in myself this year and I’d like to think that horse riding has been a big part of that.

Now I’m not going to use this post to become a fitness bunny. You’re still more likely to find me curled up with a cup of tea rather than going for a jog. I still hate running with a passion, and my knees aren’t keen on it either. This year though, as well as being happier in general, I’ve started to actually try some fitness. I ride every Wednesday and I’m currently swimming as many Sundays as possible, in the summer the Wednesdays I can’t ride I’m hoping to swim instead.

I’m not doing this for the way I look, it’s crossed my mind occasionally but that’s usually after I look in the mirror and notice I’m a little bit more toned than I used to be. It’s strange for me to find excercise I love, at school it was my worst nightmare unless we were doing flips and things in the gym. Now I can’t wait to get that release from riding or swimming, although I remember wanting to bite anyone who said exercise will help depression, it will but you have to be well enough to get to that stage first.

Riding and swimming have become a huge part of my life now and they make me feel good about myself. I’m not a size 6, I don’t want to be. I’m not doing this to get rid of my curves or look like an Olympian that doesn’t even come to it, I just want to feel good.

Right now, however, I am aching from the most intense ride ever. I’m finally off the lunge and riding on my own! I think I’m going to go off and crawl into my bed!

One day at a time

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1fbed79e748d263171830d95ab264de7Today is self injury awareness day. It’s something that millions of people live with with every day. It is because of this I wanted to write a positive post, inspired by the above tattoo (thanks Pinterest!).

Everyone has their own trials in life, it’s how we handle them that matters. Sometimes depression means you can’t handle things as you want to, but any little triumph is something to be proud of.

I just wanted to say even the littlest step forward is still a step forward.

Music is my cure

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This week has been a funny old week. It’s been full of ups and downs and being pulled all over the place and I’m just tired. Ok not just tired, I feel a bit drained. It’s been really busy, not necessarily in a bad way just loads of different things. I have been feeling really up and down over the last few days.

Tonight I just sort of caved. I’ve had a good day, working hard, seeing Eleanor and Wales even won the Rugby today (although England better tomorrow. I just felt sad when I got home, my thoughts caught up with me. Even snuggled up in my new onesie, thanks to Ali, I just couldn’t shake it. Yesterday I got like this too, right before a show and ended up having an anxiety attack before hand, which doesn’t happen anymore. So, yes, a little shook up over these sudden waves of horrible anxiety.

Music does something though, it is the release I need. It’s better than any negative coping strategy I’ve ever had, better than therapy, plans or medication. I don’t know but something about it just lifts me. When I lived alone I needed music filling my room because the silence was too much. So I resorted to YouTube tonight and found George Ezra. Of course I’d heard some of his other songs but I couldn’t stop and I’m more than a little bit in love with his music. It’s incredible.

So while last night was full of No People Club and other great musicians performing live, tonight was all about my headphones. Some Ed Sheeran and George Ezra to be precise because I just needed that kind of music tonight. Also the video to the above song? Could it GET any better?!?!

Why have I picked this song to share? Apart from the awesome video, the lyrics are pretty amazing too. It’s just what Ali’s been saying to me this week when I’ve been having an ‘oh my god, I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life, what is life, ARGH’ moment. They’re becoming a little bit more frequent but as the song says I need to listen to the man who’s loving me, because this time he’s got it right on. He’s just there, always.

The point of this blog wasn’t to do an ‘I love Ali’ fest. It was to talk about the power of music and how it’s always been there for me, I expect it always will and it’s the best depression beater ever. This song put such a smile on my face and I’m just in love with George’s voice, to the point I need tickets for when he’s next playing in the UK.

Eating Disorders Awareness Week

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8eaedae3c0c1099c92bc6cf82b8ed737I found the above quote on Pinterest and thought it would be a good start to todays post. Today is the last day of Eating Disorders awareness week and of course I wanted to feature it on my blog. I’ve never had an eating disorder, although for a while I had an issue with my body image. That said I have watched friends struggle through eating disorders and it’s a very slippery slope.

A lot of people have the misconception that ED’s are about food and being vain and feeling fat. Wrong. Bulimia and Anorexia, for example, are mental illnesses, they’re not to do with not fitting into a certain dress or wanting to look like a celebrity. They are illnesses which unfortunately people can die from. It’s important to know but not what I want to put forward in this blog.

I want to talk to you all about being supportive. The best thing you can do for someone with any kind of mental health condition is to support them, to do your best to understand. Some of the following things are good to know

Be patient 

Eating Disorders don’t just go away in a week, they are not a cold. Recovery can take years and for some people they need a little bit of support for the rest of their lives. It can be frustrating and so hard to watch when a loved one goes through this but your patience can mean everything.

Listen 

Don’t talk, listen. Listen to what they want and need to say. Even if they are scared and you can’t understand why. Even if what they’re saying is hard to hear just listen and ,when you can, respect their wishes.

Know when they just need you there 

Sometimes it’s not about having a big conversation, it’s just about having someone there and knowing they’re there.

Try and do some research 

You don’t need to get a PhD in Psychology but just doing a little research on ways to help for example or knowing what the illness is. Some people find it helpful to learn with the person who is living with the illness.  It can make things easier to understand.

Work with them through things 

Having support through it all is one of the most important things. Celebrate their achievements and be there if they have bad days and work through it together. You never know how much it can mean to someone.

I wanted to make it clear that this is something that people recover from! It takes hard work but it is possible to recover with the right help and be happy and healthy, as with any mental illness. If anyone is struggling with an Eating Disorder at the moment then I will leave details at the end of this post. Don’t be embarrassed, or ashamed, you can get through this. Talk to someone you feel you can, go along to a doctors appointment (you don’t have to see your own GP!) and please, please don’t give up.

❤

Beat – UK 

http://www.b-eat.co.uk/

National Eating Disorder Association

National Eating Disorders Association

SEED – Eating Disorder Support Service

http://www.seedeatingdisorders.org.uk/