Category: lifestyle

Change is what I needed.

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I’ve made no secret of the fact that last month I lost my job and it was horrible. I felt completely devastated and my confidence took a big hit. I won’t go into specifics but I didn’t know it was going to happen, so I had absolutely no backup plan. At the time I remember Ali saying to me that this could be the best thing that ever happened to me, I scoffed at him. How could that be? At the time I panicking over how I was going to make rent and what the hell I was going to do next.

The thing is, and don’t tell him, but he was right. I’ll be honest and say that I was in a job that didn’t make me happy but I stuck at it and tried to make the best of the situation. While it sucked that I got let go, and at the time it seemed like the world was collapsing, it gave me time to think.

While I was looking I was offered a 3-month contract with a local company, good pay and a new experience. I was nervous but took it and it’s completely changed my outlook on my life and myself. After a month of being there, I feel a lot better. I’m not leaving the house at 7.15am and getting stuck in traffic for an age on the way home. I’m not stressed about everything and I have other people around me who have experience in marketing to help and teach me.

While I know I’m on a contract it could go many ways, I’ve already decided to keep an eye on the company notice board so that I can stay in a place where I’m happy. I never thought that losing my job could be a good thing and it wasn’t at the time but getting to the point that I am now? It was worth it.

Of course, I don’t have it worked out. I still have days where I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing and worry about the future, who doesn’t? But it made me realise that I get to work with a smile on my face and leave with one too, I can have a job where I don’t come home and feel stressed until I go to bed. There will be challenges ahead, I know that but right now I have a good feeling and a positive outlook and that’s really what I needed.

The Ideal Graduate Doesn’t Exist

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Do you remember what made you decide to go to university? Maybe it was because you really loved a subject and wasn’t quite done with it yet. Maybe it was because your family members or friends had gone and you decided that it was probably a good idea. Maybe it was because you were told that going to university was going to give you a boost, it was going to get you a job.

I’ll bet that most of us link to one of the three reasons, for me it was making me employable. I wanted to work hard, get the best grades and get a great job. I learnt from my parents that working hard and having your own money was important. I’d had a job since I was 16 and after a teacher insisted I look, my eyes widened with how much more you could earn just by getting a degree, it was a no-brainer, right?

So, here I am almost a year after graduating with a 2:1 degree and I’m not a top notch career woman yet, who knew? I’m currently temping in an office while friends of mine are working in retail, restaurants or anywhere they can get a job. All of us are asked what we’re going to do with our degrees or about career plans. The thing is just because you have a degree doesn’t mean that you’re failing because you’re not a hot shot at 22, something which can be a harsh reality.

There’s an illusion of the ‘perfect graduate’, something that isn’t real, usually, this person would have their own flat, a decent paying job that they love, flawless references, society activist. Overall, they are meant to have their shit together. Now, I don’t know about you but I’ve never met that person, I’ve never met them, so why was I striving to be that? No one in my family or loved ones had ever put that on me so where did it come from?

I could blame advertising, I could blame media or Social Media but I’m not going to waste time on that. We need to be kind to each other but more than anything we need, to be honest. Am I guilty of trying to make my Instagram feed look better my life picture perfect? Of course, I am. Am I guilty of comparing myself to others and wondering what I should be doing with my life? 100%.

I hope that if you’re reading this and have been feeling overwhelmed like me that this has helped.

What have you realised after graduating? Let me know in the comments below.

Feminist Friday: Is having a Vagina a pre-existing condition too?

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I woke up this morning and was flicking through my news app and my hazy eyes focused again on a smug picture of Donald Trump, this time with the headline ‘Obamacare is dead’. I’m not American, nor do I live in the US but have watched the past few months unfold with waves of nausea after being faced with the blatant problems with sexism and racism in the US.

Once again ‘making America great again’ will have a nasty impact on many. The list of what is being considered a pre-existing condition is horrifying. As I was reading though I realised something, once again women were having someone choose their options for them because they own a vagina.

Things such as

  • Pregnancy
  • Breast, Cervical and Ovarian Cancer
  • Acid Reflux (often a problem in Pregnancy)
  • Cesarian Section

would all stop you getting coverage under Trump and his party. It must be recognised there are also issues such as enlarged prostate and testicular cancer that will impact only men, this is an issue for everyone. It’s horrifying and harrowing that people are fearing for their lives because of something they cannot help. America is supposed to be one of the most forward-thinking countries in the world…I doubt that now seeing as birthing the future leaders of the world will now mean you might not be able to get insurance.

I’m incredibly lucky I live with the NHS, if it was the same in the UK there is no way in hell I would be insured because of previous problems I’ve had. It’s a scary reality when dystopian novels such as The Handmaid’s Tale are getting chillingly close to real life.

At what point do Republicans just make having a Vagina a reason for exclusion officially? At what point do they fall backwards in time and make it so women are legally second class citizens. We need to talk about this, we need to make ourselves louder than ever all across the world to make sure it is known to the misogynists that not only are we equal, we are strong and capable.

What are your thoughts on the new bills being passed? Are you going to be impacted by them? Let me know in the comments below or drop me a tweet @chloemetzger!

Book Review: The Vagenda – Holly Baxter & Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett

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Two women take on the media, welcome to The Vagenda.

If you’ve been following my blog for a while you know that I love a good non-fiction book, I was not disappointed by The Vagenda. Holly and Rhiannon had spent years surrounded by media that told them they were supposed to look, dress and act a certain way when they decided enough is enough. This is one of the books I wish I had growing up because by the end Holly and Rhiannon felt like two cool older sisters.

Now, I can understand people having a little apprehension about this but I can promise you it’s not a damning ‘we should hate everything and everyone’. Far from it, after finishing this book I felt more educated and stronger as a woman. Rhiannon and Holly don’t tell you how to live your life, they merely give their observations and how they’ve felt. Personally, I used to read a lot of magazines and it made me realise the impact it was having on me.

From being a teenager reading those magazines, moving on the celebrity gossip occasionally and then on to the big leagues of Cosmo, Glamour, Elle and Vogue, I was absorbing this. It was until I thought about my sister (who’s seven years younger) and started university I realised I didn’t have to like or agree with this stuff. Why is there less focus on female empowerment and intelligence rather than bikini waxes and blowjobs?

Nothing is off limits in this book from body politics to working women, from the idea of sex that magazines put in our heads and idealised beauty. Holly and Rhiannon have clearly done their research on the rise of magazine and beauty culture while incorporating the feelings and facts about how these impact real women.

The best thing though? This book will make you laugh. I absolutely howled at parts because of the ridiculousness of some of the marketing campaigns used, some of the wording choices. At the same time it made me really think about what I was taking in and the impact it had on my own thoughts and feelings. I rarely buy women’s glossy’s anymore because it doesn’t interest me. I read blogs about things I want to read about and embrace my shape and size.

This got a 5-star rating and I recommend it to absolutely everyone. It’s a body positive, female positive look at an industry that tried to magnify our imperfections. Holly and Rhiannon, I salute you.

Sunday Seven: My Most Watched Youtubers

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There’s no doubt that Youtubers have become a big deal. You can’t walk around a shopping centre without seeing something to do with a Youtuber. I’m not the most up to date, although my sister does try to tell me who’s ‘cool’ in the YouTube world. So I thought I’d share my seven favourite Youtubers…so far!

Emma Blackery  (also over on Vloggery)

I’ve been watching Emma since my first year at university. Her Youtube has changed a lot over the years and is a mix of comedy, real life, lifestyle and music! If you want someone who speaks their mind, gives good advice and funny videos Emma is your gal!

Cece @ Problemsofabooknerd 

The first book vlogger. I LOVE Cece so much. She’s got a great taste in books and if just great to watch. She’s also very big on promoting Own Voices and LGBTQ books which has lead me to some great novels. Also, I’m in love with her and her girlfriend and thier Funko connection.

Catriona @ LittleBookOwl

Catriona is another book Vlogger I LOVE! She’s an Australian vlogger who again has great taste in books that I wouldn’t usually read. I also love watching her readathon posts too!

Carrie Hope Fletcher @ It’s Way Past My Bedtime

Musical theatre, Disney and just general sunniness. Carrie is what I need on a bad day and what. a. voice. Currently her ‘Watch Me Wednesdays’ posts are my fave!

Giovanna Fletcher @ Giovanna’s World 

Gi is an author and Mum and I absolutely love watching her vlog because it just seems to real. I haven’t read any of Gi’s fiction novels but loved her latest Happy Mum, Happy Baby . She’s real and funny what’s not to love.

Tom Fletcher 

I wasn’t hugely into Mcfly but the above video is the first I cam across. Tom’s weekly vlogs are great and he’s just a genuinely nice guy.

Cherry Wallis 

Cherry is a great lifestyle vlogger with a Harry Potter obsession. I always watch her monthly roundups and Primark hauls in particular. Also Cherry is an incredible Special FX make-up artist.

Blogger Block

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This week has not been my best blogging week, I’ll admit. I’ve been struggling to write and be confident in what I’m writing. I’ve written stuff out and just not felt great about the content and the delivery, so I decided not to put out something I wasn’t happy with. I 100% want this blog to be something I’m proud of and that includes every post. But! I’m going to do something about it!

I want to write a plan for the next month with exactly what I want to do, a schedule, new ideas and images. Most importantly I want to spend time on my blog and have it as something you guys can look forward to!

So, to start with I’ll be back tomorrow with my April favourites!

Things I’d tell myself at sixteen

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I’ve been quite reflective recently and thinking a lot about my teenage years, particularly as my sister is fast approaching her 16th (!!) birthday. Now I’m in my twenties, and believe me that’s a rollercoaster enough, but I had a tough time as a teenager, it wasn’t easy but at the same time some of the best things happened to me. I think we all have a certain view of our teenage years. I don’t agree with people saying that it’s the ‘best time of your life’ but there are certain times I look back on fondly. So, here are some of the things I wish I told

I don’t agree with people saying that it’s the ‘best time of your life’ but there are certain times I look back on fondly. So, here are some of the things I wish I could go back and tell myself to just give me a bit of a hand and the things I’ve learnt.

School isn’t forever. 

My life was hell at school, sometimes it felt like it was never going to end but it definitely did and it was glorious.

You’re right to look forward to college, it’s going to be great. 

I lived and breathed for my college. I could do classes I wanted to escape the people who hated me. I used to go and meet Ali from his day with butterflies. It was definitely a good two year with some great friends.

Trust him when he says he loves you, he does. 

I’ve been with Ali for almost 9 years. I had such issues at sixteen that I wasn’t good enough, that he was going to leave me etc. I was a complete nightmare. I wish she knew he’s still around now.

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Don’t hate yourself, you’re not well. 

I was incredibly ill with depression at this point, I literally felt like I was going insane and ruining everyone’s lives. I wish I knew that it was all to do with an illness and not because I was a terrible person.

Others opinions don’t matter

Can not stress this enough!

You can have a great future!

 I didn’t think much about the future much, I couldn’t but I wish I knew that I could get there.

Keep singing, keep writing, keep being creative! 

There were more than a few times I just didn’t want to do it anymore, what was the point, why bother? It was going to do more for me than I thought!

Ignore your art teacher, you’re never going to impress her. 

Seriously, the woman had her favourites, I wasn’t one of them.

Talk to someone. 

Just talk about how you feel.

YOU.ARE.NOT.FAT

Seriously, I would shout this until I was blue in the face if I could. I really struggled with the way I looked and thought I was chubby but I really, really wasn’t.

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The house parties are going to continue, they’ll be some of the best memories of your life. 

Best. Time. Ever.

Think about uni, just think about it. 

I thought it wasn’t for people like me. Oh I was wrong.

Love yourself, cause you’re pretty awesome. 

Something I still need to remember at 22.

 

What do you wish you knew at 16? Let me know in the comments!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday Seven: Thoughts everyone has the night before starting a new job

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Tomorrow I start a new chapter, it may be a little sooner than I thought but nonetheless, it’s happening. I start my first temp assignment and as I write this the nerves are ramping up and I’m hoping I at least get some sleep tonight. So here are seven thoughts everyone has the night before starting a new job.

Damn, I ‘m nervous 

I have SO MANY butterflies right now, so, so many.

Will I get any sleep tonight?

I’m awful at sleeping before a big day, there will be a lot of clock watching tonight.

I wonder what the people are like?

It’s always nerve-wracking going into a new situation with completely new people. Luckily the few people I have met have seemed really nice.

What’s the food situation? Am I supposed to eat in a canteen, go out, is there a microwave?! 

I never know what to do in terms of food, it’s always something I think about. Luckily I know the area a little so I can hopefully pop out and grab something.

I’m a professional, I’ve got this… shit, I don’t know what I’m doing! 

The constant battle between the angel and devil on my shoulder this one. The angel knows I can do this but the devil throws in a nice bit of doubt.

I need to check my outfit again

Because you definitely want to get it right on your first day.

Let’s do this

I’ll never know if I don’t do it. Let’s do this!

Getting Motivated

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So, this month has been tough, very tough. I wrote a post last week about what’s been going on, why I’ve been quiet on social media (you can read that here) and I’ve had a lot of time to think. I’ve had my time to feel sad and upset about what happened but right now it’s time to get motivated.

I think it’s important to give yourself time to feel what you need to feel when things happen. That said my family and friends make sure that I don’t wallow, that I get on with my life and move on. It’s a new week and it’s time to get motivated.

I have plans for this week, even though I’m at home. I have a full list of plans, things to do and get on with. I’m going to sort out more work, get the house tidy, do some work outs and write like a mad thing! I am more than something that hs happened to me. Was I upset? Yes. Was I in shock? Yes. I doubted myself but I need to try and let that go.

It’s worth saying that the people around you can really help and I’m so grateful in particular to Ali, Abbie, Ben & Joe as well as my family for constantly being there for any help and tearful phone calls I’ve made, you’re all the best.

So this is my declaration to you all, I am not giving up, I have shit to do and the last few weeks won’t define me.

World, I’m coming to get you.

Dealing with the unexpected

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Sometimes life likes to surprise us, and not in the best way.

This time last week I was confused, distraught and wondering what the hell I was going to do. Last week I was told that I was no longer employed, that my contract was not going to be extended. This came completely out of the blue, for all I knew I was ready for my renewal meeting and things were going well. I left in a complete state of shock, how I drove home I’m not quite sure.

Like anyone who’s been in this situation before you go through everything in your head. I questioned everything I’d said or done, had I missed some warning signs? It was so out of the blue. After a few phone calls to Ali, my family and a few close friends I knew what I needed to do, I needed to find a new job. I was on the phone within an hour to contacts and agencies. By Thursday morning I was sat in a recruitment agency.

It’s been a week of emotional ups and downs, particularly as we lost Hamski a few days later. That’s the thing about life though, it doesn’t always play nicely or play fair. Within a few days, I’d spoken to a lot of people got some leads and felt better about myself. I realised that these things do happen and that it wasn’t because I was awful or terrible, I was unlucky this time.

In a week things have gone from feeling incredibly hopeless to being positive again. I realised that it might not be the worse thing. Now I can look for work closer to home so I don’t spend almost an hour commuting each way, because the drive was exhausting. I can meet new people and further my career, I need to fight to stay positive and see the good in this change. Speaking of which, I’m proud to introduce Wickett (named after the Ewok):

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So, let’s see what the rest of the month has to offer…