I’m 20 years old, I get up late at the weekend, avoid cleaning to read books all day, eat turkey dinosaurs and my idea of making breakfast is pouring a bowl of cereal.
While I’m staying out until the early hours with my girlfriends, a lot of other people are up at that time of the morning for different reasons…getting up to their children in the night. I’ve mentioned this more than a few times but whenever I log onto facebook now all I see is baby photos, pregnancy announcements, engagements all that kind of stuff and it is TERRIFYING to me.
Now I understand the occasional ‘accident baby’ I mean, I was one and I’m proud of it. Today it dawned on me more than ever though that people are now actually making babies because they want them… they want small humans. They’ve getting pregnant and hitched and although I’m living with Ali and it sounds all grown up, I don’t feel like I’m that grown up. I love babies, I love cuddles and like most girls I do get broody sometimes, of course I understand people having children my Nanna, my Mum and my Aunt all had children in their early 20s, there’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s just not me right now. When you’ve been in a relationship so long it’s always a question on everyone’s lips when will you have a little one? I’m sorry would you like me to post every decision Ali and I make for you?
I feel like I’m too restless to have kids right now, I want to be selfish. I want to go out and do whatever I want and not have to think about anyone else. I’ve always said children don’t stop you having a life, my parents still got to see parts of the world, still had a nice house I was just a part of that. I just feel really uncomfortable when I see so many people moving at lightning speed, I mean I love children and I 100% want them, but I’m enjoying just finding out who I am right now.
Soon wedding invites will start creeping in, in the next 5 years I think a lot of people from home and uni will be getting married, there will be hen nights and wedding outfits to buy, presents to buy…aaaaaaaannnndddd that’s where I go into the of a panic attack. Things need to slow down! Sometime I still feel 16 and really lost and just want to dive under the covers in my bed with my teddy bear. It’s all a little bit scary.
Me, Ted, till the end.
The grown up thing will come, I want to marry Ali eventually and I know that the day I become a mother will be one of the best, if not the best of my life. Right now though I’m just going to find out who I am and do the stuff I want to do