As you all may have noticed this piece has gone into the ‘my big mouth’ section of my blog. This is the part where I air my opinion and expect to get a bollocking from at least one person for it. Well this one should be a good one, that or I’ll be murdered in my sleep by angry women…
I spend a lot of time with guy friends for example Joe, Ben, Rhys and others. At one point or another they all ask me the same question (not these boys in particular just general boys) ‘Why are girls so weird?’ I wish I knew the real answer to this or I could even explain it but the truth is boys, I agree with you. I think women in general are fucking weird. There are so many things to learn about girls and then there are sub groups, and then there are rules, and then there are the ones who think they are oppressed by EVERYTHING. You can tell by the amount of commas that my brain went into overdrive there. That is what it is like for men all the time.
Don’t get me wrong I’ve met some lovely girls/women in my life and they can make me feel better than my guy friends occasionally. I’m telling you now though all the normal girls will admit that women have something in them that makes them go crazy. No boys, not their periods. It’s kinda like the whole thing with men and their man caves, that is also a real thing (the man in my life just happens to call it his recording studio…even if he sometimes uses it to watch videos on Reddit). Anyway, back to my point. It’s not always a bad kind of crazy ( but I have definitely experienced that in the last year) but women are just complicated creatures to be honest.
Ok so lets take the body thing. I really feel for you men because there is NO RIGHT ANSWER stop trying to find it because until you find her you’re not even going to get close. My boyfriend has been with me 5 and a half years and even he can’t figure me out sometimes. Ok so as well as trying to be honest when they are asked how something looks they also have to deal with period drama. No not Downton Abbey but well, there is a lot of drama going down. Anyway, ask any girl and she’ll say that 90% of the time that she doesn’t even know how she feels when it’s her ‘time of the month’ (most irritating phrase ever) so how the bloody hells is a man supposed to know. Oh and then there are the girls who just wont take compliments, not in a low self esteem way, in a I’m looking for attention way.
And then there is todays problem, the baby example. What is with girls and babies? What is with 16-19 year old girls and babies. I’ll admit I went through the stage where I thought they were the most adorbale thing ever and of course children were the best thing about life blah blah blah. Now they terrify me a little bit. Actually no it’s not babies that terrify me it’s having to grow one and then get it out of your body (niether way is ‘beautiful’ or pleasant, it’s all pretty gross) or in fact when it kicks and looks like it’s going to break out like a scene in alien. I know so many people with babies and I love my cousins and my friends kids, they’re great but the thought of me having one terrfies me. You are responsible for a whole other person! When I decide to have my own kids I’m sure I wont try and stick it in a rucksack or whatever but I really hope I don’t become a zombie ‘yummy mummy’. I want to still be able to see a band once in a while, still go to Nandos and not have to leave because of a screaming toddler. I hope I’ll read this in 10 years time and agree with myself, I might still think women are weird.
Anyway as you can probably tell my lovely readers I struggle with women my own age, not through a lack of trying I may add! I don’t understand make up, I wear whatever I want and I have pretty weird music tastes. For example my favourite Christmas song at the moment, Fairytale of New York by the Pogues, the only person in my Creative Writing class that understood how amazing it was was a guy…the girls wanted to listen to the Michael Buble album (which is pretty nice but you know, Fairytale of New York!). If however you lovely ladies out there would like to adopt and try to convert me into being a ‘real girl’ you are welcome to give it a shot, I still can’t work it out after 19 years of trying.
Please only apply if you are ok with the following, male approved,activities.
– Snorting when I laugh
– Eating junk food
– Being honest (not ‘girl politics’)
– Not being a radical feminist
Girls who definitely currently apply to this i.e Amy, Sammy, Sonia, Lucy (s), Grace, Erin thank you for being women who give me hope in females (y).