Wedding Update: Corona, Cocktails and Crying

Wedding Update: Corona, Cocktails and Crying

Well, it’s been a while since I did a wedding update – mostly because I had no idea what was going on and partly because the only solid update happened while I had a huge case of writer’s block – standard.

Let’s take it waaay back to August, my wedding dress was ready to pick up 3 months early (!!) which meant a cautious trip to Brighton on the hottest day of the year, in masks. We had to get there for 9.30am – the only appointment the shop had that week due to reduced opening. After all the anxiety that the dress wouldn’t fit it was a little big and I loved it just as much – I didn’t want to take it off.

Masks on and ready to go with Mumma

Moving to 2022.

Originally we still had a bit of hope and then cases started to rise and more restrictions started to come in. We’d already agreed that if we were restricted to less than 50 people by January we were going to postpone. As time went on it got more and more likely but we couldn’t officially postpone until 6 weeks before or we would be charged by our venue.

Then Boris laid out plans for the next 6 months, back down to 30 guests, no reception – some places are even requiring a 2 meter distance between the bride and whoever walks her down the aisle. We couldn’t do it, I’ve waited 12 years to say I do and while it’s the marriage that’s important we decided we wanted to do it with the people we loved.

Not long after that our venue agreed to let us move the day I started contacting suppliers, I was touched by how kind they were. It was all quite straightforward but after I still hadn’t cried. I just felt a little lost, I now had over a year.

Crying Over Cocktails

As my Hen Do had been moved as well my best friend and Bridesmaid, sister and Maid of Honour and my Mumma took me for a few cocktails the afternoon it was meant to be.

It started off with the booking I’d made not being added – not great but we soon had a table for a few hours and 30% off our first drinks. And we got started while waiting for my sister to finish work. Let me preface this with I’d been building my new Lego Hogwarts castle before I left so I hadn’t eaten much.

We got drinks and food…and it went straight to my head. I enjoyed spending time with some of the people I love most, I got louder and a little more loving. I went to the bathroom and it hit me, I definitely wasn’t getting married and I started to cry and it was like a dam broke. I couldn’t stop crying. Even after we left the tears kept coming, Chris decided to take me back to hers and let me cry it out with an adorable puppy and lovely Lex.

The thing is I needed that. I hadn’t let myself be upset really, I felt like I shouldn’t be because there was so much else going on in the world. But I can be upset and I am. It’s not swallowing me whole but being able to be upset is ok.

So there’s going to be more wedding content because we have over a year to go again now!

Have you missed out on any big events this year? Let me know in the comments below!

Heading To The Aisle: 1 Year To Go!

This time in 1 year I will be a married woman getting ready for her reception after saying ‘I Do’ to my favourite person…whaaaaaat?! It feels absolutely crazy that we’re down to the one year mark. Despite how organised I apparently am, I’m still feeling a little stressed and overwhelmed about getting things sorted in the next 364 days.

That said, I also feel a little more settled in what I want for the day. My guestlist has been cut down to people I care about, I’ve sorted colours, the venue, the band and other big stuff and I’m on the hunt for my dress.

Recently, I’ve seen a lot of people getting engaged (congrats if that’s you!) and a lot of WHERE DO I START posts. That was 100% me, as I explained in my real talk post. I did wonder if I should have written it but now I am so glad I have because I was how I felt at the time! Nervous and overwhelmed by other people’s expectations I’m slowly letting go of what other people think or want which is so refreshing.

Now my focus is to get everything paid (eek), sort out our honeymoon to Disney World, Orlando obvs and get the finishing touches sorted so it’s not a totally crazy and stressful year.

So 365 days to go…not that I’m counting or anything! 😉

A quarter life crisis (five years early) – growing up, meltdowns and questions.

Sometimes I am sure that I’m actually still a sixteen year old trapped in a twenty year olds body. It’s my annual crisis, you know the one I mean don’t you? The whole, what am I doing with my life, am I behind? Look at what my friends are doing while I’m stuck at home. Yup all that came today. I’ve said it once I’ll say it again, the pictures of people’s kids, engagement rings and weddings make me break out into a cold sweat, I don’t feel ready for this stuff!

I get so worried about what I should be doing that I freak out. Never mind the fact that I’m not keen on having a small person around right now, would probably burst out laughing if I got proposed to and am too broke/ addicted to expensive things to get married. Yup, that pile of books get in my amazon cart, a sale on handbags well it would be rude not to look and as for Topshop? Well I’m like a bloody magpie.

So I sat this afternoon, like many hormonal girls before me, in my PJs, my hair atrocious with chocolate in one hand and a coming of age book in the other (book of choice this time Caitlin Moran’s How to be a Woman) sobbing my little heart out. I had a bit of a fit at Ali, locked myself in the bedroom and let it all out. I cried because I don’t feel like a grown up, I have no idea whatsoever about grown up things like marriage and mortgages and I don’t have a life plan. Yup, yup, yup feeling sorry for myself and a little bit of self indulgence.

I get told that it’s perfectly normal to have days where you completely lose your shit and feel like a child again. There are days when I want to crawl up into my Mum’s lap and let her tell me it’s going to be ok. Well, nowadays I have to settle with cuddling up to Ali while he does the same thing and assures me that doing badly on that one assignment will not balls up my entire life or a phone call to my Mum about what job I’m going to go into.

You can probably guess that I’ve calmed down now, had some good old comfort food and vented to my Mum. I guess I’m writing because it should be something we can talk to each other about, all us 20 somethings who really feel like everyone else has their shit together and you’re clutching at straws. So I’m allowed to feel a little lost and scared that two of my best friends are moving across the world and another is getting a real proper job with proper (not student loan) money. I’m allowed to get a little freaked out that it’s my last year of undergrad and the next few years are going to be grown up and scary because, well, that’s what you’re 20s are for right?

So I’m sorry to everyone who’s waiting for any big announcements from me, I’m still in Little Mermaid Pjs (thank you Primark) and working out how to be a woman in the first place. Basically, I’m just being a 20 year old student who doesn’t have a clue.