Tag: thinking

Why I won’t be a teacher any time soon

Leave a comment

So as you know I’ve been busting my butt at my teaching placement for the last few weeks but I haven’t been writing about it really at all, the simple reason is that there isn’t much to write about. The simple reason isn’t the only reason though. I realised today that although I love working with kids and encouraging them, right now teaching isn’t for me. I’ll never say never but it’s not something I’ve set my heart on doing, I’d much prefer to lecture later in my life when I’ve learnt more or even become a teaching assistant because I like that one to one experience with the kids but spending time doing lesson plans and levels and talking about exams, it’s just not me. 

I think that it’s more me to be stuck in with the kids and being able to help the ones who struggle and watch them grown rather than worrying if 30 of them are going to make the grade this year. Don’t get me wrong I have enjoyed it and I absolutely adore all of the staff I’m working with but this isn’t the careerer for me. Maybe it’s just not my thing, maybe it has something to do with my past but in the last few days I’ve been thinking very hard about what I want from my twenties. I only have 3 months left of being a teenager and then I’m supposed to hit my delightfully messy twenties. I want them to be as happy as they can be after trudging through my teens but I’ve also found out that I want to kind of let them run and see what happens. I work damn had at uni but I want to have fun just like everyone else and why can’t my 20s be fun! 

After that, who knows I might come back and want to become a teacher. I want some kind of life behind me before I go and try and teach kids about life because that is what school should really be about I think. I used to love the entertaining teachers who had more to tell us than just their day to do life, and a lot of young teachers do it. Some take gap years but I want longer than that, I want a job that I find interesting and I’m passionate about and right now that’s not teaching. 

So let’s just see where this is going to get me….

This Time

Leave a comment

This afternoon I had the euphoric and exhausting delight of finishing the third song on our EP!!!!!! It only took about 4 hours and endless takes but it’s the quickest we’ve finished a song which was an amazing feeling. The song is called This Time I think it was the second song I properly wrote up here, it was about moving and just having that feeling that every time you move you’ll get it right this time and move on. 

Without realising I started writing about myself and how I was feeling at the time. I wanted everything to change and work out instantly at uni and it didn’t, so I realised that maybe it was me. I suppose if I’m being arty about it all my songs are how I work things out in my head. I haven’t written one in a little while I’ve been so focused on performing but I’m hoping the summer will bring out more songs to jam out with the boys in September. 

Friday night cup of tea and thinking

1 Comment

I’m spending my Friday night sitting in Ali’s flat, watching Emma Blackery on YouTube and contemplating making myself a cup of tea. I don’t know why but despite my plans to go out and drink tonight I really didn’t want to.

I don’t know what’s got into me today. I woke up feeling shit, I picked up a bit but there are things going on at the moment that just make me upset. Things on one side are going really well, I’m so lucky to be mending friendships that have been unraveled in the past few months, understanding myself and academically I’m doing better than I ever have in my life. Then one thing can just piss me off and upset me.

If I’m honest I’m finding my school placement really hard. I haven’t spent time in a school since I was 16 and even then I was hardly there. For me school wasn’t anything I enjoyed it was a battlefield, it was hard. The school itself is lovely, the staff are brilliant and the kids are still slightly wary. The problem is that a secondary school was the place that I was at my lowest, I still get down thinking about it sometimes and every now and again one of the old nightmares may flare up. It’s horrible waking up from those when I’m on my own, I suppose that’s what’s had me thinking about it a lot really. The nightmare was a few days before I started placement which I suppose highlighted the fact I was nervous about it.

While I’m working and doing the experience I’m realising more and more I could never teach in a secondary school as a job. I don’t like the feeling of it, the way it runs, the memories I have myself. It would be the same in any school. I love visting schools, educating them in diferent ways but to be there day in, day out? I can’t do it because this is the thing, your own experiences never leave you. I worry about my sister all the time, even though she is such a different kid to the one I was. She’s smart, she’s funny and she never has any problems standing up for herself or making friends and I absolutely love it. I love that she is that way and as strange as it sounds I wish I was the little sister who could look up to her because she’s bloody brilliant.

I don’t really know what this is about, I don’t know why I’m writing. I suppose it’s just a way for me to understand when I feel like this. I’ve been restless, annoyed, happy everything today. I’m looking forward to a quiet weekend I honestly want to curl up, not do to much and then take on the world again starting Monday.