Tag: spine

Letting go and getting on with my life

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Let it goooo, let it goooo! No, I’m not writing a post about Frozen, although I’ve been known to burst into song with more than one of my friends in random locations, have sung it to my hamsters and to horses while brushing them….yep. I’ve had a lot of time to think lately, it does that to you when you’re stuck with nothing to do but analyse your own thoughts. I realised that I’ve been holding on to all these old grudges, anger and just letting it eat me up from inside. I’ve overanalysed everything in my life and wondered if I’m a terrible person, wondered what’s good for me and what’s not.

Take today for example I stayed in my flat for most of the day, I sulked around, ignored my phone and was just miserable and angry and frustrated. I then met up with Joe, we both let ourselves rant for a bit before I was violently sick (a lovely occasional side effect of all my medication) and went home quite poorly.

I was laying there after falling asleep and being sick again (so attractive, I know) and I just thought why am I letting myself get so worked up? Why am I holding on to so much and caring about what everyone else is thinking, saying, doing? I just need to let go and focus on getting better and being more relaxed, more positive like I have been during the year. I miss just laughing and spontaneous trips with friends. I know now isn’t the easiest time, of course I’m going to be pissed off, I have a fractured spine.

So I made a promise to myself, to try and see the positives again, to try not to get so frustrated when I can’t do things. As Ali said to me the other day, I’m carrying on with education, I’ll have more summers to mess around and I have all of final year where hopefully I won’t be stuck in a brace and having to sleep for most of the day. So this is my pledge to try and let go of the frustrations in my life and embrace the good things because life is really too short.

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Taking note from Elsa of course 😉 

Sometimes positivity isn’t that easy

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Sometimes trying to be endlessly positive is exhausting, right? There are days where no matter how hard you try you just feel like everything sucks and your best friend is your bed, your phone needs to be switched off so you can ignore EVERYONE and any chocolate that you can get your hands on is yours. Ok, that might sound like a PMS day, it probably is partly to do with hormones and stuff but today ended up like that.

I’ve been feeling down, I had another doctors appointment today and I’m not lowering my depression medication, my doctors not comfortable because of how much stress and pain I’m in, it’s not the right time. On top of that my pain levels have been pretty up and down too. Basically as soon as I left work this afternoon everything just splintered a little. I felt upset and angry about my spine, I noticed people staring at me again in town (you think I’d be used to it by now) and anything that is slightly said to me in the wrong way makes me feel useless. At the same time though I have laughed, I have smiled. Maybe this is what it feels like to go mad, I’m kidding.

When I’m around and talking to the people I love I’m happy. Usually I’ll pick myself up, go for a swim or a walk, go do some food shopping in the car or get on to some promoters about shows. My spines really limited me for the past 2 months and I’m not ashamed to admit that sometimes I don’t know how to handle it. So as much as I try sometimes I depression gets it’s own was over my positivity.

BUT this isn’t where I want the people I love to worry, after having my freak out I’ve calmed down, accepted things and I’m ok. I’m planning a few things I can do and have decided if I can’t swim I might as well go and get one of the tattoos I wanted as an early birthday present to myself. Just a small one, to remind me to keep smiling and I’ll be ok, all shall be revealed soonish! Sometimes you just need to let out all of the hurt, upset and frustration.

Tomorrow will be a better day, I’m going to make sure of it.

Athens Day 4: Spine Strike, Stalker Pigeons and Writing Inspiration

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Hello and thank you for understanding my late writing. Today was a very different day to what I’ve been used to in Greece. My Spine decided it had, had enough and I spent nearly all day lying in bed watching BBC World news and trying not to sulk. Yep, I over did it so for the next few days I’m going to have to go very easy until I get home. Ali and I took a short trip downstairs to grab a late lunch in the hotel bar, where we were stalked by hungry Pigeons! Despite my protests he didn’t leave me on my own, he stayed in the room with me working on his laptop and helping me any way he could.

Of course I still had class and that was something I wasn’t willing to miss, even if it took me ages to get up there. So I stocked up on my pain medication and made the trip, my walking was a little better after all the rest but like hell was I going to push it. We spoke about another student’s piece before being sent to do our assignment of the day.  I went to fit somewhere to fit and be inspired and ended up under a tree. I had this overwhelming sense of loneliness sitting there. I looked around and just missed London so much.

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I want to go and explore different cities, obviously, but none will stay in my heart like London. It’s a part of my heart and the Thames goes through my second home. Even when I was younger days to London were my favourite and I was always caught up in the city. I really did miss home, but didn’t let it show in my writing.

In the lift down after class, a woman was blunt she was older and American ‘You cracked your spine?’ she asked. I told her I had fractures, she looked at me (I sound so damn British here!) and told me she’d cracked her spine twice within 2 months of each other and wished me a speedy recovery. She was the first person while I was here to ask about it and I didn’t mind, it was better than staring.

Ali was waiting for me as usual and we decided to try and find some kind of food and returned to a restaurant we went to a few days before. They remembered us and we laughed through dinner where I finally got some traditional Greek food, Gyros Chicken with Pitta and Seasoned Chips. I’m so happy I’ve gotten to share this with my favourite person in the world, Ali’s so much more than just my partner he’s one of my oldest friends as well as my best friend.

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I don’t know what the plan for tomorrow is, it really depends on how my back is, but if I can’t explore again I’ll try and take the opportunity to write again.

Athens Day Three: Open Top Bus Tour, The Acropolis and working with my novel

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I made it! I made it out and got to see some of the sights. After filling up on breakfast we slowly made our way to buy tickets for the bus. City – Sightseeing Bus Top Tours are all over the world, I’ve often seen them around London but now I want to actually go on one. The deal was you buy one day and get another free, we’re hoping we can use the other day later this week, because there is a lot too see it’s just really spread out. IT cost us 18 Euros for the bus, so not the cheapest and I didn’t get as many photos as I wanted too because the sun was so damn bright. We sat on the top deck, with our headphones plugged in, melting in the heat of Athens. If you do any of these tours then water is a must, and a hat which I bought before we got on board.

The bus travels around the city, giving you a mix of historical information, opportunities for walking tours and photo tours and top tips for the city, all included in the price. I knew I couldn’t do much walking so the tour was a nice way to catch a glimpse of the city and it’s beauty. The columns standing after thousands of years, statues of the Gods mixed with modern touches too. Children shouted hello and waved to our bus and we waved back, laughing at their excitement.

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In the city gardens

Our method was to stay on the bus the whole way round, which took an hour and a half, before getting off at the Acropolis. It didn’t take long to realise my hopes of going up the Acropolis weren’t going to happen. Most of the city was too uneven for my wheelchair and there were a lot of steps surrounding, Ali promised we’d come back later on when I could do it, but I was heartbroken. I did, however, get to go to the Museum where most of what was inside was moved to, or casts of them anyway. Seeing what had survived and the detail of the ancient world was breathtaking, unfortunately you’re not allowed to take any pictures while inside. There was even the old streets under your feet that you could look at through glass.

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The Acropolis Museum, (l) Stadium, (r) The best picture Ali and I could get together on top of the bus and he’s actually smiling!! 

As we got off of the bus we were lucky enough to watch the changing of the guard, the outfits are amazingly detail with 400 pleats and take 80 days each to make. The 400 pleats represent 400 years of occupation. They have a special march and guard the tomb of the unknown soldier.

Today put a lot of strain on my spine, we came back to the hotel for an hour or so that both of us could drink a lot of water and relax before having to head to class tonight. I was upset with my spine, fed up of the pain and still wanting to do everything. Even going to class this evening was a struggle, but I’m glad I did!

As well as discussing another piece of work by a fellow student, I also had my 1-1 meeting with my tutor. We sat down and worked through my submission piece and discussed where I was going to go with it, how I felt about ideas that had been put forward, things like that. Katherine is a brilliant tutor. I have so many ideas and directions of where I can go with my novel now, it’s actually becoming real!

As for tomorrow, it very much depends on my spine and how I feel but I’m hoping to go out and explore again (fingers crossed).

Waiting pays off! My good news!

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Hello to all my lovely followers, to start off with today has been a little bit crazy and fast paced and I’m absolutely shattered as I write this. I’m laying in bed at my Basingstoke home with the stupidest grin on my face. All that I’ve been posting about trying to stay positive and not get too low? Well it’s worked because I’ve had great news today!

I have been missing uni lately, missing the structure, learning, having societies to go to. It’s because even though I wouldn’t have been able to go to class, I would have had something to think about, work on rather than my brain going around and around. Really I needed a new challenge, which I have been setting myself. I’ve settled into writing habits, been packing for the trip to Athens and trying to establish some sort of routine around my back, which is harder than it sounds.

Today marks 5 weeks since my accident and by complete surprise I finally got my back brace! My Physio is an angel, and absolute angel and so are the rest of the team. Thanks to them I’ve had a lot less pain after they thought waiting another 2 weeks for my brace to be fitted would be ridiculous. They’d had training themselves so simply went up, got the brace and got me fitted (took 3 members of the very smiley team). I’d been so nervous about physio but I laughed so much and although it was painful I’m so looking forward to getting better now.

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People do stare when I wear it, at first I didn’t care I was just so happy and felt so much more protected. My nerves got a bit worse walking though town when people stared but for the most part I was just so, so happy that I finally had my brace and I have things to look forward to. Already today was going better than yesterday and most of the day before. Even though it was pouring down outside it was like I just had this little sunshine following me around that let me forget about everything else for a little bit.

I logged onto my laptop with a few things to do between packing and had a lot of free time to kill (or so I thought) until an email flashed up. I saw that it was about the internship position I’d gone for an interview for, I thought I hadn’t got it. Well how wrong was I! I’ve been offered one of my dream internships!! I’m now a Social Media Coordinator! I get to handle our social media, go to events and live tweet, it’s all so exciting! I’m flying with happiness about it all after thinking I wouldn’t get it at all!

So I got down to the office in the pouring rain as quickly as my spine would let me. Everyone was lovely and welcoming. I felt instantly comfortable in the new office and will be issues with my staff email and such when I start after I come back from my trip to Athens! I’m recognised as staff now!

I’ve got so much to look forward to now that I can relax a little about not getting the grade I wanted and buying a bigger pair of shorts, because you know what? Right now I feel pretty damn awesome.

10 things I’ve learnt in the last month

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Yesterday was 1 month since I fell off Rose, I couldn’t believe how quickly one month had gone. Although I still have a month until my next spine appointment, I will have hopefully made some more improvements. Where am I at the moment? I’m still taking very strong painkillers and have trouble getting up but I can walk that little bit further than before. I was quite poorly yesterday night (hence no blog) but I wanted to use today’s to think about some of the things I’ve learnt this month while I’ve been resting. Enjoy 🙂

1. Fear of falling is never a good thing

When I fell from Rose, I wasn’t scared. I knew that I had to just let go, it was only a fall. Ok, yes I ended up with much more than just an initial bruise BUT I want to get that feeling back. I want to get that feeling where I’m not scared of falling because I can’t just go around scared whenever I ride. I kind of want to apply it to other areas of my life too. I’m a total perfectionist, I’m absolutely terrified of failing, especially academically. So maybe I can relax a little? Just enough so I’m not a huge ball of stress all through third year.

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I will get back to being this fearless on a horse! 

2. How lucky I am

I am walking. I am not permanently in a wheelchair and I’m so grateful. The lack of finding the fractures meant I went back to my normal life, I could have very easily ended up paralysed. I’ve been cared for by the people who matter and I’m still getting there but it looks like I’m going to recover from this, for that I am so,so lucky.

3. I want to be financially secure so I can afford private healthcare once I’ve graduated

I don’t want the NHS to be privatised because for most of my life it’s been there and I’m glad we can rely on a National System. That said, I wasn’t treated well with this serious injury, I’ve had to wait and push and be in extreme pain for appointments and I still don’t have my back brace never mind that the fractures were missed. It’s one of my goals in life to have private healthcare because I know I will be treated with the best possible care, it’s sad but true.

4. I have lots of wonderful people around me 

My family is incredible and so are my friends. I’ve had this outpouring of love from all of my friends and family. Cards have been sent, I’ve been accompanied to hospital, Ali’d had to help me move, I’ve been pushed in my wheelchair and made to smile about it, comments,presents and messages. I feel so loved and appreciated everything so, so much.

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5. Sometimes it’s ok that things don’t go to plan 

As you all know I was meant to go to Prague with Eleanor and Dani this month. I’d been counting down for so long and I couldn’t go. I was devastated to say the least and I cried, a lot. The thing is although I didn’t get to go to Prague, I got invited to the Society Awards instead and saw my society win an award, as well as another one of my best friends win an award. Am I still sad that I missed out on time with El and Dani? Of course I am but at least I still got to smile with two of my other best friends.

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6. You can always embarrass yourself in front of your partner, no matter how long you’ve been together 

Ali and I have been together for seven years and yet I still find ways to embarrass myself. I’ve been taking showers as I can stand up in the warm water, it helps the pain. I decided my legs NEEDED shaving so I sat down in the bath…then realised I was stuck. Ali then had to come and lift me out of the bath, it was a beautiful moment. I was so embarrassed, love huh?

7. There are other ways to let out pain and frustration 

In the past when I was in the darkest parts of depression I didn’t know how to let my pain and frustration out in a positive way, now it’s a lot better. I write a lot or I draw sometimes. There are so many things that you can do to let it all out, I’ll be writing a post in the future about it.

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8. Friends are priceless

I couldn’t have kept my spirits up the way I have without my friends, they’ve been incredible. They’ve visited or messaged me and kept my spirits up with I’ve been very low and they haven’t gotten frustrated when it takes me so long to walk anywhere.Thank you to all of you, I love you so much.

9. A lot needs to be done for people who are permanently in wheelchairs 

I’ve gone out in my wheelchair twice and I’ve noticed this. While the majority of people have been nice and helpful I’ve been moaned at my people in cars for not being off the road the second the light turns green for them, I’ve been sighed at when someone needs to change their path because of my wheelchair and I’ve been walked in front of. This is where angry Chloe happens who doesn’t give a monkeys, I usually shout after them. It’s been so hard getting about in the wheelchair, to get up the pavement is a major issue, getting into shops, getting around in general! More needs to be done for people in wheelchairs to make their lives easier!

10. Pain doesn’t mean the end of happiness 

I’ve been pretty low through all this but I’ve still managed happiness. I can stil laugh with my friends and I’ve adapted things. I’m not saying I don’t get upset, frustrated and angry, but I can still achieve happiness even if it’s harder.

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Still smiling 

Wheelchairs, Goodbyes and Dinner along the river

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Left to Right Alissa,Eleanor, Amy, Maisha, Dani, Me 

Yesterday marked the arrival of my wheelchair, which I’d been recommended to rent out, but it was more cost effective to buy it *sigh*. I hadn’t been looking forward to it but I wasn’t that anxious until they rang the doorbell to deliver it. It came in it’s big box while Ali unwrapped it for me. We both just kind of stared at it for a while. I could tell that something in him matched my uneasiness about it. I sat in it and got back out again trying not to cry before asking him to put it away, I can’t even push myself in it!  I didn’t want it, I hated it and I didn’t want to go anywhere.

Luckily I got to escape to my doctors appointment, determined to walk to the bus stop. I got given more pain medication, had been dealing with the lousy insurance company and had to call Orthopaedics about a mistake they had made in my appointments. To put it simply I was pretty low. It didn’t help that on the bus ride home there were no seats. Standing on a bus brings unbelievable pain and luckily a woman spotted my face and let me sit down and a man offered to help me get up again after, which being me I said no to. I met Laura quickly to pick up my new prescription and she cheered me up, but I was still uneasy about going out in the evening.

A thousand thoughts went through my head, what if people stare? What if I just become the wheelchair girl when I go out? What if people laugh? I didn’t have too long to think about it before Amy picked me up. From then on it was more trying to navigate the roads…they really aren’t that wheelchair friendly. Pavements to get across the road weren’t straight and we couldn’t pull my chair, horrendous pathways I feel for people who are wheelchair bound, it’s really not fair!

From then on we met the girls and I started to relax, nobody here treated me different that’s for sure! They all relaxed too after being a bit nervous themselves and we were ready to have a great last meal with Alissa before she headed back to the US *sniff* and before Dani and El caught their flight to Prague.We had a great time, good food and I laughed so much my face hurt. We were all laughing and screaming while Amy and Eleanor divided steering me and trying to avoid the river ;). 10521733_10153886855593206_6154522888338423380_n

Dinner along the Thames

Despite smiling so much I went home and cried, I cried because I was going to miss Alissa who has become such a big part of our lives, I cried because I wished more than anything that I was going to Prague with the girls and I partly cried with relief because none of them saw me any differently. I woke up with a funny picture of ‘stick chloe’ on the plane with El and Dani to make me smile. I carried on with the day going for my brace measurement appointment, having a coffee with Laura before picking up some drawing stuff on the way home as something to do.

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Last night when the girls had made me laugh so much the chair didn’t matter 🙂 

The closer I got to home the more pain I was in. I got so mad, I was trying to be positive and everything but WHY was I so frustrated and sad all the time? On top of that I was completely exhausted, fed up I took a lie down to rest again. It is hard, I didn’t think I’d mind as much as I do but I’m usually up and about all the time. I caught myself dreaming about going swimming again, or for an absent minded walk around Kingston and for the next 6 or so weeks I’m stuck not being able to do either. 11295569_10153888888068206_1153168637262698221_n

Being Supergirl for my brace measurements appointment

I’m both positive and sad at the same time. I know it won’t be forever but I think missing out on Prague has hit the hardest. I know I can go again, but I look at the girls pictures and love and miss them both so much. So all in all a confusing day and I’m just about ready to sleep after being cooked a lovely Steak by Ali tonight (to make up for the palm size excuse for one that had the girls wetting themselves last night!).

Tomorrow will be better, I’ll make sure of it. Night guys!

I feel loved!

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It’s strange how something like this accident has made me realise how loved I really am. It’s not that I didn’t know before, but I’ve just had an outpouring of love and good wishes since I found out about the fractures and it’s been really making me smile. I’ve had a lot of support from you guys, my lovely followers! People wishing me the best, thinking of be, keeping me in their prayers, which is lovely and I thank you all so much. The kindness towards me has been cheering me up when I’m stuck in bed, on the sofa or only able to take little walks into town before I fall asleep again. IMG_2651

My card from Nanna and Gramps 🙂

Obviously you all know about how amazing Ali has been. He’s cooking for me, cleaning for me, helping me get up in the morning (not mentally, physically I have to do a really weird wiggle/roll thing to get out of bed) and he’s had to deal with me being frustrated and angry. He’d really do anything for me. On top of that my family have been incredible, my parents have been coming up for appointments, calling me every day and giving me advice or cheering me up when I need it. My sister’s been letting me rant when people get too worried and my grandparents have been great with texts, cards and phone calls 🙂 Ali’s Mum’s paid for him to come to Athens with me so that I can still go! Oh and not to forget my Lucy and little Lexi who have been texting most days and Lexi, being the sweetheart she is wanted to see me today so she could kiss my ouchie better, but she’s sending me magic anyway (seriously 3 year olds are THE cutest). IMG_2646

Keeping updated with Spider Gwen thanks to Joe! 

My friends have also been incredible, these are just some of the gifts and friends! My band have been super supportive over everything when I’ve been feeling so guilty,so have the music community making me determined to be back to performing as soon as I possibly can! As well as Laura coming with me to the hospital in the first place, she’s a regular visitor at the flat now, bringing me flowers, chocolate and a funny card to cheer me up. Joe got me another issue of Spider Gwen and made sure that I could see everyone at my work do even if it was just for a little bit and offered to pick me up anything I needed around town, as well as being hooked into helping me take my library books back and carrying my shopping around for me. Dani is collecting bits and bobs from the horse show to cheer me up and Amy got me a cute little notebook to cheer me up. I’m also chatting with all the girls on our whatsapp group too! As well as all that I get to see Alissa before she goes back to the US on Monday as well as El and Dani before they go to Prague.

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My new notebook from Amy 🙂

I’m in so much pain but I keep smiling because I feel so loved and cared for at the moment. I needed to write this down so that I can read it again later and be cheered up. I don’t know how to express how thankful I am for all the people who light up my life and are making this easier for me 🙂 I love you all so much and I’m so lucky to have such amazing people in my life.

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Flowers from Laura 🙂 

Things get better!

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Hello you lovely lot!

Yesterday I was pretty down, I’m sure a lot of you saw it, I needed to get all the stress and anxiety and worries I had written down because I promised all of you I would be honest. Today was met with another trip to Kingston Hospital and desperately hoping something would be sorted. My lovely Mum came up today to come with me so that Ali could go and record Bass with the boys.

Now I’m very slow at walking at the moment, I’m hardly walking at all. So I met my Mum for a hot chocolate on this miserable rainy day and managed to find a Sylvia Plath book to pick me up a little bit before the big appointment, but that wasn’t what was amazing about today. This morning I started reading Katie Piper’s ‘Things Get Better’ after the horrible lows and anxiety yesterday. I tweeted about it and then the BEST thing happened KATIE REPLIED! THE KATIE PIPER!!!  Now I’m a huge fan of her’s she stands for everything I want to be and believe in. It gave me the push I needed to get me through the day! I want to get real copies of all her books, especially ‘Start your day with Katie’ to help with my positivity.

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My tweet from Katie Piper!!! 🙂 

Mum and I braved the rain and wind to get the bus to the hospital (thankfully the passengers and bus drivers were really helpful today, thank you!). I was terrified. Nobody had really told me what to expect or what could happen, the last I knew they were still on the edge of debating surgery. So I sat and waited to be called through for what seemed like ages until a friendly nurse called me through. The walk down the corridor was possibly the longest and most embarrasing. It’s painful to walk so I walk with tiny steps, holding on to the wall for support and I could see the sympathy in everyone’s faces while mine was going red with both determination and embarrassment. When I finally got into the room again the nurses were great getting me settled to wait for the doctor.

I try not to cry in these situations, I want to seem like a good patient, that I appreciate what doctors do. I held my Mum’s hand while waiting and just hoped they wouldn’t go ahead with surgery. The doctor was sweet, quick and good at what he had to do. He checked me over, answered my questions and apologised for the rudeness of A&E a few days before. Apparently my legs are strong, which is a happy surprise for me, he could see how much pain I was in and tried to make it as quick as possible. I was told a back brace would be needed, stronger painkillers and a follow up appointment with x rays in 6 weeks. That was it but I felt so much more confident that he knew what he was doing. Then on to physio while the nurse thankfully ran up to put my brace request in for me (it’s special equipment that needs to be ordered in).

I only had to wait 10 minutes to see my lovely physio lady, Linda. She was funny, kind and made me feel good and didn’t push me to see what movement I had for now! I really liked her and she me so now I have physio lined up asap but the good news is I should fully recover. I’ve also been suggested a wheelchair (now purchased) for days out and NOT to push myself too hard at all, like I kind of have been.

With the good news I called around, I’m also still allowed to go to Athens! Then it was off to buy a few new pair of PJs, The Simpsons ones, The Little Mermaid, Monsters Inc, Cola ones – thank you Primark! Finally Mum, Ali and I went for some dinner before I got taken home to rest again, it had been quite a painful day.

I’m still struggling with all of this, I know how lucky I am but I’m nervous about the Brace and Wheelchair. No ones ever been able to see something wrong with me, I get worried about how people will react, even if it is temporary. It might seem silly but I’m trying to work through and not get too angry/frustrated as I have been.

So there you go! Fully up to date and hopefully my wheelchair will be here after the weekend and I’ll have news on the rest of my appointments soon. I’m still super bored and in bed most of the time so I’m coming up with new things for the blog but I’d love for you guys to chat to me too, leave me a comment, tweet me, email me! I love to hear from you all!

I’m not giving up.

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I’ve spent a lot of time thinking for the past few days and it’s not always been positive. Being stuck indoors and not allowed to even clean when I feel like it has been getting me down, as has being in pain whenever I get up or go for a walk. I mean I’m human, those kinds of things would make most people fed up.

I haven’t slept much since yesterday and my painkillers are definitely kicking in because I’m sleepy as I write this (hooray!). I’ve been trying to get on with things as much as possible and without realising it I’ve gotten quite a lot done today, going for a walk to get parts of Eleanor’s leaving present, submitting my final assignments (yay!) and reading over a quarter of another book.

It’s weird knowing that I have 6 weeks of recovery and not doing too much, 6 weeks of living with this and not being able to go at a million miles per hour like I normally do, it’s going to take a bit of getting used to. I promised I’d be honest, I’ve been really low at times since this happened and cried a lot, mostly out of frustration. I feel slowed down and tired and I just want to do everything like normal. Ali says just think of it as a little holiday, do things I want to do and relax, I suppose he’s right to some extent.

I started reading Katie Piper’s Beautiful Ever After, she’s cheered me up once again. I was meant to meet Katie at the KU Talent Awards this year, she was supposed to be hosting but got rushed to hospital instead. I was gutted not to meet her but obviously glad that she was going to be ok, I’m hoping she’ll still come and visit Kingston because she’s an inspiration to me. So I’ve just sat reading the book and it’s made me smile and not feel so low. It’s also inspired me to use these 6 weeks to do something. I just want to write at the moment, I might take a crack at the novel again, write the blog and add more of my experiences and do some mental health work. I can use my recovery time to do some good through my laptop 🙂

In short, I’m not giving up. I’m not silly enough to believe that writing this post is going to magically change my mindset and there will be no more tears or frustrations, there will because I’m human. I just hope that I can start something good while I’m stuck with not a lot to do.

Please, please, please use the comments section below! I’d love to use this time to chat to you guys! Or drop me a tweet @chloemetzger 🙂

Image from Pinterest