Heading To The Aisle – 1 Year To Go…Again

Right now, I was meant to be sat in a beautiful hotel with my Mum and a few of my bridesmaids, maybe we’d be having dinner or a few drinks to celebrate my last night as an unmarried woman. Of course, that isn’t happening and I find myself starting my 1 year countdown to my wedding…again.

Back in October we decided that as soon as our venue would let us we were postponing our wedding because of the impending restrictions, and seeing as we’re now in lockdown again I’d say we made the right decision. If you’d have told me in the first lockdown in England I would end up postponing my wedding I would have thought you were mad. Almost year later and still dealing with lockdowns?

Oh what a poor sweet summer child.

While I can’t say I was happy to make the decision, we were relieved at that point. As you can imagine trying to save for a wedding during a pandemic when you’re trying to keep yourselves afloat doesn’t really happen. With the relief though came real sadness, deep heavy sadness, although it came a little later. I desperately wanted to marry Ali after so long together and waiting until 2022 (the only date we could do and get) and having to pay more for it just hurt, which also lead to cocktails and crying.

There are silver linings though, we’ve got more time to save, there’s a few ideas for things I’d like to do that I now have time for and, of course, we can have a safe wedding with people we love. I also proceeded to eat all the chocolate once I had my sense of taste and smell back without being nervous about my dress doing up – so that’s a win.

I don’t know how I’ll feel tomorrow, probably a little sad but we will get married, and after 12 years together I think 1 more year is going to be ok.

The Only Goal I Have For The Rest Of 2020

The Only Goal I Have For The Rest Of 2020

Like many of you I started 2020 with some goals. I wanted to get fitter, slim down, get my wedding paid early so I didn’t have to worry about it at the end of the year. I wanted to work on my writing, carry on building my career, so many things.

Well, I don’t know about you but most of those goals went down the toilet from April. We have, collectively, gone through a major trauma as human beings. There aren’t many people who will end this year and go wow, what a great one. 2020 will go down in history…and it’s only August!

Whether you’ve been furloughed, lost your job completely, have been trying to home school or have been working the whole way through all of us have had challenges that we didn’t see coming or couldn’t have planned for. Funnily enough global pandemics which lead to entire countries locking down for months isn’t covered in any training course I’ve been to or exam I’ve ever taken.

A lot of things have also been taken from us they might be big things like not being able to attend the funeral of a loved one, missing out on meeting a newborn who you’ve loved since you found out they existed. It might have been something smaller – being able to hug your loved ones (this one I really struggled with) or going for a coffee with friends without anxiety taking over.

I’ve made no secret of the fact I’ve struggled a lot with my mental health, sometimes it feels as if I’ve got over one hurdle only to slip and fall at the next. It’s not a nice feeling. For me, personally, I’m sad about the big and the small things – I couldn’t take my sister with me to pick up my wedding dress, we’re wondering if the wedding we planned will happen, we’re moving at the end of the year as a result of the pandemic. It’s a lot, it really, really is.

I know I’m in a fortunate position. There are family and friends around me who are supporting in any way they can, we’ve managed to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads. That said something has to give – which means I only have one goal, one expectation of myself for 2020.

To get through it.

After everything, for all of us, that has to be enough. So I am giving anyone reading this the nudge to let go of what you thought 2020 was going to be about. It’s not easy, I know, I’m awful at letting things go but we should normalise it.

One day, one hour, one minute at a time if you need to.

Just keep going.