Twenty-Six

I am now twenty-six years old.

In my head I still feel about nineteen and when I see pictures of people going off to uni I want to shout ‘take me with you, I’m not ready to be a grown up!’ Which is still because I starting uni seven years ago (thanks to Ali for reminding me of that one).

Leading up to my birthday, something I always get excited about, I was nervous. My original plan (pre pandemic) was to be in Disneyland for the week, come back the night before my birthday and go out to celebrate on the day because it was finally on a Friday. Nope, can’t happen.

Then I organised a small BBQ with close friends to celebrate. Then the rule of six came in. Right, let’s go again. Time after time plans had to change so I was a little apprehensive about my birthday. I didn’t need to be I actually had a really wonderful day full of surprises.

There are the most wonderful people in my life who bought me gifts, sent me messages, baked cakes, sent things to my house to surprise me. I was, and still am, in awe of it all. How loved I felt, how even though I couldn’t really see people I had a full heart and felt on top of the world.

So why, only two days later did I find myself feeling anxious and sad?

I know that twenty-six isn’t going to be the year I thought it would be. My last year of my mid-twenties was also going to be the year I finally married the man I love. With each day that passes we get closer to the fact that we’re almost certain we’re going to have to postpone our wedding. Instead of the plans we had we’ll be packing up our flat to move.

These things are coming and while I try not to be doom and gloom I know they will be hard – but I’m hoping good things will come out of it too. There are silver linings and I am going to make the most of them.

I cannot predict a thing about what’s to come this year – so I guess it’s time to just go with it.

I'm not where I thought I would be - are you_

I’m Not Where I Thought I Would Be – Are You?

Next week I’m going to be 25 years old and while it might not be a landmark birthday (although my next one will be 30 *shudder*) it has made me think quite a lot about where I am, where I want to be and what I’m doing. I don’t think I’m alone in saying that my life looks very different to what I thought it would be like when I was a child/teenager.

So I thought why not have a look at those expectations

I thought I would…have bought a house.

*laughs, laughs, cries* I don’t know anyone my age who went to university and can afford a house. The only people I know are those who have been working since they were 18 and saving hard. I’m happy for my friends who have their own houses, I’m also jealous. I am a long way off of owning a home so for now, renting it is.

I thought I would…be married.

25 is aaaaaaaaagggeeeee away and so grown up right? Haha. So I thought. Although, on my 25th birthday I’ll be a little over a year away from getting married! So I guess this one was close.

I thought I’d have…at least one child

My Mum was 21 when I was born, my Dad was 22 so for me I thought this was a great time to have a baby. In 1994 it wasn’t such a bad idea but both of my parents left school at 16 and worked quite soon after.

So, I assumed I’d also have my own rugrat in my early 20s. But instead I packed up my life went to university and spent my 21st birthday in a Wetherspoons with a bunch of friends and was carried home by Ali and my friend Lex.

There was a little while where I doubted whether I’d be good at being a parent, whether it was something I really, really wanted. After a few issues and a little scare something might be wrong (thankfully it’s all fine) I know I want children but I’m not in a rush.

I thought I would…be working for someone.

From being a little kid to my early twenties I had a LOT of ideas about what I would do with my life. There was a musical theatre actress, singer, teacher, Dr of Literature, Marketeer. It kept changing so, that’s one thing I didn’t have a solid idea for.

But I was never one of those people who thought that I would go off and build my own business, my own empire – now that’s the dream. It just didn’t seem like something I could do but at this point in time I don’t know how I could do anything else. Funny how time changes things.

Looking at all of these, I think that I definitely based what I thought my life would look like based on my parents – I mean didn’t most of us look at a grown up in our lives and go that’s what my life will be like or that’s who I want to be. But, even though the gap between me and my parents is 20 years, the world has changed so much. I can’t get a 100% mortgage, we’re fighting more for jobs and having children later.

So while I’m nowhere near where I thought I would be at 25, I’m not unhappy. I have a flat I’m renting, a fiancé I adore, my own freelance job and beautiful hamster babies. It might be a little different but it’s still pretty good.

Are any of you nodding along with any of these? What did you think you’d be doing at 25? Let me know in the comments below. 👇