100 questions – get to know me!

I became aware of this from Lazarus and Lithium. I’ve realised how many new people there are to this blog, welcome! I’m so pleased that each and every one of you have chosen to follow my blog, nearly 250 of you now and over 400 on Twitter 🙂 So I’ve decided to let you all get to know me a little better with 100 questions. Have any more after? Leave it in the comments.

1. How are you, really?
I’m in between a lot of emotions right now, part of me is happy and proud of what I’ve achieved, another feels a little lost and misses my old confidence and part of me is a bit sad and in pain in my back.
2. How do you feel right now? What are you thinking about?
I feel ok, I’m thinking about the pain my back (as usual), hamsters and a new video game that’s going to come out.
3.What’s your favorite color?
Baby Blue
4. What’s your favorite food?
Italian is the best
5. What’s your favorite dessert?
Chocolate brownie with ice cream but it has to be made right
6. How old are you?
20
7. What have you learned today?
My band can always make me smile
8. What was your favorite subject in school?
English
9. What do you do?
I’m a student, Social Media Coordinator, Freelance Writer, Musician and Student/ International Ambassador
10. What are some of your favorite books?
Nineteen Minutes – Jodi Picoult, The Storyteller – Jodi Picoult, The Colour Purple -Alice Walker, The Fault in Our Stars – John Green, The Art of being Normal Lisa Williamson, All of the Harry Potter Series, I could go on…
11. What are some of your favorite movies?
The Fault in Our Stars, The Devil Wears Prada, Love Actually, The Breakfast Club, Desperately Seeking Susan, Harry Potter. I watch more sitcoms than movies to be fair.
12. What kind of music are you into?
SO MUCH! I’m mainly into Rock/Alt Rock/ Pop Punk but I love a good deal of Pop music, 90s Club music, 80s pop. Also love a bit of 1950s Rock n Roll, 1960s too, The Kinks, The Beatles. Also can’t go wrong with some good acoustic tunes to chill out to. Ah love, love, love music, I’ll give anything a listen.
13. If you were going to write a book, what would you call it and what would it be about?

I’m working on a book at the moment, it doesn’t have a name. I don’t want to give too much away but it’s how a couple handles terminal illness along with their teenage daughter.

14. What’s one of the scariest things you’ve ever done?

Go to uni, I was terrified.
15. What accomplishment are you most proud of?

So hard! Umm Right now doing well at uni and the accomplishments within that.

16. Are you married?

Nope, I am happily cohabiting for now 🙂

17. How did you meet your spouse / girlfriend / boyfriend?

We met at school 🙂

18. Do you think it’s better to get married when you’re young or better to wait a while?

It think it really depends on the person.Marriage is more to show the rest of the world, you can have the deepest commitment and have a good time without being married. At the same time if I had the money for a good wedding now I’d get married.

19. Do you have any kids?

Nope

20. Have you ever thought of adopting?

Yes, it’s something I’m interested in.

21. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
A Pop Star.
22. How did you get into health care?
I’m not in health care! But I do raise awareness for mental health!
23. Would you recommend healthcare for other people? Why / Why not?
I think if you can stand things like blood and needles (I can’t) and like caring for people then it can be the best job :).
24. What do you do for fun?
I hang out with my friends/band, I read a lot, I write and I blog.
25. Do you like traveling?
Yes! I like seeing other places but I am a home bird!
26. If you could visit any country in the world, where would you go?
Hmmm Australia!
27. Who are some people you’d like to meet someday?
Emma Blackerry and Cherry Wallis, J.K Rowling, Alice Walker, Dave Grohl, all of Paramore… there are so many more.
28. If someone asked you to give them a random piece of advice, what would you say?

Do what you want to do, not just what you’re told to do.

29. What’s one of your favorite habits you have?

Blogging, if that’s a habit?

30. What are some things that make you really happy?

My boyfriend, my hamsters, family and friends, performing and writing oh and academics, because I’m a geek
31. What are some things that make you really sad?
Suffering, low days, pain, when people are treated badly.
32. What are some things that scare you?
How close I’ve been to losing the ability to walk, dead fish (I know, I’m weird), losing the people I love.
33. Do you like to plan things out in detail or be spontaneous?
I’m a planner! I can be spontaneous though!
34. Are you a religious person?
Nope, Atheist.
35. If you could go back in history, who would you like to meet?
Sylvia Plath.
36. Would you rather live in the country or in the city?
When I’m writing, the country, when I’m working, the city.
37. What was your life like growing up?
It was full of people who loved me at home and people who despised me at school.
38. What were you like in high school?
I lost myself for a little while, Ali kept me steady but the age of 15 plus was where I was at my most poorly unfortunately. I always tried and worked hard but I wasn’t the most popular kid.
39. Do you have any brothers or sisters? How many?

1 sister, she’s pretty cool.

40. What’s your favorite part about today so far?
Laughing, smiling, catching up with people I’ve missed.
41. Who in your life has influenced you the most? How did they do it?

Honestly, I think Ali. A year into being with me I got sick and lost a lot of hope, he turned me around showed me why uni would be a good idea and just unlocked this confidence.
42. What’s your favorite joke?
I don’t think I have a favourite…
43. Have you ever tried sushi? (Did you like it?)

No, no, no,no! Raw Fish? Never.

44. Do you like spicy food?

Nope, give me my Nandos plainish please!

45. How do you like your steak cooked?

Well done
46. Do you have a favorite number? Any particular reason why you like that number?

18 – my birthday 🙂
47. If you were a type of animal, what would you be and why?

I’d be a horse, strong, powerful, intelligent.

48. What’s one of the strangest things you’ve ever done?

Been able to shock the nurse by telling him exactly where to take blood from and been right…not that wild.
49. What kind of vacations do you like?

Ones where I can relax or go out and find something interesting to do, where I have the option.

50. What are some of your major goals in life?

To write a book and get my PhD

51. What are some of your smaller goals in life?

Be a good person, try and smile at least once every day.

52. What do you like least about yourself?

That I let other people’s opinions get to me too much

53. What embarrasses you?

When my dyslexia makes me either misspell or completely miss words.
54. If you could try out any job for a day, what would you like to try?

Voice Actress

55. What’s your earliest memory?

My aunt taking me to her college library, I was 2.

56. What’s the best decision you ever made?

Going to university, definitely.

57. Who’s your best / closest friend?

My sister.

58. What do you think people think of you?

Haha who knows? In Kingston most people think I’m a nice person, back in Basingstoke not so much.

59. What were your grades like in school?

Good! I left with a Distinction star, a few As, few Bs and a few Cs.

60. If you could learn one random skill, what would you learn?

Calligraphy.

61. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

I really don’t know. On a low day I’m an introvert but if I’m happy I can be an extrovert

62. Have you ever taken a personality test? (How did the results turn out?)

Yes and it was really accurate!

63. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

The way they act around others

64. Do you think people can control their own destiny?.

Yes, definitely

65. Do you think all people are equally valuable, or do you think some people in certain situations might be more valuable than others?

Yes in certain situations some people are more important. Like if it was saving children or adults from a fire, I’d save the children so they could experience life.

66. Do you think people are basically bad or basically good?

I think people are basically good, it’s what happens to them that can make them bad. Not an excuse but environment has a lot of influence.

67. Do you think morals are universal or relative to the beliefs, traditions, and practices of individuals or groups?

Very dependent on the environment and culture you’re in.

68. Do you think God exists?

No.

69. Do you think any kind of afterlife exists?

Sometimes, I’d like to think so but I think it’s mostly human wishing.

70. Do you vote? Why / Why not? If you do vote, how do you usually vote?

I do vote because I’d like to try and make a difference and as many people told me before the last election if you don’t vote you can’t complain.

71. Do you think gay people choose to be gay? Do you think straight people choose to be straight?

No, I think it’s in us from birth. It’s just the way we are.
72. Is torture ever a good option? If no, why not? If yes, when?

My gut instinct says no.

73. Would you kill an innocent person if you thought it might mean saving a dozen other people?

I’d be interested to know what situation this was in but if everyone else was innocent too, I’d rather just the one die…I really don’t want to kill anyone!

74. What’s the most money you’ve ever given away?

I haven’t given money away, I’ve lent a fair bit though to people I trust.

75. What’s the biggest personal change you’ve ever made?

Letting myself be happy and be a little selfish when I need it

76. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?

Listen to my bullies rather than the people who loved me

77. What do you think would be one of the best steps we could take toward ending poverty around the world?

We can stop throwing away food and give it to people in need!

78. What do you think we could do to best improve the education system?

Later starting, more freedom from a younger age and projects as a way of testing. In the real world after school how many tests do we need to take to achieve? Experience is everything, not ticking boxes!!

79. In general, what do you think about art?

It’s expression and something we need in life.

80. What are some of your favorite websites?

All social media sites so Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram. WordPress, obviously. Amazon, Boohoo, Waterstones.

81. What’s the biggest turnoff in a man/woman?

Bad smell *gags*
82. What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told?

That I was ok, when I really needed someone around.
83. What’s something most people don’t know about you?

When I was a kid I told everyone I wanted a Tots TV tattoo (its a kids show, google it). My Dad had just gotten one, I blame him for my love of tattoos.

84. What’s something you wish everyone knew about you?

I don’t bite and love to talk!!!

85. What are some of the first things you do in the morning?

Check notifications on my phone, kiss Ali while he’s asleep, check my hamster and make a cup of tea.

86. What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you?

…I don’t know about the worst ever, probably the lowest my depression was at.

87. Do you cry easily?

*sigh* Yes.

88. How do you feel about public speaking?

I actually really like doing it

89. Do you like to talk on the phone?

I talk to my family on the phone all the time when I’m walking places
.
90. How many emails do you get each week, roughly?

Anything up to 500 a week

91. If someone were to make a movie about your life, who would you hope would play you?

Emma Stone

92. What’s one of your favorite questions to ask new friends or to get a conversation going?

What books/music do you like?

93. Would you ever sky dive or bungee jump?

I like the idea, don’t know if I’m brave enough!
94. Have you ever been in a fist fight?

Yes, a few at school.

95. What’s the best prank you’ve ever pulled?

I’m not really a prankster!

96. What did you do on your 16th birthday?

Had a big 16th birthday fancy dress party!
97. What do you think is one of the most undervalued professions right now?

Mental health workers

98. How would you explain your basic life philosophy?

Try to smile, but don’t be afraid to cry.

99. Would you rather be hated or forgotten?

Hated, I don’t want to be forgotten,

100. If you knew you would die tomorrow, would you feel cheated today?

Yes I would, I’ve got so much more to do yet.

There we go! Have you got any more questions for me? Let me know in the comments

Being a ‘Game Changer’

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This is the face of someone who is considered a ‘game changer’. No it’s not a title that I’ve given myself, someone else actually thought I was pretty cool. I received an email a while ago asking if I’d be part of a 3rd year project on successful students at Kingston. I’ll be honest I thought it was a wind up at first, I don’t see myself as some really successful person, I just do what I need to do and work hard.

Apparently my shortlisting at the KU Talent awards last year was interesting enough. So I sat in a studio today (with the most horrendous cold) and spoke about my experiences and advice to other students. It was fun as well as a bit strange.

Sometimes I get really embarrassed as well as proud of what I’ve achieved. I’ve never felt like I’m better than other people or something extraordinary, I just get on with my work and that’s that really. I love what I do for the most part so that makes it easier. That said I’ve dealt with jealousy since I was little and it’s still something I really don’t get. I’m just me, I’m a sort of normal 20 year old, who struggles just as much as anyone else.

I’m really pleased that I got picked for the project and it was nice thing to do but I’m just me! Promise!

New Year, same me.

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Happy New Year to you all, welcome to 2015! If you’ve been following me since this blog started you will know I really don’t like resolutions, I don’t see the point. I do, however, believe in looking at your life and seeing where you need to go, but because I do this every few months, if I tried to plan the whole year I’d go mad. As you can tell from this post and a lot of other last year I like lists, I make them every day with what I have to do and all that Jazz.

Things I want to do this year

  • Play good gigs
  • Look after my mind and body
  • Pass 2nd year
  • Keep my wonderful friendships
  • Ride horses
  • Carry on with getting better

They’re simple things that I did last year and that I’ll continue this year, no big challenges, nothing extreme and in a few months I’ll see how I feel. The thing is I don’t need a drastic change, I’m ok just being me. Yes I might change a little but that will be as a result of getting better and being less anxious (I hope).

So this was just a little post to say you don’t need to chance this year, just be happy!

Through the other side

It’s impossible to notice that I haven’t been as bright and breezy as I could have been lately. My posts haven’t been very long or interesting. I want to be honest with you guys because you take the time to sit and read through my blog a lot and I get support from you all, more than you probably know. 

Since I’ve got back I’ve been struggling quite a lot and it’s not fair on a lot of people, especially me. I wanted to publish a book on the best uni experience later on and give advice. I wanted to be cool and a great fresher and just do so many amazing things and just, well, be perfect. Thing is I’m not and no one should go to uni thinking like that. 

The last week or so have been tough. I posted a few days ago on twitter that books and silence have become my life. Largely they have. I’ve just sat in my room and read constantly. You know the saying silence is deafening? It’s true. I’ve hidden away in my room and stayed in silence, music hasn’t played. I don’t know what happened to me, I cam back and I was so happy and excited but when I’m stuck in this room I don’t know what to do any more. I don’t have work to make me concentrate I just kind of read, constantly.

I was so excited about going to band practice this week and then when I was there it just all got a bit too much. It was weird I hate being alone but being surrounded by noise was so weird. The weeks just dragged on really. Yesterday was different  I’d been down again but going to work cheered me up and then I got to stay with Ali and despite being up ill all night I feel so much better. 

I wanted to tell you all this because I’m trying. This is harder now uni is over for the summer but now I’m happy again I can see all the amazing things I’ve done this year. I’m coming through the other side, I have a great job, this amazing band. I’ve just got to slow down and realise that these things take time. I have this illness but it’s not who I am. It’s just a part of me that might go away, it might not I don’t know. Right now, I’n getting through this and I’m going to be ok. 

The KU Talent Awards and me!

I promised myself that I would try and get as involved as possible in university life. I didn’t join the liveliest societies so I set about working hard and trying to be positive. When I was online I found out about the KUTalent awards and that I could apply for one, the rising star award for first years. There are loads of different categories for students, staff and companies. I’m nominating myself, I know it sounds crazy and I haven’t been doing it for that very reason but after taking to some staff they said I might as well. The more I filled in my application the more I realised that I’ve truly settled into university now and how much I’ve achieved in such a short space of time. 

Now on day where I wobble it’s hard to remember this I fell alone, tired and emotional, on days like that the blog can help me realise that I’m gonna do ok. I don’t know if I’ll win the award but that’s not what counts really, my tutor read my application and agreed with what I’d written. She agreed so much she’s offered to write me a reference highlighting just how far I’ve come since turning up and heading to sainsbury’s in the pouring rain wondering how I’d do it all. I’m not the same girl as I was when I started, there are definite improvements.

I know how refelctive and possibly cheesy this sounds but I’m actually happy here. I have my lows, who doesn’t? It just feels wierd while I watch the confident people starting to miss home, I feel ok. I still miss them but it’s settled in my head I live here now. It’s because of that going back to Basingstoke in June is going to be the weirdest experience ever.  I’m determined to go back stronger, happier and try and make the most of the summer and who knows? I might even have an award in my suitcase. 

Reasons why I don’t mix well with clubbing.

Last night I took the plunge and actually went out to a club…it’s easy to say that I wasted a fiver. It was my flat mates 18th birthday so I went out with her and some of her friends after pre drinks at the flat. I was nervous but I needed to give it a go for the sake of trying more than anything (even though I was absolutely freezing). So we went and luckily we were on the list so we didn’t have to queue for long, however this was my first encounter of an idiot boy during the night. So the little boy as I’m going to call him decided it was funny to tell his friends that he wanted to ‘spit on us’ because we were on the list, absolutely charming. It didn’t get better, I started to lose more faith in people my own age. Now I know that sounds really dramatic but oh my lord you should have seen some of the people in the club last night!

Anyway, I’m not here to gossip. We went into what is called ‘cheese night’ I had been told by a lot of people this was one of the places to go on a Friday night. I was told it was fun, loads of music to dance around to from your childhood or just great songs to be silly too. I found it really weird, I knew 90% of the songs but when I looked around it was all alien to me. People were stood around and there was a clear divide between girls and boys and absolutely everyone was wasted. I thought I’d get into the party, drinking spirit but it just wasn’t that fun. Most of the girls were falling all over each other and some were wearing skirts so short I could clearly see their knickers while a lot of gross guys leaned against the wall shouting things at them or eyeing anyone up. To sum it up I felt old and out of place. 

The night ended with me running in tears for the bus after getting separated from my friends, luckily Ali was at the other end of the phone to make me feel better. I got back at 2am, showered and got ready for bed, I’d learnt my lesson clubbing really isn’t my scene. The problem with this is that I’m not a conventional student, so I don’t really know what to do with myself now. I sit in at night doing work and watching TV most of the time thinking about what I can do. I want to go places and do things but the problem is trying to locate people who arn’t busy to do these things with, I swear EVERYONE is always out! Ok so maybe not but still. If I’m honest I do find it hard not being with Ali as much, I’ve become a clingy pain in the arse when I’m alone and that’s NOT ok. I vow to you my lovely readers I will change and start exploring…it’s just finding out what I want to do.