Book Review: How Not To Be A Boy – Robert Webb

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I’d heard Robert speaking on the radio about his new book, mentioning gender, depression and coping with loss, something I didn’t expect. I’d watched him in various TV shows and not really thought about Robert the man, rather than the actor.

The autobiography covers a large span of Webb’s life in detail and has the wit and humor that he brings to the television that he creates so well. I would thoroughly recommend getting the audiobook as possible as it makes the whole book come alive, particularly with the impressions of Webb’s family and friend.

This is a man who readily opens up about his faults. He candidly talks about failing his exams at 18, about how he felt he mistreated women in his youth and the fear of turning into his father. This brutal honesty is what makes Webb’s book. There’s no hiding, no excuses from him. That said, we know that there is a lot going on for him as a late teen, such as losing his mother.

Most interestingly, the book focuses heavily on gender expectations, something that Webb didn’t feel he could fit into. While his brothers were loud and boisterous, he preferred to be quiet and play. He found himself lost in what he ‘should’ be, rather than what he was, a sensitive young man who felt a little lost. He speaks candidly about how he didn’t feel he could show emotion openly he was on the cusp of being a man and men didn’t share feelings and talk. Something that lead Webb to a deep depression and almost cost him his place at Cambridge.

In this Webb lays out the ways in which these gender expectations affect both men and women and how toxic they can be to all of us. It was absolutely fascinating to read. Webb talks about his own experiences of having feelings for another boy at a young age and struggling with this and wondering what it meant. Again speaking about what it meant to be a boy, and later a man, and in his background that did not mean falling in love with another boy.

To put it simply this is a story that will promote change. Of course, it’s a very entertaining read, I laughed so much while getting through it but at the same time Webb has managed to bring in big questions about society, while making you feel like you’re having a conversation with a friend. From sexuality, gender norms and mental illness to falling in love, Webb has put his signature twist on the world and made it into, hopefully, an easier conversation to have.

I adored this book and gave it 4.5 stars! If I could change anything I’d want to know a little bit more about his relationship with David Mitchell as we all usually think of Mitchell and Webb together! That said it’s an inspiring and thought provoking read, I’d recommend it to anyone!

Book Review: The Sun and Her Flowers – Rupi Kaur

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‘never feel guilty for starting again’

In an incredible second collection, Rupi Kaur releases the raw emotion of a modern young woman. From the break down of a relationship to the relationship she shares with her mother, to finding love again when she wasn’t looking for it. Once again, my heart was flung into my mouth reading this and with good reason.

Sometimes a book falls into your hands when you’re in desparate need of it, for me, this was The Sun and Her Flowers. I’ve been a Rupi Kaur fan since reading her first collection Milk and Honey, which spoke to me as a young woman. So, of course I picked up her second collection and devoured it in 24 hours.

When reading Kaur you need to know she is brutally honest. She’s honest about her body, her mind, her sense of self and being a woman. She reflects on the good and bad around her without holding back, because you know that she has held back for so long. There is anger, there is pain and reflection on suffering that has been endured but the poems that describe them are crafted so beautifully that you feel every emotion without sinking into darkenss yourself.

While I’ve already touched upon it the most magnificent part, for me, was the poems Kaur wrote about her mother. She talks about the sacrifices and struggles her mother had to overcome so that Kaur and her siblings could achieve. She wonders what her mothers life would have been like should she have been free to make her descisions. It’s a wonderful insight into the relationship she shares with her mother.

Of course it wouldn’t be a Kaur collection without the accompanying illustrations. There isn’t a fear of showing womens bodies as they are in captivating illustrations. These seem to bring the poems to life at certain points and allow you to visualise the poems themselves.

I gave this collection five stars. This is an absolutely breathtaking collection and something I’m sure I’m going to read again and again. I, personally, found it to be an incredibly empowering collection. I’m sure that Kaur will go far, and I can’t wait to see what she does next.

 

Long Distance Love – Visiting on Tour!

 

Sunday night I got to experience a bit of what has been Ali’s day to day life for the past month. I finally got to visit and see the tour, because it was finally in a venue close enough for me to drive down and watch. Sunday night it was at the Hexagon in Reading, about a 40-minute drive for me.

It’s been a while since I’ve seen Ali at work and I’ve never seen him doing something of this size so it’s a totally different situation to when I normally hang out at a venue with a cider and just chill. I got to the venue about 5pm to catch sound check and see the rest of the crew. I’m slightly embarrassed to admit I was so amazed by Natalie Lowe’s dancing I just stood and couldn’t take my eyes off her (yep, I looked like a weirdo).

I got to go on a little tour of the venue before going to sit on the Tour Bus and hang out. It felt so strange seeing Ali’s bunk and his life when he’s not with me and knowing we had about an hour to chill out, talk and get tickets before he went off to work and I found my seat.

I’ve never seen a show like it. Just the energy, the music, the happiness from both the performers and audience. It made me want to learn to dance and made me appreciate how hard everyone on that tour works to make it happen every night. So, of course, I was proud, hell I was bursting with pride, my boy is a part of this incredible show! I even saw his dancing at the side of that stage.

It was hard, at the end of the night leaving him to pack up and get on a bus while I went back to my car to drive home. There were a few tears as I drove home. It’s tough, no matter how much I know he loves it and is having a great time, there’s a small part of me that wishes he was coming home too.

Now that’s it, I’ll see him in 3 weeks! Let’s see what the final 3 weeks hold!

Book Review: Making Faces – Amy Harmon

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In the small town of Hannah Lake, everyone knows everyone, but they certainly know wrestling star Ambrose Young, devastatingly beautiful, kind, on the road to a college scholarship and stardom. Fern Taylor, on the other hand, is the local pastor’s daughter, used to melting into the background aiding her cousin, Bailey. On the 11th September 2001, everything changes. As the town watches, horrified as a plane crashes close to home, five boys decide to fight for their country, one comes home. Could anything be beautiful again?

Oh my goodness, what a novel. What a novel. It’s been quite a while since I fell in love with a good work of fiction and Amy Harmon has produced something that will be hard to beat. A novel that focuses on love, loss, sacrifice, friendship and beauty I very nearly cried at multiple points. I didn’t know when the novel was set and by coincidence, I started reading on the anniversary of 9/11, which just made it hit harder. To think and imagine how it impacted young adults at the time and those who came home from war a shell of the person they were before.

I really felt connected to all of the characters. Fern was a brilliant character, I cared about her because she wasn’t a perfect girl. There’s definitely an ugly duckling vibe to her, but she doesn’t seem to feel sorry for herself constantly she gets on with it and just accepts who she is. I think, however, my favourite character of the entire novel is Bailey I like his wit, his outlook and just the optimism he has. I loved the relationship between Fern and Bailey too, there was genuine love and friendship it went much deeper than just being cousins.

The subject matter is incredibly tough and the way that Harmon has managed to weave in hope and a heartfelt message of beauty coming from within was wonderful. This is definitely going to be on my recommendation list. I also want to get my hands on more of Harmon’s novels. I gave this a very rare 5 stars. This is a truly wonderful book, Harmon makes you think about these characters and issues for days after. I was absolutely in love throughout, even though it made me want to sob. I’d recommend it to everyone!

 

Thank you to Netgalley for providing this Advance Reader Copy.

Long Distance Love: 28 Hours, 22 Days.

I haven’t seen my boyfriend in 22 days, 3 weeks and a day. Now, I know there are people who go without seeing their partners for even longer than that! That said, this is our first go at having a long distance relationship while Ali’s away touring with Rip It Up as a Sound Engineer. So when on the first day he told me he would have one day to come home I booked it off immediately, he was mine for a matter of hours.

So, I did what any girlfriend would do, I got up and went to get him in the pouring rain at 3.30 in the morning. I couldn’t stop smiling from the second I got in my car to when I fell asleep an hour later. The best part? We spent most of the day doing nothing. We slept until 11am, cuddled together. We got up and had breakfast, watched Rick and Morty, sat together. I baked while he used his computer. We napped together.

We had 28 hours to make up for 22 days of each others company. I know for a fact I am way more soppy and sentimental about all this, he will admit that. Ali is a lot more chilled and laid back than I am, he always has been. Do I get insecure? Yes. Do I miss him like crazy? Of course. We spoke about this, I told him how I was dealing with it better than I thought, he told me that he was so busy all day he didn’t have much time to think about missing home.

It’s something I didn’t expect us to be doing so soon but if yesterday made anything clear to me, it’s that we’re very much in love. Despite the fact we can only really FaceTime once a week, we can text, call and just know the other one is there. I didn’t think this experience would make me love him more, somehow it has. Wow, how soppy is that. We need to get back to our mocking of each other soon!

I guess I’m writing because if you’d told me 5 years ago we’d be making this work while he was away on for chunks of the year I wouldn’t have believed you. I would have screamed and kicked and said we wouldn’t do that, we couldn’t. The thing is we’ve grown together and as Ali said to me, I’m not 16 anymore, I have my job, my friends, my own life and hobbies at 16 he was absolutely everything to me. Don’t get me wrong he’s still my best friend and my world but he needs to do his thing, I need to do mine.

All in all, I miss him while I write this but when I dropped him off at 7.30 this morning I didn’t cry, I smiled cause I just felt pretty lucky. Those 28 hours will do for now, I am looking forward to getting him home for a bit longer than that though!

Long Distance Love.

It’s been a week and a half since Ali packed up and headed off on a tour bus for two months. This is our first experience at long distance, it’s never been something that we actually had to do and while we were expecting it to happen eventually this came around a lot quicker than we initially anticipated.

So, what’s it been like so far? I think it helps that Ali’s been working a lot of lates and has been away over the summer. That said, it’s definitely not easy. We don’t get that long to talk on the phone which is tough, thankfully we can text and on his day off we can Facetime. We’ve been side by side since we were kids and I think the longest we’ve gone without seeing each other is a few weeks, it’s odd.

There’s definite loneliness and I think the thing I miss most is having everyday access to hugs. Which wasn’t something I thought I would be bothered about, but there we are! This is definitely a learning curve and every day I am so proud of the great job he’s doing, but at the same time I’m definitely looking forward to having cuddles when I next see him.

World Suicide Prevention Day 2017 – Tips for Tough Days

It’s World Suicide Prevention Day 2017, each year it’s something that I dedicate a post to because it’s important. The fact that we need a day for suicide prevention shows something. We live incredibly busy lives, we’re constantly going, going, going, looking at the world around us and having 24-hour news and updates on the good, and bad in the world. It can all get a little too much. When you’re at your lowest ebb, and suicide seems like an option, it’s hard to know what to do to help, if there is any help at all when you’re slowed down struggling to cope while the world seems so fast. So, for this year I wanted to share some tips, for the days when everything seems too much.

Know that it’s ok to unplug

I love social media and growing my following BUT, sometimes it’s too much. To see other people seemingly having a great time when you’re not feeling great it’s ok to switch off for a while and turn off your internet and just be.

Speak to, or be around, people that love you 

This is so important. It doesn’t matter who these people are, but it can help to be cared for in the smallest of ways.

Get some natural light 

Hear me out. I’ve been in those times where my mind tells me to just lie in the darkness and just sleep, mainly when I was living alone at uni. When you get up, open the curtains or try to go outside for 10-15 minutes. Natural light can really do you good. If not you can get a lamp to replicate light, which also helps with SAD (Seasonal Affectiveness Disorder).

Try and do something you enjoy 

I know it can be really hard when you’re in the darkest parts of depression but even a little something can make you feel a little better. Maybe listen to an album you like, do something creative, cook? Whatever you feel up to doing. I, personally, try to listen to some music or write.

Allow yourself to cry 

My boyfriend is on tour right now, it’s tough. For the past week I’ve been trying to keep myself busy all the time, every evening pushing my mind and my body to distract myself. Yesterday I finally let myself acknowledge that I was missing him and had a good old ‘ugly cry’, didn’t set my alarm and just slept for as long as my body needed.

Know it’s ok not to be ok 

I wrote a whole post on this a while back, it’s ok not to feel ok. It’s part of life and if you have a mental illness it’s a part of life you know all too well. We have down days, sometimes we relapse, it’s all part of recovery.

Know that someone loves you

It can be so hard to remember this. Someone in the world loves you, so much. You’re worth this life. I promise.

If you need any help or are feeling suicidal please, please talk to someone. In the UK you can contact the Samaritans, they can talk things over with you on 116 123. If you feel like you’re in immediate danger of harming yourself please call an ambulance.

August Favourites!

Let’s jump right in and see what I’ve been loving in August!

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Books 

This month it’s been quite a slow reading month I just really couldn’t get into it. The silver lining though is that I’ve loved the books I have read. I finally got my copy of Our Super American Adventure by Sarah Graley which is absolutely awesome, I’ve met Sarah before and love her artwork and stories about her relationship. I also finished what I think is going to be one of my top books this year, My Shitty Twenties by Emily Morris, an honest account of being a single mother in your twenties and still being badass, you can read my review here. I also kept seeing the Andrew Morton book Diana Her True Story and decided to download it on Audible it’s a tough book and I did think it was interesting but incredibly sad on the 20th anniversary of the princess’s death. And finally Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls is just amazing, meant for children but should be read by EVERYONE! My gushing review is here.

 

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Watching 

Is there anything else to talk about this month? Of course, there’s not. Game of Thrones is over for another season and this one was everything I hoped it would be. I’m not going to post spoilers, because that just not cool. All I’ll say is the following for people who have watched the finale, they deserved that and oh lordy what a beautiful sight. Now I have to wait for the next season…my Dad has already tagged me in a countdown timer.

 

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Fashion and Beauty

I did a whooooole post about my little haul this month over here. So head over for all the info you need to know!

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Brighton Pride

I went to my first ever Pride and I can honestly say it was the best party I’ve ever been to. It was fun and flamboyant and there was glitter everywhere! I got to sit in a giant deck chair, dance in an 80s disco and I ended up sponsoring a dog…yep (wine may have been involved). I wrote a whole post about 7 reasons you should go next year!

General

This month started off on a good note with a trip to Pizza Express with my ‘spec squad’, that’s me, Abbie and Sarah to celebrate our new little group. It’s been a month of spending time with people I love. Ali went to Brighton and Scotland this month for work, and bought me home Charlie the Highland Cow from the latter, he’s adorable (the cow I mean, although Ali’s ok I suppose). It’s also had milestones with my little sister getting into college! I also went to see 80s super popstars Bros at the O2 in London, which was actually a brilliant laugh with my Mum, sister and mum’s best friend. I also may have gotten a new cauldron mug from the new Primark collection…maybe. And last but not least I’ve been spending as much time as possible with Ali, including on our 9 year anniversary, before he heads off on tour tomorrow!!

 

My favourite posts 

Feminist Friday with …. Jess Willby 

A new month, a new woman 

Nine years, new adventures 

 

What have your favourites been this month? Let me know in the comments below!

My Boyfriend’s Leaving Me For Two Months?!

You may or may not know that my lovely boyfriend Ali is a Sound Engineer. Last year he graduated with a first in Creative Music Technologies and he’s been working various sound jobs ever since. Over the summer he’s been off all over the country doing live sound from our local Basingstoke Live, to Brighton Pride. Things have been going well, but we thought it would be a little while before he headed off on tour. Not so much.

On Sunday I’ll be waving him off on a tour months as he prepares to tour the UK as an engineer. Living his dream. We’ve been busy the past few weeks getting everything ready, replacing some of his equipment that was stolen and generally just spending time together.

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The weird thing though, people keep asking me if I’m ok. I understand it but I just brush it off. You see Ali and I have been together for nine years, in those nine years the longest time we’ve been apart is 2 weeks. We have our own lives but I like knowing I get to wake up next to him every morning. So the fact I won’t for 2 months is very weird to me.

It’s going to be a new challenge and adventure for us. I do get to visit the tour and see what he’s up to and I have a lot planned, especially on my birthday! I’m excited for him, nervous for me. I’ll be blogging throughout about my long distance love, so let’s see what I get up to…

Any tips for long distance? Let me know in the comments below!

Sunday Seven: Reasons to go to Brighton Pride!

This weekend I went to my first Pride Festival ever! Abbie and I trekked down to Brighton (in the middle of all the Waterloo closures, not fun) to celebrate love for everyone and to visit Ali while he was working the festival. So, why should you attend Pride? Here are 7 reasons…

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1.This oversized deck chair

Yes, yes I am putting this as a reason. I’m also grateful no one managed to get a picture of me and my tiny legs trying to get out of said deck chair.

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2. The People 

Everyone is happy at Pride and just lovely. Here are two amazing guys we met watching the parade, they also had pink sparkly batons. We shared glitter, spoke to random people, took pictures of groups. It was just a great friendly atmosphere.

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3. You can dance to great, cheesy music

Here I am dancing in the 1985 tent. Yep, there was a 1985 tent. The whole festival was full of incredible music but my heart was definitely with anything cheesy, I wasn’t disappointed. Even if I didn’t know that many of the tunes playing when I was in the tent.

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4. The Parade

Everyone in Brighton gets involved in the Parade. I’ve never seen anything like it, as well as a variety of communities, there were huge brands, all the emergency services. Everyone covered in glitter and stars and rainbows. The floats are huge and absolutely amazing, they also literally stop the whole city centre.

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5. Glitter and bright colours everywhere.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen more glitter in my life than at Pride. Above is how I started my day, pink and blue eyeshadow and multicoloured stars. I thought I was prepared. It was so glittery that even the floor on the street was covered in glitter, all the toilets, everything. All. The. Glitter.

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6. To have a great day with your friends 

Abbie and I got to have a great time being silly, drinking wine and just having a damn good time at the best party we’ve ever been to.

 

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7. To celebrate love and remember those who can’t 

This is the whole reason for Pride. We’re celebrating all kinds of love. We’re also remembering those who have died for their love, those who cannot be open in love and more.

 

A big thank you to my best friend Abbie for taking a lot of these photos while we were trying to say phone battery ❤