Road Trips with the girls

Apr 15, 2015Leave a comment

Off in the sunshine today to see the beautiful Eleanor while she’s resting up after her surgery last weekend. The surgery all went well and she’s healing nicely despite having a pretty bad knee injury. Up early (ish), cup of tea down and bundle Dani, Amy and Alissa into my car just after rush hour so we can get down to Kent as quickly as possible.

It has been SO sunny here in Kingston, unfortunately I missed a chunk of it when I traded the sun for the clouds of Durham and Newcastle, luckily it followed us to Kent. Cruising through Kingston and the M25 we had to change the journey but eventually pulled into Eleanor’s cute little village. It’s been such a long time since I’ve been in a proper village, there are a few that surround Basingstoke but I never go to them when I’m home, I’ve never needed to. We drove through all these little country lanes and fields. I had this little smile on my face as soon as we got to those views, just like I did while I was in the car up to Durham at the weekend. I don’t think you can really appreciate how beautiful this country is until you take a long drive/ train journey through it.

Once we finally got there, I can’t explain how good it was to see El again. I’ve missed all the girls so much since we finished lectures but with El, obviously I’ve been worried too because surgery is damn scary. El’s was a relatively simple surgery but what can I say I’m a worrier. We were able to catch up before eating an incredible lunch Eleanor’s mum had made for us. Oh my god it was so good, I’ve really been spoilt with all this good food for the past week (and I get more when I head home this weekend *dies*) potatoes and pasta were my picks out of the load of food laid out for us and then homemade cheesecake for pudding.

The five of us in El’s garden

l-r, Amy, Me, El, Dani and Alissa

With all of us back together it was back to our usual banter and a lot of laughs, I’d missed it. It’s different than the laughs I have with the boys, I like having the mix of both.

I guess I need times like this week, to get away to different places and be left to appreciate things. When you distance yourself from the things that are stressing you out, like my assignments, physically walk away from them it can bring that glow of happiness back that I really needed. Back to reality tomorrow, but it was nice to have a break 🙂

So many positive things!

Mar 26, 2015Leave a comment

Today was my last day of lectures for my second year! The next time I go into a lecture it will be the final year of my undergrad degree! It’s gone stupidly fast! So to celebrate that fact, yesterdays good news that I’m going to Athens( !!!) and that I’ve been feeling really good about myself lately.

So this morning I got up (admittedly after hitting the off button on my alarm and missing my lecture) and got to work helping Ali finish his assignment, while also buying myself tickets to see Sarah Millican next year and booked my flights and hotel for Athens. Then off to uni, the hospital for blood tests, lunch with Dani, a quick Primark dash (seriously, one of my FAVOURITE shops on the high street) and then off to band practice. I never stop being busy.

I’m finally doing it, I’m finally taking hold of my life and making things happen. I’m travelling with a few breaks planned this year, Durham, Prague, Athens and Amsterdam for my birthday. The band and I are getting ready to have a busy summer, I’m going to be working, writing and hopefully a lot more swimming and riding.

I wanted to write this to all of you because I’m aware I haven’t been as perky as usual and while I’m trying to to fall asleep while I write this, as well as having a stack of blogs to upload this weekend, I’m finally really happy. I have incredible friends, family, an amazing relationship, my band and of course my education, which means so much to me. Basically I’m feeling positive and I’ll hold on to that as long as I can.

Being Brave

Mar 21, 20151 Comment

Hey you, yes you reading this, I have something to tell you. You’re going to be okay.

We all have crap going on in our lives that we wish we could change or simply disappear from. Sometimes it’s understandable, it’s something really negative that others can understand. I know more than anyone though that sometimes it’s not that simple, everything can be going so well and you still feel like somethings not right, or you feel like you’re terrified that the happiness wont last.

As the picture says I want to see you be brave, big or small I want all of my readers to take a step towards the positive, because I’ve been at an awful low point so many times and even the littlest things can help. It might be going for a walk, getting some exercise, treating yourself, visiting friends or family, standing up to someone who makes you feel like shit. Just be brave about whatever it is.

Good Luck 🙂

And the winner is…me!

Mar 13, 20156 Comments

I’m writing this with the biggest, stupidest grin on my face. I won!!!!!!! I cannot believe it but I won! I am this years winner of the Overcoming Adversity to Achieve award ahhhhh! I’m still half in disbelief, even though it’s right next to me as I type this (and looked pretty damn good in the flat if I say so myself!).

I honestly thought that the amount of inspiring people who were up for that award that I was going home empty handed and I was fine with that, they were all so amazing I was shocked that I had even been shortlisted with them. One of the best parts of the evening though was sitting with SIR TREVOR MCDONALD of all people on my table and having a long conversation with him about literature, music, the world in general and the new TV show he has coming up. He even mentioned me in his speech and before announcing I was a winner said that he really thought I deserved it. He is truly one of the most wonderful men I have ever met.

Everyone was so welcoming and so proud I won, hugs and congratulations all evening! Some of the people tonight I am proud to be at university with and proud to be at Kingston itself, a place I will always love. I’m struggling to write this because it’s all still sinking in and its so incredible.

Thank you to everyone who helped me along the way. I’ve come so far from what I was and I’m so proud of myself for making the changes and making myself face up to them. I couldn’t list every single person but you all know who you are, I love you so,so much. Winning this has made me even more determined to keep working on mental health, to keep helping others.

Don’t give up guys! I never thought this could happen for me! ❤

Lookin’ good

Mar 4, 2015Mar 4, 2015Leave a comment

I’ve been horse riding for 5 months now, every week that I possibly could. I think it’s gotten to a point that riding has become a part of me, which amuses my friends to no end. Something interesting happened tonight, one of my bosses and one of my lecturers commented on how well I look in myself this year and I’d like to think that horse riding has been a big part of that.

Now I’m not going to use this post to become a fitness bunny. You’re still more likely to find me curled up with a cup of tea rather than going for a jog. I still hate running with a passion, and my knees aren’t keen on it either. This year though, as well as being happier in general, I’ve started to actually try some fitness. I ride every Wednesday and I’m currently swimming as many Sundays as possible, in the summer the Wednesdays I can’t ride I’m hoping to swim instead.

I’m not doing this for the way I look, it’s crossed my mind occasionally but that’s usually after I look in the mirror and notice I’m a little bit more toned than I used to be. It’s strange for me to find excercise I love, at school it was my worst nightmare unless we were doing flips and things in the gym. Now I can’t wait to get that release from riding or swimming, although I remember wanting to bite anyone who said exercise will help depression, it will but you have to be well enough to get to that stage first.

Riding and swimming have become a huge part of my life now and they make me feel good about myself. I’m not a size 6, I don’t want to be. I’m not doing this to get rid of my curves or look like an Olympian that doesn’t even come to it, I just want to feel good.

Right now, however, I am aching from the most intense ride ever. I’m finally off the lunge and riding on my own! I think I’m going to go off and crawl into my bed!

Music is my cure

Feb 28, 2015Feb 28, 2015Leave a comment

This week has been a funny old week. It’s been full of ups and downs and being pulled all over the place and I’m just tired. Ok not just tired, I feel a bit drained. It’s been really busy, not necessarily in a bad way just loads of different things. I have been feeling really up and down over the last few days.

Tonight I just sort of caved. I’ve had a good day, working hard, seeing Eleanor and Wales even won the Rugby today (although England better tomorrow. I just felt sad when I got home, my thoughts caught up with me. Even snuggled up in my new onesie, thanks to Ali, I just couldn’t shake it. Yesterday I got like this too, right before a show and ended up having an anxiety attack before hand, which doesn’t happen anymore. So, yes, a little shook up over these sudden waves of horrible anxiety.

Music does something though, it is the release I need. It’s better than any negative coping strategy I’ve ever had, better than therapy, plans or medication. I don’t know but something about it just lifts me. When I lived alone I needed music filling my room because the silence was too much. So I resorted to YouTube tonight and found George Ezra. Of course I’d heard some of his other songs but I couldn’t stop and I’m more than a little bit in love with his music. It’s incredible.

So while last night was full of No People Club and other great musicians performing live, tonight was all about my headphones. Some Ed Sheeran and George Ezra to be precise because I just needed that kind of music tonight. Also the video to the above song? Could it GET any better?!?!

Why have I picked this song to share? Apart from the awesome video, the lyrics are pretty amazing too. It’s just what Ali’s been saying to me this week when I’ve been having an ‘oh my god, I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life, what is life, ARGH’ moment. They’re becoming a little bit more frequent but as the song says I need to listen to the man who’s loving me, because this time he’s got it right on. He’s just there, always.

The point of this blog wasn’t to do an ‘I love Ali’ fest. It was to talk about the power of music and how it’s always been there for me, I expect it always will and it’s the best depression beater ever. This song put such a smile on my face and I’m just in love with George’s voice, to the point I need tickets for when he’s next playing in the UK.

KU Talent Awards, I’m coming for you!

Feb 23, 2015Leave a comment

I’ve been lucky enough to be shortlisted for not one but two KU Talent awards this year!! I really didn’t expect to get shortlisted for both, I was happy if I had a shot at being shortlisted for one. This year I’m up for Second Year of the Year and Overcoming Adversity to Achieve. It’s absolutely incredible and I feel like I’ve come so far since I started uni. So keep your fingers crossed for me!

Breaking Out

Feb 15, 2015Leave a comment

If you came here looking for something incredible about a spy or whatnot then you are in the wrong place. This post is about me and I think I’d be a pretty useless spy to be fair (I’m far too clumsy!). The sun was shining today, you know that big yellow thing in the sky? Yeah that. It’s like a huge serotonin injection so it can be pretty amazing at kicking depressions butt.

I haven’t been great in the past week, I didn’t realise at the time but now looking back I can see it. I was more going through the motions at times rather than enjoying my week off, I kept busy as I could though. The worst point was definitely having to phone in sick to work on Thursday…that actually hurt because I hate it when my illness stops me doing things, unfortunately sometimes it does.

So yesterday there were ups and downs and I went to bed on a not so positive and angry note. This morning when I woke up though relaxed and better. I actually got up and got straight on with what I needed to do…something that hasn’t happened in a while. It wasn’t until the sun came out that I realised something was different.

We have a big bay window in the flat and blinds that aren’t very good, so the sun comes right through. It was like the outside was pulling me, the sun, the blue skys. My brain wasn’t that into it though, it took me a good hour of tug of war with myself before I put my clothes on to go out and headed out the door (fighting myself a little all the way). I managed and just took a walk through own in the sunshine and I loved the business of Kingston, it wasn’t driving me crazy it was actually kind of comforting. It was like I’d been locked in my own head for too long.

Coming back to the flat I got on again, like a wild thing. I just had so much energy and ideas and everything. This is what happens sometimes and I get a little bit skeptical, either I’m having an insanely good mood or it’s something a little less pleasant. Sometimes I have these massive boosts before I crash…I suppose I’ll wait and see. I hope it’s the first one because I was damn miserable all week and today just felt like forgetting everything I was upset about…just for a little while.

Then I couldn’t sit still again so off to the pool. It was nice and therapeutic, just counting the laps, helping my brain relax rather than go into overdrive. I got to 20 laps before heading home to work again but I was a little bit calmer.

I’m glad I ‘broke out’ today. Sometimes when I’m low it’s like there are bars on the windows and doors, I can’t get out even if I want to. Little times like this make me smile the most. So now I’m finishing this after a nice shower smelling of lush and hoping more than anything this carries on tomorrow.

10 things that helped get me out of a low mood (and hopefully can help you!)

Feb 9, 20157 Comments

Ok so I disappeared yesterday because of a pretty crappy low (yay, depression). Now I’m back and I’ve been looking after myself for the past 2 days now I want to share 10 ways to help when you’re on a low. These help for me, hopefully they will for you as well!

1. Take a shower or bath

When I used to have a REALLY bad low, before I was diagnosed my Mum would always send me to the shower to calm down. Now when I have a low it’s always the things she recommends first. I don’t know why but water has always made me feel calmer.

2. Be comfortable

When you’re feeling particularly rough you do not need to wear super tight skinny jeans. Today and yesterday were comfy jumper and jean days. Also at night make sure your comfortable with some good PJ’s and an early night, even if you can’t sleep being able to relax will help.

3. Take some time to think about what YOU need right now

Do you need sleep? Do you need to go for a walk? Be around friends? Work out what it is you want and need to make yourself feel even a little bit better. I’ve had plenty of days where for the morning I had to be alone but later my friends made me feel a lot better. It’s a personal thing and taking baby steps if you need to.

4. Talk it out or write things down

Some of my best songs have come from horrible moments. Writing or talking, generally just getting it out of your system is healthy. Of course there are other ways too, some people do art or sport, whatever works for you.

5. Eat some good food

Screw the diet. Comfort food is the best. For me a bit of chocolate and a good cup of tea can really make all the difference.

6. Get some natural light

10 minutes of sunshine is proven to boost Serotonin levels, even if it’s overcast try and go outside. I know what it’s like when all you want to do is lie in the dark and forget everything. When I feel like that and just want to be alone I walk to my local shop, it only takes 5 minutes and I don’t talk to everyone

7.Exercise

When I used to hear this I used to get irritated, why if I didn’t want to get up would I want to exercise? I know by now that just being around the horses lifts my mood and going riding is great to make me have a more stable mood, it gives me something else to think about. I can’t ride every day though, so Sunday I decided to head to the pool (the only other exercise I can stand) I only done half an hour but felt much better.

8. Put yourself around people who make you feel happy

It usually takes me a little while to get to this part. For the first part of my lows I normally want to be alone but gradually I’m ok being around people. Moving in with Ali was a hugely positive part of getting better since moving to uni, sometimes I’ll see friends or text my mentor to see her but I almost always phone my Mum to talk things over. Support is always key.

9. Have a little treat

If I’m sad and go wandering I usually buy myself a little something partly to cheer myself up and partly because I left the house, because sometimes that’s the absolute worst part. It’s usually just something small, a bar of chocolate, cupcake or a book, whatever money I have spare really.

10. Don’t be so hard on yourself

Everyone has good and bad days, depression or not. Don’t blame yourself if you’re out for a day or even longer, just work through as best you can and don’t beat yourself up!

A little message to my friends

Feb 3, 2015Feb 4, 2015Leave a comment

There is something about song lyrics, especially those other people have written that makes it so much easier to express myself. I’ve been reflecting a lot lately and so instead of writing a funny post or a list I wanted to write, well, straight from the heart. There are many amazing people in my life, people who are not my family but I know they’re there for me, I like to take the time sometimes to tell them this. So here we go, if February is the month of love there are a lot of people who I’d like to declare it for, so in no particular order.

Jordan

Next year it will be 10 years,I think, since you moved all the way to Australia packed with a teddy and drawings. I remember the tears, the worries, the long emails as we started to grow up without being next to each other. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t hard. From ‘stealing’ you when we were 7/8 to now when we’re both in our 20s (gulp), you’re now as much of an old woman as me! You’re always there, even when we haven’t spoken in weeks, we don’t need to. You were always proud of everything I achieve and for that I’m eternally grateful. I love you and I’ll come see you as soon as I can, Happy Birthday.

Lucy P

Hey Frizz, god what an awful nickname. You gave me one of the greatest things in my life a beautiful goddaughter who I can’t help but love and reminds me of you so much. We’ve fought…a lot, time and time again but somehow we always end up stuck with each other, even more now that the princess is involved. We get to freak out about getting all old and laugh at everyone who used to pick on us at school (oh what fun!). Thanks for not only sticking it out but helping to give me a reason not to give up when things get tough, someones got to be a bad influence on your daughter 😉

Lucy B

Fellow emo, fellow panicker, fellow MCR addict. Out of our entire group at school you’re the only girl still around and we tend to turn into 15 year olds again whenever we’re around each other although by now we’ve replaced the eyeliner and lace skirts for jeans and vodka. You’re crazy, as much as me and I love you for it, next time we’re both around it’s a noodle date.

Eleanor

Eleanor, Eleanor, Eleanor. I don’t even know how I can begin to explain how much I love you, you’re my partner in crime. You just seem to understand and most of the time you’re just on the same page…the other times I can count on you for a good debate. You give me a kick up the ass when I need it and then other times you’re the hug that I need. Oh and we laugh, we laugh so bloody hard when we’re together, even when we’re supposed to be being deadly serious, but I guess that’s what makes the library sessions so great. You’re my cheerleader and I hope that I’m the same for you. I love you so, so much.

Daniela

‘I can’t even’, just can’t even imagine my life without you in it. It’s thanks to you that I now have some of the best friends I’ve ever had in my entire life. You’re so sweet and thoughtful as well as being my favourite dizzy blond and always there for a cuddle. I can’t thank you enough and I don’t think I ever will for inviting me out last year even when I was so quiet and probably a little bit weird. Now you’ve got me going out, doing shots and actually being a little social butterfly like you! If you hadn’t guessed by now I love you so much.

Amy

Amy! You’re crazy enough to get onto a horse with me. You may be quiet but that doesn’t mean I forget you, you always make me laugh with some of the things you say and I can always rely on you for long term relationship advice. You share my old soul too, loving books and tea, although I have to say you’re damn brilliant when we go out together, those moves are damn fab! I loves yoooou

Maisha

I swear I lose you every week titch. The only human being I know who is so small, which I think is why you disappear but it doesn’t matter because when we are together we are always laughing at the most stupid things. I love you!

Laura

I don’t have a picture of us but this is my first lesson!

Who else would let me near their horse and trust me not to race off and get lost! We’ve only been friends this year but I’ve learnt so much from you. You’re definitely my coach when it comes to riding and just the sweetest person I’ve ever met. You always encourage me, even when I just can’t get a lesson to go how I wanted it to. I can’t wait to go on a hack together, let’s hope I don’t fall off! I love you!

Summer- Rose

Ok so I cheated with this one, she is my sister, but she’s also my best friend and the one person I can rely on without question for the rest of my life. I’ll keep this short due to the cheating but you’re cute and a madame and when I grow up I want to be just like you.

Rhys, Dan, Ben, Ali

You’re all special to me, individually but it’s as a group that I feel most at home. We drive each other crazy and spend so much time together now, and well it looks like we’ll be spending even more together. Before I was in this band the thought of heading out on tour and playing every single month was really nothing more than a dream and then I met the four of you. So let’s,you know, take over the world and stuff

Joe

You drive me insane. Literally insane. Sometimes I don’t get you and other times I understand perfectly what you want to/ are trying to say. You’re miserable and grumpy but really you’re not, you’re damn soft…sorry I guess I just let that out! You were the first friend I had in this place and hopefully we’ll still be stuck together at the end of it. You’re my favourite art geek and definitely a Harry.

Ali

Do I have to even write this? I’ll say it simply you’re probably my favourite human so I think I’ll stick around if that’s ok?

Chloe Metzger

Lifestyle, Books and More

Tag: happy

Road Trips with the girls

So many positive things!

Being Brave

And the winner is…me!

Lookin’ good

Music is my cure

KU Talent Awards, I’m coming for you!

Breaking Out

10 things that helped get me out of a low mood (and hopefully can help you!)

A little message to my friends

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