Amy has a phrase for whenever one of us gets angry/upset/annoyed and needs to vent until we calm down we go on a ‘mad one’. Now in the last few months there have been various forms of this and today it hit me, big time. I haven’t had a break or a rest since the beginning of January it’s been at least 4 weeks of non stop work, so today my brain just said no. Throw in room issues, bus issues, a disgusting smelling kitchen, arrogant show offs from earlier in the week and generally irritating people and you’ve got how I feel right now. I know people will read this, some may think I’m talking about them and be offended…if that is you think about why you’re offended, then you’ll get to how I feel when I write this. I ended up in the university Starbucks with Amy having a little heart to heart and she just made me feel ok , she reminded me that I am a part of something and going up to Kingston Hill just lifts my mood 90% of the time.
I hate feeling low, it’s one of the worst things in the world and sometimes a ‘mad one’ is just a part of a low. I’ve tried to be positive today and when I was with Amy it was ok, I didn’t think about everything that was bothering me too much and I just talked it out. The problem is when I’m upset and alone or when I’m surrounded by people who just don’t help. So I’m spending this evening locked in my room listening to You Me At Six and trying to get this assignment finished. What people don’t tell you is no matter how much you love uni (and I honestly do) being in halls is hard work. Not every flat has a magical connection and sometimes you lock horns, not in a big way but when you want to slob out and just eat crappy food all day you feel this pressure, well I personally do. I generally find it quite hard when I’m having a bad day, feeling like someone is constantly looking at what you’re doing. The bottom line, it’s not like you’re at home, you have to think about a lot more, you can’t want around in some of your PJs because they might be ‘too revealing’, you don’t wear make up and people think your ill!
Sometimes all that compared with a bad day is just a little too much. I’m trying to look forward though, to next year. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it but Ali and I will be living together so it makes life a little easier. I just feel so comfortable around him, I can do whatever the hell I want and not feel like I have to think about it or discuss it later. I guess what I’m tring to say in this blog post is that honestly I struggle sometimes living with a whole block full of people and not feeling close to any of them and it’s just a part of life. Plus, going from somewhere where you feel like you belong, the band, Hannafords etc to being completely alone isn’t the nicest feeling. Now I’m shaking off this ‘Mad One’ I’m hoping that I can get rid of it and go to uni feeling a bit better about everything and just get on with my work before going out with Amy tomorrow night!