Banishing Body Blues

May 27, 20151 Comment

Honesty time, I have spend this evening wallowing in my own self pity feeling awful and wanting to cry. Why? You ask? Not the injury, I haven’t failed anything (that I know of), nope I couldn’t fit into last years summer clothes. That’s it. Seems silly right? I’ve spent all evening trying to pal na blog but blocked by this big dark cloud of feeling worthless. So I write a blog (it sucked) and put on my iTunes to Emma Blackery, my favourite Youtuber, her song Perfect sits there. I’ve put it above because it’s such an uplifting song. I started listening to it and I was like yeah you know, I’m okay.

I might not be a size 8 any more and it sucks that some of my clothes don’t fit but right now I’m recovering. I can hardly walk but I’ve been crying over putting on weight? No logic there, right? My family, Ali and Friends tell me that it’s the least of my worries with a fractured spine, if there’s any time not to feel guilty about weight gain, it’s now.

I don’t want to be this critical of myself, if anything I think it’s just wanting control back of my body. It’s just letting me down and I hate it and there is nothing I can do, which hurts the most. Since I’ve been getting better from the depression I’ve wanted to be so positive and do things but I fall down sometimes and want to go back to bad habits. I’m still fighting and I wanted to share this song with you because I know that everyone has their own struggles, something I wrote about a couple of months back.

Am I completely happy and fine and cheery? No, that’s why I wrote this because if any of you are going through the same thing I want you to know it’s ok. I don’t want it to become this big disgusting secret and I might get crap for this but guess what I PUT ON WEIGHT. Just like all of us will at some point in our lives, I might put it on, lose it, I might never reach a size 8 again and I’ll never be the same size as my tiny sister. I’m trying to focus on the positives though, I’m smart, I’m going on a course in ATHENS for my work and can travel with my lovely boyfriend. It’s all about trying to put it in perspective and hopefully I can keep listening to the music until this cloud decides to go.

As always I’d love to talk to you guys so leave a comment! If you want to hear more about Emma Blackery you can also check out her YouTube channel, it’s brilliant. What are you waiting for, click the link here for her regular channel and here for lifestyle and advice!

Being Brave

Mar 21, 20151 Comment

Hey you, yes you reading this, I have something to tell you. You’re going to be okay.

We all have crap going on in our lives that we wish we could change or simply disappear from. Sometimes it’s understandable, it’s something really negative that others can understand. I know more than anyone though that sometimes it’s not that simple, everything can be going so well and you still feel like somethings not right, or you feel like you’re terrified that the happiness wont last.

As the picture says I want to see you be brave, big or small I want all of my readers to take a step towards the positive, because I’ve been at an awful low point so many times and even the littlest things can help. It might be going for a walk, getting some exercise, treating yourself, visiting friends or family, standing up to someone who makes you feel like shit. Just be brave about whatever it is.

Good Luck 🙂

The Pier.

Feb 1, 20152 Comments

From time to time I write stories, I wanted to share this one with you.

Walking along the pier she could almost imagine that nothing had changed. She could still feel the sand under her toes, the sun prickling on her skin and through her t-shirt, although by now she’d stopped pretending she was a princess. Of course things had changed, she’d swapped a bucket and spade for a camera and notebook, her fathers hand for a pair of dark sunglasses. The Ocean was something that caught her in the middle, of course it changed but it stayed the same.

She listened to the waves before looking up towards the sky, throwing her head back she listened. The seagulls circled, calling to eat other about the nearest bit of food. The children screamed and ran while the water chased them, destroying their castles, it didn’t matter they’d soon make another. The plink of the amusement park and the whirr of the candy floss spinning. She followed the sounds she used to squeal over, being silent now.

Her feet took off up the banks and closer. She pushed the glasses up her nose and pulled her hat down a little more. The boards creaked beneath her and she let herself look below, to the waves gently lapping it was almost inviting. There was a time when she would scream, not wanting her feet to touch the ground, she was certain she was going to fall. As soon as the thought ambushed her, her fingers found the pole and gripped almost involuntarily. They used to carry her, taking it in turns, so she could just bury her head and listen without being scared.

She wasn’t scared as much now, not that she would admit it anyway. Of course most things were how she always wanted them now, more than she could ever imagine but with that came a tightness in her chest. She wanted to come here whenever her body threatened to out her, but it would be months before she came again. She picked up the camera and began clicking again at anything, everything, until she found it.

It wasn’t significant to anyone else, just one of the many benches along the Pier. Even on this busy day it was free, call it destiny or whatever you want, she didn’t really care. She lowered herself, lifting her face so that the sun caught her freckles. This is where her fortune was told, not by someone magical, well not to you or I. They told her about the future while she craned her neck to see the sea, they held her hand and told her just what was to come because no one but her could do it.

A tear escaped and she doesn’t wipe it away. The notebook opened and her hands craft what they were meant to. The Pier, the same, different and a part of her all at the same time.

‘A smile is the best make up any girl can wear’

Sep 24, 2014Leave a comment

Marilyn Monroe quote

The better I get, the more I smile. Even when there are days that are filled with stress or upset I’m working my way through it and not going into a total meltdown, new to me! This quote as well make me just feel, well, feminine, I don’t need make up to look beautiful or feel sexy, just a smile. Ali proves this to me every day I’m currently sat with more spots than I’ve had in a long time, my hair scraped back in an old baggy T-shirt, he still loves me. He thinks I’m beautiful when I’m sick, when I’m sad, when I’m angry but most of all when I smile. So take note girls from the beautiful Ms Monroe and smile more, because you’re beautiful.