Young and Desperate?

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I found this quote while searching through Pinterest (obviously one of my favourite websites) and it went well with a decision I made today. I wrote last week about grad job rejection  and how to handle it and for the past few days I’ve been frantically searching for jobs to apply for. I wasn’t getting stressed until I saw people over Facebook posting about grad jobs they’d been accepted for already or the amount of jobs they’d been applying for. Then I started to panic, all the jobs I wanted to apply for needed you to start in a month or less, there were no grad schemes. So I got online and poured over jobsites looking for jobs I was slightly interested in.

I realised this morning while looking through all the tabs again, that this wasn’t how I was going to find a job I wanted to do. All the ones I was going to apply for were either only slightly related to what I want to do or had a much lower salary that I was hoping and expecting to aim for. And for what? I’d been drawn in by anxiety and panic, thankfully I realised what the uneasy feeling was before applying. I know there are jobs in my field and I know that I’m qualified but I just can’t take a job just yet.

Although I’m only 21 I’ve already had quite a few different roles I’ve worked in retail, cinema, office work, tutoring and freelance and I already have a solid idea of what I hate. When I was 16 I took a job from anyone who would offer it to me because I needed the money and wanted the independence. My first two jobs I hated with a passion because I took them out of desperation. My third job I took on but should have been wiser about contracts and things like that. By the time I took on my 4th job that wasn’t babysitting or tutoring I was working somewhere I wanted to and it made all the difference. It’s been the same with my university jobs that I love doing, I wasn’t desperate, I took my time and I excel at my job. With that in mind I’m going to try and take that into account when applying for post uni jobs.

I know that not everyone can do that and I’m thankful that Ali and I have somewhere to go once we graduate. There was no question I could move back into my parents house but come July, if we haven’t found work, we’ll be moving in with Ali’s Mum temporarily as she has more room. Thankfully I’m only about 10 minutes away in the car from my Mum and Dads too. Ali’s said to me before there’s not a desperate rush and for the first time ever I’m starting to believe him. I’ll work hard and apply for jobs of course but I won’t rush into things and be tricked into an underpaid job, particularly with the experience I have. I want to go into interviews and be passionate and excited about the job and the company. I want to have goals and ideas about what I can bring and I know how cliché I sound right now, but I’ve had enough crappy jobs to last me a lifetime.

 

Handling Rejection

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As with anyone, I hoped that when I applied for the graduate job I really wanted, I’d get good news and be heading to an interview. The day I started getting sick I got bad news, I’d been rejected for the position and wasn’t even getting a phone interview. I didn’t just cry, I sobbed my heart out. I’d been thinking about that job non stop for months, it just seemed like a good move for me and something I really wanted. I was always going to write about it, because this is a part of student life, we all have to deal with rejection.

I’ve never been one to handle anything associated with failure well because I am a perfectionist. I need everything to be handled and right and I just need to get things done and because I always put 110% into everything I do and when I don’t achieve I do get anxious and stressed. I feel like I let myself down and I get incredibly angry with myself and list things I need to do better next time. In some ways that’s good, but other people remind me I’m too hard on myself. It’s just a job and there will be other opportunities but it doesn’t always feel like that.

I know that right now a lot of us students are going to be getting rejection emails and sometimes it just knocks you off track. I’ve been having a bit of a meltdown, made worse by being ill, not knowing what I’m going to do after I graduate, what I want to do and what I want in the bigger picture. From what I’ve worked out a lot of students feel like that right now and it’s normal.

I’m trying to take the advice of the people around me, that it wasn’t meant to happen and they’re the ones missing out. Ali sat down the night of the rejection and just listed all the amazing things I’ve done and what I’d put in the application and that they missed out. I’m hoping this is true, it didn’t make the rejection hurt any less, but I’ll find something eventually.

 

A taste of the magazine world.

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Over the weekend and for the past few weeks I’ve been looking at and applying for internships, on the recommendation of a friend I tried a website called gothinkbig.co.uk. The aim is to give people opportunities to go into the fields of work and get them the experience they need. Lucky for me there is a lot of media job on there, perfect. 

As a lot of you know I was planning on working at a uni event for most of the summer, when I found out that I hadn’t gotten it a lot of summer internship positions had already closed so I felt a bit stuck (here is where I wish I’d known about Go Think Big earlier this year). So I applied for a few of the placements and skills days, one of which was the Speed Networking with Closer magazine, a women’s weekly. 

I know what you’re thinking. Me? Magazines that are aimed at women? This must be a joke. Let me assure you I was so nervous walking into the building (after getting lost quite a few times too may I add), the girls in there waiting were very pretty and stylish and I was…well I was me. I had visions (as we most people do) of being thrown into a Miranda Priestly office and quizzes. Luckily my The Devil Wears Prada nightmares were laughable because the staff at Closer are some of the loveliest people I’ve met. 

I was lucky to have not missed the email to say I’d been accepted and it was a rush to get into central London in time. I’m so glad I shook off that nervousness I had felt when I got the email this morning, the worry I’d make a fool of myself. 

The experience was something incredibly special, I got to speak 1-1 with loads of staff from the magazine and got a great idea of what it would be like as well as some knowledge of contacts in the industry. I had fun, met some great people and now have a good idea and a buzz to apply for loads of internships and work experience placements, starting with Closer. 

This is the great thing about uni, I get to work out what I want to do. Don’t get me wrong I still want to be a musician, I still want to get my masters (although maybe studying part time instead of full time now)but this is something I could do as a job to support me while tackling the other things at the same time! 

I’m really grateful for today and I can’t wait to get stuck in and apply for work experience placements which could hopefully lead to an internship when I graduate! Today’s been a really exciting day and just what I needed to get the creativity flowing even more!