Banishing Body Blues

Honesty time, I have spend this evening wallowing in my own self pity feeling awful and wanting to cry. Why? You ask? Not the injury, I haven’t failed anything (that I know of), nope I couldn’t fit into last years summer clothes. That’s it. Seems silly right? I’ve spent all evening trying to pal na blog but blocked by this big dark cloud of feeling worthless. So I write a blog (it sucked) and put on my iTunes to Emma Blackery, my favourite Youtuber, her song Perfect sits there. I’ve put it above because it’s such an uplifting song. I started listening to it and I was like yeah you know, I’m okay.

I might not be a size 8 any more and it sucks that some of my clothes don’t fit but right now I’m recovering. I can hardly walk but I’ve been crying over putting on weight? No logic there, right? My family, Ali and Friends tell me that it’s the least of my worries with a fractured spine, if there’s any time not to feel guilty about weight gain, it’s now.

I don’t want to be this critical of myself, if anything I think it’s just wanting control back of my body. It’s just letting me down and I hate it and there is nothing I can do, which hurts the most. Since I’ve been getting better from the depression I’ve wanted to be so positive and do things but I fall down sometimes and want to go back to bad habits. I’m still fighting and I wanted to share this song with you because I know that everyone has their own struggles, something I wrote about a couple of months back.

Am I completely happy and fine and cheery? No, that’s why I wrote this because if any of you are going through the same thing I want you to know it’s ok. I don’t want it to become this big disgusting secret and I might get crap for this but guess what I PUT ON WEIGHT. Just like all of us will at some point in our lives, I might put it on, lose it, I might never reach a size 8 again and I’ll never be the same size as my tiny sister. I’m trying to focus on the positives though, I’m smart, I’m going on a course in ATHENS for my work and can travel with my lovely boyfriend. It’s all about trying to put it in perspective and hopefully I can keep listening to the music until this cloud decides to go.

As always I’d love to talk to you guys so leave a comment! If you want to hear more about Emma Blackery you can also check out her YouTube channel, it’s brilliant. What are you waiting for, click the link here for her regular channel and here for lifestyle and advice!

My bands teaser!!!!!!!

I’ve been bouncing around about everything we’ve been doing in the studio for a while now. Here is our first teaser for the next single which is out VERY soon!!!!! Follow us on twitter @nopeopleclub and we’re on Facebook! I’m so excited to share this with you. Enjoy!

Day 3 in the studio!

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The glamorous look is definitely not an option for a serious recording session…well not for me anyway

I was very relieved that I didn’t have to get up too early to record today a lateish start for recording today and I definitely needed it. Tonight I am really tired but happy too, we’re half way there! 2 songs down and 2 to go! Yes! It’s been a long day full of messing up, awesome takes, not so awesome takes and frustration but we got there in the end and the boys were incredible! I can’t wait for everyone to hear this EP but I still have work to do 1 or 2 more sessions in the studio to do but we will have it ready for Basingstoke Live this summer! If you do want to keep an eye on us put in No People Club in Facebook or @NoPeopleClub on Twitter! I don’t have much else to say apart from I really do have amazing band mates and I’m really expecting big things from how the last few days have gone! Watch this space! 

 

Getting my groove back!

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Not my best photo but it was in a dark pub! 

As corney as the title is I genuinely felt like I got my groove back tonight! I’ve been in a rotten mood all day after waking up late, my bus breaking down and feeling overly emotional. Being around people was the last thing I wanted to do this afternoon so I wasn’t all sweetness and light at band practice today. Although Ali being Ali decided it would be  good idea to give me a mic stand rather than to just giving me the mic and it worked. Although at first I wanted to stick it somewhere for him even suggesting it, I got into it and I started to sound better, although slightly deaf at the end of it. I knew we had an open mic night tonight and I was nervous, I think this also made my mood a little bit more crappy than it normally would be. I just felt stressed and nervous and still had yesterdays driving lesson on my mind.

The venue turned out to be very different to what we expected and after some discussion/ slight worry Ali and Rhys headed back on the bus to grab acoustic guitars instead and we just went ok lets give this a go even though we’ve never practised it before. That’s what being in a band is about right? I can honestly say being up in front of everyone and singing was the happiest I’ve been in weeks. Instead of feeling nervous I kinda just gave in to the music and felt like I was on cloud nine. The once noisy pub now had its eyes on us and was clapping and cheering for us, even the new songs. It was incredible and a total hit! IT might not have been the crowd we thought we’d be playing to but it was damn fun. Also Rhys surprised me with his INCREDIBLE backing vocals!

It’ safe to say we all left tonight in a seriously good mood and ready to kick ass with the EP. It’s put me in a good mood for recording tomorrow, even though I’m still pretty nervous. The thing is people really liked our sound, they liked us and I really loved people being so positive about our music. I’m insanely happy and ready to crawl into bed and get a good nights sleep before recording again tomorrow.

Feeling like me again.

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Bekks and I in the studio in one of my hyperactive moments while Ali was hard at work.

Today was a day where I finally went ‘back to work’. Ok so it isn’t a paid job and I don’t have to do it but still. I finally went back into the studio to start recording No People Clubs EP!!! It was long, tiring and meant that I had to deal with a lot of emotions but I feel so much better after doing it. Although today didn’t quite start out like that, uni was a bit of a night and so was the afternoon of ‘freedom’. I haven’t been sleeping much so a 9am start wasn’t top of my list of things to do today especially when it is pissing down with rain. Today has also been a very up and down experience in terms of my moods (as have the last few days. I love uni and then I hate it and my mind is arguing with itself every five minutes about something and it gets a little bit exhausting. I think that if I hadn’t have recorded today I wouldn’t have been able to release anything, I needed something else to concentrate on that just wasn’t to do with uni stuff. It definitely worked because for the first time in over a month I was able to write a review again, my confidence just appeared and although its 1am I feel ALIVE. I feel ready to write and perform music again, I feel ready to let go of the hurt that was still inside me from home and I feel ready to write properly and just hold out on the academics until second year (when I actually get to CHOOSE what I want to study).

 

There was one other little thing that may have helped today and that’s a few phone calls one from my amazing Grampey who never ever fails to make me feel better. What did he do you may ask? He simply asked me about my day and told me about his, it’s little things like that I love and miss the most and the thought of going home for a few days at the end of the month makes me so damn excited! The other phone call was from my Mum as part of our daily phone calling it always makes me feel better and she managed to calm me down after a run in with a nightmare hairdresser (thankfully all my hair is okay but I will NEVER be going back to that place again!). You’ll already have guessed Ali and Bekkie played a major part in today too. 

So really everyone I just wanted to write this to let you know that I’m doing ok! Well I will be anyway, days like this give me hope. 

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Ali hard at work