When Your Confidence Takes a Hit

Hello, hello, hello!

It’s been a little while since I’ve spoken about how I’ve been feeling lately, which was how this blog started in the first place. I mean it’s, possible, that I’ve been doing this on purpose, maybe.

Almost 3 weeks ago I was let go from a job I quite enjoyed. It was something that happened out of the blue and I went into shock and immediately doubted myself and what I was good for. Which seems like quite a natural response, I think. Either way, I didn’t expect that I’d be looking for a job again, going to interviews again and trying to rebuild myself again.

My relationship with confidence has been a long and interesting one. To a lot of people, I outwardly seem a very confident and savvy person. In fact, in interviews, I’ve been told I’m a very confident person. Yes, I can be. In situations where I pull out my confidence cape and I’m Super Chloe, I can do anything. Then I go home.

I go home and then the cape comes off and I struggle. I wonder what the hell I’m doing, if I’m going to be able to make all of this work. If, in the next 5 years, I will have to go through it again.

We all know that, in life, we’re going to have highs and lows. There’s going to be times when it completely floors you and your confidence. I’ve been dealing with that a lot in the past few years and trying to piece myself back together and carry on.

I’m taking steps to be more confident and to embrace whatever happens in my life. It’s hard but sometimes you need to be your own cheerleader, know your strengths and ignore those who want to put you down. It’s such a tough internal struggle for all of us but, to me, carrying on is the only option.

 

 

Get Set For KU

I’ve spent the past two days getting up at 6.30am and getting home at gone 8 at night. I’m not complaining in the slightest, especially as I actually woke up before my alarm on both days (proving just how excited I was). I’ve wanted to work a job like this since I became an ambassador so getting the confirmation was incredible. Believe it or not, I was nervous talking to my first attendee.

I became a bit of a match maker over the two days, I wanted the students to make friend at feel at home. I know how nerve racking it is and these students had never even been to Kingston before because they had come through clearing. I was pleased that when they left at the end of the day some of the groups I’d introduced were now friends, with some even looking for houses to share together now.

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Lunch with some of the lads at the event

As well as students I also had the chance, although not planned, to talk to a lot of parents annd had a good chat about university and the worries they had for their children. More than anything I loved talking to people, making them feel better, answering any questions that I could or pointing them to the right services.

The confidence and pride that I felt working this week was overwhelming. I felt good at what I done. Student’s thanked me, my bosses commented on how hard I worked and one of my ‘top tips’ won a student a prize. I got to laugh and make so many more friends with other ambassadors, we really hit it off and I can’t wait to work with them all again. I got especially close to another ambassador, Jo who made my sides ache from laughing so hard.

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Me, Jo and some new students on Campus Tours

As well as that? The food was incredible constant food, snacks, everything. I love my job so much and I can’t wait to get back and do more because this is something I know that I’m good at and it makes me feel incredible. How many people can say that their job makes them feel on top of the world?

IMG_0198One of THE cupcakes. Yes they were as good as they look

More than anything these past few days gave me what I needed. They reminded me that I am good at my job, that I’m a likeable and good person. I also got the news that I achieved my full grant scholarship, meaning that the likelihood of applying for my masters and being able to afford it is becoming more and more possible and that makes me happy beyond belief.

All in all an amazing few days and a great boost, I can’t wait to book more work now! 🙂

Be your own cheerleader (I’m awesome!)

I have one of THE most confident people in the world as a best friend. We got into a conversation a few days ago about being more confident and knowing when to applaud yourself, I know for a fact us Brits aren’t very good at it. Oh that’s another thing Rhys is American, that’s not to say that all American’s are super confident but it seems like there is a better attitude out there towards promoting yourself. 

I’ve been really up and down for the last few days, so when I started going down again today I decided to get out of the house and head to the library and try and write in the quiet. I ended up with a very different afternoon, a long walk in the sun, bumping into loads of people from school and college as well as an old teacher. While I was talking to people I realised something. I’m pretty awesome and I’ve done damn well. There I said it. It even feels awkward to write it down because, well, I don’t think that it’s something I’m really not used to. 

You know what though? I feel like it’s something that should be done more often, we should be able to shout out when we’ve done well and just be able to say (like Rhys does frequently) I’m awesome. We should be able to have that confidence when we walk into interviews or classes and just be like I know what I’m good at. Not in an arrogant way but just to be happy about what we can do and not always trying to play it down. 

So here’s mine: 

I’m great at being able to read and analyse for my degree, just send that first my way! 

I’m a great songwriter and performer 

My organised self has been known to save a lot of people’s asses! 

 

Be your own cheerleader or you may not have one! 

 

Post the reasons why you’re awesome below 🙂