Tag: confidence

A Lot Can Change In A Matter Of Months

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As I write this most of my possessions are in boxes or bags, I’m practically bouncing off the walls because today my partner and I get the keys to our new home. I know that I haven’t written in a month, if I’m honest I’ve been working so much, sorting the house, getting myself back on track in terms of my health – it’s been a lot.

If I’m honest I’ve hardly been reading anything either! Last year I was averaging 10 books a month, this year four-six. I keep trying to remind myself that it’s not a competition. I even changed my Goodreads goal to 50 books this year because I didn’t need the guilt of logging in and seeing that I was ‘behind’ on my goal. I stopped looking at my blog stats too. I didn’t want to be worried about things that really didn’t matter looking at the bigger picture.

So, what’s really changed?

I feel more confident in my work

Being a freelancer isn’t easy, being a freelancer in a pandemic was a bit terrifying. Most people, understandably, cut back their budgets, meaning that copy, content and social media were quickly cut – not good when that’s your whole business. I kept myself going but I was anxious and worried all the time.

When work started to come back again and businesses were ready I was in there, I didn’t take a day off applying, searching and talking to people for months. After a few good contracts and interesting pieces at the start of this year I finally feel confident in what I do and what I can offer.

Now if a client moves a project or I get rejection after rejection, I’m better at not taking it personally I just keep going. Sometimes I am a little upset if it’s something I really tried for but something else comes along eventually and fills the spot.

I’m working on letting stuff go that doesn’t matter

Kind of going back to the Goodreads and stats situation, I’m trying to step back from that kind of stuff. It’s the same with the number of followers or likes I have. I’m trying to let go of caring because do they really matter in the long run? I’m not saying I’m great at this, I’m still working on it but it’s a start.

I’m not letting other people take up my time

There are relationships that didn’t survive the pandemic and I’m not mad about it. Some of them were probably long overdue because we’d grown as people. A friendship ending always hurts but looking back it was the right decision. Similarly I’m not giving my time to people who I don’t want to talk to because I realised I don’t have to. It was pretty freeing.

I’m getting my health back on track slowly

The news my health was a bit rubbish back in February was a bit of a shock to the system, so was my new diagnosis of Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome in March. That said I’ve been trying to take back control, losing weight and attempting to eat better (this one’s the hardest). So far through food and a little exercise I’ve managed to lose 5Ibs. I’m nearly half way towards my first goal!

We’re getting a house!

I’m so exited to have our own space again and I get the spare room to be my office!

Wedding planning is back on!

Yep! We’re back to planning and getting bits and pieces and I am EXCITED.

Things are getting back on track. I write this because I know how hard it can be to pull yourself back when things have tried to break you. I don’t know how I managed because there have been so many times where I wanted to just give up and didn’t feel worth it.

No matter what’s going on put one foot in front of the other, reach out to talk to people and just keep going even when it feels like you can’t.

You're Doing Better Than You Think Mental Health Lifestyle Blog

You’re Doing Better Than You Think

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Hey you,

Yes you, reading this for whatever reason. I’m going to tell you something that you need to hear right now. You’re doing better than you think you are. Hear me out. I’ve had shitty times in the past few years where I’ve felt like a giant failure, hey, at the time of writing this there are parts of my life I feel like I’m not where I thought I would be. BUT you are your biggest critic, I am mine and that’s not a terrible thing.

We do have a word with ourselves but think about what you’ve said to yourself. Would you say that to a friend about their lives? That they were a huge fuck up and things weren’t going to get better because they don’t deserve them. I know you’ve had those thoughts because I have to.

Sometimes the voices in our own heads take over our thoughts. They shout so loud with comparisons look what they’re doing, why aren’t you doing that? or perhaps you just think what am I doing? Am I doing what I’m meant to right now?

Last month I was in a funk, I was really struggling with myself. Well, I thought I was doing terribly, I’m not close to buying a house (are any 23-year-olds with student debt?), I’m not getting married and the books I’ve been working on for the past few years still aren’t finished. My mind was full of anxiety and self-doubt and just struggling, even though I was reminded by various people I’d been doing great and am still doing great in different areas of my life.

I didn’t write this to tell you how much better I feel. In fact, the opposite. This post doesn’t end with bragging about how wonderful I’m doing because that my lovely readers would be a big fat lie. I still have thoughts and days where I think I’m doing terribly. This was written to let you know that we all feel like that and chances are you’re not giving yourself enough credit.

You’re doing better than you think, you’ve got this.

Hope – A Poem

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It’s been a while since I’ve posted any of my own creative writing. In the last month or so I’ve thought a lot about my own writing and where I want to go with it. I was also lucky enough to be told I’ll be published in 2018 which gave me a great confidence boost!

I wrote the following poem when I didn’t have that when I was just coming out of a pretty lonely and dark period of my life. The thing is, hope is important, but it’s not always at the front of your mind. When it does start to appear you need to grab it with both hands and try and hold on. I hope you enjoy this poem. – Chloe Metzger.

 

Hope.

A four letter word

but it means

I start seeing

my heart starts beating.

Again.

 

Hope.

That I am not the only one

who is hopeless,

useless

Me.

 

Hope.

A helping hand

loud voices

You stand out my girl,

Proud

When Your Confidence Takes a Hit

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Hello, hello, hello!

It’s been a little while since I’ve spoken about how I’ve been feeling lately, which was how this blog started in the first place. I mean it’s, possible, that I’ve been doing this on purpose, maybe.

Almost 3 weeks ago I was let go from a job I quite enjoyed. It was something that happened out of the blue and I went into shock and immediately doubted myself and what I was good for. Which seems like quite a natural response, I think. Either way, I didn’t expect that I’d be looking for a job again, going to interviews again and trying to rebuild myself again.

My relationship with confidence has been a long and interesting one. To a lot of people, I outwardly seem a very confident and savvy person. In fact, in interviews, I’ve been told I’m a very confident person. Yes, I can be. In situations where I pull out my confidence cape and I’m Super Chloe, I can do anything. Then I go home.

I go home and then the cape comes off and I struggle. I wonder what the hell I’m doing, if I’m going to be able to make all of this work. If, in the next 5 years, I will have to go through it again.

We all know that, in life, we’re going to have highs and lows. There’s going to be times when it completely floors you and your confidence. I’ve been dealing with that a lot in the past few years and trying to piece myself back together and carry on.

I’m taking steps to be more confident and to embrace whatever happens in my life. It’s hard but sometimes you need to be your own cheerleader, know your strengths and ignore those who want to put you down. It’s such a tough internal struggle for all of us but, to me, carrying on is the only option.

 

 

Taking chances and making calls

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Hello, hello, hello!

As many of you know, back in April I lost my job which sucked and majorly damaged my confidence. BUT! I managed to find myself some temp work between jobs, where I gained some of my confidence back. As my three-month contract was in its final month I really upped my permanent job search.

I was put through for a job by a recruitment agency at a top PR firm. I went to the interview and thought it went well, I genuinely thought I would get a second interview. Unfortunately, I didn’t get it. I’d applied for job after job all through websites, which meant recruitment agencies. Something just wasn’t working. I wasn’t getting jobs and I knew I wanted to work in an agency.

After that rejection, I decided to do something. I looked up agencies local to me and wrote them all down. I went through websites, made a short list and called to ask if there were any jobs available on my lunch break. I called a company called HCT Creative and was told there a be a position, send my CV within the hour. Later that evening I had a chat, the next day I had an interview and was offered the job after 2 hours of chatting with the two directors.

The thing is, we were never told that was an option at uni, it wasn’t encouraged. We were to apply for grad schemes, to go through assessment centres, to use our networking. I know that for a lot of companies you can’t just call up and see if there are jobs, but what if I hadn’t done that? I’m a week in and I can see so much opportunity that I haven’t had before with genuinely nice people.

I’m so excited about my new job, I get up every day and look forward to it. I can’t wait to get more stuck in, to learn and grow because I really think I can. All of that was just by taking a chance.

My First Dyslexic Session

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Way back in first year I discovered that I am in fact, dyslexic, and quite seriously so as my educational psychologist report says. There was a lack of tutors for me to start tutoring when I requested it in first year, I then developed the attitude of ‘well I got this far without it so why bother’ partly to hide my feelings. I wasn’t embarrassed to be dyslexic at all, in fact it made my constant troubles with punctuation, grammar and spelling that have lost me so many marks over the years. All in all I just didn’t want another label and have to answer more questions because people didn’t believe me. I love to read, I have done since I was a little girl, people see Dyslexia as not being able to read or write but that’s not what mine is, it has such a broad spectrum! I guess I just didn’t want another label on me.

Fast Forward to a few weeks ago and I was struggling with my course work I didn’t have anyone to have a read over for me or help me understand what was going on with my work on a regular basis. Some friends would help but it wasn’t fair to keep asking when they had their own assignments to do. I decided to try and get the tutoring again, because otherwise my allowance from the DSA was just sitting there not being used. Because it is run by a different company I quickly got a response and was booked in to see a tutor.

I was nervous, I’m really independent when I work so it was something I’d never done before. I shouldn’t have worried, my new tutor is absolutely lovely and respects the achievements and way of working I have. All my sessions will be lead by me and what I want to cover, while my mentor will suggest things that make my life easier in terms of my writing. You never know, the blog might improve too! So, every week I’ll be taking work with me for us to look at and try to make it better, meaning I’ll hopefully get a better grade.

Fingers crossed!

I will write a book! – Inspiration and confidence boost!

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I have spent today getting on and I spent this evening being inspired, so all in all a productive day. I spent a few hours this evening working at our Postgraduate Open Evening and for me it was that bit more exciting as these people may be my classmates next year when I undertake MA.

I’ve always found my lecturers to be very inspirational, I know I sound like a geek but if I’m honest I don’t care. The lecturers are all incredibly smart and brilliant with their specialties. Studying English Lit has just made this passion burst out of me and the only other thing that has ever done that is music (more on that at a later date), I love them both but I know that after this year I’m not ready to stop studying. I feel like there is so much more to do, to read and to explore and tonight talking to lecturers in Literature, Language, Creative Writing and Publishing and there was just a buzz I felt, I know that if I can’t be a musician for a living this was the next best thing.

If all that wasn’t enough to get me hyped up about finally sitting down and getting my book finished then what I came home to was. If you follow my blog you may remember that I met a great friend at YA book club last month, Becky. I came home to the news that she has published her novel on Amazon! I’m so proud and excited for her and if you’d like to take a look and buy her novel (which you definitely should) then you can click here and if you’d like to follow her on Twitter head to @Becky__Willson. Becky may only be 17 but I see big things coming for her and I’m so proud to be able to call her my friend :3.

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The cover for Becky’s novel, isn’t it pretty! 

I’m lucky to have such amazing people around me and I now that a lot of people don’t have that. From now on I’m going to be working on my novel and hopefully one day I’ll be able to release it. I’m currently writing a Young Adult novel about a character called Ava and her complicated family life, friends and general life as a teenager. I know that’s not much to sink your teeth into yet but it will be! I promise! I just don’t want to give anything away yet until I’m sure myself.

Finally I’ve got some confidence back in me, some positivity and some great things planned and I honestly can’t wait!

As always tomorrow will be another book review, 15 Reasons Why by Jay Asher.