I’m Starting Again.

Things have been, interesting lately and because of circumstances out of my control, I’m starting again, again. Earlier in the month, I lost my job, which wasn’t the plan. Due to contract changes I was no longer needed and to say it was a shock is an understatement. I was gutted to leave a job that I really enjoyed and people I loved only a few months after getting promoted. So, now, I have a month to find another job and I didn’t expect to be here.

I’ve had a few jobs since leaving uni, contract roles and one that just didn’t work out so it’s not that I haven’t been here before, I have. Despite everything, I’ve actually been feeling pretty positive most of the time, reaching out to contacts on Linkedin, attending interviews etc. At the time of writing I’ve had 2 interviews and have a few more booked in, that’s in a week since being told I no longer had a job. So, it’s looking good. It’s also been the boost I needed to get serious about my own projects and freelancing. My website is in the process of being set up and I’ll enjoy working on that while I’m searching for a full-time job.

I didn’t intend to be starting again, but I’m not seeing it as a bad thing. I learned a lot when I was in my last job, I worked out what I really loved to do and while it was shorter than planned, it was good while it lasted. So, now I have to figure out what’s next but, I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, I think everything happens for a reason. What exactly that reason is I don’t quite know, but I’m sure it will become apparent.

So, what have I been doing while I’ve been off? House-sitting for my parents, trying to read because my reading this month was abysmal, applying for job, interviewing and just having some time for myself. I was due to take some time off anyway and I guess I got it, haha. Either way, I’m hoping this will be good for me and I can start a new job re-energised and ready to go. Keep your fingers crossed!

2018 so far

How’s 2018 going so far?

Getting towards the end of last year I was nervous, I didn’t know what 2018 was going to bring and I was a little scared. I had a really shitty time last year and I didn’t know how much more I could deal with. So, how’s 2018 been so far? 3 weeks in.

In the last 3 weeks, I’ve started to feel something that I haven’t in a long time, and if I’m honest I’m almost afraid to say it, but I’m feeling hopeful. That’s not to say I’ve gotten into a ‘new me’ phase, I certainly haven’t, I have just carried on living my life as it is but it’s been ok.

So far I’ve already seen positive steps in where I want my career to go. I’ve been working on my blog and thinking about what I want to do and where I want to go with it. I’ve had conversations about the future. Am I optimistic? I guess, but I’m more cautiously optimistic than anything. I’m just working my hardest and hoping that it’ll get me where I want to go this year.

As my readers know, I set goals at the beginning of the year and I’m working towards them in a chilled out way. I’ve been working on my goal of getting to 5000 Twitter followers this year and I’m already a quarter of the way there (you can follow me here). I’ve noted down a few ideas towards my novel and I am working my ass off.

I don’t know if this year will be better or not. I don’t know if this is a great start leading to an even better year. For me though, having hope after a really tough year is a great thing. I’m moving forward and I have a game plan, so 3 weeks in I’m happy and hopeful.

How has 2018 been for you? What are your goals? Let me know in the comments below!

A new month, a new woman 

It’s not often that people blow their own trumpet, it’s frowned upon to stand up and say, actually I’m pretty damn awesome. It’s something I’ve got a history of struggling with and I’ll bet most of you do too. I’m more than certain it’s an ingrained British thing. We’re not supposed to shout about being great like our American cousins across the pond. But what if we did? What if we just thought we were cool?  I had that moment a few weeks ago. I felt like a new woman and that maybe, just maybe, things could get better from here. It’s a cautious hope but it’s definitely there. That is because the last 5 weeks of my life have been transformative. I know that sounds a bit sappy, but it has.

It started with leaving my job at Tech Data, I was given gifts and hugs from friends I had made in the three months that I’d been there. The confidence boost after losing my job in April was huge for me. Following that having a week in the sun, just Ali and I gave me a chance, for the first time since graduating, I could just enjoy my time without worry.  And I took a big step for me and my anxiety, I flew home alone, me! Someone who nearly cried when she had to get a bus alone for the first time all the way back in my first year of university.

Getting back and starting my new job I was nervous, of course, I was but something felt good about this job. I quickly started and got stuck in, learn names and met clients. I realised that I could pick things up in good time and maybe, just maybe, this was something that I could really be good at. I don’t want to get ahead of myself but for the first time since graduating I’m not in a constant state of anxiety over my job…and it’s been 4 weeks. That’s a record for me.

On top of that I’ve started dipping my toes into going out. I do like being at home, I love nothing more than having a nice weekend with Ali curled up in the flat. That said, sometimes my anxiety got too much and I would hide, I didn’t want to go outside. Now, I’m slowly planning things. I got to book club once a month, I go to the gym with Abbie, we’ve been out the last two weekends and this weekend I’ll go to Pride in Brighton.

I don’t think I’m cured, that I’m a different person and I’ll never be anxious or depressed ever again, but I do have some hope. I know all too well that the depression is always there, it’s somewhere in my mind and it will come back but I will deal with that when it comes and, of course, Ali will be right by my side.

Changing your mind

As you all know I have had a lot of second thoughts about Creative Writing for about a month now but apart from my blog I’ve kept it quiet in uni apart from the people I have to tell. 

The truth is I’ve been struggling with the fact that I’ve changed my mind. In a way it  felt kind of like a failure, I’ve always been organised and well researched when it comes to uni. I like to know what’s going on and admitting I was wrong and picked the wrong course…it upset me. I honestly believed I was picking a course I was going to love. 

There are so many factors as to why I’ve changed my mind it’s not just people not liking my style, that would be stupid. I just don’t feel like I’m moving forward, I don’t feel confident in the group and I don’t feel like I need a Creative Writing degree to be a writer. It’s different to English Literature because I’m in love with it and passionate and I do extra work because I enjoy it! 

What I’m really trying to say is I’ve worked out that it’s ok to change your mind. Things don’t always go the way we planned, but I suppose that’s just life.