Livin' The Vida Lockdown: Day Twenty-Seven - Has Anyone Seen My Brain?

Livin’ The Vida Lockdown: Day Twenty-Seven – Has Anyone Seen My Brain?

I have been playing with what to write for days, literal days. I even started writing a post yesterday only for it to stop flowing through my fingertips. I just couldn’t write. For the past few days, my brain has been as useful as fluff.

On some days, I can get things done but others it just seems like my creativity has just taken a running jump and left me. It’s strange, I don’t know who I am really without being able to write. Normally it’s second nature to me, it’s how I make sense of things.

My guess is that while we’re seeing amazing things coming from creatives there are also times when they struggle – like I am now. I thought I’d write blogs upon blogs, my novel might get a good chunk written – maybe I’d create videos too! While I’ve blogged more than normal, that’s about it.

I know that a big chunk of it is that my mental health has struggled. Anxiety has been buzzing in the background and distracting me so much from my own creativity. It’s different when I’m working, for some reason I can still do that but my own stuff has struggled for a few days. I’m hoping it finds its way back

Is there a point to this post? I don’t know, I guess I just wanted to write something to try and get back into the mojo I haven’t had for a few days. Also, to see if any of you have felt the same.

Anyone else?

Motivation…where are you?

We all get to that point where everything kind of slows down, I guess I’ve reached that point on the blog. I promised you I’d be completely honest and I need to say that I was starting to get to a point where I was running out of ideas. What did I want to write about? What did you guys want to read? Is there a magical formulae so that I can interact with a load of people.

The problem with that is you then start comparing yourself to people. I LOVE Hannah Gale, I see her blog in all its beauty and wish I was doing that well, I look at Youtubers and see how well they’re doing, then I move on to musicians (don’t even GO there). You get into this totally self absorbed spiral of what you’re not and then, for me at least, an huge tidal wave of anxiety. The conversation kind of goes like this –

My brain: What are you doing? Why has it taken you three hours to even start a blog post? 

Me: I don’t know I’m just struggling with what to write about 

My brain: Look at all the other bloggers, vloggers, musicians they’re all doing something why aren’t you? Also while you’re at it finish that assignment, you know you’re not going to get 70%  but you still need to do it.

Me: Gee thanks brain, I knew that already

My brain: Well if you knew that why did you get up, go back to bed, go on be off with you. 

Me: You’re right, off to bed I go. 

It’s this horrible conversation I have with myself, even when deep down I know I’ve been doing really well. It’s this approval that seems to be needed with online work, we’re anxious by the amount of followers, likes, subscribers and job opportunities we get. We want book deals and big houses and, well, to be like the successful people we see.

It takes a minute though to realise that although we see these people as ‘real’ most of the time people only show the best of themselves. Do I share every dark thought I ever have when I’m on a low? No. Does Emma Blackberry film when she has a huge block of what to talk about? I doubt it. Do I think that Hannah Gale is perfect all of the time? No, she’s bloody honest that she struggles sometimes and that is why I love her blog. And for the likes of my sister and her friends who are obsessed with Zoella, I have no doubt that there is now a persona that she has created for her channel.

I suppose I’m just working out what I’m doing with the blog, I never started it with the hope to make money. I wrote because I enjoyed it and I thought I could share my experiences with other people, which I’m still doing. Other than that I’m hoping to start some book reviews on here, once a week just as something different and I kind of miss my old blog.

So with that I think I’m a little bit more motivated…I wonder if it’s enough for that essay…

If you would like to read Hannah Gale’s blog (which I would recommend) the link is here.