Hello lovely lot!

I know this post is going out a little later than normal but I’ve been wracking my brains about what to post this week. A little bit of bloggers block has hit pretty hard!

You may or may not know that today is known as Galentines Day, February 13th is dedicated to our female friendships and celebrating them. I have some wonderful women in my life that I absolutely adore. Some of them I’ve known for years, others a few months. I realise as I get older that you don’t always need years to get to know a person, sometimes it feels instantaneous.

While I scrolled through my feeds today I felt a pang of sadness. I saw the #girlsquads, the pictures of groups of girls who went out together every weekend and seemed to spend every moment together, many of them since their school days.

Here’s the thing, I’ve struggled with friendships growing up. There has been around 2 times in my life I’ve had a group of girlfriends who were all close with each other. Once at school and once at university, neither worked out. Nowadays my closest girlfriends all get along and will come out for my birthday/ event but we’re not a big collective group.

I was born in 1994, which means I’m a Spice Girls kid. I grew up idolising these 5 women who were the best of friends. There were times when I’d watch the other groups of girls at school and desperately want to be a part of it a big group. That was the way it should be right?

In the books I read, the films I watched girls were groups. Groups who could talk about anything and do anything together. Don’t get me wrong I wasn’t totally alone, I had close girlfriends but felt like something was wrong with me because I wasn’t part of something bigger. A squad, a team, whatever you want to do it.

As I got older and the Spice Girls were no more, I still had this longing. Years later, I tried to morph myself into someone I wasn’t to fit into a ‘squad’. I made some mistakes then I wish I hadn’t, including pushing other people I was close to away to feel included.

I tried to be what I thought I should. This could be my moment, right? But I still felt like I was trying too hard, at least deeps down. Now those relationships are gone.

This is a rambling post, I’m well aware but I started to think that maybe, just maybe, I didn’t need a squad. That I could have these wonderful friendships individually with women and it didn’t matter if we had a WhatsApp group or if I’d known them in my emo phase.

These girls, each of them unique and completely different are my friends and I love and cherish them.

What are your experiences? I’d love to know below.