Liebster Award

Liebster2So one of my lovely fellow writer friends Kirstie over at her blog www.kirstiekinsblogs.co.uk/, I was nominated for the Liebster Award. Although the award if really for people with under 200 followers Kirstie decided that ‘my blog was awesome’ and I should get it too. I’m so excited for this and so happy to give you all some bloggers to explore!
If you don’t know, the rules are pretty simple:

-Thank the person that nominated you, and link to their blog.
-Answer the questions provided by the nominator.
-Nominate and link 10 other bloggers, with less than 200 followers.
-Create ten new questions for your nominees to answer.
My questions from Kirstie:

1. What seven guests (dead or alive) would you invite to a fantasy dinner party, and why?
Dave Grohl –
Hayley Williams –
Sylvia Plath –
J.K Rowling –
Katie Piper –
Freddie Mercury-
Alice Walker –
2. What is the most memorable thing you have done, to date?
Getting into university, it means so much more than I can describe.
3. What was the last book you read, and why did you think of it?
The Following Girls- It was an ok read but it was nothing to shout about and didn’t really go anywhere. Now I’m reading How to be a Woman and it’s so funny.
4 What is your favourite book of all time?
Ahhh so hard! I think it has to be either The Colour Purple by Alice Walker or The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
5. One item you could not live without?
My collection of books.
6. Favourite food?
Pasta!!!
7. Do you have any pets?
I have two hamsters, Hamski and Noodle. I also have more that I share with my family, my dog Lottie and my bird Bob.
8. Are you allergic to anything?
Certain antibiotics blergh
9. Why did you start blogging?
Because I needed to do something with my huge bookcase and then to document my way through uni.
10. Top five songs at the moment?
Something from Nothing – Foo Fighters
Lithium – Nirvana
Perfect – Emma Blackerry
What I did for love – David Ghetta
Title – Meghan Trainor
Now, I really don’t know 10 other bloggers with less than 200 followers, I seem to follow a lot of big blogs BUT! There is one girl, one blog who I think you should all follow and that’s my online buddy Caitlin! So head over to https://inthemindofcaitlin.wordpress.com! As for you Caitlin, here are your 10 questions:
1. Why did you start blogging
2. What’s your favourite thing to wear
3. Favourite Harry Potter book?
4. If your mood were a weather forecast what would it be
5. Who would play you in a movie of your life
6. What are 3 films you think everyone should watch at least once
7. Do you want any tattoos?
8. 5 great bands, go!
9. What’s the best thing to do in Scotland?
10. Do you have any pets?

A quarter life crisis (five years early) – growing up, meltdowns and questions.

Sometimes I am sure that I’m actually still a sixteen year old trapped in a twenty year olds body. It’s my annual crisis, you know the one I mean don’t you? The whole, what am I doing with my life, am I behind? Look at what my friends are doing while I’m stuck at home. Yup all that came today. I’ve said it once I’ll say it again, the pictures of people’s kids, engagement rings and weddings make me break out into a cold sweat, I don’t feel ready for this stuff!

I get so worried about what I should be doing that I freak out. Never mind the fact that I’m not keen on having a small person around right now, would probably burst out laughing if I got proposed to and am too broke/ addicted to expensive things to get married. Yup, that pile of books get in my amazon cart, a sale on handbags well it would be rude not to look and as for Topshop? Well I’m like a bloody magpie.

So I sat this afternoon, like many hormonal girls before me, in my PJs, my hair atrocious with chocolate in one hand and a coming of age book in the other (book of choice this time Caitlin Moran’s How to be a Woman) sobbing my little heart out. I had a bit of a fit at Ali, locked myself in the bedroom and let it all out. I cried because I don’t feel like a grown up, I have no idea whatsoever about grown up things like marriage and mortgages and I don’t have a life plan. Yup, yup, yup feeling sorry for myself and a little bit of self indulgence.

I get told that it’s perfectly normal to have days where you completely lose your shit and feel like a child again. There are days when I want to crawl up into my Mum’s lap and let her tell me it’s going to be ok. Well, nowadays I have to settle with cuddling up to Ali while he does the same thing and assures me that doing badly on that one assignment will not balls up my entire life or a phone call to my Mum about what job I’m going to go into.

You can probably guess that I’ve calmed down now, had some good old comfort food and vented to my Mum. I guess I’m writing because it should be something we can talk to each other about, all us 20 somethings who really feel like everyone else has their shit together and you’re clutching at straws. So I’m allowed to feel a little lost and scared that two of my best friends are moving across the world and another is getting a real proper job with proper (not student loan) money. I’m allowed to get a little freaked out that it’s my last year of undergrad and the next few years are going to be grown up and scary because, well, that’s what you’re 20s are for right?

So I’m sorry to everyone who’s waiting for any big announcements from me, I’m still in Little Mermaid Pjs (thank you Primark) and working out how to be a woman in the first place. Basically, I’m just being a 20 year old student who doesn’t have a clue.

My Big Mouth: Why love will ALWAYS win

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‘Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love’ – Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

I open this with a quote from one of the greatest gay characters of all time. Of course when reading as a child I did not know Dumbledore was gay, I understood as soon as J.K Rowling announced it. You see many of us grew up imagining the world of Harry Potter how our own lives were, for me I had no gay people around as a child so it wasn’t something I questioned. Today on the historic day that it is now legal for every human being in America to be married I feel that this quote about love truly sticks.

You see so many people fought out of hatred and trying to protect what they classed as a right only on the grounds of what the bible said to be true. The bible also said that child brides were acceptable, virgin births happened and stoning people to death was perfectly fine…not exactly the greatest advice in modern life. I feel sorry for those people, sorry that they couldn’t simply believe in love over their own fear of God.

If J.K Rowling taught me anything it’s the importance of love, it is stamped all over the Harry Potter series. Harry is saved by love again and again, it has it’s own brand of magic. I think that most people see love as a kind of magic, something we can’t break with science or occasions, something that we can disapprove of or try to ban but love will always find a way. Love is something I know that I would die for.

So today just proves that we are born to love, whether you agree with it or not it’s better to celebrate the love of a woman and a woman or a man and a man than to live in bitterness and hatred. The next barrier will be making sure there is no prejudice when choosing adoptive families. Someone very close to me is gay and I know they would make the most incredible father and they will, as soon as the right man comes along (hurry up, I can’t wait to be Best Woman at a wedding!).

At the end of the day love is love, no matter what you have in your pants.

The good and the not so good news

Today was D-day Spine judgement day. I’ve spent 90% of today nervously walking around my flat trying to take my mind off of the appointment this afternoon. So let’s skip to the hospital. I’m sent to x-ray and already think they’re doing the wrong thing being told that they’re only x-raying one of my fractures rather than all four. The anger builds, build and builds until I’m seen and I’m about to burst.

Going into the doctors room he asks if I’d like to see my x-rays. He tells me the the T12 fracture has healed…what? I stopped him there and asked him what he meant by the one fracture. Apparently once again the first hospital got something else wrong by telling me I have 4 fractures, I have one bad fracture and three severely bruised vertebra. After that he said that there is nothing more he can do about the pain and lack of movement, except refered me to the specialist Neurosurgeon at St George’s hospital, yay. So I cried, a lot and I think I made the doctor a little nervous. It’s true what they say about nurses though, it was the nurse that made all the difference. She sat with my Mum and I while I cried and tried to give me some tips as she’s had similar back problems.

If I’m honest I’m pretty exhausted and worried about the pain, but the good news is that I finally get to get rid of my brace and bit by bit get a little bit more normal. I honestly can’t wait to get driving again more than anything else, freedom is so close I can smell it!

My Big Mouth: How about No means no Carter.

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Scrolling through my Twitter feed tonight I come across the trending list to see what’s going on in the world. Something that caught my eye is the #westillloveyouCarter trend, there seemed to be a lot of anger so naturally I followed the story up. Carter, 19, is big on social media for his vines, as is his 16 year old ex girlfriend. This week a video was leaked of Carter trying to force the girl to not only give him oral sex but to also let it be filmed. Feeling sorry for himself after the backlash against him he created his own hashtag #weloveyouCarter about the situation which he insists has been ‘blown out of proportion’ on his twitter page. Ha, ha, no.

As a human being I’m disgusted and think that as there is VIDEO EVIDENCE he should have been arrested by now. Sexual abuse is not funny or something to defend as many of his followers have. As a woman I’m shocked and concerned at the sheer amount of young girls that are using the hashtag to support him. The kind of worship he has from these young girls is terrifying and it may lead to some of them accepting that this kind of activity is ‘normal’ from their boyfriends, partners, future husbands and not something that they can say no to.

Basically no means no. End of. No deal. The majority of young men understand this and respect it but there are some who feel that they can do whatever they like to a woman, that women are there for them. They feel that they can slap their bums in a club, make a sesxist comment at work or during sport, look at our boobs and not our faces and the absolute worst touch a woman in a place she does not want to be or force and act upon her.

I feel truly sorry for his ex girlfriend, he filmed her whilst she was saying no in a vulnerable position. That video is all over the internet and I’ll bet there are still some lowlifes saying it in some way is her fault. This will follow her for the rest of her life, how do you think she feels when her friends, her family know about this? It’s wrong. So my question is WHY are so many people supporting him and not her? Why is there not a hashtag #westandwithMaggie because that, after all, is who we should be supporting. That is who I as not just a woman but also as a human I am supporting her because no means no.

image from here.

Trusting yourself, and why it’s so important.

Now like many of you reading I have a very british sense when believing in myself. You know what I mean that, umm, err, well maybe I’m right, oh maybe I should just ask someone else.We’re not like the American’s it’s a new thing for us to shout about our accomplishments and being our own cheerleaders. So you can imagine me, only a week in to one of the biggest/most important jobs I’ve had in my life. I’ve taken over something and I’m managing it myself, queue panic, self doubt and breathlessness.

Yesterday I was plodding through emails and working from home. All of a sudden I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t understand some of the things being asked of me and felt like something was off. I tried to work around it but ended up emailing my boss and asking if she could go through it with me, if it was no bother of course (see there you go that English politeness again).

So today, as promised, she went through it with me. It turns out that the gut instinct was right, I should have trusted myself and not been stressed. It reminded me that sometimes kicking that politeness in the butt might be better. This was again  highlighted when she said I was doing a good job and I’ll get it,eventually.

Why am I writing this? Not because I felt like a diary entry (which some people have tried telling me this blog is), because I think that every now and again we all need reminding to trust ourselves. Yes you, reading right now, trust yourself because you’re a lot more clued up than you think.

Letting go and getting on with my life

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Let it goooo, let it goooo! No, I’m not writing a post about Frozen, although I’ve been known to burst into song with more than one of my friends in random locations, have sung it to my hamsters and to horses while brushing them….yep. I’ve had a lot of time to think lately, it does that to you when you’re stuck with nothing to do but analyse your own thoughts. I realised that I’ve been holding on to all these old grudges, anger and just letting it eat me up from inside. I’ve overanalysed everything in my life and wondered if I’m a terrible person, wondered what’s good for me and what’s not.

Take today for example I stayed in my flat for most of the day, I sulked around, ignored my phone and was just miserable and angry and frustrated. I then met up with Joe, we both let ourselves rant for a bit before I was violently sick (a lovely occasional side effect of all my medication) and went home quite poorly.

I was laying there after falling asleep and being sick again (so attractive, I know) and I just thought why am I letting myself get so worked up? Why am I holding on to so much and caring about what everyone else is thinking, saying, doing? I just need to let go and focus on getting better and being more relaxed, more positive like I have been during the year. I miss just laughing and spontaneous trips with friends. I know now isn’t the easiest time, of course I’m going to be pissed off, I have a fractured spine.

So I made a promise to myself, to try and see the positives again, to try not to get so frustrated when I can’t do things. As Ali said to me the other day, I’m carrying on with education, I’ll have more summers to mess around and I have all of final year where hopefully I won’t be stuck in a brace and having to sleep for most of the day. So this is my pledge to try and let go of the frustrations in my life and embrace the good things because life is really too short.

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Taking note from Elsa of course ;)