So many positive things!

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Today was my last day of lectures for my second year! The next time I go into a lecture it will be the final year of my undergrad degree! It’s gone stupidly fast! So to celebrate that fact, yesterdays good news that I’m going to Athens( !!!) and that I’ve been feeling really good about myself lately.

So this morning I got up (admittedly after hitting the off button on my alarm and missing my lecture) and got to work helping Ali finish his assignment, while also buying myself tickets to see Sarah Millican next year and booked my flights and hotel for Athens. Then off to uni, the hospital for blood tests, lunch with Dani, a quick Primark dash (seriously, one of my FAVOURITE shops on the high street) and then off to band practice. I never stop being busy.

I’m finally doing it, I’m finally taking hold of my life and making things happen. I’m travelling with a few breaks planned this year, Durham, Prague, Athens and Amsterdam for my birthday. The band and I are getting ready to have a busy summer, I’m going to be working, writing and hopefully a lot more swimming and riding.

I wanted to write this to all of you because I’m aware I haven’t been as perky as usual and while I’m trying to to fall asleep while I write this, as well as having a stack of blogs to upload this weekend, I’m finally really happy. I have incredible friends, family, an amazing relationship, my band and of course my education, which means so much to me. Basically I’m feeling positive and I’ll hold on to that as long as I can.

Being Brave

Brave

Hey you, yes you reading this, I have something to tell you. You’re going to be okay.

We all have crap going on in our lives that we wish we could change or simply disappear from. Sometimes it’s understandable, it’s something really negative that others can understand. I know more than anyone though that sometimes it’s not that simple, everything can be going so well and you still feel like somethings not right, or you feel like you’re terrified that the happiness wont last.

As the picture says I want to see you be brave, big or small I want all of my readers to take a step towards the positive, because I’ve been at an awful low point so many times and even the littlest things can help. It might be going for a walk, getting some exercise, treating yourself, visiting friends or family, standing up to someone who makes you feel like shit. Just be brave about whatever it is.

Good Luck :)

My head is about to explode

Do you ever feel like your brain is going to explode? Like everything in it is trying to burst out all at once. You want to stay at home, but you want to go out. Your starving but you’re not hungry. You have a million and one ideas but can’t get one of them on to paper. I feel a little bit like that tonight.

The last week has been incredible and I’m still so proud to have gotten my award last week. With all that in mind though it doesn’t make my low moods just dissapear, as much as I want them to. It’s hard to explain because I have so much good going on in my life but sometimes I just want to hide, forget everything. As good as life is, no one puts as much pressure on me as myself, actually everyone else tells me to calm the hell down and that it doesn’t matter if I don’t get straight 70s or do that work right now. There’s just this drive in me and I’m definitely my own harshest critic.

I’m just feeling so many emotions all the time right now that I don’t know I needed to get it out ,and I know that some of my followers will definitely understand how I’m feeling right now.

I’m going out tonight to celebrate Daniela’s birthday, I’m determined to try and leave this anxiety at home. I don’t want this anxiety I get to affect my friends and family because that’s not who I am. That’s why I hide a lot of things when I’m not feeling great people panic or don’t know how to react to me, I’m still normal, still me. Yeah so I might not react well to guys trying to hit on me but I’m like that with or without anxiety, there’s a right way to try and talk to a girl and most boys in clubs do not follow that.

I’m just hormonal and tired and want to get out and just forget how many things are in my head right now!

Disney love

Like most little girls I wanted to be a princess at some point. I also wanted to be a cowgirl (well that one nearly came true) but more than anything I wanted to sing. It’s safe to say that growing up I loved Disney. As a toddler I had to have 101 Dalmations or The Jungle Book on at every meal. I went to Disneyland Paris 4 or 5 times because when I was little it was really cheap to do a coach trip to Paris, I went with my Mum, Mum and Aunt, Mum and Cousin, Mum and Dad….possibly twice just be and Mum. So you could say that by the time I started school I was a Disney pro.

I’d have the CDs on every day at home and would dance and sing to myself in the dining room or on my Mums bed, which I’d pretend was a stage. By the age of about 7 I’d earned the nickname of the Little Mermaid because I would sing non stop and could only  swim underwater…for some reason I couldn’t grasp swimming on top of the water, even now I’ll only swim on top of the water if I really have to.

Even now, I know the words to the Tangled song, have seen Brave, Wreck it Ralph (which was one of the best Disney films ever I have to say) and have the Frozen soundtrack on my laptop.

Everyone needs a little Disney now and again :)

I want to do EVERYTHING

I don’t stop, ever. There’s something in me when I’m well that means I want to do and try everything. I do the blog, the band, horse riding, uni, work and all that kind of thing already but I’m always looking for more to do. I want to be writing my book, start a vlogging channel, swim more, volunteer with disabled kids, write more songs, learn sign language, get my MA, get my Phd, read all the books I own, finish all of my to do list, see all for my friends, travel *and breathe*.

A lot, right? I’ve always been like this, I’ve always wanted to do 100 things and get them all perfect and work,work,work. Sometimes I work so much and so hard that I end up making myself ill, then I take a week or two to rest and get better and do it all again, it never ends! Obviously you all know I have to be careful with this, being over tired is one of the things that makes me get low quickly (I don’t want to call it a ‘trigger’ because that MEDICAL term has now been overused by idiots online and people now don’t understand the real medical meaning).

I have to try and balance doing everything with being well and it can be really annoying. My family, friends and mentor keep an eye on me but sometimes I don’t see it I just keep going and going and going. It’s not always a bad thing but it’s all about getting the right level of each and accepting that I can’t do everything all at once…not until time turners become a real thing anyway. Oh god, writing this I realised I’m letting my Hermione show…oh dear.

So yes my lovely followers I am, as my friends would say, ‘a total keeno’, ‘a Hermione’ and a pain in the ass overachiever. I’m writing this because I know it need to work on it and I know I’m damn well not perfect, even though some people get this idea what I get everything right. Wrong. I am grasping at straws as much as anyone else most of the time and I just happen to find myself in situations that I can use to my advantage, no magic, no secrets actually I’m a bit of a pain in the butt ;).

As always give me a comment and a subscribe if you like what you read I want to talk to all of YOU!

5 Reasons my Mum is the absolute BEST. 

I’m sure it comes as no surprise to you guys that I think my Mum is absolutely incredible. Well, that’s because she is. Mumma Metzgie as my friends call her is an absolute gem and I wanted to write this post about her because she deserves it!

1. She never lets me down

Never, ever, ever. From day 1 and I don’t think she ever will.

2. She’s the strongest person I know

She’s been through a lot of crap, she was the first person I’d turn to when I was bullied because she’d been there and she really hold our family together. It’s hard to explain but she’s just so bloody strong and calm <3

3. She can drink most people under the table and down a pint.

My Mum is still going out with her friends on nights out and is amazing drunk, so, so much fun. It probably helps that she looks 10 years younger than she is as well.  

4. Life is never boring with my Mum

She’s almost always laughing at something. Mum is the biggest kid you will ever meet, to the point where her favourite place in the world is disney world and she plans to dress up as Elsa or Ana for Halloween in Disney World. Sometimes I get too stressed and serious but Mum always manages to get me to relax and have fun…although I’m still hesitant over a night out with her. All my friends love her and most of the guys think she’s attractive. You go mumma, go!

5. She’s never given up on me.

She hasn’t always had it easy being my Mum, but she’s never given up. Going to meeting after meeting, dealing with me when I’m having a meltdown, talking to me constantly when I need it and when I was younger she really fought for me. I am who I am because of all of this, my Mum believed in me no matter what

Happy Mother’s Day Mum, you really are the best.

And the winner is…me!

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I’m writing this with the biggest, stupidest grin on my face. I won!!!!!!! I cannot believe it but I won! I am this years winner of the Overcoming Adversity to Achieve award ahhhhh! I’m still half in disbelief, even though it’s right next to me as I type this (and looked pretty damn good in the flat if I say so myself!).

I honestly thought that the amount of inspiring people who were up for that award that I was going home empty handed and I was fine with that, they were all so amazing I was shocked that I had even been shortlisted with them. One of the best parts of  the evening though was sitting with SIR TREVOR MCDONALD of all people on my table and having a long conversation with him about literature, music, the world in general and the new TV show he has coming up. He even mentioned me in his speech and before announcing I was a winner said that he really thought I deserved it. He is truly one of the most wonderful men I have ever met.

Everyone was so welcoming and so proud I won, hugs and congratulations all evening! Some of the people tonight I am proud to be at university with and proud to be at Kingston itself, a place I will always love. I’m struggling to write this because it’s all still sinking in and its so incredible.

Thank you to everyone who helped me along the way. I’ve come so far from what I was and I’m so proud of myself for making the changes and making myself face up to them. I couldn’t list every single person but you all know who you are, I love you so,so much. Winning this has made me even more determined to keep working on mental health, to keep helping others.

Don’t give up guys! I never thought this could happen for me! <3

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